beatcomedy

The Yesterday Show 4

2008-11-03T23:06:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN A STRAIGHTJACKET.

FOXY
Labour President Mike Williams dropped a bombshell on
himself last night and had to be admitted to Melbourne’s
Sunnyside Hospital after going so mad trying to dig up
dirt on John Key he dropped a Guy Fawkes Sparkler
Bomb on his foot in a feeble attempt to become Labour’s
first National suicide bomber. A spokesman for Mike, Helen
Clarke, blamed John Key for Mike’s cry for help
saying he couldn’t find any dirt on John at all, not even
smoking a joint at uni or even ever attending a strip club,
which, must raise questions about John’s sexuality. Helen
then quickly added not that there’s anything wrong with that,
as some of her best friends and the top men in the Labour
Party are all lesbians.

MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘ WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A CELLPHONE.

Owen Glenn today told the ‘New Zealand Herald’ he has
just hired a top team of ACT Q.C.’S to sue the pants
off Winston Peters for defamation of character. Owen
said thanks to Winston’s lies and innuendos his
reputation as an honest likeable businessman and sexy
ladies man has been ruined as he said now Nicky
Watson, Aja Rock, and even Chloe are all
refusing to return his calls. When Winston heard
the charges he laughed and told Michael Laws,
“What bloody character”! He then vowed to fight
the charge and has already called Sir Bob Jones,
the Vela family, and a wealthy Monaco businessman
for help with his expensive legal fees and is
currently anxiously awaiting their return calls.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF SUNGLASSED ‘THE DUDE’ FROM ‘ THE BIG LEBOWSKI’.

Golden Bay was a buzz last night after the ‘Aotearoa
Legalize Cannabis Party’s’ financial spokesman, simply
called ‘The Dude’, told a packed wigwam their redundant
workers rescue bribe would be the same as ACT’S except
everyone gets an extra ten bucks and an ounce of weed a
week. When a reporter from ‘High Times’ asked him how
the country could afford that, The Dude shrugged and
said, “ I don’t know man, ask Sir Rog, he’s the
money dude man”. The meeting then moved outside for
a smoko break where everyone was promptly put under
citizens arrest by Peter Dunne. The stunned mob then all
laughed and blew smoke at Peter who was last seen running
up Takaka Hill singing the soundtrack from the musical ‘Hair’,
completely naked. ( SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT ),, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
starring the serene and surreal Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘ HENRY’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN STRAIGHTJACKET AND CAST ON FOOT, ‘WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A PHONE, AND ‘THE DUDE’ SMOKING A JOINT. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a panel of candidates
who are in line to receive some very generous redundancy
recession rescue plan benefit bribes,

MIKE
Hey no way will I ever become redundant as long as
Helen is in power, she assured me I’m as safe as banks,
and she is Labour’s top man!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MIKE’ LOOKS CONFUSED.

WINSTON
Well I’ll hardly be redundant, Ron Marks will win
Rimutaka by a landslide and I'll regain my right full
foreign affairs and racing posts no matter who is
in power, except maybe, The Natural Law Party.

HEAR AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS, ‘WINSTON’ SMILES.

The Dude
Well I hope I get made redundant man, I only
scored this gig cause I was promised an ounce
of weed a week while I contemplate my future
career options.

IN RUNS ‘TAITO PHILLIP FIELD’ CARRYING A CROSS AND A BIBLE.

TAITO
Sorry I’m late boys, I just had to finalize an endorsement
deal and a cheap section from New Zealand’s own Messiah,
Bishop Brian, so looks like I will be in Parliament again,
( LOOKS ABOVE) Thank you God and Brian, I love you guys.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘TAITO’ LOOKS ANGRY AND SHOWS THEM THE ‘CROSS’ AND ‘BRIAN'S BIBLE’ LIKE THEY ARE THE ANTI CHRISTS. SHOT GOES TO THE TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WHERE A NAKED ‘PETER DUNNE’ IS RUNNING UP THE HILL SINGING THE SONG ‘HAIR’.

PETER ( SINGING )
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain’t no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my…

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair,,

‘PETER’ REACHES THE TOP OF THE HILL AND A SHOT RINGS OUT AND ‘PETER’ DROPS DEAD AND INTO THE SCENE ENTERS YELLOW SUITED ‘RODNEY HIDE’ CARRYING A RIFLE.

RODNEY
Sorry Peter, but I find that song highly offensive!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘JOHN KEY’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

JOHN
Darn, it’s amazing what TVNZ calls comedy these days.

ROGER
Don’t worry John when I become Finance Minister
again I’m going to sell TVNZ.

JOHN
Yes, but who would want to buy it?

ROGER
Well if we give Owen Glenn the Monaco Council and
then a knighthood he said he will take it off our hands,
he wants to become New Zealand’s Sir Rupert Murdoch.

JOHN
Deal then, I love Rupert, he is like a God to me!

ROGER
Yes, me too.

THEY CLICK GLASSES AND LOOK ALL STARRY EYED AT EACH OTHER AND JUST BEFORE THEY TONGUE KISS A SIGN WITH VOICE OVER FLOPS DOWN.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written
and produced by A. Stoner for the Aotearoa Legalise
Cannabis Party. Remember kids, a vote for the Cannabis
Party means,, ummm,,, oh YA,, high times and free
weed for every unemployed worker!,,

HEAR A COUPLE OF DOG COUGHS. SHOT GOES TO ‘RODNEY HIDE’ ON TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WEARING THE SCALPED ‘PETER DUNNE’S’ HAIR. HE IS DANCING AND SINGING A BROAD WAY TUNE.

RODNEY
And let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There

SUDDENLY A PARROT DIVES IN AND GRABS THE HAIR AND FLIES AWAY. ANGRY ‘RODNEY’ AIMS RIFLE TO THE AIR AND GETS COVERED IN A LOT OF BIRD SHIT.

PARROT ( VOICE ONLY )
Rodney you plonker !!!

HEAR LOTS OF BIRDS LAUGHING, CUT.

Monty predicts an election night upset with ‘The
Bill and Ben Party’ sweeping to power over the
‘Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party’ by one vote,
ruff ruff !

The Yesterday Show 3

2008-10-27T17:31:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’ ON.

FOXY
National’s Immigration spokesman Lockwood Smith told
Radio Live’s Willie Jackson today that Americans are
much preferred immigrants to Canadians as their brains
were much bigger because they don’t drink as much beer,
smoke as much wacky bacy, and then lie about their
qualifications and get highly paid jobs running Maori TV.
He did say though on the plus side their hands were
pretty normal and most of them were toilet trained so
could be suitable for outdoor work. National Leader John
Key immediately distanced himself from Lockwood’s view
by flying out to his luxurious Hawaiian get away for a
possible meeting and photo op with his American soul
brother and mentor, Barrack Obama’s, sick grandmother.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’

- National Transport spokesman Maurice Williamson
told a packed Remuera truckers meeting last night not
to fret for when National gets back in they will sell the
Railways back to rich Americans for carbon credits and
cheap oil so there will be cheap petrol for everyone which
will make it a win win situation. When a disgruntled
truckie told him, “trucks run on diesel you twat”, Maurice
was surprised and then said he was just quoting what Bill
English told him at the National Conference. An angry Bill
English then yelled out, “Don’t quote me you stupid twit,
I like to tell fibs”, at which point Maurice profusely
apologized to Bill for misquoting him and then blamed it
on his new medication. Bill then told the crowd he was a
bit tipsy and just joking when he made that fib statement,
then laughed and sculled a pint of bitter followed by a
three diet pill chaser to the cheers of the rich
conservative truckies and drunk TVNZ executives.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT OUTSIDE ‘MT. EDEN PRISON’.

- Rodney Hide had a police complaint made about him
today for lying about not getting free rent from Sir Bob
Jones. Police wouldn’t name the complainant except to
say he was a very well known very respected smart
businessman from Tauranga. When Rodney found out
who the complainant was he was furious telling Radio
Live’s Michael Laws he always thought he and Bob Clarkson
were supposed to be on the same team. He then vowed to
fight the charge with ACT’S team of very expensive free
lawyers and would be proved just as innocent as Winston
Peters, if not even more. Rodney then refused to answer
any of Laws questions saying he was running late for his
next TV appearance, giving ACT’S hard line law and order
speech to the friendly staff and inmates in Mt. Eden Prison.
He did say though he thought Bob Clarkson was a big fat
stupid liar before hanging up in disgust.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
with the suave and sophisticated Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’, ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’ AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT WITH A BLACK EYE AND BRUISES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a very special panel of
politicians who make silly statements,

LOCKWOOD
Hey my statement wasn’t silly, Canadians really do have
smaller brains than Americans, It’s the cold weather, I
think it’s called, SHRINKAGE! ( SMILES TO LONE
AUDIENCE DOG BARK )

MAURICE
Well any silly statements I make I totally blame on my new
medication, I’m currently on a very high dosage of Rogain
and Grecian 2000.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘MAURICE’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

RODNEY
Well I shouldn’t even be here because I never make any
silly statements, I’m the leader of ACT, the second greatest
Party in the world and soon to hold the KEY to the future
of our country, AND jails!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘RODNEY’ SCOWLS AT THEM AND IN RUN ‘JOHN KEY’ IN HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND CARRYING A BIG PICTURE OF ‘BARRACK OBAMA’ BEING FOLLOWED BEHIND BY ‘PETER DUNNE’ CARRYING ‘JOHN’S’ THREE SUITCASES.

JOHN
Sorry I’m late boys, getting through Hawaiian customs is
like trying to negotiate with a five headed monster!

‘JOHN’ GRINS TO LONE AUDIENCE DOG BARK AND ‘PETER DUNNE’ LAUGHING LIKE A HYENA. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR BOB JONES’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’. BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPANGE AND ‘BOB’ HAS THE CHEQUEBOOK OUT.

BOB
What a joke! We are doomed with these idiots in power!

ROGER
Don’t worry Sir Bob, once I get in I’ll be running the
country again by Easter, I promise you.

BOB
I believe you Sir Rog, so, here’s a cheque for twenty five
grand, AND,, the keys to my penthouse, wink wink.

ROGER
Why thank you Sir,, Sir Bob,, I think I love you.

BOB
Well the feeling is mutual Sir Rog, the feelings mutual.

‘BOB’ AND ‘ROGER’ LOOK AT EACH OTHER ALL STARRY EYED AND ARE JUST ABOUT TO TONGUE KISS WHEN A SIGN FLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Monty Peters for the New Zealand First
Party. Remember kids, if you don’t vote Winston in you’ll
be left with this bad comedy ACT for the next three
headed monster years!,,

HEAR ‘WINSTON’S’ LAUGH AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT.

The Yesterday Show 2

2008-10-20T03:36:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘BILL ENGLISH’ HOLDING A BIG BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER.

FOXY
Labour released another secret Bill English tape last
night, this one with Bill saying if John Key blows the
election he’ll take over leadership again faster than
you can say Don Brash and lead the party to a
resounding victory in 2012 on the promise of change.
Today a hung over Bill English apologized for the
statement saying he was a bit tipsy and just joking
around as everybody knows John Key is the best damn
leader National has had since the heady days of Don
Brash’s predecessor. Bill then vowed to never again
get drunk at National Conferences or in the presence
of John Key or sleazy Labour spies with sleazy hidden
tape recorders.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ HOLDING CHAMPAGNE GLASS.

Sir Roger Douglas closed ACT’S barnstorming South
Island tour last night with a subdued reception at a half
packed Gore Workingmans Club tearoom telling the
enthralled throng not to worry as when he gets elected
Finance Minister again he will immediately solve New
Zealand and the world’s recession with a very cunning
plan of free market gone wild. When an old Pit Bull
from the crowd barked out, “how the hell would that
work”, Roger growled at her and refused to divulge
any details in the fear another party would steal his
cunning plan and sweep to power leaving him and poor
old Rodney outside parliament to sadly watch the
countries moral and financial ruin. The meeting then
came to an abrupt halt when a Greyhound arrived to
take the six old ladies and four dogs back home.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘JOHN KEY’ HOLDING CHAMPAGNE GLASS.

John Key told a packed Remuera bar last night that
debating Helen Clark was like trying to talk sense to a
mad Pit Bull with lipstick, no matter what you say she
will just bark over you and attack. MC Bill English said
that was further proof that John was so much like Barack
Obama it was scary as both hate Pit Bulls with lipstick,
are almost the same age, and both will win back power
from the pinko lefties with their promise of change.
When a lone heckler yelled out that unlike John, Obama
was a black “pinko lefty”, a good speaker, and was
actually intelligent, Bill became enraged and smashed
the offenders tape recorder and had Rodney Hide
forcibly remove Michael Cullen from the bar before the
cheering crowd of drunk bankers, lawyers, and TVNZ
executives. ,, And that’s today’s news and now it’s
time for ‘The Yesterday Show’ with the sexy and sassy
Henry Paul. (SMILES)

SHOT TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘HENRY’ AND SEATED ARE ‘JOHN KEY’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE AND ‘BILL ENGLISH’ DRINKING A LARGE BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have the new co leaders from
our brand new coalition government,

JOHN
Umm actually Henry I’m the leader leader, the other
guys are just kind of co second leaders. ( SMILES )

ROGER
Well I’m in charge of finances so I guess that makes me
second in charge. ( SMILES )

BILL (angry )
Hey no way Roger, I’m the Minister for Racing, AND,
more importantly, The Minister for the Environment,
so I think,, that makes ME number two!

ROGER
Yes Bill, I can smell you from here. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘BILL’ SCOWLS AND IN WALTZ ‘WINSTON PETERS’ AND ‘TARIANA TURIA’ HOLDING HANDS AND IN LOVE. ‘WINSTON’ IS WEARING A ‘DEPUTY’ BADGE AND HOLDING CASK OF ‘WINE BOX THUNDER’.

WINSTON
Sorry we are late boys, I have just had to explain to
Tariana about the intimate in and outs of foreign affairs,
wink wink. ( SMUG SMILE )

TARIANA
Yes, did you know, you can see Alaska, Russia, and a
painting of dogs playing poker, from Sarah Palin’s bed ?

WINSTON
Shhh Tariana, I don’t want all my secret affairs cuming
out in public, there are many unscrupulous media hounds
out there who would just kill for the chance of making
dog meat out of poor old Winston. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF JUST BEFORE ‘WINSTON’ GETS HIT IN THE HEAD BY A FLYING BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER AND SHOT GOES TO ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT WITH REMOTE AND ‘PITA SHARPLES’. THEY ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

RODNEY ( angry )
What a bloody farce, Sir Roger promised me foreign
affairs, he even gave me Sarah Palin and Nicky
Watson’s email addresses !

PITA
Ya I got suckered in too, John Key promised me Maori
Affairs and Immigration, I mean, what the hell does
Winston Peters know about Maori affairs and
immigration!

RODNEY ( turning green )
Don’t mention Winston!! I get very angry !!

GLASS BREAKS IN HIS HAND, SUIT STARTS POPPING LIKE THE ‘INCREDIBLE HULK’ AND A SIGN FLOPS DOWN WITH A VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by A. Dog for the Labour Party. Remember kids,
if you don’t vote Labour your left with this bad ACT for
the next three sevenths of a dog year!,,,

HEAR A COUPLE OF DOG BARKS AND CUT.

The Yesterday Show

2008-10-06T01:45:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘JOHN KEY’ WITH DONKEY EARS.

FOXY
John Key’s twin brother was arrested last night after
giving Helen Clarke a brown eye at a private Transrail
function. Police have charged 47 year old Trust Manager
Don Key with lewd behavior and for being a bum in a
private function. When Helen was told it was John
Key’s twin brother Don who mooned her, she snickered
then quipped, “It must be a Key family trait to make a
complete ass of themselves,, hee haw, hee haw”. John Key
was unavailable for comment as he is currently overseas
overseeing the renovation of his three million dollar
Hawaiian Donkey Bay bach.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BLUE PIC OF A SMILING ‘AL GORE’ HOLDING A BIG WAD OF GREENBACK DOLLARS.

- Labour released National’s environmental policy last
night which was just a blue piece of paper with a picture
of Al Gore holding a huge wad of carbon credits. National’s
environmental spokesman Bill English today vehemently denied
it was their policy saying it was just a blue print, and
their real policy will be released as soon as he could
think of a better one.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’IN YELLOW SUIT.

- Winston Peters rang Radio Live’s Michael Laws this
morning to claim he has heard a rumour from a very
unreliable source that even though Rodney Hide wears
yellow suits, dances alone to Broadway tunes, and has
to pay women big time to be seen with him in public, he
was NOT actually gay, it’s just he is so butt ugly and
stupid he even scares away pit bulls with lipstick.
Winston then laughed and hung up prompting Rodney to
ring in to deny Winston’s claims saying just last month
he had lunch with Nicky Watson and he didn’t have to
pay a thing, other than the meal, limo, Champagne, and
a new pair of shoes. When Michael asked him if he got
lucky Rodney refused to confirm or deny but did say
Nicky said he was untold smarter than Eric Watson
and would do a real cool job at running the country,
just before she passed out after an unfortunate allergic
reaction to a certain brand of French Champagne.,,
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘The Yesterday Show’ with Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘JOHN KEY’ WEARING HAWAIIAN SHIRT, ‘BILL ENGLISH’, AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ WEARING YELLOW SUIT, THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Canine Day
we have got a very special panel of political dogs for you,

JOHN
Hey excuse me Henry, I’m not a political dog, I’m the
next Prime Minister of Hawaii,, oops, I mean, New
Zealand. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

BILL
Well I’m sure not a political dog, I used to be almost
Prime Minister and the leader of the National Party,
the greatest party in the world !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ANGRY ‘BILL’ GROWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

RODNEY
Well I’m not a dog, I’m leader of ACT, the second
greatest party in the world, AND, I just had a very
intimate date with Nicky Watson that didn’t cost
one taxpayer’s dime, and yes,, I did get lucky!
( WINKS AND SMILES TO AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE “MMMMM’S” AND DOG PANTING AT THE THOUGHT OF GETTING LUCKY WITH ‘NICKY’. IN RUNS ‘WINSTON PETERS’ WITH LIPSTICK MARKS ON COLLAR AND ONE BRIGHT RED CHEEK.

WINSTON
Sorry I’m late boys, I got attacked by some pit bull
with lipstick on heat, she wanted to pound me but
luckily I escaped with just a bitch slap. ( SMILES )

HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘OWEN GLENN’ WITH CHEQUEBOOK, BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

ROGER
See Owen, with idiots like that in charge I will be
running this country again by Christmas, I promise
you!

OWEN
Sounds great Sir Roger, so, who do I make the cheque
out to?

ROGER
Ah, better make it out to cash, actually,, if you put
another zero on there not only will I give you the Monaco
Consul but I’ll throw in a Knighthood, which, will entitle
you to some very JUICY foreign affairs, wink wink.

OWEN
Really,, can you get me Nicky Watson ?

ROGER
Yes of coarse,, Hell, I’ll even throw in Sarah Palin!

OWEN ( excited )
Deal !!

BOTH SMILE AND CLICK CHAMPAGNE GLASSES. SIGN PLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Don Key for the Green Party. Remember
kids, a vote for Green can finally rid New Zealand of
that stupid ass dirty garbage ACT!,,

HEAR DONKEY “ HEE HAWS” AND THEN AN ANGRY DOG BARK, CUT.

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 4

2008-05-23T19:15:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ IN BLUE.

FOXY
Speculation mounted this morning that Hillary Clinton
is about to leave the Democratic race when she told
Ryan Seacrest she has been booked to appear on next
weeks ‘Special American Idol’ to sing Bob Dylan’s
‘It’s all over now, Baby Blue’. When Ryan asked her if
that was going to be her swan song Hillary firmly denied
it saying it was a love song to Bill, who, she then warned
Democrats, if she doesn’t get into the White House she will
be dropping him for screwing around on her campaign and
proposing to Geraldine Ferraro to be her next first man.
She then laughed very uneasy for a few seconds before hanging
up, prompting Ted Kennedy to ring in to say he totally agreed
with Hillary as he thought Geraldine was the perfect man for
her and it was about time she quit trying to entice voters
with that silly ass gas Bill.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SLUTTY LOOKING ‘BARBARA WALTERS’.

Barbara Walters appeared on Larry King last night
to announce the new paperback version of her racy
autobiography ‘Audition’ will include three extra
chapters detailing explicit sexual liaisons with J.F.K.,
The Three Stooges, and Bill Clinton. She then gleefully
told Larry her book is now being made into a
sensational Fox mini series starring the lovely Olsen
Twins playing the young and older herself, Queen
Latifah as Rosie and the skinny bitch Star Jones,
and Nick Nolte and Gary Busey as the old and older
Bill Clinton. When Larry asked her why she hadn’t
written about their torrid affair, Barbara giggled
and said he was WAY to small to be chapter worthy,
at which point Larry kissed and hugged her so hard
they both collapsed in a heap and had to be revived
by the next guest, Dan Rather, who immediately
announced he will be including his new sexy affairs
with Barbara and Larry in a chapter in his next
paperback.

MONITOR CHANGES TO PIC OF ‘NANCY REAGAN’.

Nancy Reagan posted a Utube add for John McCain
last night viciously attacking Barack HUSSEIN Obama
for lying about George W. Bush screwing up the war,
saying, if George hadn’t won that war the world would
now be ruled by Saddam HUSSEIN and high gas prices and
then urged voters to elect John McCain to make sure gas
prices stay low and HUSSEIN doesn’t invade the White House.
John McCain immediately distanced himself from Nancy’s
views by flying out to Hawaii with Sly Stallone to hunt
for oil and Japs.,, And that’s today’s headlines and now
it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARBARA WALTERS’, ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ WEARING ONE BOXING GLOVE, AND ‘NANCY REAGAN’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the Poor Old
Dog we got a panel of rich old bitches for ya all,

BARBARA
Excuse me Redd, I may be old in dog years but
believe me I’m still a puppy between the sheets
wink wink, just ask my new toy boys, Dan Rather
and Walter Cronkite. ( SMILES )

‘REDD’ SHUDDERS AND HEAR AUDIENCE ‘SHUDDERS’.

HILLARY
Yes and I’m sure not that old, heck, I’m young
enough to be John McCain’s illegitimate daughter
and Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s older, much wiser,
more experienced, lovable, sexy sassy sista.
( GRINS TO SILENCE )

NANCY
Yes and I’m not that old, I’m still young enough to
be Ron Paul’s, Larry King’s, and Mr. Magoo’s
mistresses I’ll have you know !

‘REDD’ SHUDDERS AND IN RUNS ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ DRESSED IN BLUE DRESS WITH CUM STAIN.

GERALDINE
Sorry I’m late sweeties, I just had to finish a Long,
Hard, interview.

REDD
Don’t tell me Geraldine, another HEAD strategy
“interview” with Bill ?

GERALDINE
Nooooooo,, I was interviewed for a leading cable tv
station by Dan Rather and Damn,, I think that old
dog was trying to come on to me!

REDD
Ya, and we can see he succeeded sistah !

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GERALDINE’ NOTICES CUM.

GERALDINE
Oh Damn it,, Bill promised he,, errrr,,, I mean, DAN,
promised,,

THE ‘GIRLS’ LOOK ANGRY AND GET UP AND WALK OVER TO ‘GERALDINE’

REDD
CAT FIGHT !!

HEAR BIG AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘BARBARA’ AND ‘NANCY’ MEEKLY PUNCH ‘GERALDINE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE ‘HILLARY’ DELIVERS A ‘ROCKY’ LIKE UPERCUT TO ‘GERALDINE’S’ CHIN. SHOT GOES TO THE STAGE OF ‘DEMOCRATIC IDOL’ WHERE ‘HILLARY’ AND ‘BILL’ WALK ON STAGE SMILING TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS, DRESSED IN BLUE PANT SUITS WITH ‘HILLARY’ HOLDING A DOG CHAIN ATTACHED TO A COLLAR AROUND ‘BILL’S ’ NECK. SHE STARTS SINGING VERY BADLY TO ‘LOBO’S’, ‘ME AND YOU AND A DOG NAMED BLUE’.

HILLARY
I remember to this day
the bright red Georgia clay
and how it stuck to the tires
after the summer rain

will power made that old car go
a womans mind told me that’s so
oh how I wish we were
Back in the White House again

Me and you and a dog named Bill
traveling and living off the land
me and you and a dog named Bill
how I love being a free man

Sing it Bill !

‘BILL’ STARTS HOWLING LIKE A DOG ON HEAT AND SUDDENLY WE HEAR A GIANT GONG. ‘BILL’ AND ‘HILLARY’ LOOK ANGRY AND FACE TURNS RED AND THEY START WAGGING FINGER AT JUDGES AND THE CAMERA PANS TO SEE A SMILING ‘TED KENNEDY’ WITH THE GONG AND THEN SEE THE OTHER SMILING JUDGES ARE ‘ JOHN EDWARDS’, ‘AL GORE’, AND ‘OPRAH’. SIGN QUICKLY FALLS DOWN WITH A ‘MR. MAGOO’ VOICE OVER

MR. MAGOO
The preceeding was a very cheap political add written
and produced by I. M. Blind for John McCain. Remember Kids,
a vote for John says you really care about lower gas prices,
winning wars, guns, and grumpy old men.,

HEAR A SHOT AND START OF ‘MR. MAGOO’S’ LAUGH AND CUT.

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 3

2008-05-05T05:13:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH ‘REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT’ ON

FOXY
Rev. Jeremiah Wright announced on ‘The Daily Show’ last
night he has now dropped his support for Barack HUSSEIN
Obama and is now endorsing Bill and Hillary for the White
House. He said he always looked on Bill as his old honky
brother and mentor though stressed, he never got any of that
extra marital hanky panky old dog Bill got because of his
Black Christian values and one hell of a strong wife. Bill has
promised the Rev when he gets back in the White House
he will be welcomed in with open arms as the token black
Spiritual Advisor and Bill’s very own personal weekend driver.
When John asked him if Obama had put him up to this, the Rev
laughed and firmly denied it before admitting it was his hero
and mentor Oprah that made him do it. He then gleefully announced
he is now in intense negotiations with Rupert Murdoch to star in
his very own Jerry Springer Fox type talk show to go up against that
cold white hearted bitch Oprah.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BEAT UP ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ .

Roger Clemens appeared on Larry King last night to
vehemently deny ever having sexual relations with a fifteen
year old country singer and taking steroids for ten years. He
swore all alleged sexual and steroid abuse claims with
minors was a vicious lie as he only helped little Mindy out
because he was a huge fan of her poignant songwriting
skills. He then told Larry he was also supporting Bill and
Hillary for the White House as like Rev Jeremiah he looked
upon Bill as an old white brother and mentor though he too
never got into any of that extra maritual pussy or smoking
drugs because of a very strong wife and Black Christian
values. When Larry asked him if he was still on drugs, Roger
turned very angry and smashed his chair over him before
storming off swearing and getting into a fight with the next
guest, Jose Canseco. Larry awarded the fight to Roger two falls
to one and immediately booked a rematch for Election Night before
collapsing in a heap.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BITTER ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ IN ‘ELVIS’ CLOTHES.

Vegas odds on an Obama Clinton running ticket tumbled last
night after a bitter looking John Edwards was caught
placing a thousand dollar bet with Vegas bookie Jimmy
The Shark. Edwards was there thinly disguised in an Elvis
Convention but The Shark saw right through him as he was
the only impersonator with perfect hair and teeth wearing a
clean jump suit that looked bitter. Edwards claimed he was
just putting on the bet for some cynical homeless vets who
refused to believe that he had already been guaranteed the
Vice Presidency for his and Al Gore’s Super Delegate votes.
When asked who he thought he would be Vice President for,
Edwards refused to speculate, just saying, he hopes the best
man wins,, And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time,
for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ WEARING A ‘Clintons for Presidents ’ SHIRT. ‘REV. JEREMAIH WRIGHT’ WEARING A ‘Bill for KING’ SHIRT AND ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ LOOKING LIKE ‘ELVIS’.THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the hound we got a
panel of political dogs for ya all,

ROGER ( angry )
Hey I ain’t no political dog, I’m close personal friends and
proud supporters of George W. Bush and John McCain, the
greatest two Presidents ever !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROGER’ GROWLS AT THEM AND THEY SHUT UP FAST.

JEREMIAH
Well I say son, I sure ain’t no political dog, once my protégé
HUSSEIN gets in that WHITE house, I’ll be through that door faster
than a stray starving BLACK bull dog through some fat cat door to
a WHITE bowl of gourmet pussy food! ( SMIRKS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

JOHN
Well I’m sure not a political dog, heck, I’m going to be the
next Vice President. ( SMILES )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS CONFUSED AND IN RUNS ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ IN A BLUE DRESS WITH CUM STAINS.

GERALDINE
Sorry I’m late hunnies, got held up.

REDD
Don’t tell me Geraldine, another HEAD strategy meating
with Bill ?

GERALDINE
Why yes, how did you guess sugar?

JEREMIAH
Cause we can see the old dog left his, “Thy King Dumb
Cum”, mark sister!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GERALDINE’ NOTICES CUM.

GERALDINE
Damn it he promised!,, that’s the last time I ever trust a
man politician again!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS IN RUSHES AN ANGRY ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE SMASHES ‘GERALDINE’ OVER THE HEAD WITH A FRYING PAN. SHOT GOES TO THE STAGE OF ‘THE REV JEREMIAH SHOW’ WHERE ‘REV’ RUNS ON STAGE TO AUDIENCE CHEERS, DOG BARKS AND CHICKEN SOUNDS . SEATED ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’, ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ AND ‘ELLIOT SPITZER’.

JEREMIAH
I say, thank you my faith full fans, man we have got one hell
of a show for ya all tonight, all about political adultery, I say,
praise the Lord , and we have got a panel of bad dogs here for
redemption just for your viewing pleasure, I say, praise the Lord,

BILL ( angry )
O.K. that’s it, I’m out of here, I’ve never committed political
adultery so there is no need for redemption!

JOHN
Ya me too, I’ve REALY never committed adultery so I feel
ripped off, I feel used now.

ELLIOT
Well hell I’ll stay, I need redemption so I can still be Vice
President.

BILL
No way Elliot, deals off, Obama is our boy now!

JEREMIAH AND JOHN ( in unision )
Damn Bill, you promised ME that job !

BILL
Hah, don’t believe anything I say boys, I just like talking a
lot of BULL. ( LAUGHS LIKE ‘BULLWINKLE’)

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AS EVERYONE LOOKS AT ‘BILL’ WITH DAGGERS AND A SIGN DROPS DOWN WITH A ‘FOGHORN LEGHORN’ VOICEOVER.

FOGHORN
I say, the preceding was a very cheap political add written and
produced by A. Chicken for the Rev Jeremiah Wright.Remember kids,
a vote for Obama means the rooster can finally come home to roost.

HEAR DOG GROWL

FOGHORN ( voice only )
I say, that’s a joke son, a flag waver, you’re built to low,
the fast ones go over your head HUSSEIN,

CUT JUST AS HEAR DOG AND CHICKEN START TO FIGHT.

Monty predicts in November that Obama/Clinton will beat McCain/ Wright by a long head and a short nose, ruff ruff!

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 2

2008-04-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘BILL CLINTON’ WEARING A ‘DAVEY CROCKETT’ COONSKIN HAT IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton produced another bitter ad on the internet
last night, this one featuring husband Bill dressed like
Davey Crockett and Hillary dressed as Annie Oakley finding
a bitter run away pot addict named Obama, played by Wesley Snipes,
and urging him to give up his pot and come shoot some raccoons
with them and their friendly small town religious coon posse. Wesley
then blows smoke in their face and runs away laughing with Rocky
Raccoon as Davey and Annie and their friendly posse fire a barrage of
bitter coon snipes at them. Thirty seconds after the add appeared
Hillary’s new Strategy Head Geraldine Ferraro resigned her post after
Revs Jeramiah, Al, and Jesse complained about racial overtones, though,
Geraldine swears, it wasn’t racial at all it was just Bill’s idea of
black comedy. She then confirmed Nancy Pelosi will be Hillary’s new
Strategy Head before bitterly resigning as Bill’s private secretary.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘TOMMY CHONG’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

Not to be outdone, Barack Obama released a bitter internet ad thirty
seconds later featuring Gary Busey and Nick Nolte as Bill and Hillary
lying in bed at 3 a.m and smoking a joint but not inhaling, much to the
chagrin of their new joint Heads of Strategy, ‘Cheech and Chong’, when
Monica Lewinski bounces in and offers Bill her big juicy Cuban cigar just
before Hillary smashes her face in and shoves the cigar in Bill where the
sun don’t shine. Twelve seconds later Obama’s Head Spokesman Oprah
apologized to all Cubans for having their cigar end up in such a bitter
end.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘SLY STALLONE’ DRESSED AS ‘ROCKY’ AND HOLDING MACHINE GUN.

Not to be out done by the bitter feuding Democrats, John
McCain posted a t.v. ad three hours later featuring Sly
Stallone as ‘Rocky’ telling kids that both he, Rambo and
John believe drug use can not be tolerated for future
Presidents, unless its healthy legal Asian steroids that make
you look big, young, and smart, like him, Rambo, John and
The Terminator. He then promised the kids if John wins the
election all four of them will quickly win the war on terror,
the war on drugs, and win back an N.F.L. team to L.A..
Two hours later McCain’s Strategy Head Maria Shriver had the ad
pulled after having to admit winning back an N.F.L. team
to L.A. could take a bit longer than anticipated.,, and
that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’ DRESSED LIKE ‘DAVEY CROCKETT’, ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A ‘RON PAUL 4 PREZ’ SHIRT AND ‘SLY STALLONE’ DRESSED AS ‘ROCKY’ AND HOLDING A MACHINE GUN. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the lemon we got a
bit of a bitter panel for ya all,

BILL ( angry )
Hey I’m not bitter! Why should I be, I’m going to be the next
Pres,, I mean Vice Pres, d’oh,, I mean, first man, and I tell you
what, I’ll still be the one wearing the pants in the White House,
believe me!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘BILL’ LOOKS ANGRY AND WAGS FINGER AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

TOMMY
Ya just cause I did nine months hard jail time for selling a
bong it doesn’t make me bitter man, pissed off ya but hey,
jail was good for me man, I found a used bible and four more
bitter sweet dealers called Dave.

AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Dave’s not here man !

‘TOMMY’ LAUGHS AND WAGS FINGERS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

ROCKY
Well I sure ain’t bitter, I’m a bit Rocky and Rambo but
not bitter cause these healthy Asian steroids make me very
happy and sweet. ( SMILES SICKLY )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS,’ ROCKY’ LOOKS ANGRY AND WAVES MACHINE GUN, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN RUNS AND OUT OF BREATH ‘WESLEY SNIPES’ DRESSED ONLY IN ‘GOOFY’ BOXERS.

WESLEY
Sorry I’m late,, got held up and robbed by a very bad man!

REDD
Who was it, the TAX man?

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

WESLEY
No, I think it was Nick Nolte or Gary Busey.

HILLARY ( angry voice only )
Hey I am not a God Damned bad man actor! I AM
WOMAN !!

REDD
Yikes she sounds like Hell, an Ready. ( WINKS AT
AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS AND DOG BARKS AT BAD PUN.

BILL
Geez, I only wish she would talk like that in bed . ( LAUGHS LIKE ‘BULLWINKLE’ )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND IN RUSHES ANGRY ‘HILLARY’ DRESSED IN ‘WESLEY’S’ PIMP CLOTHES AND CARRYING A BIG JOINT AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE COMPLETELY SHOVES THE JOINT DOWN ‘BILL’S ‘ THROAT’. SHOT GOES TO A CLOCK THAT SAYS ‘3 A.M.’ AND A PHONE RINGS AND CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE ‘BILL’, ‘HILLARY’, AND ‘OBAMA’ IN BED SMOKING A JOINT. THEY LOOK FREAKED OUT AT PHONE SO ‘BILL’ RINGS THE MAID’S BELL AND IN COMES ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ DRESSED AS MAID.

BILL
Could you get that Geraldine,, tell them we have all gone out
coon shooting .

THE BED STONERS ALL BREAK OUT INTO STONER LAUGHS, ‘GERALDINE’ ROLLS HER EYES AND ANSWERS THE PHONE.

GERALDINE ( Flip Wilson’s ‘Geradine’ voice )
House of laughs ?

SCREEN SPLITS TO SEE A JUBULANT ‘RALPH NADER’ ON THE OTHER SIDE.

RALPH
Hey Geraldine, it’s Ralphypoo here, that Vice President job is
still yours if you want it baby face.

GERALDINE ( excited )
Oh my God! yes yes yes! thank you ! Lord, You are a savior!
Muuahhhhhh honey !

GERALDINE HANGS UP SMILING AND SCREEN GOES FULL SHOWING THE BED STONERS HAVE PERKED UP.

HILLARY
What, is it good news ?

BARACK
Please tell me they are having a Florida recount.

BILL
If that was Monica tell her I don’t smoke in bed no more,
honest.

GERALDINE
Well I’ve got some good news and some bad news, which one
you want first?

HILLARY
Well since we are all bitter, give us the bad news first.

GERALDINE
Gladly, well the bad news is,, GET OUT OF MY
BED HONKIES !!!!

STONERS LOOKED SHOCKED AND A SIGN QUICKLY DROPS DOWN WITH A ‘GOOFY’ DOG VOICE OVER.

GOOFY ( voice only )
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by A. Dog for Ron Paul. Remember kids, a vote for
Ron tells them you’re as mad as hell and aren’t going to
take this anymore!,, gawrsh!,,

HEAR THE START OF ‘GOOFY’S’ LAUGH AND CUT.

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show

2008-04-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF A GRINNING ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ WEARING BOXING GLOVES.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton donned boxing gloves last night to spar it out
on ‘The Daily Show’ in yet another attempt to promote her
Rocky image. When John informed her that Rocky actually lost
that first fight, Hillary laughed uneasy for a few seconds
before throwing down her gloves and adopting the
cartoon persona of tv’s ‘Underdog’, gleefully yelling out the
heroe’s catchphrase, ”There is no need to fear,, UNDERDOG
is here”, at which point, husband Bill entered the ring to a
thunderous reception where the loving couple exchanged stern
glances, a few tears, and then laughed and hugged each other
crazy just like it was the long awaited, much anticipated, ‘Rocky
and Bullwinkle Comeback Special’.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘MONICA LEWINSKI’ IN A BLUE DRESS CLUTCHING NOTES.

-Monica Lewinsky appeared on Larry King last night in
a blue dress to say how disgusted she is that her name keeps
cuming up in Bill’s rerun for the White House. She said her
jobs and affairs with Bill were so last century and she has now
moved on to being a very successful writer cheerfully telling
Larry she has just sold the notes of her political affairs for a
Fox TV Movie tentively titled,‘ Sex, Lies, and Cigars’, starring
the voluptuous Sandra Bernhardt playing herself opposite
the very sexy and charming Nick Nolte or Gary Busey as Bill,
and Steve Martin, as the Young John McCain, who she claims, only
has a very very small part.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BILL CLINTON’ WEARING ‘UNDERDOG’ CAPE.

-Chelsea Clinton stormed off stage last night at an Anchorage
Underdog Convention after a bad audience dog asked her about her
feelings on Bosnians and cigars. A furious Chelsea swore backstage
that she refuses to answer any more snipes about Bosnians, cigars,
Monica, or any of her dad’s other numerous affairs just in case her
mum hears about them. Father Bill then came on stage to apologize for
Chelsea’s outburst saying the entire Clinton Family were all firm
supporters of fine cigars and underdogs and then donned the ‘Underdog’
cape and sang and danced his way through the ‘Underdog Theme Song’ for
the barking mad crazy audience of drunk sled dogs and illegal Canadian
immigrants.,, And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for
‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ DRESSED LIKE ‘UNDERDOG’, ‘CHELSEA CLINTON’ WEARING ‘UNDERDOG FOR PRESIDENT’ SHIRT, AND ‘MONICA LEWINSKY’ IN A BLUE DRESS CLUTCHING HER NOTES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the dog we got a bitch
of a panel for ya all,

HILLARY
Hey excuse me Redd ! Just because I’m going to be the first
female President it doesn’t make me a bitch, in real life I’m
actually a very charming, warm, compassionate, loving,
humorous, sensual woman,, just ask Bill, wink wink.
( FORCED SMILE )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘HILLARY’ GROWLS AT THEM LIKE ‘UNDERDOG’, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

CHELSEA
Ya and just because my dad is a dog it doesn’t make me a
bitch, I refuse to answer any more questions while my mum
is listening !

MONICA
Oh cum on Girls, am I the only bitch here dog enough to admit
it, yes I’m a bitch but thanks to good old Bill I’m now a rich
bitch, thank God for The Clintons, I love you guys.

‘MONICA’ SMILES AND WAVES HER ‘SEX, LIES, AND CIGARS’ NOTES AT HILLARY'. ‘HILLARY’ AND ‘CHELSEA’ LOOK AT HER WITH DAGGERS AS IN RUSH ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ AND ‘NANCY PELOSI’ HOLDING HANDS AND WEARING ‘MONICA’S’ BLUE DRESS WITH CUM STAINS .

GERALDINE ( sounds like ‘Flip Wilson’s’ ‘Geraldine’ )
Sorry we are late hunnies,, we just had a HARD meating
with Bill, to be cum Hillary’s new HEAD,. of stra duh gee!

REDD
Damn Geraldine, that old dog is always looking for new
HEAD ! ( WINKS AT AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GERALDINE’ AND ‘NANCY’ NOTICE THE CUM STAINS.

GERALDINE AND NANCY ( in unision )
OH MY GOD!,, Hillary,, umm,, I can explain,, umm,,, THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT !

REDD
CAT FIGHT !!!

HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘HILLARY’ WITH HER SUPER HUMAN SUPER DELEGATE POWERS LEAPS UP AND CUT JUST AS SHE THROTTLES ‘GERALDINE’S’ AND ‘NANCY’S ‘ THROATS. SHOT GOES TO THE STAGE OF ‘SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE ROCKY AND BULL WINKLE CUM BACK SPECIAL’ WHERE ‘BILL’ DRESSED AS ‘BULLWINKLE’ AND ‘HILLARY’ DRESSED AS ‘ROCKY THE SQUIRREL’ WEARING BOXING GLOVES ARE GLOWING IN THE LOUD AUDIENCE CHEERS AND APPLAUSE AND THEN DO A TERRIBLE VERSION OF THE ‘UNDERDOG THEME SONG’.

‘UNDERDOG THEME SONG LYRICS’

there's no need to fear, Underdog is here

when criminals in this world appear
and break the laws that they should fear
and frighten all who see or hear
the cry goes up both far and near
for Underdog! Underdog! Underdog! Underdog!

speed of lightning, roar of thunder
fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog. Underdog!

when in this world the headlines read
of those whose hearts are filled with greed
who rob and steal from those who need
to right this wrong with blinding speed
goes Underdog! Underdog! Underdog! Underdog!

speed of lightning, roar of thunder
fighting all who rob or plunder
Underdog. Underdog!

‘ROCKY’ AND ‘BULL’ GRIN AS SONG FINISHES TO THE SOUND OF A FEW AUDIENCE COUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROCKY’ LOOKS UNEASY.

ROCKY
Gee Bull, I sure hope your idea of giving me a Rocky image
was a good one.

BULL
Heck Rocky, don’t listen to anything I say, I just like talking
a lot of BULL. ( LAUGHS LIKE ‘BULLWINKLE’ )

‘ROCKY’ LOOKS ANGRY AND PUNCHES ‘BULL’ HARD IN THE WINKLE TO HUGE AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND A SIGN QUICKLY DROPS DOWN WITH A ‘MICKEY MOUSE’ VOICE OVER.

MICKEY ( voice only )
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by A. Mouse for Ralph Nader. Remember kids, every vote for Ralph wins you FREE Al Gore Hot Air credits! ,,

HEAR THE SOUND OF A JUICY FART AND THE START OF ‘WOODY WOODPECKER’S’ LAUGH AND CUT.

Fox News Poltical Dog Show

2008-03-21T04:04:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS ‘REVEREND JEREMIAH WRIGHT’ ON.

FOXY
Barack Obama appeared on Ellen last night singing and
dancing to the old ‘Three Dog Night’, ‘Jeremiah was a
Bullfrog’ song, in another attempt to distance himself from
his spiritual adviser Rev. Jeremiah Wright. He told Ellen he
has now seen the light and dropped crazy uncle Jeremiah as
his spiritual adviser and appointed the Good Revs, Al Sharpton,
Jesse Jackson, and the late Jerry Falwell as his new spiritual
advisers. When Ellen questioned him about having a dead white
preacher as a spiritual adviser, Barack joked, better LATE,
then never.

MONITOR CHANGES TO SINGING HOOKER ‘ASHLEY DUPREY’.

- Rich singing hooker Ashley Dupre told Larry King last night
she has just signed a huge deal with Simon Cowell to record a
dvd of sexy sex songs with raunchy sexy videos for the
Playboy Channel. She then gleefully announced she has also just
signed to play herself in a Fox TV movie about her current
political affairs staring opposite the sexy and charming Nick Nolte,
as the very moral Elliot Spitzer, and Gary Busey, as his evil twin,
Client Number 9. Production is due to start once Ashley completes
an acting lesson, and Nick and Gary can sober up.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘ELLIOT SPITZER’ WEARING AN ‘OBAMA FOR PRESIDENT’ SHIRT AND CLUTCHING A ‘BIBLE’.

- A Bible clutching Elliot Spitzer appeared on ‘The Daily
Show’ last night to again apologize deeply for behaving like a
Republican and losing Hillary a much needed super delegate
vote and honest Vice President candidate. He told John, thanks to
a chance meeting at a New York brothel he busted years ago, he has
now found God through the Good Revs Jimmy Swaggart and Jeremiah
Wright and has now come out a huge Barack Obama supporter and is
still very hopeful, of being considered for Vice President. When
John asked him if Hillary had put him up to this, Elliot firmly
denied it before eventually admitting it was his hero and mentor
Bill, that made him do it. ,, And that’s today’s headlines and now
it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ASHLEY DUPRE’, ‘REV JEREMIAH’ AND ‘ELLIOT SPITZER’ WEARING AN ‘ELLIOT FOR VICE’ SHIRT AND CLUTCHING A ‘BIBLE’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of political dogs for
ya all,

ASHLEY
Hey excuse me Redd, I’m not a political dog, I’m just a very
expensive actress and sexy sultry singing bitch, mmmmm

HEAR AUDIENCE EXCITED DOG BARKS, ‘ASHLEY’ GIVES THEM SEDUCTIVE TONGUE, DOG BARKING QUICKLY TURNS TO DOG PANTING.

REV JEREMIAH
Well I sure the Hell ain’t no political dog, I’m the spiritual
adviser for the next God Damned President for Christ sake,
and watch out, cause when I get in I swear,, I’m going to
make life Hell for them honkies!

HEAR AUDIENCE GOOSE ‘HONKS’ AND WING FLAPPING.

ELLIOT
Well I’m sure not a political dog anymore, I’ve found
Jesus and Obama and I swear to God,, and my wife, I will
never,, stray again! Honest !

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ELLIOT’ GROWLS AT THEM AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER,HE GETS HIT IN THE FACE WITH AN AUDIENCE CREAM PIE.IN WALKS ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ WEARING A BLUE DRESS WITH A BIG CUM STAIN ON.

GERALDINE
Sorry I’m late Redd, I had an important strategy meeting
with Bill and he just wouldn’t let me go.

REDD
Well Damn, it sure looks like old Bill let go, BIG TIME!
( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘GERALDINE’ NOTICES CUM STAIN.

GERALDINE
Oh my God ! How am I going to explain this to Hillary ?

ELLIOT
Well you can always tell her it’s mine, baby face. ( STICKS TONGUE OUT SUGGESTIVELY )

GERALDINE ( shudders at the thought )
Ewwwwwwwww !

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND A HONKING CANADA GOOSE FLIES OVER AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE IT’S SHIT HITS THE REV.

Fox News Shyster Dog Show

2008-02-22T03:21:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER HAS A PICTURE OF A CRYING ‘HEATHER MILLS’.

FOXY
A tearful Heather Mills fired herself as her lawyer last night
after crying all day about only getting fifty odd million of
Sir Paul’s easy earned money. Heather claimed she was just to
nice and honest to be a lawyer and is now even refusing to pay
her own legal bill which she described as, Bloody Extravagent !
When Sir Paul heard the news he was very surprised saying with
her lying, greedy, despicable personality he thought she made a
great shyster and had already recommended her to Prince Zsa Zsa
Gabor, Yoko Ono, and Roger Clemens.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ STICKING HIS TONGUE OUT.

- Baby Dannielynn’s lawyer Howard K. Stern told Larry
King last night he is now representing his very good friend
and protégé Sam Lutfi in a bid to get back control of Britney
Spears from her greedy parents. He said Sam was doing
a great job with Britney giving her just the right
amount of drugs to keep her sane and was just about to
kick start her career again by teaching her to talk like
Posh Spice so she could star in her very own Fox Reality
Series. When Larry asked Howard if he and Larry had
kissed and made up yet, Howard blushed and admitted they
had, but then stressed, there was no tongue,,yet.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘ ROGER CLEMENS’ STICKING TONGUE OUT.

- Roger Clemens announced at a U.S. Senate party last
night he is now starting divorce proceedings against his
wife after he learnt she had taken Human Growth
Hormone. He told the tipsy Senators she had assured him
it was just the same vitamin B and linseed oil he had been
shooting up and like a fool, he believed his wife. The Senate
then rose and gave him a standing ovation and exonerated him
off all charges before announcing they will now investigate
alleged steroid abuse amongst Hollywood porn starlets and
Country music stars. The party then ended prematurely when
seven Senators had their legs broken in the mad rush to get
Roger’s autograph. No word yet if Roger has agreed to sign
any of the casts. ,, And that’s today’s headlines and now
it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. (SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HEATHER MILLS’, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’, AND ‘ROGER CLEMENS’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Law Day
we got a panel of shysters for ya all ,

HEATHER
Excuse me Redd! I’m not a shyster anymore! I fired myself
to concentrate on being just a poor poor solo Mum
struggling to make ends meet. ( TEARFULL )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING.

HOWARD
Well I’m sure not a shyster, I’m a highly respected
Entertainment Lawyer and smart blonde bimbo
manager, honest. ( LOOKS SUGGESTIVELY AT HEATHER )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS,’ HOWARD’ GIVES THE FINGER AND IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A CREAM PIE.

ROGER
And I’m sure not a shyster, shysters aren’t close personal
friends with George W. Bush and the U.S. Senate and get
elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame do they,, Just ask those
lying cheaters Pete Rose and Andy Pettitte!

IN STRUTS ‘PRINCE FREDERIK GABOR’ WEARING ONLY A TOWELL.

PRINCE
Sorry I’m late Redd I had a very important engagement, I
think I just became the daddy of Jamie Lynn and Britney
Spear’s next love childs.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS . ‘PRINCE’ LOOKS CONFUSED AND CUT JUST AS THE TOWELL DROPS REVEALING HE IS WEARING SOILED ASTRONAUT DIAPERS.

Fox News Super Tuesday Dog Show

2008-02-04T03:55:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH ‘BILL CLINTON’ PLAYING A SAXOPHONE WITH A BIG SOCK SHOVED IN IT.

FOXY
Bill Clinton appeared on Tyra Banks last night to swear he
would never go so low as to bring up Barack Obama’s
seedy drug record in the election. He said if voters wanted
to trust the words of a crazed pot and coke addict against
the words of he and Hillary, who both never inhaled and
only drank Coke on very special occasions, it was their
Democratic right. When Tyra asked him if he still had
contact with Monica, Bill became very angry yelling at
her that it wasn’t him running for President and then
jumped up and started playing ‘Come Blow Your Horn’
on his saxophone before Hillary rushed on stage and
shoved a sock in it. The couple exchanged stern glances
before Bill apologized and then they both cried, hugged,
and French kissed like their honeymoon never ended to
the sounds of the screaming deaf lesbian audience.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SLEEPING ‘CHUCK NORRIS’ MUG SHOT.

FOXY
Mike Huckabee’s strongest supporter Chuck Norris
was charged with assault last night after he viciously
attacked Sly Stallone over John McCain’s war policy
on ‘Larry King Live’. Chuck said for an old crazed
steroid junkie Sly fought like an old lady and
immediately challenged him to fight him in the next
‘Rocky’ movie before bragging when Huck wins
the election he has been offered the post of ‘Minister
of Silly Celebrities’ which he promised to take very
seriously indeed. Chuck was then put in a sleeper hold
by Arnold Schwarzenegger to terminate the show and
his political career.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RON PAUL’.

FOXY
Ron Paul announced on Jay Leno last night he has just
accepted George W. Bush’s official endorsement for the
Presidency. He said like George he was just a slow talking,,
fast thinking,, good old Texas boy and the only remaining
candidate smart enough to accept George W.’s approval. He
now expects to raise a billion dollars on the net
tomorrow, win all the remaining primaries, and sweep to
victory as the next Ronald Reagan President. News of
George W.’s endorsement for Ron quickly soared his approval
rating to just above, the margin of error, before slowly
plummeting again once Republicans realized it was no joke.
(MONITOR TURNS OFF ) And that’s today’s headlines and now
it’s time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.(SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’ IN A ‘CLINTONS FOR PRESIDENTS’ SHIRT, ‘CHUCK NORRIS’ WEARING A ‘HUCK FOR PRES’ SHIRT, AND ‘RON PAUL’ WEARING A ‘ME FOR PREZ’ SHIRT. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being Super Tuesday we got a
panel of political dogs for ya all,

BILL
Hey Redd I’m not a dog anymore, I’m now very happily
married to the very sexy, beautiful, caring, next co
President and I swear,, I will never,, stray again!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘BILL’ LOOKS ANGRY AND ‘GROWLS’ AT THEM. THEY SHUT UP FAST.

CHUCK
Well I’m sure not a political dog Redd, I’m just a great
actor for God’s sake.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘CHUCK’ LOOKS ANGRY AND PULLS OUT A GUN, THEY SHUT UP FAST, ‘BILL’ FALLS ASLEEP.

RON
Well I’m definitely not a political dog, I’m Ron Paul,
the next Ronald Reagan of the United States. ( SMILES)

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ RON’ LOOKS CONFUSED. ‘CHUCK’ FALLS ASLEEP. A BALD ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ WEARING A ‘JOHN FOR VICE PRES’ SHIRT RUSHES IN TO HIS SEAT

JOHN
Sorry I’m late Redd, I was just helping some homeless
vets find a safer bridge to live under. ( SMILES )

REDD
Damn John, I hope that wasn’t an expensive haircut ?

JOHN
Yes it was very expensive, I got scalped by a Washington
Redskin for my Super Bowl and Super Tuesday tickets.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS ANGRY, ‘RON’ FALLS ASLEEP’, AND CUT JUST AS ‘JOHN’ GIVES THE AUDIENCE THE FINGER AND IS HIT IN THE FACE WITH A CREAM PIE.

Not the Fox News Dog Xmas Comedy Show

2007-12-22T01:54:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A SMILING ‘MITT ROMNEY’ WEARING A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
A tearful Mitt Romney made a shock announcement on ‘Ellen’ last
night saying he has quit being a Mormon and is now set to become
a born again Babtist. Mitt said he realized when Mike Huckabee
shot ahead of him in the polls maybe his religion was wrong so
approached Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who both,
graciously agreed to babtize him on next Tuesday’s ‘Last Call with
Carson Daly’ show with Donny Osmond and ‘The Mormon
Tabernacle Choir’ singing Motown throughout to hopefully gain
more ratings and black voters. Mitt then warned viewers if becoming
a Babtist doesn’t increase his popularity then it proves the Devil
really was Jesus’s brother and Donny Osmond really is the new Messiah.,,
Wow Mitt, that’s a surprise announcement, what does your wife think
about her new religion ?

MITT
Which one Foxy ? ( SMILES )

FOXY
You know Ann, what is there more ?

MITT
Oh right, actually I haven’t told Ann about the religious switch or the
other wives yet, but, I’m sure when I do she will be very happy and
supportive for my honesty and sincerity. ( SMILES )

FRYING PAN SMASHES HARD OVER ‘MITT’S’ HEAD.

ANN ( voice only )
No I’m not happy! I loved being a solo Mormon wife!

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WITH SANTA HAT.

FOXY
Leading Democrat Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich had to fire
his top adviser last night after Tommy Chong claimed on ‘Last Call
with Carson Daly’ that Hillary Clinton smoked so much weed in
college she sponsored a tribe of Mexicans into America to become highly
illegal alien grass cutters and drug dealers. Tommy said
since her boyfriend Bill refused to inhale he subjected Hillary
to so many shotguns she got nicknamed 'Machine Gun Laugh' and almost
dropped out of college to run away and pursue her dream of playing
the mouth organ for the Willy Nelson Band. Tommy claims even today if
you listen close you can hear Hillary’s stoner laugh after every bad joke
she hears or makes. ,,,, Wow Tommy, how the hell did you get to be
Dennis Kucinich’s top advisor ?

TOMMY
We met years ago Foxy on a spaceship at Shirley MacLaine’s pad,
after I got probed I told them the head alien dude told me one day
Dennis will be president and I should lead him, and then Shirley and
the Clintons broke up laughing like hyenas cause they didn’t believe head
alien dude but hey, who has the last laugh now, Machine Gun Laugh Rodham hahahaha

CLOUD OF SMOKE BLOWS OVER ‘TOMMY’.

HILLARY ( voice only )
I do Hippy !

FRYING PAN CRASHES OVER ‘TOMMY’ AND WE HEAR ‘HILLARY’S‘ MACHINE GUN LAUGH. MONITOR CHANGES TO SMILING ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ IN A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
An angry Roger Clemens appeared on Larry King last night to again
vehemently deny ever using steroids. He swore to Larry he has
never taken illegal drugs of any kind and only had his personal
trainer shoot him up with ‘Barry Bond’s Amazing Linseed Oil’
for dietary, hair loss, and anger management reasons. When Larry
said at 45 years old and still pitching a hundred miles per hour
some people might think there was something fishy about that
oil, Roger got very angry and smashed his chair over Larry’s desk
and stormed off swearing like a wasted wrestler. A shocked Larry
put his foot down and said he will never have any angry druggie
sports stars on his show ever again, after next week’s Jose Canseco,
Barry Bonds, and Marion Jones book launch shows.,,, Wow Roger,
that amazing linseed oil sounds pretty strong stuff ?

ROGER
Ya it is Foxy, it gives me the hair and stamina of a thirty year old
and keeps my weight and anger management under control.

FOXY
So why do you get so angry when people mention the asterisks?

ROGER
That’s it ! Interview over bitch, screw you !!

‘ROGER’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN BEHIND HIM.
‘ Barry Bond’s Charm School * ‘
( enter at own risk )

FOXY
And on that charming note that’s today’s headlines and now it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ ROGER CLEMENS’ DRESSED LIKE SANTA, ‘TOMMY CHONG’ IN SANTAS HAT AND ‘DENNIS 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, AND ‘MITT ROMNEY’ DRESSED AS PREACHER WITH SANTA HAT CLUTCHING BIBLE . THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a crazy festive panel for
ya all,

ROGER
Hey Redd I’m not crazy, crazy people don’t make twenty million a year
pitching a few games for Steinbrenner do they, ho ho ho! ( SMILES )

TOMMY
Ya just cause I got probed by aliens with Shirley MacLaine, the future
President, and the Clintons, it doesn’t make me crazy man.

REDD
Well what does it make you ?

TOMMY
Ummm,,, what was the question again man ?

REDD
Dave’s not here man.

TOMMY
Oh damn, I was hoping to score man.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, TOMMY LOOKS CONFUSED.

MITT
Well I’m certainly not crazy now that I’m a God fearing Bible
bashing Baptist, thank you Jesus, Reverends Al, Jesse, and Mike,
I love you guys for making me the next President.

‘MITT’ KISSES BIBLE, AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MITT’ GIVES THEM THE EVIL LOOK . IN WALKS ASTRONAUT ‘LISA NOWAK’ WEARING SANTA BIKINI TOP AND DIAPER AND ‘ JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ IN SANTA BIKINI AND HOLDING A BOX OF DIAPERS.

LISA
Sorry we are late Redd, we had to stop off for more diapers and
pea soup.

‘LISA’ LETS LOOSE WITH A VERY JUICY STINKY FART.

REDD
P.U.,what a crap way to end a sick Christmas sketch, Ho Ho!( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS ‘LISA’S’ DIAPERS START TURNING GREEN AND ‘JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ THROWS UP PEA SOUP OVER ‘MITT’.

And it’s a barking merry Christmas from Monty and a Happy New Year from me, cheers.

Not the Fox News Dog Black Comedy Show

2007-11-30T00:55:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘MIKE TYSON’ ON.

FOXY
Leading Republican Party Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee
produced another fighting celebrity ad on the net last night this
time featuring Mike Tyson’s ringing endorsement. Filmed in a jail
boxing ring, a bible clutching Mike claims now he has been
rehabilitated and found God in the slammer he believes anything
Rev Mike, Chuck Norris, and Ric Flair say is right and then got
down on his knees and prays for a Rev Mike victory when a very
angry Robyn Givens enters the ring attacking the praying Mike
with her heavy selling womans abuse book. The fight only ended
when Referee Huckabee steps in the ring and awards the fight to
Robyn on a t.k.o. and then her and Mike hug and tongue kiss like
their honeymoon never ended.,,, So Mike, sounds like jail has
changed you.

MIKE
Ya Foxy that last stretch was tough, thank God Paris Hilton lent
me her Bible and saved me, Paris is an angel.

FOXY
What, you read the Bible in a day?

MIKE
Hell no Foxy, I didn’t read it, I just used it to keep the perverts
away, there are some nasty people in jail Foxy, I think Michael
Vick fell in love with me, but, who can blame him.

‘MIKE’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘ARSENIO HALL’.

FOXY
Not to be outdone by the Oprah Obama road show the Republican
Party’s second leading Presidential Candidate Ron Paul
announced on ‘Ellen’ last night he will be doing a few Texas
Hollywood shows with America’s favourite black male talk show host,
Arsenio Hall. Ron said having Arsenio as his opening act would show
voters not only is he very tolerant of blacks but he is also hip to
their needs just like his understanding of getting Nevada brothel
donations even though he personally shuddered to think where they
had cum from. When Ron brought out Arsenio on ‘Ellen’ last night
Arsenio was so happy and excited to be back on tv again that Ellen
mistook his excitement for her and kneed him in the naughty bits before
rushing off stage crying how much she misses her beloved dog Iggy and
funny writers.,,,, Ouch Arsenio, that sounded a bit of a painful tv comeback.

ARSENIO ( high voice )
Ya it was way worse than ‘Star Search’ Foxy, I think Ellen is
going through a bad period without her writers and now has to
resort to ball breaking lesbian humour and damn, they hit hard
below the belt.

FOXY
So did Ellen apologize later?

ARSENIO
No, but she sent me a used dog and an unfunny writer to adopt.
( GRINS )

HEAR DOG BARKS AND AN ‘UNFUNNY WRITER’S’ “HEE HAWS”. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘BARRY BONDS’.

FOXY
A jovial Barry Bonds appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to
vehemently deny ever using steroids, after he heard they were bad
and illegal for you. Barry swore to Larry once he heard he
immediately switched to a specially blended linseed oil with no
nasty side effects at all, other than making you monster big and
strong and a bit sterile and unfriendly at times. Barry then announced
he has joined forces with Marion Jones and their trainer Greg Anderson
to market his amazing linseed oil over the net with all proceeds going
to his and Marion’s defense fund and Greg’s rehabilitation into the
outside world fund. Barry claims since Marion has been using his amazing
linseed oil she has got so fast, tight, and manly sexy, tonight she has
a tryout to be the Miami Dolphin’s new tight end.,,,, Wow Barry, that
linseed oil sure sounds strong stuff.

BARRY
Ya it is Foxy, the linseed oil isn’t that powerful alone, it’s the
eleven secret herbs and additives that give it it’s punch.

FOXY
Would one of those secret additives be called steroids?

BARRY
,, D’oh !,, That’s it, interview over bitch !

‘BARRY’ ANGRILY LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ‘VINCE VAUGHN’S CHARM SCHOOL’ ( enter at own risk )’.

FOXY
Well I bet his charming personality will go down well in jail.
( SMIRKS )

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ MIKE TYSON’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE AND WEARING A ‘ REV MIKE 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, ‘ARSENIO HALL’ WEARING A ‘PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ SHIRT AND ‘BARRY BONDS’ WEARING A ‘BAN THE ****** ASTERISK’ SHIRT. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen
black stars for ya all,

MIKE
Hey Redd I ain’t fallen anymore, I found God and Rev Mike in jail
and I’ve got back up again, I’m fighting for Jesus and Rev Huckster
now. ( GRINS AND KISSES BIBLE )

ARSENIO
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, I never fell off tv, I was just
resting for my next hilarious comeback. ( GRINS )

BARRY
Well I sure haven’t fallen, I’m still the leading home run hitter of
all time and soon to be a very successful pro wrestler.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘BARRY’ LOOKS PISSED OFF AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

REDD
Damn, they have pro wrestling in jail now, how do they get the
drugs and hoes in? ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

‘BARRY’ RISES ANGRILY AND GIVES ‘REDD’ THE FINGER AND SMASHES CHAIR AND STORMS OFF. IN WALKS ‘RICKY WILLIAMS’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHIN’ FOOTBALL UNIFORM AND HOLDING A BIG JOINT.

RICKY
Sorry I’m late man, I forgot I had football practice.

SUDDENLY ‘MARION JONES’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHINS’ UNIFORM RUSHES IN AND CUT JUST AS SHE TACKLES ‘RICKY’ HARD AND ENDS HIS SEASON WITH A MINOR GROIN INJURY.

Not the Fox News Killer Dog Comedy Show

2007-11-21T02:45:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DREW PETERSON’ ON.

FOXY
Innocent wife killer policeman Drew Peterson was almost arrested for
assault last night after taseing, maceing, and then stomping all over the
entire Caveman writing staff’s picket line to appear on the Ellen Show.
When he told Ellen of the incident she shrugged it off and told him not
to worry as they were all unemployed bums now anyways because the
Caveman have gone into hibernation. She then broke out laughing so hard
at her bad joke her entire writing staff had to come on stage to try and
slap some sense into her. An enraged Ellen immediately fired her entire
writing staff and and then broke down in Drew’s arms crying how much
she still misses her beloved dog Iggy and Anne Heche’s beautiful
cooking.,,, Wow Drew, sounds like you and Ellen really bonded last night.

DREW
Ya Foxy, Ellen is one sexy funny broad, I’d even marry her myself if she wasn’t such an old and manly dyke, she tongue kisses like a giraffe on heat.

‘FOXY’ AND ‘DREW’ BOTH SHUDDER AT THAT THOUGHT.

FOXY
Yes but Drew, you’re already married.

DREW
Oh ya damn! Well, as soon as they dig up where my last wife is hiding
I’m going to demand a quickie divorce, maybe Ellen could introduce
me to Anne Heche cause I could really dig that broad I tell ya, mmmm

‘DREW’S’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

FOXY
A jovial O.J. Simpson appeared on Larry King last night and told
Larry how happy and excited he was to be appearing before another
fine honest jury as no fine honest jury could possibly believe the
words of a gang of the sleaziest most vile disgusting sports
memorabilia robbing rats ever to walk Vegas, against the word of
a friendly Heistman Trophy winner and former loved comic actor.
O.J. said he is now writing a book about the incident and has already
had interest from Quentin Tarantino to turn it into a black comedy
remake of the old Vegas Rat Pack movie, ‘Robin and the 7 Hoods’,
though, O.J., was still holding out to play Robin rather than Quentin’s
first choices of Gary Coleman or Robert Blake.,,, So O.J., you trying
to get back into acting again?

O.J.
Hell ya Foxy wait until you see me in my next court appearance, I’m
going to act so good and innocent I’m hoping once again I’ll become
a much loved ball player and comic actor and the parts will flow in.

FOXY
Well I’m not sure being a much loved ball player is that good of a thing
in jail. ( SMIRKS )

‘O.J.’S’ SMILE QUICKLY WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING PAKISTAN PRESIDENT ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’

FOXY
In an exclusive interview last night Pakistan’s Chief of Control Pervez
Musharraf told Katie Couric he was going to lift the State of
Emergency in Pakistan very soonish now that he has subjected
Benazir Bhutto and former cricket player Imran Kahn to the dreaded
Cone of Silence. He said he will only be remaining Chief of Control
until he can rid Pakistan of all Chaos, sleazy shysters, and loud mouthed
women and journalists, and was very hopeful of holding a demographic
election by April 1,, 2012. ,, Wow Pervez, April 2012 sounds a long ways away.

PERVEZ
Well hopefully not that long Foxy as it’s also my retirement day when
I collect my very generous pension and retirement fund, roll on 2012,
I can hardly wait.

FOXY
So what are your plans after you retire from dictating ?

PERVEZ
I’m going to move to L.A. Foxy and produce factual Bollywood
Hollywood movies with my very good friend Hugo Chavez, Charlie
Sheen has already agreed to play me and I can smell Oscars already
Foxy.

FOXY
Well I’m not surprised, as you sure sound like you’re a bit of a
weiner. ( SMIRKS )

‘PERVEZ’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’ LOOKING LIKE A ‘HOLLYWOOD’ PRODUCER , ‘DREW PETERSON’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CLUTCHING BIBLES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer of a show for ya all,

PERVEZ
Goodness gracious me Redd I am no killer, I have a very loyal army
that does that for me. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

DREW
Well I’m sure not a killer, it’s just I had the misfortune of marrying
suicidal broads and then get murdered by the media, I’m no wife killer
honest, just ask my first and second wifes. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

O.J.
Ya I know how you feel Drew, I got bloody murdered by the media
for a crime some other bad black guy did and I swear to God, one day
I’m going to find that fast running one armed black guy and
make the media and Ron Goldman admit they are bloody fools.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ SCOWLS AND TAKES A KNIFE OUT OF HIS BIBLE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN PRANCE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING ‘DON IMUS’S’ WIG AND JET BLACK HAIRED ‘ROBERT BLAKE’ HOLDING HANDS.

ROBERT
Sorry we are late Redd, we had a bad hair day.

PHIL
Yes Robert’s hair took forever to die black, I’m sooo glad I have such
natural hair. ( FLIPS HAIR AND WIG FALLS OFF, HE SCREAMS )

HEAR BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROBERT’ AND ‘PHIL’ LOOKED PISSED OFF AND PULL OUT GUNS AND AIM AT THE CAMERA AND CUT TO THE SOUND OF A MASS ‘TARZAN’ JUNGLE ANIMAL STAMPEED JUST AS BULLETS GO OFF.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 7

2007-11-13T03:12:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘DOG’ THE BOUNTY HUNTER ON.

FOXY
Dog the Bounty Hunter made another emotional plea on Bill
O’ Reilly last night this time apologizing profusely and
personally crying to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton
and Jesse Jackson for calling his bad son’s nappy headed
bitch the N word. After a lot of Dog begging and crying
the grieving Reverends reluctantly agreed to forgive the
mongrel and then all three joined in a group hug and prayer
thanking God and Rupert Murdoch for letting them appear so
much on Fox TV due to the misfortune of sinners. Dog then
announced he just fired his half black Spiritual Adviser
what’s his name, and hired Rev Al as his new adviser and
promised God if Bounty Hunter gets to come back on tv he
will give Rev Al a recurring role to add some dark
comic relief and maybe even gain more religious and negro
viewers. ,,, Wow Dog, getting Reverend Al to appear on the
Bounty Hunter sounds a cunning move.

DOG
Ya Foxy we make a real great team, we are like funny
brothers from a different daddies, we are so funny the
producers of Caveman are already talking about giving
us our own Fox sitcom, thank you Lord and Rupert. ( KISSES BIBLE )

FOXY
Wow your own Fox sitcom, really?

DOG
Ya Foxy sounds funny too, Rev Al will be playing my sassy
mouthed butler Benson and I’ll be a lovable rogue Archie
Bunker bounty hunter type, they say we will be the
next Caveman comedy sensation, praise the Lord, I love
Caveman.

FOXY
Um, I think Caveman have gone into hibernation.

DOG
What really, Jesus, that was my God damned favourite show,,
Damn those writers!

‘DOG’ STARTS TO CRY AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A HAPPY ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’ TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER.

FOXY
Lance Armstrong rang up Ryan Seacrest last night to tearfully
announce he has just broken up his loving relationship with 21
year old Ashley Olsen citing the age difference and constant
snide remarks from Sheryl Crow finally got to him. Lance says
he now prefers his girls to be a bit more mature and then
gleefully told Ryan he has just become engaged to Ashley’s
older sister Mary Kate, who, according to Lance, may be only a
minute older in human time but in dog time is years more mature
than her kid sister. He said the happy couple are planning a
Christmas wedding in Vegas followed by a romantic honeymoon in
Reno which will all be taped for a possible Fox reality series
or an arty internet movie.,,, So Lance, arty internet movie,
does that mean sex tape?

LANCE
Hell no Foxy, we like to think of it as more of a sex ed film for
young girls, like Ashley, but, we are sure the grown ups will
love it too, wink wink nudge nudge. (WINKS )

FOXY
Talking about grown ups Lance, when are you going to?

LANCE
What, what do you mean by that? ( GETS TEARFUL ) I
want my mummy now , I still love you mummy Sheryl.

‘LANCE’ STARTS CRYING AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER SWING IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another swinging video on her website
last night telling her fans she turned down the job to be the
Head of M.S.N.B.C. News not because they wouldn’t give her a
helicopter but because the capitalist bastards refused to listen
to her when she told them the real truth. Rosie then announced
she will be doing her own hard hitting Larry King type political
show on the internet live from her swing to represent the swinging
voter and on the first show, scheduled for Christmas Day, Rosie
promised to unveil the truth about 9/11, the war, and why the Mets
choked this year and she’s rounded up Sean Penn, Sargent Shultz,
and Pete Rose to swing by to tell the real truth.,,, Wow Rosie,
what made you decide to do a hard hitting political show on
the internet?

ROSIE
I’m getting way to big for tv now Foxy, I’m going to become
the Oprah of the new media, I’ll be huge on the net.

FOXY
Yes, I’ve heard you gained a bit of weight lately.

ROSIE
Hey bitch no way, it’s just the swing adds ten pounds!

SWING BREAKS AND ‘ROSIE’ FALLS DOWN TO A LOUD THUD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Yeouch, that was a heavy weigh to end the news, but now, it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’, ‘ROSIE’ WITH A HEAVILY BANDAGED HEAD AND WEARING A ‘RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ BADGE, AND ‘DOG’ GRIPPING A BIBLE. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen stars
for ya all,

LANCE
Hey Redd I’ve never fallen of my bike I can assure you, nobody
can prove I used to ride around with that drug runner Marion
Jones, and hey, fallen stars can’t screw 21 year old skinny rich
twins and old rock stars can they dude?

ROSIE
Well at least I’m man enough to admit I fell, and, that fall
seems to have knocked some sense into me as I’m even
questioning Sean Penn now because, Hello Shaun, fire can burn
steel, just ask any steel foundry worker you pinko lying
democrat. ( WAVES ‘I LOVE BUSH’ FLAG.)

DOG
Hey I might have fallen briefly again Redd, but I’ve risen again
thanks to my spiritual advisors God and Rev Al, I love God
and negroes, you guys rock.

‘DOG’ KISSES BIBLE TO AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘DOG’ LOOKS MEAN AND GOWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.IN RUNS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING NOTHING BUT A SMILE AND A SMALL JOCKSTRAP.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas by some gun toting
sports memorabilia robbers.

REDD
Well at least they left you with SOME dignity.

O.J.
No they didn’t, I had to steal my Heistman winning cup back off
Michael Vick.

HEAR AUDIENCE DOG GROWLS AT THE MENTION OF ‘MICHAEL VICK.

REDD
Damn O.J., that’s a little bit below the belt. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND O’J’ LOOKS FREAKED AS TWO AUDIENCE BULL DOGS RUSH ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ WINNING CUP TO AUCTION OFF ON EBAY.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 6

2007-11-05T03:06:00.000-08:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ ON.

FOXY
Fresh from her Venezuelan retreat super model Naomi
Campbell rang Ryan Seacrest last night to announce she has
just signed on to play Condoleezza Rice in a new Hugu Chavez
funded Hollywood black comedy. She said the role of a tall
skinny evil black bitch who wants to take over the world was
just made for her and she is now really looking forward to playing
opposite Kevin Spacey as George W. Bush and Sean Penn as the crazed
killer, Dick Cheney. She said production is due to start once Hugo,
Sean, and Rosie, can hammer out an Oscar winning screenplay and she
can find the time to take another good acting lesson.,,,, Wow Naomi,
I can see you making a great Condoleezza Rice.

NAOMI
Ya Foxy I will cause I heard that skinny ass bitch Rice actually
models herself on me so it’s not going to be much of a stretch to
play myself is it, I have Oscar written all over me.

FOXY
Yes, Oscar Meyer. ( SMIRKS )

NAOMI ( angry )
Hey Bitch !!

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’

FOXY
Leading Democratic Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich
admitted on Jay Leno last night not only did he see a u.f.o. at
Shirley MacLaine’s but that night he and Shirley were
abducted and forced to sexually probe themselves in front
of thirteen illegal aliens. After he was finished the head alien,
who went by the name of Jesus, told Dennis he was such a
great prober he should become President. Dennis promised
right there and then to Jesus, his twelve green disciples, and
Shirley MacLaine, once elected he will be twice the prober than
George Bush ever was.,,,, Wow Dennis, that’s a surprise
admission.

DENNIS
Yes Foxy, I’m a prober and proud of it . ( GRINS )

FOXY
So you think that position will get you more votes?

DENNIS
Heck ya Foxy, I might lose the Mormons and Catholics but
I’ll gain by getting the gay and perverts, move over Hillary
and Obama, I’ve just captured your Hollywood crowd, nanoo
nanoo.

‘DENNIS’ GRINS AND FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘HEATHER MILLS’.

FOXY
After emotional crying scenes on ‘Ellen’, ‘Jerry Springer’,
and ‘Animal Court’ yesterday, Heather Mills briefly
composed herself to appear on ‘Larry King’ last night to
again moan about how hard done by she is by the media and
Sir Paul who were making it very difficult for her to keep her
sanity and Princess Di image. When Larry suggestively pulled
her leg about having sex with old rich men, Heather
immediately started crying and hopped off in a huff. A shocked
Larry said he was just pulling her leg but didn’t expect it to
come off so easy.,,, Well Heather, sounded a bit of a bad day for you.

HEATHER
Yes Foxy it was a hard days night, thank God I’m on the last leg
of my bitching American tour, I don’t think I can stand being
here anymore.

FOXY
What, didn’t Larry give you back your leg? ( SMIRKS )

HEATHER ( getting tearful )
No! The bastard is using it as an ash tray now.

FOXY
Darn that Larry, I hope he isn’t using your last leg for the
butts of his bad jokes. ( SMIRKS )

‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING AND FALLS OVER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n
Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’, ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ AND A TEARFUL ONE LEGGED ‘HEATHER MILLS’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a crazy panel for ya all,

DENNIS
Hey Redd just because I’ve been sexually probed by aliens it
doesn’t make me crazy, just ask Shirley MacLaine, she claims
I am a genius. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘DENNIS’S’ FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN AND A BROKEN ANTENNA POPS UP.

NAOMI
And I’m not really crazy, I just act that way to keep up my
highly strung model slash actress slash bitch slash bad
employer image, in real life I’m really very sweet. ( SICKLY
SMILE)

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘NAOMI’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

HEATHER
Well I’m certainly not crazy, crazy people don’t make a
hundred million bucks in four years and become the new
Princess Di do they ?

REDD
Actually, I heard that’s the first sign you are on your last leg of sanity. ( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING. IN THE SCENE COMES AN OUT OF BREATH ‘DOG’ FROM ‘BOUNTY HUNTER’ ACCOMPANYING A HANDCUFFED ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND ‘MICHAEL VICK’.

DOG (out of breath )
Sorry I’m late Redd,,, had to catch some fast running black crims for
my last show and damn,,, those niggers can sure run fast,, whoops,,
I mean,, those very dark Killers, can sure run fast. ( GRINS AND HOLDS UP A BIBLE)

HEAR AUDIENCE BARKS AND SUDDENLY FOUR AUDIENCE PITBULLS RUSH ON AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ AND ‘MICHAEL’S’ NAUGHTY BITS WHICH IN THE PITBULL WORLD ARE CONSIDERED DELICACIES AND A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 5

2007-10-26T04:19:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘ELLEN DeGENERES’ HOLDING A CAT.

FOXY
A tearful Ellen DeGeneres told her studio audience last night she has
just hired top animal attorney Billy Martin to try and get her beloved
pooch Iggy back. She cried that her and Portia really miss having Iggy
around and even though he was a bit rough with their pussies they will
welcome him home with open arms as long as he doesn’t act like such a
dog this time. Ellen then stopped crying and proudly showed off her
new adoption, a gay cat called Larry, who immediately went into a hissy
fit for the camera and stormed off in a huff.,,, Gee Ellen, Larry sounds
a bit of a prima donna.

ELLEN
Oh he is Foxy, turned out the little scamp wasn’t even gay so we had
him fixed faster than you can say Anne Heche, he sure didn’t like
that much I tell you, hahaha

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES ‘ELLEN’ .

ELLEN
Ouch Larry, that hurt.

‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING. ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES. MONITOR CHANGES TO A ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ HOLDING ‘IGGY’.

FOXY
Ellen DeGeneres’s former dog Iggy has now been adopted from his
new owner by Howard K. Stern after Howard was so moved by poor
Iggys plight he offered the lucky owner an undisclosed percentage of
Baby Dannielynn’s legal fees for the hound. Howard showed off Iggy
on Larry King last night and said he has already sold a couple of very
cute Iggy clowning around playing dead pictures to US Weekly and now
both of them are in intense talks for their own Fox reality series.,,,
Wow Howard, a Fox reality series that didn’t take long.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy we are both very excited as we will be going up against
‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’ and we can beat them easy as Iggy is
way more talented and funnier than Baby Dannielynn,, Play Dead
Iggy!! ( IGGY PLAYS DEAD ) see he’s a born star. ( GRINS )

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ HAND.

HOWARD ( angry )
Ouch! Don’t bite the hand that’s going to feed you, you stupid mut!

‘IGGY’ SMILES AND WINKS TO THE CAMERA. MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING A WEINER DOG.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton also jumped on the dog bandwagon last night on
Jay Leno by introducing the newest member of the Clinton family,
Bill, a nine year old weiner dog she just adopted from the Little Rock
Pound. Hillary admitted she has always had a thing for weiner dogs
ever since she was just a little girl which was the main reason she
eventually decided to marry one. She then broke up laughing very uneasily
before Bill snapped her out of it by starting to hump her leg.,,,
Wow Hillary, Bill sounds quite a character.

HILLARY
He sure is Foxy, he’s nothing but a big old hound dog, but I still love him.

FOXY
So will you be taking Bill out on the campaign trail with you?

HILLARY
Only if he behaves himself or its back to the pound like old Bill.
( LAUGHS UNEASY )

‘BILL’ WHINES AND ‘HILLARY’ GROWLS AT HIM, HE SHUTS UP FAST.

FOXY
Sounds like poor old Bill is in the dog house again?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, and, if he stays zipped up he will be in the White House again.

‘HILLARY’ LAUGHS UNEASY AT HER BAD JOKE, ‘BILL’ SMILES AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for Foxx n Friends.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING ‘BILL’, ‘ELLEN’ SCRATCHED AND HOLDING ‘LARRY’, AND ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘IGGY’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY CHAIR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a panel of
high profile animals for ya all,

HILLARY ( angry )
Excuse me Redd! Just because I’ve been labeled a cold hearted bitch it
doesn’t make me an animal!

‘BILL’ WHINES AT HER AND SHE GROWLS AT HIM SHUTTING HIM UP FAST.

ELLEN
Hey I’m sure not an animal, though Portia claims I sometimes act like
one in bed, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( WINKS AND GRINS )

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES HER TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING, ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES AGAIN.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not an animal, animals don’t get their very own
Fox reality show do they ?

IGGY
Hey it’s my reality show you schmuk!

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ OTHER HAND, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn a talking hound, no wonder he got his own Fox reality show.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON TO THE SET RUSHES A SCRATCHED BEAT UP ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CARRYING A BAG WITH A DEAD DOG IN IT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, had to break up a fight at Michael Vick’s.
(GRINS TO SILENCE )

HEAR ANGRY DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS AS SIX ANGRY PIT BULLS RUSH IN TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS FOUR DOGS CATCH ‘O.J.’ AND THE OTHER TWO DOGS ARE JUST ABOUT TO BITE OFF ‘HOWARD’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 4

2007-10-18T01:26:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A SMILING ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’.

FOXY
In her first exclusive sober tv interview Lindsay Lohan told Larry
King last night that getting sober in Utah really was a sobering
experience but well worth it as she found God, her Dad, and a new
boyfriend there and has now come out being a very staunch Mitt
Romney supporter. Lindsay said she now wants to devout herself to
being a good girl role model like her mentor Paris Hilton and now her
and Paris are already planning a trip to Africa to get filmed feeding
some starving aids kids and meeting Nelson Mandela and a rugby team.,,
Wow Lindsay, so when are you and Paris off to Africa to feed the starving kids ?

LINDSAY
As soon as I spend my few hours jail time and Paris can sober up again
haha, ( HICCUPS ) Whoops, excuse me.

FOXY
You haven’t been drinking again have you Lindsay ?

LINDSAY
Hell no Foxy ! I’m drunk on Jesus now.

‘LINDSAY’ SMILES AND KISSES ‘BIBLE’ AND HICCUPS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘MARION JONES’.

FOXY
Champion Gold Medal drug runner Marion Jones surprised everyone
last night by telling Larry King the Gold Medals she returned don’t
mean a thing to her anymore as she cheerfully announced she was
now three months pregnant. Marion said she met the proud daddy
at her doctors while getting vitamin shots and now will wait for the
d.n.a. test to prove the proud daddy is Barry Bonds, Eddie Murphy, or
Gary Coleman, as all of them are now refusing to return her calls…
Wow Marion, Barry, Eddie, Gary, you got all the bases covered girl!

MARION
Haha ya Foxy, well, I gambled on at least one still being sterile, and,
I’m a praying girl it ain’t Gary Coleman!

‘MARION’ KISSES BIBLE AND LAUGHS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RITA COSBY’ HOLDING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK UP.

FOXY
Anna Nicole’s unauthorized biographer Rita Cosby rang up Ryan
Seacrest from The Bahamas last night to announce she has hired top
attorney Debra Opri to sue the panties off Larry Birkhead and Howard
K. Stern for saying she was a vicious lying bitch for claiming they
starred in a sleazy gay porn tape. Rita said if anybody was a vicious
lying bitch it was the poor Haitian nannies who accepted thousands of
her publisher’s hard earned American Dollars to lie, though, she seriously
doubted the nannies would ever lie as she described them as being very
friendly honest black Mary Poppin types.,,, Wow Rita, hiring Debra Opri
sounds a cunning move.

RITA
Yes Foxy, she loathes Larry and Howard so much she agreed to take
the case for expenses only, thank God I found such a reasonable lawyer.

FOXY
Well you better be careful Rita, I don’t think Larry was thanking God
when he got his expenses bill.

’RITA WIPES THE SMILE OF HER FACE AND LOOKS VERY WORRIED. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE, ‘RITA COSBY’ CLUTCHING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK, AND ‘MARION JONES’ CLUTCHING BIBLE. THERE IS AN EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of fallen stars for ya all,

LINDSAY
Hey Redd, I haven’t fallen, I’ll be bigger than ever once I do a few
hours jail time. ( HICCUPS AND KISSES BIBLE, SMILES AND BURPS )

RITA
And I sure haven’t fallen, this is the most I’ve been on tv since my
glory year at M.S.N.B.C. ( CHEESY SMILE AND HOLDS UP ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK )

MARION
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, just cause a fast girl gets pregnant
and does a few hours slammer time it doesn’t make her fallen bro.

REDD
Well it does if Garry Coleman is the proud daddy sister!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON STAGGERS A DRUNK ‘DANNY DONADUCE’ CARRYING A DRUNK ‘ BRITNEY SPEARS’ ON HIS SHOULDERS CARRYING A DRINK.

BRITNEY
Sorry I’m late Redd, I forgot my panties, hehehe

‘DANNY’ STUMBLES SENDING ‘BRITNEY’ FLYING HEAD FIRST TOWARDS ‘LINDSAY’ AND CUT JUST AS WE SEE SHE IS WEARING NO PANTIES TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 3

2007-10-08T03:05:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘K- FED’ HOLDING HIS TWO NEW KIDS.

FOXY
Proud daddy K-Fed appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to show off his
brand new kids and told Larry being a pro dad was cool with him though
he really hated to give up his very lucrative singing and dancing careers,
but, was sure taking care of the kids will pay off for him in the long run.
He is now teaching the kids to sing and has already signed them up to his
record company where they will be releasing a single of the old ‘Bread’
song ‘Baby, I’m a Want You’ as soon as somebody can teach them how to
talk. K-Fed also confirmed he and his new kids are now in intense
negotiations to star in a new Fox reality series.,,,Wow K-Fed, that’s
early to get your new kids into the music and tv reality bizz.

K-FED
Yo never to early Foxy, these kids will be the next ‘Hannah Montanas’,
I’ll be like the new Billy Ray Cyrus and be able to revive my singing
and dancing careers for the stars, it will be cool I can’t wait.

FOXY
So what does Britney think about your plans ?

K-FED
She went CRAZY when I told her.

‘K-FED’ AND THE KIDS LAUGH CRAZY FOR A FEW BEATS AND THEN ALL SMILE AND BABIES GIVE THE RAPPER HAND SIGN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ HOLDING A SMILING ‘BABY DANNIEYLYNN’.

FOXY
Larry Birkhead and Baby Dannielynn also appeared on ‘Larry King’
last night to announce they will be starring in a new Fox reality series
premiering this Christmas. Larry then made a surprise announcement by
telling Larry he was not gay, so, will also be suing that Rita Cosby bitch
for sixty million bucks just like his very good friend Howard K. Stern for
claiming they were gay lovers. Larry swore to Larry he has never had sexual
relations with that man and then showed Larry a clean blue dress to prove
there were no Stern semen stains on it. ,,,, So Larry, what about this so
called sex tape you and Howard made?

LARRY
There was no tape Foxy, Howard erased that just before Anna died.

FOXY
Wow really, say no more Larry, say no more!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ ROLLS HER EYES AND SMACKS HER HEAD IN DISBALIEF.

LARRY
,, D’oh!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ SMACKS HIM HARD ACROSS FACE WITH A HEAVY PURSE. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RICK SOLOMON’.

FOXY
Pam Anderson’s latest new husband, Rick Solomom, rang up Ryan
Seacrest very distressed last night to report a black male gang stole
his and Pam’s pre honeymoon video from their Vegas hotel room and now
to stop ‘O.J.’ and his hoods from blackmailing them the distraught couple
have reluctantly agreed to sell the movie on Pam’s website for 29.95 for
the directors cut limited edition. Rick claims ‘One Night in Vegas’ is a
bargain at that price as the lighting, sound, and his performance were
twice as good as ‘One Night in Paris’ and Pam had written out a
storyboard with some very witty dialogue to give the tape more of a movie
feel, and, as an added bonus, Pam, is naked during the entire movie.,,
Wow Rick that sounds a very arty movie, any Oscar aspirations?

RICK
Hahaha, no Foxy, but, I bet my dvd outsells Spielberg’s latest by
millions! hahaha

‘RICK’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR TURNS OFF AND ‘RICK’S’ LAUGH GOES ON FOR A FEW BEATS.

FOXY
Sounds like he’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

RICK ( voice only )
I am Foxy, I am!

HEAR ‘RICK’ LAUGH CRAZY AND RUN AWAY.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ NOW WITH A BLACK EYE, HOLDING ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’, ‘K- FED’ HOLDING TWO OF ‘BRITNEY’S’ SKINNY DOGS LIKE BABIES, AND ‘RICK SOLOMON’ CLUTCHING HIS DVD. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of Hollywood’s most well kept
men for ya all,

LARRY
Hey Redd, I’m not a kept man, we have to work hard for my money
by selling pictures to womans magazines and staring in our very own
Fox reality series called ‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’, premiering
this Christmas Day on all good Fox Stations.

‘LARRY’ AND ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ GIVE A VERY CHEESY GRIN TO THE CAMERA.

K- FED
Yo Redd, I’m hardly kept at all man, my bitch only gives me like
a hundred grand a month, that hardly even covers my beer and weed
bill let alone having to feed two more starving dogs.

‘K-FED’ AND DOGS ALL LOOK SAD AND HUNGRY, HEAR AUDIENCE “Ahhhhs “ AND ‘LASSIE’ TYPE DOG CRIES.

RICK
Well I’m sure not a kept man Redd, I’m a highly successful independent
producer of cheap porn movies, I sure don’t need rich women to do that.

‘RICK’ SMILES AND SHOWS ‘ONE NIGHT IN VEGAS’ DVD WICH HAS A TOPLESS ‘PAM ANDERSON’ COVER. HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘PRINCE FREDERICK GABOR’ WALKS IN NAKED IN HANDCUFFS WITH A TOWEL AROUND HIS WAIST.

PRINCE FRED
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up by another sexy young woman who
insisted on stealing my clothes again.

REDD
Damn Prince Fred, is there no respect for royalty in this town.

PRINCE FRED
Well at least she didn’t steal the Crown Jewels, ( WINKS )
see.

‘PRINCE’ DROPS TOWEL AND PANEL INCLUDING DOGS AND BABY SHOW HORROR FOR A BEAT AND CUT JUST AS THEY ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.

Not the Fox News Killer Dog Comedy Show

2007-09-28T04:43:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD’

FOXY
Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told a packed Hollywood Hugo
Chavez Roast last night he was so moved by not being able to visit the
9/11 site he is going to produce a factual Hollywood movie based on the
incident. He told the cheering crowd he has already signed on Kevin
Spacey to play himself and Sean Penn and Rosie will be hammering out
his Oscar acceptance speech and screenplay tomorrow. ,, Well Mahmoud, that’s a surprise producing a Hollywood movie.

MAHMOUD
Yes well my good friend and fellow dictator Hugo Chavez convinced me if
we can make good movies with top Hollywood actors we can drive the Jews
and gays out of Hollywood and win their Oscars and take over the western world.

FOXY
Wow, those are big plans!

MAHMOUD
Yes I plan to be the world’s next Rupert Murdoch, except, I don’t talk
funny like him, or, have a funny gay name like , haha, RUPERT.

‘MAHMOUD’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

FOXY
A cheerful O.J. Simpson announced on Larry King last night that his
Vegas arrest was just a harmless acting stunt that went wrong as he
and his friendly gang of hoods were just improvising a scene from
Quentin Tarantino’s new black comedy, a remake of the Vegas Rat
Pack movie,’ Robin and the 7 Hoods’. O.J. then slammed Quentin for
dropping him from the movie after his arrest and hiring Robert Blake
to play Sinatra saying Quentin was now turning the black comedy into
a complete farce and he hoped it would die a slow horrible painful death
at the box office. ,,, Wow O.J., I didn’t know you were getting back into
acting again.

O.J.
Oh ya Foxy I love acting, I’m hoping once producers see me in my
next court appearance they will remember what a great actor I really
am and offer me some juicy roles.

FOXY
Yes, I could see you making a great Robert Blake, or even a Phil Spector.

O.J. ( angry )
Robert Blake, Damn, I would KILL for that role! ( LOOKS EVIL )

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING DISCO CLOTHES.

FOXY
Phil Spector also appeared on Larry King last night to tell him now
he is going to get off killing that has been actress what’s her name, he’s
keen to get back into producing music again and has already been hired
by Britney Spears to produce her next comeback album, tentively titled,
‘Jailhouse Disco’. Phil claimed with modern recording tricks and
unnamed singers he could make Britney sound groovy and was already
writing out his and Britney’s acceptance speeches for next years M.T.V.
Awards and Superbowl appearance. ,,, Gee Phil it’s been a long time
between songs, what made you want to get back into music?

PHIL
Money Foxy money, Disco Phil has been taken to the cleaners by rip off
lawers Foxy, Disco Phil is broker than a broke door nail, lucky Disco Phil
now has a very cheap lawyer who won’t rip him off.

FOXY
Really, so who is your lawyer now?

PHIL
Debra Opri Foxy, and not only is she Disco lawyer but tonight she is going to be Disco lover, oh yaaa, cause Disco Phil is cocked, loaded, and ready to shoot for the ladies again, oh yaaa Debraaaaaaa, open wide baby.

‘PHIL’ SMILES AND LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
I would hate to see the custody battle over their lovechild.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’, ‘O.J. SIMPSON’, AND ‘MAHMOUD AHMADADIJED’ LOOKING LIKE A HOLLWOOD PRODUCER WITH GOLD RINGS AND CHAINS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer panel for ya all,

PHIL
Hey Redd, Disco Phil is no killer, the jury is still out on that verdict dude,
so Disco Phil is free to rock the ladies again, oh yaaaaa

‘PHIL’ STANDS UP AND DOES A THRUST WHICH SHOWS HE HAS A GUN IN HIS POCKET. WE HEAR A FEW WOMEN SCREAM AND RUN OUT.

O.J.
Ya I sure ain’t no killer Redd, I’m a highly trusted sports memorabilia
dealer, honest.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘O.J.’ SNARLS AT THEM AND SHOWS A KNIFE, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

MAHMOUD
Well I’m not really a killer either, I get my servants to do that and I just
accept all their glory and rewards. ( GRINS SHOWING OFF GOLD
TEETH AND RINGS )

HEAR LOTS OF ANGRY AUDIENCE DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn, we got a RUFF crowd in today. ( GRINS )

MAHMOUD
Yes what are these dogs doing here, dogs are dirty and disgusting, they
should be rounded up and sent to Michael Vick and DMX to make
cat food!

HEAR DOG BARKS AND GROWLS.

REDD
Careful Mahmoud, I can foresee some RUFF justice coming your way.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND BARKS AND SUDDENLY 12 ANGRY DOGS RUSH THE STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE INTO ‘PHIL’S,’O.J.’S, AND THE GUY WITH THE BIG NAME’S NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 2

2007-09-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND ON MONITOR BESIDE HER IS ‘ KATHY GRIFFIN’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
A somber Kathy Griffin appeared on Larry King last night to apologize
personally and profusely to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton and
Jesse Jackson for not thanking Jesus when she won her Creative Arts
Reality Emmy. She then blamed her blasphemy on visiting the Weeds
entourage and then got down on her knees and thanked Jesus for her
Creative Arts Reality Emmy and promised him if she ever wins a real
Emmy she might even go to church to thank him personally, if she isn’t
too hung over that day.,,,Wow Kathy, so you’ve found religion now?

KATHY
Ya Foxy thanks to Paris Hilton, when her Simple Life didn’t win my
reality Emmy she threw her Bible at me, thank God she saved me,
Paris is an angel, she’s Hollywood’s own Mother Teresa, I love her
and Jesus.

FOXY
Ah Kathy, you haven’t been visiting the Weeds entourage again have
you?

KATHY
God no Foxy,,,um,, what was the question again?

MONITOR CHANGES TO A WAIST UP SHOT OF BIKINI CLAD ‘ BRITNEY SPEARS’ HOLDING A BOTTLE OF ‘DRY WHITE WHINE’.

FOXY
A tearful Britney Spears also appeared on Larry King last night
in a very revealing one piece bikini to tell Larry she has now
cancelled her singing comeback and then cheerfully announced
she will be hosting next weeks Saturday Night Live, dancing and lip
syncing to some raunchy new Sarah Silverman routines. She said the
producer and Sarah were so impressed with her funny routine on the
MTV Awards show they assured her she will be the next Rosanne of
comedy and she is already in talks to sing the national anthem at
Wrigley Field and to star in her own Fox sitcom.,,, Wow Britney, a
Fox sitcom, go girl!

BRITNEY
Ya thanks Foxy, I always knew my future would be in comedy, I’ve
been working hard on it for the last year now.

FOXY
Oh, so that explains all your funny behavior?

BRITNEY
Ya Foxy you can thank Sarah Silverman for that, she wrote it all for me.

FOXY
What, she wrote you into rehab?

BRITNEY
Ya the bitch, I didn’t think that was very funny, I hated Promises, if it
wasn’t for the night time escapes I would have dried up in there and
I’m wayyyyy too young to dry up.

‘BRITNEY’ SMILES AND STARTS SCULLING BOTTLE OF WINE. MONITOR CHANGES TO A HAZY ‘OSAMA BIN LADEN’.

FOXY
Osama Bin Laden released another strange video last night this time
admitting to using the last bottle of Saddam Hussein’s Grecian Hair
Darkener to try to appeal to a young Hollywood crowd like a hip funny
Dennis Miller, except way way darker. He then denounced all western
media for implying his speeches were being written by American Al
Qaeda funnyman Adam Gadhan and then went on and promised if he
takes over the world he will guarantee to bring back the N.F.L to Los
Angeles and make Sean Penn the dictator with Rosie as his loving wife.,,,
Wow Osama, those are some promises.

OSAMA ( American accent )
Oh ya Foxy it’s a joke L.A. doesn’t have an N.F.L. team when hell holes
like Cleveland have one, where’s the justice in that man, no wonder
David Beckham is so God damned popular there, Al Qaeda hates Posh
and Becks!

FOXY
Hey wait a minute you’re not Osama, you’re Adam Gadhan.

OSAMA ( worried )
,,, No I’m not.

FOXY
Well explain your American accent, ADAM?

OSAMA
,,, D’oh !

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WEARING BIKINI AND CLUTCHING A BOTTLE OF ‘DRY WHITE WHINE’, ‘KATHY GRIFFEN’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE AND HER EMMY, ‘ADAM OSAMA GADHAN’ AND TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a funny crazy panel for ya all,

ADAM
Hey Redd I’m not crazy, just cause I look like Osama and talk like
Obama it doesn’t make me crazy man.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ADAM’ GLARES AND REVEALS HE IS WEARING A BOMB, AUDIENCE SHUTS UP FAST.

KATHY
Well I’m sure not crazy Redd, crazy people don’t win a God damned Creative Arts Reality Emmy do they, thank you baby Jesus and Paris,
I love you guys.

HOLDS UP EMMY AND BIBLE TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND DOG BARKS.

BRITNEY
And I’m not really crazy, I just act funny for my comedy act, duh.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘BRITNEY’ LOOKS PERPELEXED AND THEN STARTS SCULLING BOTTLE OF WINE.

REDD
O.K., I stand corrected, today we got a crazy funny panel of liars for ya
all. ( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING A PRISON UNIFORM RUSHES IN TO HIS SEAT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘O.J.’ SNARLS AT THEM AND SHOWS THEM A KNIFE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. ‘ADAM’ STANDS UP .

ADAM
That’s it, all you American funny liars must die!

BOMB GOES OFF AND ‘ADAM’ EXPLODES.

REDD
Well, I can sure see why his comedy act bombed. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘SENATOR LARRY CRAIG’ WEARING A DRESS SKIPS IN TO TAKE HIS SEAT AND CUT JUST AS HE TRIPS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show

2007-09-06T18:49:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘SENATOR LARRY CRAIG’ ON.

FOXY
Senator Larry Craig last night rang up Ryan Seacrest to confess to his
sins and now freely admits he was toe tapping in a Minnesota men’s
restroom,to Broadway tunes on his Ipod. He said he has now whacked
all the gay music off his hard drive and has hired Michael Vick’s lawyer
to convince his Republican Senators to forgive him for toe tapping to
Barbra and to warmly welcome him back into the Senate with open arms,
in a very manly way off coarse.,, Wow Larry, why didn’t you just admit
you were toe tapping to Barbra in the first place ?

LARRY
I didn’t want the officer to think I was gay Foxy, can you imagine what
that would do to my conservative Republican reputation ?

FOXY
Yes, I imagine it would send it to the dogs.

‘LARRY’ GROWLS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.

FOXY
Howard K. Stern also rang Ryan last night to tell him Rita Cosby’s
book claim that he and Larry had taped homosexual liaisons for Anna
Nicole’s pleasure was a slanderous vicious lie, not that there was
anything wrong with that. He swore to Ryan he wasn’t a toe tapper like
Larry and didn’t even like Broadway tunes or gay policemen and has now
hired Larry’s lawyer to sue the pants off that Cosby bitch. ,,,, Gee
Howard, hiring Larry’s lawyer sounds an incriminating move.

HOWARD
Why is that Foxy, if he is good enough for Michael Vick and Larry,
well then he is good enough for me. ( CHEESY SMILE )

FOXY
Yes but you’re a lawyer Howard, why not just hire yourself?

HOWARD
Are you joking Foxy, I’m way too expensive, I’m the shyster who
taught Debra Opri how to charge.

FOXY
Oh so you got her to screw Larry?

HOWARD
Well legally speaking yes, though, Larry much prefers getting
screwed by sexy male lawyers wink wink nudge nudge.

FOXY
Say no more Howard, say no more.

HOWARD
,, D’oh !

MONITOR CHANGES TO LAWYER ‘BILLY MARTIN’ HOLDING RICH DOG ‘TROUBLE’.

FOXY
Celebrity dog lawyer Billy Martin announced on Animal Court last
night he is now also representing Leona Helmsley’s 12 million dollar
dog Trouble in numerous lawsuits from former bitten staff and
grandchildren. He says thanks to Michael Vick he is now the hottest
dog lawyer around and welcomed any other offers from rich dogs to
hire him to get some RUFF justice. ,,,, Wow Billy, you sure must be
busy with all these new clients.

BILLY
Hell ya Foxy I been working like a dog, I just had to turn down O.J.,
D.M.X., and R. Kelly, I’ve got enough mongrels on my books already.

FOXY
So do you think you can win your dog cases ?

BILLY
Hell no Foxy, but I don’t tell them that, those mongrels bite!

‘BILLY’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND ‘TROUBLE’ BITES HIS GOLD FINGERED HAND TO A BIG “OUCH”. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Looks like Trouble has expensive taste ( SMILES )., And that’s today’s headlines
and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND GUESTS ‘LARRY CRAIG’, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ AND ‘BILLY MARTIN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘TROUBLE'.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a
panel of dogs for ya all,

BILLY
Hey I ain’t no dog Redd, I just represent the mongrels!

AUDIENCE DOG BARKS THEN ‘TROUBLE’ BITES HIS HAND TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

BILLY
OUCH, that’s it Trouble, I’m hiring myself to sue you bitch !

‘TROUBLE’ BITES HAND AGAIN TO MORE AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘TROUBLE’ ESCAPES.

LARRY
Well I’m sure not a dog, I’m a very conservative god fearing Republican,
Democrats are the dogs.

HEAR AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘LARRY’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not a dog, I’m a highly trusted respected lawyer, honest.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘HOWARD’ SCOWLS AT THEM.

REDD
Hell, am I the only one man enough to admit I’m a dog, you guys are
pussies, Ruff Ruff Ruff !!!

PANEL ARCH THEIR BACKS AND HISS LIKE CATS AT ‘REDD’.

REDD
CAT FIGHT !!!

HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND SUDDENLY 12 ANGRY AUDIENCE DOGS RUSH THE STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE INTO ‘LARRY, MOE AND CURLY’S ‘ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 10

2007-08-29T18:44:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A GRINNING ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET WITH A GOLD CHAIN AND CROSS AROUND NECK.

FOXY
Rocker Ted Nugent shot his mouth off again last night when at a
Washington D.C. concert he waved his weapon around and invited any
pot smoking commie loving Democrat to come up and suck on his
shotgun for a real blast. He then fired off a round of blanks at the
stunned crowd before two men with very long needles and white
coats came to take him away as he was yelling at his dwindling audience,
“I'm going to be the next God damned Attorney General and Governor of
Michigan and they better God damned vote for him or else!".,,, Wow Ted,
sounded quite a wild concert.

TED
Damn right Foxy those Washington audiences are scumbags that don’t
even listen to me for God’s sake, except for my good pal George W. Bush
and his beautiful family, thank God for Republicans.

FOXY
So are you serious about running for Governor of Michigan.

TED
God damned right I am, what, you think I’m crazy or something
Bitch !

FOXY
In a short word, ya.

‘TED’ IS ABOUT TO SWEAR AND MONITOR CHANGES TO RAPPER ‘DMX’

FOXY
Bad dog rapper DMX claimed last night to Larry King that the twelve
starving pit bulls found on his property he had just rescued from Michael
Vick’s basement and the half pound of pot found was for the dogs
to make them less aggressive so they could go back to being normal
friendly pit bulls. He was now sure with these facts know he will beat
the rap and the pigs will leave him, his dogs , and pot alone.,,,Wow DMX,
those dogs sure must smoke a lot.

DMX
Hell ya Foxy they love it, they even fight over who gets first bong, I don’t
bet on who wins anymore though.

FOXY
But don’t you think its cruel starving those dogs and then giving them
the munchies?

DMX
I ain’t starving em Foxy, I’m feeding them gourmet diet Chinese dog food, it keeps them fighting fit and happy, they love it.

HEAR DOG GROWLS, ‘DMX’ LOOKS FREAKED, SCREEN BLACKS OUT AND WE HEAR DOG ATTACK AND ‘DMX’ “OUCHES”.

FOXY
Sounds like a bad case of the munchies.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.

FOXY
Nicole Ritchie was in more trouble last night after Beverly Hills police
pulled her over for erratic driving and found an ounce of pot in her car.
Nicole claimed the pot was for her dogs who got highly addicted after
listening to a DMX cd while she was away doing hard time and then
blamed the daddy of her unborn baby, rocker Joel Madden, for buying
the pot, who, in turn, blamed rapper DMX for telling him it was high
class Chinese dog food. After that logical explanation the police
apologized profusely and let Nicole drive off erratically again.,,,, Wow
Nicole, that sounded a close call.

NICOLE
Ya it was Foxy I was scared, I don’t want to go back to the slammer
again, I hate hard time!

FOXY
82 minutes doesn’t sound THAT hard.

NICOLE
It is when you are going through a bad period Foxy, it was like I
was living in bloody hell in there, it seemed to go on for like, hours.

FOXY
That’s almost too much info Nicole.

NICOLE
Sorry Foxy, jail hardened me, thank God I found Jesus in there,
thank you Jesus.

FOXY
Really, what was he in there for?

‘NICOLE’ LOOKS PERPLEXED, SCREEN TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now its time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET, A BANDAGED UP ‘DMX’, AND ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a gangsta entertainer panel for ya
all,

TED
Hey Redd I ain’t no God damned gangster, I just carry guns to shoot animals and scumbag Democrat dogs! ( HEAR AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ED SCOWLS AND FOAMS AT THE MOUTH )

DMX
Yo Redd I ain’t no gangsta anymore man, I found Jesus in Michael
Vick’s basement and I’ve damn near sold half my guns and dogs,
thanks Jesus you rock my man.

NICOLE
Ya I’m not really a gansta anymore either, I went from being Queen Bitch
in a hardened jail to a saintly Paris Hilton like figure after I found Jesus
in cell block 69, thank you Jesus I love you.

REDD
Damn, that Jesus sure gets around.

SUDDENLY 12 SKINNY SCARED BARKING PIT BULLS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE.

DMX
Hey,, who let my dogs out!

AUDIENCE DOGS ( voice only )
Woof Woof Woof Woof !

SUDDENLY ‘MICHAEL VICK’ APPEARS RUNNING AFTER THEM CARRYING AN OLD CHEWED UP BIBLE.

MICHAEL
Come back boys, I promise I won’t try and stuff religion down your
throats no more!

REDD
Damn, this religious stuff is really going to the dogs. ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

WE HEAR ‘MICHAEL’ BEING ATTACKED BY DOGS AND THEN HE RUNS THROUGH CARRYING A HALF EATEN BIBLE BEING CHASED BY THE 12 ANGRY DOGS AND CUT JUST AS HE TRIPS.

My dog Monty wants to know if anybody has any Michael Vick trading cards that he can eat and turn to gold on Ebay. Card holders will receive half the end product.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 9

2007-08-21T18:32:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘KARL ROVE’ ON.

FOXY
Karl Rove’s retirement was short lived after he announced to ‘E! News’
last night he’s just accepted two high profile job offers for 2008. First
he will be a featured star on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and after he wins
that he will be a featured act on ‘America’s Got Talent’. Karl told Ryan
the producers have been hounding him since they saw him dance and rap
like a black waiter at the Whitehouse Correspondence Dinner and he is
now looking forward to strategically launching his entertainment career.,,
Wow Karl, that sure is a career change.

KARL
Yes Foxy I’m very excited, it’s going to be all go for Rove in 08,
I’ve already got me a rap cd in the works and a famous ghostwriter is
writing my stunning autobiography as we speak.

FOXY
How can a ghostwriter be famous?

KARL
He can if his name is Aaron Sorkin, oh darn, I promised Aaron I
wouldn’t name him, sorry Aaron me bad.

FOXY
Don’t worry Karl, no sane person believes your promises anyways.

KARL
Well that’s not true Foxy, I can name George W. Bush for one.

FOXY
My case is closed.

KARL
Say no more then.

FOXY
No more then.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Dave Matthews last night dropped controversial bad boy black rapper
Naz from the Virginia Tech concert next month after getting renewed
criticism from the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. He
apoligised profusely to the bereaved preachers and then announced
they have replaced Naz with good boy white rapper Eminem and that
after the concert he and his band will be checking into ‘Promises
Rehab’ to record a new CD and hopefully rid themselves of a growing
medical marijuana problem.,,,, Wow Dave, Eminem is sure a strange
choice to replace Naz with.

DAVE
Why is that Foxy, he is white, works clean, and doesn’t mention guns.

FOXY
Clean, have you heard an Eminem CD, he swears more than three drunk
sailors.

DAVE
What really ?

WE HEAR BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING, DAVE LOOKS OVER.

DAVE
Oh damn you guys, quit making me look a fool, quick, call back James
Brown and agree to his demands! ( HEAR MORE BAND LAUGHTER )

FOXY
I can see why they say Dave has one smoking band.

HEAR BAND LAUGHTER AND COUGHING AS ‘DAVE’ DISSAPEARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE. SMOKE DISSAPEARS TO REVEAL A GRINNING ‘JASON GIAMBI’

FOXY
New York Yankee’s designated hitter Jason Giambi announced last
night now that he has been cleared of being a steroid junkie by the
league he will go out a winner and retire immediately. He said he will
now book himself into ‘Promises Rehab’ to get rid of his small diet pill
addiction and will build himself up and emerge a professional tag team
wrestler teaming up with his good buddy and fellow dieter Barry Bonds,
who, also went out a winner by announcing his retirement from baseball.,,
Wow Jason, you and Barry becoming wrestlers, who would have thought ?

JASON
Ya Foxy we are both huge wrestling fans, we have been building
ourselves up for the last ten years following a strict wrestling diet
for this shot, we will be champions and you can bet on it.

FOXY
What’s the diet, coke and steroids?

JASON
Nooooo, coke and diet pills, breakfast of champions. ( GRINS )

FOXY
Well I sure hope wrestling doesn’t go down baseball’s path in regards
with drugs.

JASON
Don’t worry Foxy it won’t now that me and Barry are their champions.
( GRINS , A SYRINGE HITS HIM IN THE NOSE) Ouch Barry, quit
needling me that hurt.

HEAR ‘BARRY’ LAUGH AND A CHAIR GETS SMASHED OVER ‘JASON’S’ HEAD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Ouch , poor chair,,and that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘KARL ROVE’, ‘JASON GIAMBI’, AND ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of an odd ball panel for ya all,

KARL
Hey excuse me Redd, just because I can sing and dance like a black man
it doesn’t make me odd, look at Michael Jackson, he’s not odd is he ?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘KARL’ LOOKS CONFUSED.

JASON
Well I have to admit I’ve got an odd ball, those diet pills have shrunk
one to a peanut,, whoops, did I say that out loud?

AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Yes you did !!! ( HUGE LAUGHTER AND DOG BARKS)

JASON
D’oh !

DAVE
Hey I’m not odd anymore now that I’m on medication, and, I’ve
got a medical marijuana prescription from Barry Bond’s doctor to
prove it. ( WAVES PAPER AROUND TO AUDIENCE CHEERS )

JASON
Oh Dave that’s sad, you don’t need drugs to be happy, look at me,
( GRINS ), Dave,,Dave you there,,

‘DAVE’ HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.

REDD
Dave’s not here man.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A “DAVE” T SHIRT WALKS ON.

TOMMY
He is now man.

‘TOMMY’ SNATCHES ‘DAVE’S’ PRESCRIPTION AND RUNS AWAY FAST TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AS HE TRIPS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 8

2007-08-12T18:58:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ ON.

FOXY
Denise Richards last night dropped her claim for a vile of Charlie
Sheen’s semen from her divorce demand after her close friend Melissa
Etheridge kindly donated her an old vile of David Crosby semen.
Denise said she was very excited about carrying David Crosby’s vile
semen and hopes one day when the baby wins American Idle that
Charlie will realize what a low life scumbag he was for not giving her
his vile semen.,,,, Wow Denise, David Crosby sure is an interesting
choice for a vile daddy.

DENISE
Yes foxy well he might be a low life womanizing druggie like Charlie
but, I’m very excited about getting some musical genes.

FOXY
Yes sounds like a winning combination.

DENISE
Well ya for a rock star it sure is.

FOXY
Move over Keith Richards.

DENISE
What’s my dad got to do with it?

FOXY
Never mind.

DENISE
Duh!

FOXY
Whatever.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’.

FOXY
Britney Spears made the news again last night after she stripped
naked and ran around ‘Promises Rehab’ yelling for Lindsay Lohan
to come out and play. When ‘Promises’ yelled back that Lindsay has
left the building Britney cheered, did four cartwheels, turned blue,
and then threw up all over her new toy boy, Garry Coleman.,,,,Wow
Britney, you and Gary make an interesting couple.

BRITNEY
Na that love was short lived Foxy, I dumped his sorry ass after I
found out how old he was, I got me a new black boy to kiss now.

FOXY
Really, who’se the lucky boy?

BRITNEY
He doesn’t want me to say Foxy, he doesn’t want any publicity.

URKEL ( voice only )
Hey that’s not true Britney, I want the whole world to know ,
Urkel is a one hot stud! Urkel did Britney! Urkel can cum

SUDDENLY ‘BRITNEY’ SMASHES A FRYING PAN OVER ‘URKEL’S’ UNSEEN HEAD.

FOXY
Ouch Britney, that was a bit heavy.

BRITNEY
Ya I was tired of him anyways, and I’ve got a big date tonight
with another hot black boy.

FOXY
Really, do we know him?

BRITNEY
Nope, I promised Eddie Murphy I wouldn’t name him,, oops,
I did it again. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )

FOXY
Lucky Eddie.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘KATE BOWYER’ .

FOXY
Kate Bowyer the woman who lost her paternity suit against Chris
Rock last night admitted her suit was a mistake as she got Chris mixed
up with the real daddy, Eddie Murphy, saying, in a dark room all
black comics sound alike. When informed of the new claim Eddie’s
fiancé Tracy Edmunds replied, “Oh that dog, not another one !”,,,,
So Kate, sounds like you had a thing for black comics eh ?

KATE
Yes Foxy I love black comics, they are so dark and disturbing and yet
funny at the same time.

FOXY
And how are you sure Eddie is the real daddy.

KATE
Cause my kid runs around all day acting like that stupid loud mouth
ass from ‘Shrek’.

KID ( Gary Coleman voice only )
Oh hee haw mum, hee bloody haw. ( EDDIE MURPHY LAUGH )

FOXY
That Eddie sure has a lot to answer for.

HEAR MORE ‘EDDIE MURPHY’ LAUGHTER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ HOLDING A TEST TUBE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH DRINK IN HAND, AND ‘KATE BOWYER’ CLUTCHING A FRAMED PICTURE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hot single mother panel
for ya all,

DENISE
Um excuse me Redd, I’m not technically single now that I’m carrying
David Crosby’s semen. ( KISSES TEST TUBE)

KAY
And I won’t be single long, I’m sure once he finds out he’s a daddy
Eddie Murphy will do the right thing and marry me.

SHE HOLDS ‘GARRY COLEMAN’ PICTURE UP TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SHE LOOKS PERPLEXED.

BRITNEY
Well I’m sure a hot single mother, I’m so hot I think I will take my
top off, weeeeeee

WE HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. ‘REDD’ LOOKS ABOVE AND PRAYS.

REDD
Oh thank you Lord, thank you.

DENISE
You didn’t pray for that did you Redd?

REDD
Hell ya it’s rating week, I pray for wardrobe malfunction.

‘BRITNEY’ REMOVES TOP REVEALING SHE IS WEARING A ‘PROMISES REHAB’ T SHIRT. AUDIENCE GROAN THEIR DISSAPOINTMENT.

REDD
Oh damn promises, I didn’t want no promises Lord, I wanted
God damned boobies for Christ sake!

SUDDENLY A NAKED ‘LINDSAY LOHEN’ STREAKS THROUGH THE SCENE.

REDD ( looking above )
Oh my Lord, thank you thank you.

‘REDD’ PRETENDS TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND SUDDENLY ‘LINDSAY’ STREAKS THROUGH AGAIN CARRYING A DRINK AND TRIPS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HER BOOBS BOUNCE OFF THE FLOOR TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Black Comedy Show

2007-08-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ ON.

FOXY
In another exclusive internet interview last night O.J. Simpson told a
naked blonde now that his black comedy book has been high jacked by
some cheap Jew who is refusing to pay him his rightful royalties his
daughter is so annoyed she will be releasing a children’s book tentively
titled ,’Imagine if your mummy was killed by a fast running innocent black
man’. He said his daughter has already signed away the screen rights to
Fox for big bucks and the mini series will feature the acting debut of
Michael Vick playing the fast running innocent one armed black man and
O.J. himself making his screen comeback playing the lovable rogue
detective trying to hunt him down with his trusty gang of very angry
Bull Mastiffs.,, Wow O.J., that sounds a very black comedy.

O.J.
Yes Foxy it’s going to be very funny, Michael Vick acts like a dog, he’s a
natural, just like me. ( SMILES )

FOXY
It’s sure been a long time since we have seen you acting on TV.

O.J.
Ya Foxy not since my innocent court case and damn was I good in that or
what, it’s a travesty of justice I got black listed in Hollywood by those
rich Jews, I should have gotten all the roles that Eddie Murphy got.

FOXY
Yes his ‘Shrek’ role would have been made for you.

O.J.
What role did Eddie play in that?

FOXY
A stupid loud mouthed ass.

O.J.
Hey Bitch that’s not funny !

FOXY
Hee haw hee haw.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SCOWLING ‘BARRY BONDS’.

FOXY
After finally breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record last night Barry
Bonds shocked the post game press conference when he announced
he was immediately retiring from baseball as he was sick and tired of
all the booing scumball fans and being accused of being a steroid
junkie by the Nazi press hounds. He then told the barking crowd
he was now going to fulfill his young mans dream of becoming a
professional wrestler and being able to take steroids legally rather than
the health pills and diet supplements he has been gobbling down for the
last ten years. The press conference then ended suddenly when Barry
smashed a chair and stormed off fuming after Vince McMahon threw a
needle at him.,,,, Wow Barry that was a surprise announcement leaving
baseball.

BARRY
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to play a sport where the sucker fans and media dogs never accuse you of being a drug cheat, I’ve never taken drugs, honest.

FOXY
But Barry, don’t you know taking wrestler steroids can make you mad
and crazy?

BARRY ( angry )
What! What do you mean by that bitch! Screw you this interview is over!

THROWS A CHAIR AT CAMERA AND MONITOR BLACKS OUT.

FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to bring back some integrity to wrestling.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BARACK OBAMA’.

FOXY
Barack Obama told a cheering Hollywood Oprah fundraiser last
night when he becomes President not only will he quickly kill Bin
Laden and win the war but he will also appoint Oprah to be the Vice
President, of Africa. He then promised the cheering crowd he will
bring back the N.F.L. to L.A. which caused the fundraiser to end
abruptly when five thousand rich football fans started a celebration
riot that ended up in an orgy in Posh Spice’s swimming pool where
David entertained the aroused throng by singing Spice Girl’s songs
and doing Mickey Mouse impersonations.,,,, Wow Barack, that
sounded one fun fundraiser.

BARACK
Yes Foxy we put the fun back into fund, (SMILES) I love those
Hollywood folks they are generous fund people.

FOXY
So do you really think you can bring back the N.F.L. to L.A.?

BARACK
Heck ya Foxy I guarantee it if I’m elected, I’ve already signed up
Michael Vick, David Beckham, and O.J. as franchise players and the
Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have agreed to coach them,
now if that isn’t a winning team I don’t know what is.

FOXY
Have you got a name for the team yet ?

BARACK
Yes, they are called the Hollywood Bull Dogs, suits them doesn’t it ?
( SMILES )

FOXY
Well I don’t know if David Beckham could be classed as a dog.

BARACK
Give him a year in Hollywood he will be Foxy, have you met his wife, she
is one scary bitch . ( SMILES )

FOXY
No she’s a Posh bitch, Scary is the one with Eddie Murphy’s lovechild.

BARACK
Really, darn, Eddie told me that was O.J.’s baby, that’s the last time
I listen to a comedian.

HEAR A LOUD FEMALE COMMOTION. ‘BARACK’ LOOKS SCARED.

BARACK
Well I better go Foxy, another fund raiser awaits.

FOXY
All right good luck Barack.

BARACK
Thanks Foxy, I need it.

‘BARACK’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ,

’ELLEN AND ROSIE’S BARACK FUN RAISER’. ( WOMEN ONLY )’

WE HEAR LOTS OF WOMENS SCREAMS AND WOLF WHISTLES AND YELLS OF “TAKE IT OFF”, SCREEN BLACKS OUT.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARACK OBAMA’, ‘BARRY BONDS’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we’ve got a real black panel for ya all,

BARACK
Hey Redd I’m not real black, my mum is a whitey and barely tolerates
Oprah, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

BARRY
And I’m not really that black, it’s just my health pills and diet supplements
that makes me seem dark. ( HEAR DOG BARKS, HE SCOULS)

O.J. SIMPSON
Ya I’m not really that black either, it’s just the press that have painted
me that way. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

REDD
Ya I know how you guys feel, nobody believes me when I tell em I
ain’t black,, I’m Redd. ( BLUSHES AND GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

SUDDENLY A BLEEDING ONE ARMED ‘MICHAEL VICK’ RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE YELLING.

MICHAEL
Help Help ! Vinge Rhames is trying to kill me !

FOUR BLACK BARKING BULL MASTIFFS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE CHASING HIM . SUDDENLY THE DOGS RUN BACK AND MAKE A BEELINE FOR ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF HIS NAUGHTY BITS TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 7

2007-07-28T02:24:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS ‘MICHAEL VICK’ ON.

FOXY
While jogging in Atlanta last night dog fighting quarterback Michael Vick
was set upon and attacked by a gang of very angry pit bulls. Michael lost
the fight and had to be rushed to the Falcon’s pound with serious groin
injuries where the vets were hopeful they could reattach his naughty bits
as soon as they are found.,,, Ouch Michael that sounded painful.

MICHAEL ( high voice )
Ya it was bloody painful Foxy, I hate those mongrels that did this, they
should be rounded up and fixed up just like me, I hate poor losers!

FOXY
So is there any news about the missing naughty bits?

MICHAEL
Not a bark Foxy, every mongrel dog in Atlanta seems to have gone
underground.

FOXY
Maybe they are hiding in your basement sitting around the poker table
betting on how many dog years you get in the pound.

MICHAEL
Hey! I’m the innocent one here ya know !

HEAR DOG GROWLS, MICHAEL LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS OFF REVEALING SIGN BEHIND HIM’ FALCON’S DOG HOUSE’.

FOXY
I bet this is going to be one RUFF season for him. ( SMILES )

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN'.

FOXY
Lyndsay Lohan dropped her innocent act plea for her D.U.I. and drug
charges on ‘Ellen’ last night and now admits the rum and coke found on
her system were planted there by her mother who thought it would make a
great acting publicity stunt. She has now fired her mother as her manager
and publicist and has hired Britney Spears who assured her an insanity
plea will keep her out of the slammer and also advised her to lay low
and quickly become pregnant just like Nicole.,,, Wow Lyndsay, hiring
Britney Spears as your manager and publicist seems a rather strange move.

LYNDSAY
Yes Foxy, if this doesn’t prove I’m completely insane I don’t know what
does. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )

BRITNEY ( voice only )
Hurry up Lyndsay it’s happy hour time, yippeeeeee. ( HEAR HER RUN OFF )

LYNDSAY
Hey Britney wait for me! Sorry Foxy got to run, it’s um, prayer time,
bye bye.

‘LYNDSAY’ RUNS OFF REVEALING SIGN .

‘PROMISES REHAB’
‘( we promise nothing )’

FOXY
Thank God she’s in good hands now.

MONITOR CHANGES TO BASKETBALL REFEREE ‘TIM DONAGHY’.

FOXY
Disgraced gambling N.B.A. referee Tim Donaghy told a boisterous Las
Vegas Pete Rose Friars Roast last night he has now officially retired
from being a basketball referee and has now signed a long term
contract to become the chief referee and drug tester in World Wrestling
Entertainment. He said he had to promise Vince McMahon he would
never bet on the outcome of matches and would never under any
circumstances give out any inside information to gambling mobsters
or test for steroids. ,, So Tim that’s a surprise change of sport, they
are so different.

TIM
Na not really Foxy, they are both fixed.

MONITOR BLACKS OUT.

TIM ( voice only )
Hey Tony I was just joking, honest, I’ll tell you who wins.

TONY ( voice only )
Ya tell it to the judge pretty boy.

WE HEAR SOME HEAVY PUNCHES AND “OUCHES” FROM ‘TIM’.

FOXY
Whoops, sounds like he’s receiving a technical foul.,,,And that’s today’s
headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ MICHAEL VICK’, ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN’ HOLDING A NOTE AND BIBLE, ‘TIM DONAGHY’ IN REFEREE UNIFORM WITH BLACK EYES.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hard case panel for ya all,

MICHAEL ( high ‘British’ voice now )
Hey Redd I’m not a hard case, I didn’t force them dogs to fight they
loved it, you could see it in their eyes and I bet they would back me up
right now if they were still alive.

HEAR AUDIENCE BOO’S AND DOG BARKS AND GROWLS, MICHAEL GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

TIM
And I’m sure not a hard case, I’m guilty as hell but who isn’t in the
N.B.A., have you seen those player salaries and sneaker deals, it’s
criminal what they make.

LYNDSAY
Well I’m definitely not a hard case Redd, it’s obvious I’m completely
innocent and I’ve got a note from my mummy to prove it. ( WAVES
NOTE AND LAUGHS CRAZILY )

REDD
Hell I believe ya Lyndsay, just last night I dreamt you were an innocent schoolgirl, mmmmm. ( SMILES )

LYNDSAY
Really, I hope I was good girl Redd.

REDD
Oh ya you were good, you were so good the dream ended in a lesbian
shower jail scene with me as the soap holder, it was the cleanest damn
sex scene I’ve ever been in. ( GRINS )

MICHAEL
Damn Redd, soap holder for a lesbian shower, I would pay big money
for that job.

REDD
It’s no job for a eunuch Michael believe me, I mean what would you use as
a towel holder ? ( GRINS , HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG
BARKS)

TIM
Ouch Redd, that’s a bit below the belt. ( BLOWS WHISTLE ) Three
point technical foul, your shot Michael.

MICHAEL
Hey it’s ok, I just got a transplant and the vet assured me that within
a week Allistair Cooke’s equipment should be working like a teenager,
barring accidents.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND SUDDENLY ‘MONTY’ RUNS ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HE BITES OFF ‘ALLISTAIR COOK’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 6

2007-07-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH ‘POSH SPICE’ ON.

FOXY
The Los Angeles riot squad had to be called out last night to the posh
Beckham palace after an estimated ten thousand gay paparazzi started
bickering over vantage points after Posh phoned in Ryan Seacrest to tell
him that her and David still practiced the quaint old English custom of walking around their home naked at night. Fortunately the crowd dispersed quickly before the riot squad arrived after a fully clothed Tom Cruise’s
wife emerged from the house preaching Scientology.,,, So Posh,are you
surprised how popular you and David are in Los Angeles ?

POSH
No not at all Foxy cause after all I was the leader of the greatest English
girl band in music history, we are like the girl Beatles and I’m like the girl
John Lennon coming to America to spread peace, love, fashion, and a
'Spice Girls' reunion tour.(GIVES PEACE SIGN EXCEPT IT’S THE OBSCENE WRONG WAY)

DAVID ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
Can I go out and play soccer dear ?

POSH ( annoyed )
Ya but put some clothes on, I don’t want people to see you are BUILT
like a mouse too.

DAVID ( v.o. )
Hey I just got out of a cold shower, quit taking the mickey out of me.

POSH
Right go away and play, you are hogging my spotlight,, Minnie.

POSH GETS HIT HARD IN THE HEAD WITH SOCCER BALL AND GETS KNOCKED OUT.

FOXY
Well good to see David still has the balls to put her down.

HEAR A ‘MICKEY MOUSE’ LAUGH. MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.

FOXY
After a hard weekend partying with Paris Hilton, Nicole Ritchie announced
last night she has decided to accept a plea bargain for her D.U.I. charge
and will enter jail just before midnight sometime in the next few weeks. She
told Ryan Seacrest it was a great opportunity for more ‘Simple Life’
publicity and a free three week strict rehab for her and her baby, and that
both of them were really looking forward to coming out reborn and drug free,
just like Paris.,,,,So Nicole that’s a brave decision, are you ready for the
slammer?

NICOLE
Yes Foxy I’ll be ready in a few weeks or so, I hear the food is bad so I’m
looking forward to losing a few pounds in there, I hate being a fatty.

FOXY
Nicole you’re not fat, you make a pencil look bloated.

NICOLE
Why thanks Foxy, but last month I gained something like three pounds, I
blame it on my baby as it eats way to much, I’m sick of my baby now I
think I might give it to Madonna, she wants more babies doesn’t she?

FOXY
I think she only wants black ones.

NICOLE
Well that’s ok cause the daddy of mine is black.

FOXY
Wow really do tell, whose the daddy?

NICOLE
Sorry Foxy my lips are sealed until I get hold of him, he refuses to take
my calls now. ( GAGS ) Whoops sorry Foxy I have to go now I have
to be sick, I hate morning sickness and hangovers, they suck. ( GAGS )

‘NICOLE’ RUSHES OFF.

FOXY
I can see she’s going to make one sick mother.

MONITOR CHANGES TO THE TWO YEAR OLD TOT WHO SHOT TO FAME ON HER MOTHERS Utube VIDEO PRETENDING SHE WAS ON ECSTASY.

FOXY
‘Ecstasy Child’ the two year old tot who shot to fame acting like she was
on E on her mom’s Utube video has just been signed to join the cast of
A.B.C.’ S new hilarious Caveman sitcom. Her manager and mother told
‘High Times’ magazine Ecstasy will be playing a hip illegal alien weed
addict who is adopted into the Caveman’s dwelling to stop all the gay
rumours being spread by their Neanderthal neighbors. Production will
start as soon as they both complete rehab and sign a book deal.,,, Wow
Ecstasy are you looking forward to being a big TV star?

ECSTASY
Na not really Foxy but mum sure is, she’s already writing my acceptance
speech for next years best drama actress in a comedy series Emmy, I
thank everyone especially my mum, manager, and Jesus, I got to go now
Foxy I got a bad case of da munchies, mmmmmmm.

WE HEAR HER MOTHER COUGH AND SMOKE BLOWS ON TO ‘ECSTASY’S’ FACE. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Darn, Hollywood actresses grow up way to fast these days.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’, ‘POSH SPICE’ READING ‘SKINNY BITCH’ BOOK, AND ‘ECSTASY CHILD’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real skinny celebrity line up for ya all,

NICOLE
Hey I’m not a skinny celebrity Redd, I gained like three pounds last month,
helloooo.

POSH
I may be skinny but my boobs are huge, and yes, they are not real.

‘POSH’ PUSHES CHEST OUT TO AUDIENCE WOLF WHISTLES AND DOG HOWLS.

ECSTASY
I can’t wait till I can afford a boob job, mum says I’ll be a famous titty
tot just like Posh Spice.

POSH
Bloody hell, kids sure grow up fast in Hollywood.

NICOLE
Heck ya, my baby has been drinking and smoking since it was just a gleam
in Eddie Murphy’s eye,, whoops, sorry Eddie.

POSH
Bloody hell Eddie Murphy sure gets around, he’s the daddy of Sporty
Spice’s baby too.

ECSTASY
Ya he’s my daddy too, but mum can’t get him to take a D.N.A. test.
( GRINS BIG JUST LIKE EDDIE MURPHY )

REDD
Damn I’m going to have to have a word with Eddie, I got enough
grandkids already. ( GRINS BIG JUST LIKE EDDIE MURPHY )

NICOLE’S STOMACH ( Eddie Murphy’s voice )
Help Gramps get me out, I’m starving to bloody death in here!

ALL LOOK AT NICOLE’S STOMACH IN SHOCK. SUDDENLY EDDIE MURPHY STANDS UP GRINNING FROM BEHIND HER CHAIR .

EDDIE
Haha scared ya Dad.

‘REDD’ PRETENDS HE IS HAVING HEART ATTACK, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS SUDDENLY ‘MICHAEL VICK’ APPEARS RUNNING THROUGH SCARED.

MICHAEL
HELP HELP call my agent! the press are hounding me to death !

MICHEAL RUNS OUT OF SCENE QUICKLY AND ON RUNS A GROUP OF ANGRY PITBULLS WEARING ‘PRESS’ CAPS CHASING HIM.

REDD
Man, Michael sure is getting a RUFF time lately . ( GRINS )

EDDIE
Ya them news hounds can be vicious. ( FROWNS )

WE HEAR 'MICHAEL' SCREAMING AS THE HOUNDS HAVE CAUGHT HIM AND THEN HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS A DISHELVED LOOKING ‘NICK NOLTE’ WALKS ON CARRYING A SUITCASE.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 5

2007-07-09T02:56:00.001-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
In another exclusive post slammer interview Paris Hilton last night
told Ellen that prison really changed her and now God’s calling told
her she was an American Nelson Mandela and should run for President to
end apartheid and hunger. When Ellen informed her she had to be 35 to
run for President, Paris cursed on her Bible and ran off crying for
Mummy. ,,,, So Paris, now that your Presidential aspirations have
been shattered, what’s next ?

PARIS
Well Foxy, I’ve just signed to become the new Slim Fast model and
end world hunger, Yay for me and hungry people.

FOXY
And dare I ask, how can you end world hunger?

PARIS
It’s easy Foxy, if everyone would get Slim Fast and eat as little as
me we can send all our leftovers to Nelson Mandela to feed to the
starving natives, it’s going to be so cool.

FOXY
Paris, have you been smoking again?

PARIS ( looks guilty )
Ummm,,,, what was the question?

FOXY
Good answer.

PARIS
Thanks Foxy, jail made me smarter ya know, I almost read a hole book.

‘PARIS’ HOLDS UP THE AN OLD HOLEY ‘BIBLE’. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’

FOXY
Hillary Clinton told a large lesbian gathering at Little Rock’s Star
Bucks last night that both her and Bill were firm supporters of gay
rights and are are close personal friends of Ellen, Rosie, and Anne
Heche, who, Bill has been giving saxophone lessons to and according
to him, she is already blowing like an old pro.,,,, So Hillary,
weren’t you worried when Bill told you he was giving Anne Heche sax
lessons?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, he assured me that Anne has gone back to being a
lesbian, and, I told him, if I ever catch him cheating again, I’ll
have him neutered. ( HEAR DOG HOWLS ) Be quiet Bill! I was only joking!
( HEAR DOG PANTING) Down boy down! And put your cigar away, it’s
disgusting !

BILL ( voice only )
Yes sir.

SMOKE BLOWS INTO ‘HILLARY’S’ FACE. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN DRESSED IN TERRORIST GEAR AND IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Dressed in her daughter’s terrorist costume and hanging upside
down on her swing Rosie O’ Donnell posted a new video on her website
last night telling her fans she is now going to form her own political
party and run for president. The party will be called the ‘Crazy Party’
and she’s already recruited Paris Hilton, Anne Heche, Kramer, and the
tiger that bit Roy to run for the party.,,, Wow Rosie that’s big news,
what made you want to run for president?

ROSIE
Well Foxy initially it was a joke but then I thought hey they elected
that crazy idiot Bush TWICE, so now I’m thinking, I’m in with a big
chance to win.

FOXY
And if elected have you got any policies?

ROSIE
Hell ya Foxy I’ve got three of them, first I would rewrite the 9/11
history books to tell the truth and not the conspiracy, secondly I
would immediately win the war and send our troops home and lower gas
prices, and lastly, I will save our health system by legalizing
medical marijuana.

FOXY
And how will medical marijuana save the health system ?

ROSIE
Everyone will be to stoned to realize they really are sick and need
to see a doctor, which means fewer doctors, which will assure us we
won’t go down England’s path and hire terrorist doctors.

FOXY
Ah,, have you been smoking again Rosie?

ROSIE
Hell no ! ( BURPS AND SMOKE COMES OUT OF MOUTH )
Whoops, excuse me,, must have been that hot chili I had for lunch.

FOXY
Yes I thought it sounded like you were full of beans.

ROSIE
Hey bitch!

‘ROSIE’ LETS OUT A JUICY FART AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PARIS HILTON’ CLUTCHING BIBLE, ‘HILLARY CLINTON’, AND ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ IN TERRORIST GEAR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a presidential candidate
debate for ya all,

PARIS
Um actually Redd I’ve dropped out of the president race, I’m just
going to become a Crazy senator first to see how it works.

HILLARY
Excuse me Paris, you need brains and a clean record to become a
Crazy senator.

ROSIE
Or a rich stud muffin of a husband called Bill.

HILLARY GLARES AT ROSIE.

PARIS
And for your info Mrs C., I put out a record just last year and it’s very
clean, I’ve only played it once so na na na na . ( STICKS TONGUE OUT AT HILLARY )

ROSIE
Yup I can see she’s going to make one great debater in the house.

REDD
Ya lets just pray she doesn’t do it in church.

PARIS
How come Redd ?

REDD
Cause they get very cross at Mass debaters. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘PARIS’ THROWS BIBLE AT ‘REDD’ AND CUT JUST AS HE DUCKS AND IT FLIES OVER HIS HEAD.

Not the Fox News Larry Comedy Show

2007-06-30T05:14:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF “JUDGE” ‘LARRY SEIDLIN’.

FOXY
The funny crying Anna Nicole judge Larry Seidlin confirmed to ‘Shyster
Magazine’ last night that he quit his judge job to star in an updated
‘Charlie’s Angels’ sitcom with Fox called ‘Larry’s Angels’ in which he
plays a funny probation officer to star clients Lindsay Lohan, Paris
Hilton, and Nicole Ritchie. Production is due to start once Lindsay
sobers up, Nicole escapes jail, and Paris learns to act good.,,, Wow
Larry, that’s quite an impressive cast.

LARRY
Ya thanks Foxy, and the girls ain’t bad either I tell ya.

FOXY
I was talking about the girls .

LARRY
Hey I’m the star of the show not them, I’m the only one who can cry
on cue ya know.

FOXY
But Larry, big stars don’t cry.

LARRY ( tearfull )
What do ya mean by that ? ( STARTS CRYING )

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LARRY KING’.

FOXY
Larry King admitted last night that C.N.N paid Paris Hilton for her
stimulating interview but said it was only two signed 4 x 6 glossy
pics of himself, 45 dollars, and a weekend in Vegas for Rick and
Kathy with a free mini bar and Wayne Newton tickets.,,,, So
Larry, people are questioning the 45 dollars, does this mean C.N.N.
pays for interviews ?

LARRY
No not at all Foxy, the 45 bucks was to Kathy for professional services.

FOXY
Kathy, what’s she ever done that’s professional?

LARRY
When she rang me up collect to moan about Paris she was so hot and
sexy it was the best damn 45 seconds of phone sex I ever had, I came
like a drunk Mormon teenager Foxy, I was Fantastic!

FOXY
Ah, that’s a bit too much info Larry. ( SHUDDERS )

LARRY
I’ll give you my number later Foxy, I pay well for “sexy” interviews
you know. ( WINKS )

FOXY
Larry if I ever get that desperate, I’d rather ring Phil Spector for a
date. ( SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT )

‘LARRY’ FROWNS AND MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’.

FOXY
Larry Birkhead rebuffed rumors he was gay last night by proudly
boasting to the boys from ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ he has
just become engaged to a very smart sexy funny straight woman.
Larry announced he and Anne Heche will be tying the knot in San
Francisco as soon as Anne can get a divorce from her straight
husband and that both he and Baby Dannielynn were really looking
forward to married bliss.,,, So Larry this is a bit of a surprise
announcement, how long have you and Anne being seeing each other
for?

LARRY
Um, a real long time, we met almost two weeks ago at a Ryan
Seacrest sauna party, we got on like houses on fire and we made a real
hot couple, Baby Dannielynn loves her so much she is already
calling her Mummy.

FOXY
Maybe she thinks its Anna returning after a six month ‘Slim Fast’
binge.

LARRY
Huh? ( CONFUSED )

FOXY
Sorry, it was a thin attempt at humour.

‘LARRY’ LOOKS PERPLEXED, MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ HOLDING ‘BABY DANNIELYNNE’ LIKE A VENTRILIQUIST DOLL, ‘LARRY KING’, ‘LARRY SEIDLIN’, ‘LARRY DAVID’, AND ‘LARRY FINE’ FROM ‘THE THREE STOOGES’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and to celebrate international Larry Day we got a panel of
funny Larries for ya all,

LARRY DAVID
Hey I don’t know if Larry Birkhead is a funny Larry, he has way too
much hair to be a funny Larry.

OTHER LARRIES NOD IN AGREEMENT.

LARRY BIRKHEAD
Hey I can grow out of it, I lost a hair today in the shower, honest.

OTHER LARRIES LOOK AT HIM WITH HATE.

LARRY FINE
Ya Larry ain’t no funny Larry, he’s just a stooge Larry.

BABY DANNIELYNNE ( Larry Birkead’s voice )
Oh look whose calling who a stooge, you Larries are just funny has
beens, my Daddy is the new King of funny Larries, all hail the King.

LARRY KING
No he’s not the King, I am!

BABY DANNIELYNN
No you’re the Queen darling.

‘LARRY BIRKEAD’ LOOKS SEDUCTIVELY AT ‘LARRY KING’.

LARRY SEIDLIN
Hey I’m a good judge of funny Larries and believe me Larry you
ain’t that funny, even your ventriloquist act stinks.

LARRY BIRKHEAD
What ventriloquist act ?

‘BABY DANNIELYNNE’ STICKS TONGUE OUT AND GIVES FINGER TO ‘LARRY SEIDLIN’. IN RUSHES ‘LARRY HAGMAN’ DRESSED AS ‘I DREAM OF JEANIE’ ASTRONAUT WHEELING IN ‘LARRY FLYNT’.

LARRY HAGMAN
Sorry we’re late, we had to stop off for astronaut diapers.

‘LARRY FLYNT’ LETS OUT A BIG JUICY FART, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS.

LARRY FLYNT
Ahhh that’s better, I’m as happy as Larry now. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘LARRY FINE’ TAKES AIM AT ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ WITH A CREAM PIE AND LETS FLY AND ‘BIRKHEAD’ SHIELDS HIMSELF WITH ‘BABY DANNIELYNNE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THE PIE HITS ‘BABY’ IN THE FACE.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 4

2007-06-19T01:22:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ AND ‘DEBRA OPRI’.

FOXY
The missing pants judge Roy Pearson last night lowered his suit
against the poor Korean dry cleaning couple and is now only asking
for a paltry 22 million, which, he claims is one million for the pants
and a missing wallet, five million for emotional distress, and the
remaining millions will go towards paying his legal fees, which, Roy
proudly said, he has now cut in half by firing himself and hiring
Debra Opri, Howard K. Stern, and Mike Nifong to represent him.,,,
So Debra and Howard, if you win Roy’s suit how can you expect a
poor Korean couple to pay 22 million when they can’t even pay
their own legal bills ?

DEBRA AND HOWARD ( shocked in unision )
Can’t pay their legal bills,, ( SCREAMS )

FOXY
That’s funny, that’s the exact same reaction I had when I opened my
last lawyers bill to see I’ve been taken to the cleaners.

‘DEBRA’ AND ‘HOWARD’ SCOWL AT ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘RICK’ AND ‘KATHY HILTON’.

FOXY
Rick and Kathy Hilton announced last night they have finalized
Paris’s cumming out of jail party after a week of extensive
negotiations and hard bargaining. The posh party will be staged
at the Silicon Valley ‘Star Bucks’ after manager Joey Tribbiani
agreed to their demands of free transport, drinks, and food, and
a cash payment, of 45 dollars. Joey said in keeping with the
parties theme Paris and the rich people will be picked up outside
jail in a beat up old Greyhound bus for the short drive north where
they will be treated to a night of black coffee and salted peanuts
with the music being supplied by Sir Paul McCartney. ,, So David
and Kathy, what made you decide on Silicon Valley rather than Vegas
or even Hollywood ?

RICK
Money talks Foxy, money talks, and, we are all huge Wings fans.

KATHY
I’m not really a huge Wings fan dear, I much prefer the bar room
banter of ‘Cheers’.

RICK
Not the sitcom darling, the band, you know we were all singing
their song the night Paris came out of jail, ‘Band on the Run’.

KATHY
Oh yes of coarse,, ( SINGS BADLY) “and the country judge who held
a grudge will search for evermore,,( RICKS JOINS IN SINGING BADLY )
for the , Paris on the Run,,, Paris on the Run.( SMILE AT EACH OTHER )

FOXY
Well we can sure see where Paris got her singing talent from.

KATHY AND RICK
Why thank you Foxy.

‘KATHY’ AND ‘RICK’ SMILE, MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ HOLDING BABY ‘DANNIELYNN’ LIKE A VENTRILQUIST DUMMY.

FOXY
C.B.S. chief Sumner Redstone last night fired Katie Couric from
the evening news anchor job after hearing about Dan Rather’s
stinging criticism of Katie being to tarty. He announced they have
now hired highly respected ‘University of Kentucky’ journalism
degree holder Larry Birkhead and baby Dannielyn to co anchor
the news with Dan Rather returning to be the friendly funny
weatherman. Sumner said with the new line up he was sure once
again C.B.S would rise to the top and overtake Fox as the third
rated news.’,, So Larry ,that’s a bit of a surprise announcement,
I didn’t even know you had a journalism degree.

LARRY
Oh ya Foxy, I ain’t just a pretty face ya know, ( SMILES ) I was
Summa Cum Lord of my class I’ll have ya know.

FOXY
Wow really, was it a big class?

LARRY
Um heck ya, there was me and um, the entire University of
Kentucky Wildcats offensive line and um, two real smart
Koreans who couldn’t speak English to good.

BABY ( Larry doing a bad ventriloquist act )
They were the cleaners ya dork !

LARRY
Don’t call me a dork baby, we’re on TV now ya know.

BABY
Ya I know, I’m the one that got us the anchor jobs ya schmuk !

LARRY
No way baby, it was my University of Kentucky journalism
degree that got us that job.

BABY
Oh ya right, the Harvard of the South, I forgot. ( ROLLS EYES )

FOXY
Well I can see you two are sure going to bring back the integrity
to the C.B.S. News.

‘LARRY’ AND ‘BABY’ LAUGH, MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD AND BABY DANNIELYN’, ‘RICK AND KATHY HILTON’, AND ‘DEBRA OPRI’ AND ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bunch of high profile Hollywood
couples for ya all,

DEBRA
Excuse me Redd, we’re not officially a “couple” couple, we are
just “good” friends.

BABY
Ya Howard can’t be anything more than “good” friends, wink
wink nudge nudge . ( SHOWS A LIMP WRIST )

LARRY
Baby Dannielyn, don’t be so naughty !

HOWARD
Baby Dannielyn you’re just jealous cause I’m not your daddy,
at least I’VE got an honest profession.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, ‘HOWARD’ SCOULS AT THEM.

DEBRA
So Larry, now that you are a highly paid anchor when can I expect
you to pay my legal bill, lawyers have to eat too you know.

BABY
Screw you shyster, he ain’t paying for your dinners bitch !

KATHY
Oh my that’s no way for a young girl to behave, Baby Dannielyn
is growing up way to fast.

RICK
Ah dear, that’s not Baby Dannielyn, it’s Larry.

KATHY
Oh well excuse me, then Baby Larry is growing up way to fast then.

REDD
Well I can sure see where Paris gets her brains from.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, BABY LOOKS EVIL AT ‘KATHY’, HEAD TURNS AROUND LIKE IN ‘THE EXCORCIST’, SHE PUKES OUT GREEN VOMIT, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THE PUKE HITS HER IN THE FACE.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 3

2007-06-10T03:05:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A BLURRY PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN OLD BLACK AND WHITE STRIPPED JAIL GEAR AND HOLDING A BIBLE.

FOXY
Paris Hilton posted a phone video last night on MySpace to cry to
her millions of friends that she hates this scummy jail and that fat
pig scumbag judge who sent her back but plans to spend her remaining
few days productively by crying and writing songs for a new record
tentively titled, ‘Legal Blues’, which is being put out on the ‘Star
Bucks’ label and being produced by Phil Spector. She also said she
would be putting the finishing touches on her jail diary which she
proudly told her millions of friends that she has already wrote
something like almost seventeen, words,, if a, the , and duh, are
counted as words.

PARIS
Yes Foxy my jail record and diary are going to be huge sellers, I’m
going to earn like a million bucks a day in jail, thank you baby
Jesus, thank you.

FOXY
So Paris, what was the mysterious illness that got you out of jail
for a day ?

PARIS
It’s pretty rare, I think it’s called,, nailanity ?

FOXY
Nailanity, I’ve never heard of that one, what is it ?

PARIS
It’s where an innocent girl breaks a nail and can’t stop crying about
it until she goes crazy, lucky I have a good doctor cause like believe
it or not I’m like the first known case, yay for me, thank you baby
Jesus and Doctor Sophy, I love you.

‘PARIS’ CELLPHONE CONNECTION DROPS OFF.

FOXY
Whoops, looks like she’s getting a pretty bad reception in jail.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A VERY HAPPY LOOKING ‘CHRIS WOODS’, THE MAN SUING ‘BOOST PLUS’ DRINKS FOR GIVING HIM A BONER THAT WOULDN’T DIE.

FOXY
Chris Woods the man suing ‘Boost Plus Energy Drinks’ for
giving him wood that just would not fall has cum to an out of
court settlement with the huge hard drink cumpany by agreeing
to accept their offer, to be their new Spokesmodel. Mister
Woods and his wood will be touring the country with a band of
strippers and free samples and kicks off a grueling 69 city
tour Tuesday in Woodstock and ends 68 days later at Holly
Wood’s Hard Rock Café.

CHRIS
Yo Foxy, ya it’s so good to be working again if ya know what I
mean cause man it’s been a hard few years for me I tell ya, I’ve
been laughed out of so many job interviews it just ain’t funny,,
hahaha ( TAKES BIG DRINK )

FOXY
Gee Chris, it sure sounds a hard tour, 69 cities in 69 days,
are you sure you are up for it.

CHRIS
Ya I know it’s going to be hard Foxy, I’m going to have to drink
gallons of this stuff every day, I’m not sure I can keep it up for
the whole tour but with a band of strippers I think I’m sure
going to die trying, haha, thank you Jesus and Boost Plus , hahaha
( STARTS SCULLING DRINK )

FOXY
Now THAT, is one happy man.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PHIL SPECTOR’.

FOXY
Phil Spector dropped a bombshell last night by firing his entire
legal team and has now hired Paris Hilton’s Doctor Charles Sophy
to represent him. Doctor Sophy immediately diagnosed his client
with having a rare incurable condition called ‘Paris Hilton
Syndrome’, in which the patient has an incontrollable urge to
shoot their mouth off and then act crazy like they didn’t do it.
Doctor Sophy is expecting his client’s charges to be dropped
sometime after midnight and has already organized a Freedom
Party at Paris Hilton’s house tomorrow night.

PHIL
Ya Foxy Doctor Sop is a saviour, he even got my the gig
producing Paris’s new record , it’s going to be so groovy man,
she sings like a bird.

FOXY
Yes, a senile jailbird,, have you ever heard her actually sing ?

PHIL
Ya Doctor Sop played her album for me and that’s what gave me
her syndrome and a free ticket to freedom and insanity, thank
you Jesus, Paris, and Doctor Sop. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY)

FOXY
Shoot Phil, you’ve convinced me, hope I get an invite to tomorrow’s
Freedom Party .

PHIL
Ya come along Foxy, I promise you that gun in my pocket is only cause
I’m VERY happy to see you. ( STICKS TONGUE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )

‘PHIL’ LAUGHS CRAZILY, ‘FOXY’ SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN OLD STYLE JAIL GEAR WITH A BALL AND CHAIN AROUND ANKLE AND HOLDING A BIBLE, ‘CHRIS WOODS’ IN A TIGHT ‘BOOST PLUS MAN’ SUPERHEROE COSTUME WITH A BIG BONER AND DRINKING A BOTTLE OF ‘BOOST PLUS’ , AND ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ HOLDING A NOTE AND A BIBLE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hard case panel for ya all,

PARIS
Umm excuse me, I’m not a hard case, I only mix with the soft prisoners and have no jail tattoos, yet, thank you baby Jesus, thank you .

CHRIS
Man I’m a real hard case, thank you Jesus and Boost Plus, I love
you guys, hahaha. ( SCULLS DRINK, BONER GETS BIGGER, PARIS IS VERY IMPRESSED )

PHIL
Well I’m sure not a hard case, it’s obvious I’m completely innocent,
I’ve got Paris Hilton Syndrome and I’m stark raving mad and I’ve
got a doctor’s note to prove it ! ( LAUGHS CRAZY AND WAVES NOTE AROUND )

PARIS
Hey that’s not funny Phil ! don’t steal my syndrome! I paid Doctor
Sophy big money for that and I’m using it again next week, so
give it back now or else I’m telling my mommy !

PHIL
To late bitch, haha, thank you Jesus and Doctor Sop, yee haw !

‘PHIL’ GETS UP AND JUMPS UP AND DOWN LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY WAVING BIBLE IN ONE HAND AND NOTE IN THE OTHER, BEHIND HIM SNEAKS IN ‘DOCTOR SOPHY’ IN WHITE COAT WITH A HUGE NEEDLE,’PARIS’ THROWS HER BIBLE AT ‘PHIL’ AND HITS HIM IN THE HEAD, WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE ‘DOCTOR’ SHOVES THE NEEDLE HARD UP ‘PHIL’S’ ASS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 2

2007-06-02T01:16:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER BARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another video blog last night telling her fans
she will be entering rehab in a few months to cure her addiction to
medical marijuana which she legally gets from Oregon after spending
a very depressing weekend in Eugene ten years ago. She now blames
Eugene and his kick ass weed for all the silly things she has said about
9/11, the war, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who she described as a very
sexy funny smart woman who should win the next Nobel Peace Prize
and become America’s first female ambassador to Iraq while leading
the New York Giants offense, to Superbowl glory ?

ROSIE
Yes Foxy, Elizabeth is so sexy and smart and man what a bod, I
would pay good money to be able to bang that bitch doggie style
with my ‘Ellen Degenerate Strap On’, she would love it Foxy as I’m
way better than a man if you know what I mean. ( STICKS
TOUNGE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )

FOXY
Well I’ll take your word for it, ( SHUDDERS AT THOUGHT )
But are you serious in your apologizing for all your silly 9/11
and war comments ?

ROSIE
Hell ya Foxy, I’ve come on here just to show me hanging my head
in shame, I hope this position doesn’t make my head look big
does it ?

FOXY
Well yes, it looks bigger than a pregnant beached blue whale.
( SMILES )

ROSIE ( angry )
Hey ! !

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN’ WITH A GLASS OF “COKE” IN HAND.

FOXY
Lyndsay Lohan celebrated finishing her second rehab last night
by staggering out of a hot Hollywood night club to tell the
waiting paparazzi her second rehab was the hardest few days
of her life but well worth it and a good lesson to all under aged
drinking girls to be way more careful when driving. She also took
the opportunity to announce she has just signed on with Paris
Hilton and Britney Spears to make a new Fox mini series
based on the lives of ‘The Three Stooges’. She said Britney has
already nabbed the role of Curly but her and Paris are still
fighting over the Moe role because nobody wants to play that
dork Larry.

LYNDSAY
Ya Foxy the Larry role sucks big time, and nobody sucks better
than that spoiled nappy head ho Paris, she’s going to go down
very well in jail I tell you, wink wink.

FOXY
Wow, I bet she’s going to be popular prisoner then.

LYNDSAY
Heck ya! she’ll be more popular that a solitary cheap crack
whore at a Duke Lacrosse Team New Years Eve party !

MOM ( voice only )
Britney dear, where did you stash the coke and whiskey darling,
Mama’s bored.

LYNDSAY ( angry )
Mum I’m on TV, don’t mention,, umm,,, soft drinks !

MOM ( v.o. )
I don’t care about SOFT drinks, I want the bloody hard stuff !

BRITNEY
Shut up Mom ! You are ruining my good girl image !

MOM
Good girl my ( BLEEP ) ass !

FOXY
Well, looks like insanity sure runs fast in that family.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’

FOXY
Nicole Ritchie last night sincerely apologized to all overweight
people for having them excluded from her parties. She said she
simply couldn’t afford to invite them anymore as all she serves
is finger food and by the time the beautiful thin people got
hungry the fatties had eaten all the food and were begging for
more which was very disturbing to her and her wafer thin
sexy friends.

NICOLE
Yes Foxy I have nothing against fatties personally, some are very
jolly, it’s just that they eat like pigs and make funny noises and
then smell funny, they are so uncool it isn’t funny.

FOXY
You better be careful about talking about the overweight like that
Nicole, they can get pretty heavy if provoked.

NICOLE
Yes don’t worry Foxy, since I’m thin sexy and healthy I’m a very
fast runner, I can make it from the dinner table to toilet bowl in
4.69 seconds, all in one breath ! Beat that fatties !

FOXY
Wow that’s a very special talent.

NICOLE
Yes I know, I should be in the Olympics.

FOXY
Well that sure would increase the Special Olympic ratings.

NICOLE
Huh ?

FOXY
Sorry, sick gag.

MONITOR TURNS OFF WITH ‘NICOLE’ STILL LOOKING CONFUSED.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n
Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ WITH BANDANA AND SWEAT SUIT, ‘LYNDSAY LOHEN’ WITH LOW CUT TOP AND GLASS OF “COKE” IN HAND, AND ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a sassy feminine line up
for ya all,

ROSIE
Excuse me I’m not feminine, I’m very masculine, just ask my
wife.

LYNDSAY
I’m really feminine, my boobies are huge. ( STICKS OUT CHEST
TO AUDIENCE WOLF WHISTLES AND DOG BARKS )

NICOLE
I’m very feminine, I only weight sixty nine pounds and can’t cook.

ROSIE
What good is a skinny bitch that can’t cook ?

NICOLE
You should try one Rosie, you might be able to lose a few,
HUNDRED pounds . ( HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS )

REDD
Yeouch Nicole, that’s a bit heavy.

ROSIE
Don’t worry Redd, I’m a man I can take it.

‘ROSIE’ GETS UP AND WALKS OVER TO ‘NICOLE’ AND PUNCHES HER SO HARD SHE FLIES OUT OF THE SCENE.

ROSIE
See, when it cums to comic putdowns, a heavyweight always kills
a featherweight, hands down !

‘ROSIE’ DOES A HAND STAND, STARTS WABBLING, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE CRUMBLES AND FACE HITS THE GROUND HARD .

Not the Fox News Comedy Show

2007-05-26T05:27:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A PICTURE OF ‘CHARLTON HESTON’ DRESSED AS ‘MOSES’ AND HOLDING A RIFLE.

FOXY
Rupert Murdoch today paid three million dollars for the screen
rights for the American literary masterpiece,‘Ronald Reagan’s Diary’.
He said Fox will be making it into an epic mini series
starring Celeste Flockhart as Nancy, Harrison Ford as young
Reagan, and Charlton Heston as old Reagan. Production is due
to start once Celeste loses a few pounds and old Reagan can
remember his lines.

CHARLTON
You’ll have to pry this gun from my cold dead hands !

FOXY
Umm, ok,, so,, Charlton, are you excited about playing old Reagan?

CHARLTON
Who, what, where am I, I think I need to go number two’s now.

‘CHARLTON’ AIMS GUN AT SCREEN, SCREEN TURNS DARK, WE HEAR A FART, AND THEN A GUN SHOT.

FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to make a great second term Reagan.

MONITOR SHOWS A PICTURE OF ‘GEORGE BUSH’.

FOXY
After hearing about the success of Ronald Reagan’s diary President
Bush has now started a diary of his years as president. He said he
wrote the whole first term last weekend and is already in negotiations
with Rupert Murdoch to turn the diary into an epic Fox mini
series starring Charlton Heston and Roseanne.

GEORGE
Yes Foxy it’s very exciting, I didn’t know writing was so easy, I’m
already up to page nine and believe me it’s going to make a
sensational Fox mini series, war, money, power, it has it all, I even
threw in some kinky sex scenes at Rupert’s request, the book will
be huge believe me, at least a hundred pages with pictures.

FOXY
Ohhhhh, kinky sex scenes, do tell.

GEORGE
Well it’s not really THAT kinky, just naked on the dining room
table,, with feathers!

FOXY
Mmm, almost sounds kind of romantic.

GEORGE
Oh ya oh ya ya ! There was a plucked chicken involved too.

FOXY
Plucked chicken, that sounds, pretty FOWL. ( SMILES )

GEORGE
Ya well I tell ya Foxy, it sure smelt foul by the time we were through
with it I tell ya, I don’t know how Karl Robe could eat that thing, that
man is one sick pervert I tell ya,, huhu ( GRINS )

FOXY
Yes so I’ve heard.

GEORGE
Well I better go Foxy, some one has to win the war ya know.

FOXY
Well good luck Mister President.

GEORGE
Thanks Foxy, I need it. ( GRINS )

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PARIS HILTON’.

FOXY
Paris Hilton stepped on the literary band wagon today by announcing
she will be writing a diary in jail and has already sold the publishing
rights to Rupert Murdoch for three million bucks. She said she’s now
really looking forward to her hard times as she’s treating it like a free
three week rehab stay to get rid of her drug, drink, driving, and
no panty addictions, and give her time to sit down alone and find God and become a highly paid martyr and writer.

PARIS
Ya Foxy I’m really looking forward to doing hard times now, it’s
going to be so cool, when I cum out with my diary I’m going to be
like this highly respected writer and rich martyr, I’ll be like the
American Nelson Mandela, only way better, a martyr to my cause
and a lot richer for it , yay for me and rehab, thank you Jesus.

FOXY
Well I’m not sure if Nelson Mandela is going to enjoy being called
the black man’s Paris Hilton.

PARIS
He’ll get over it in time, anyways who cares, he’s an old has been,
duh.

FOXY
Whatever .

PARIS
Hey, that’s my catchphrase bitch !

FOXY
Bite me Miss jail bait. .

MONITOR TURNS OFF JUST BEFORE ‘PARIS’ SWEARS.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now, it’s ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘CHARLTON HESTON’ DRESSED AS ‘MOSES’ AND HOLDING A RIFLE, ‘GEORGE BUSH’ HOLDING ‘THE BIBLE’ AND ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN JAIL GEAR WITH A MAGAZINE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a literary line up for ya all,

CHARLTON
Hey I’m not aliterary, I only wear adult diapers for convenience.

PARIS
I’m highly aliterary, I just read a book last week if May’s issue of
‘Cosmo Girl’ counts as a book.

GEORGE
Not in my book it ain’t, I’m real aliterary, I read the Bible everyday
and I’m almost up to page seventy now, but I don’t know why those
guys that wrote it used so many big words as heck, if I can’t
understand it, how the bejesus are those old stupid dead guys
going to ?

REDD
Oh ya the Bible is a hard read man, I put it down after a few pages
and just watched an episode of ‘Charlton Heston presents the Bible’,
you were great in that Chuck.

CHARLTON
I was in the Bible, HELL, no wonder I feel so damn old !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, ‘CHARLTON’S’ GUN GOES OFF AND SHOOTS ‘GEORGE’ IN THE FOOT, LOUDER AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GEORGE’ HOPS AROUND, CUT !

Not the Killer Fox News

2007-05-19T03:02:00.000-07:00

Not the Killer Fox News
SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘PHIL SPECTOR’.

FOXY
Phil Spector released another video today and this time claimed he was
the mysterious eBay buyer of Britney Spears hair which he had made
into a wig and two merkins which he wears everyday to court to add
too his sexy virile youthful appearance which he says proves he is
innocent of killing some old tall broad for sex. Phil also said once
Britney found out he was wearing her merkins she immediately rang
him up and hired him to produce her comeback album in which she
will lip sync the Righteous Brothers greatest hits to a disco beat.

PHIL
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to start work on Britney’s album it’s going to
be so groovy to be working again, I tell ya babe.

FOXY
Yes but Phil, aren’t you worried about being convicted of murder ?

PHIL
Heck no ! My lawyers have come up with the ultimate alibi, the case
should be dropped within a week.

FOXY
Really, so what’s the alibi?

PHIL
I’m going to plead insanity. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )

FOXY
Well, that sure beats the, “she was too tall sitting in the chair for me
to shoot in her mouth”, excuse.

‘PHIL’ SMILES AND LAUGHS CRAZILY AND MONITOR TURNS TO A PIC OF ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

FOXY
O.J. Simpson today announced he is suing Kentucky Steakhouse
owner Jack Ruby for racial discrimination after he found out
hours before he was refused service Robert Blake and Phil Spector
had dined there together and received two complimentary cocktails
and a free dessert. O.J. said he was sure if he was a white innocent
killer he wouldn’t have been kicked out and has now hired top
attorney Howard K. Stern to sue the pants of Jack Ruby to the tune
of sixty five million dollars, two free desserts, and a cocktail
waitress blowjob.

O.J. SIMPSON
Ya Foxy I’m standing up for all blacks and fighting the blatant
discrimination against great black role models like myself, Barry
Bonds, Snoop Dogg, and the Reverend Al Sharpton, we demand
the respect we deserve.

FOXY
So, if you win your case I hope you will be giving some money
to Nicole and Ron Goldman’s families.

O.J. SIMPSON
Hell no woman! Sixty five million barely cover my legal bills
and green fees, I ain’t no white folks charity ya know.

‘O.J.’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.

FOXY
Robert Blake today has appealed to Governor Arnold Schwarznegger
not to send Paris Hilton to jail saying when he was falsely imprisoned
for murder it caused him so much stress his hair turned grey and he
lost his boyish good looks and now just like Arnold, his acting
career has dried up completely and he didn’t want the same thing to
happen to poor Paris.

ROBERT
Yes Foxy jail is tough for actors and celebrities, the other inmates
just don’t show you the respect you deserve, and now I can’t get
any acting roles at all, hell I just got rejected for a tiny role as
Prince Frederick Gabor in a Fox made for TV movie about Anna
Nicole because I was “too old”, for god’s sake, how degrading is
that?

FOXY
Very, hehe, so who got that role, Hugh Hefner ? ( SMILES )

ROBERT
Oh ha ha, no, it was that bloody O.J. Simpson, that’s who.

FOXY
O.J. Simpson, he doesn’t look anything like Prince Gabor.

ROBERT
Ya that’s what I said, but they said it was going to be some
stupid black comedy, what ever the hell that means.

FOXY
I think it means your acting career is looking very dark.
( SMILES )

MONITOR SCREEN TURNS DARK.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and talking about black comedy,
here’s ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’, ‘O.J. SIMPSON’, AND ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a killer show lined up for you,

PHIL
Hey I’m not a killer, I’m a lover, mmmm ( STICKS TONGUES OUT
PROVOCATIVLY )

O.J. SIMPSON
Ya and I ain’t no killer, unless you mean the most lethal running back
ever to come out of out of the San Francisco 49ers backfield.

ROBERT
Ya and I sure ain’t no killer, it was some big black guy wearing white
gloves that killed my dame, I tried to catch him but damn he ran fast.

O.J. SIMPSON
Hey that sounds like the dude that killed my bitch, small world huh .

PHIL ( very excited )
That’s it that’s it, I just remembered, I saw a big black guy with
white gloves when my chick snuffed herself, yahoo I’m not crazy,
I’m innocent I’m innocent yee haw ! ( JUMPS UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT)

REDD
Settle down Phil, that was probably your servant.

PHIL
Yes yes yes that’s it that’s it ! The butler did it! The butler did it!

‘PHIL’ STARTS JUMPING AROUND ACTING CRAZY AS WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !

Not the Mothers Day Fox News

2007-05-12T03:17:00.000-07:00

’SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A PICTURE OF ‘MINNIE MOUSE'.

FOXY
Minnie Mouse today filed for divorce from Mickey after he took up
a contract with Hamis to make a kids terrorist TV series. Minnie
said since the advent of ‘The Simpsons’ and all those edgy cartoons
Mickey found it hard to get to work and spiraled downwards with
drink and drugs and then started hanging out with the wrong crowd
like Ren and Stimpy and Paris and Nicole. Minnie has hired top
attorney Lionel Putz to represent her and is planning to sue the
pants off Mickey and take him to the cleaners to the tune of sixty
five million dollars.

MINNIE
Yes Foxy it’s so sad, I bet Walt Disney would be rolling over in
suspended animation is he could see what Mickey is doing.

FOXY
Yes I bet he is, so, how’s your career going Minnie ?

MINNIE
It’s great, I just signed on to make a new Disney animated
blockbuster.

FOXY
Oh great, so what’s the role ?

MINNIE
I’m the voice of David Beckham in the new hilarious
Disney comedy, ‘David Mouse, Soccer Mom’.

MINNIE GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH A SOCCER BALL.

DAVID BECKHMAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
I told you not to tell anyone you’re doing my voice you stupid
poor man’s rat.

MINNIE
Sorry Becks, mice have short memories.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

FOXY
Paris Hilton celebrated Mothers Day by announcing she’s
divorcing her mummy Kathy who she blames for electing Arnold
Schwarzenegger and getting her sent to jail by heckling that
stupid old fat ass pig judge. She then blamed Kathy for poor
room service and for all her drug, drink, and panty problems but
said she was going to make her jail time productive as she has
just signed on to make a new Fox reality series called ,’The Really Really Really Really Simple Life’.

PARIS
Ya Foxy the reality series is going to be soooo huge like, I’m going
to come out of hard time bigger and better than that old nappy
head ho Martha Stewart cause like , hello, she’s like a hundred
years old and boring, duh, I might even make a cooking talk
show when I get out, that would be soooo cool.

FOXY
I didn’t know you could cook Paris.

PARIS
I can’t, I’ll just have to get by with TV dinners and my
sparkling personality and good looks, duh.

FOXY
Whatever.

PARIS
Hey bitch that’s my catchphrase you skanky nappy head

MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A VERY DRUNK ‘DAVID HASSLEHORF’ DRINKING FROM TEQUILA BOTTLE

FOXY
Whatever. ( SMILES ) David Hasselhoff today claimed he
was just “acting” drunk in his daughter’s video as he was
preparing a scene for an audition as a drunk dead beat dad
in a new Fox TV Kim Bassinger sitcom. Unfortunately David
missed out on the role to Nick Nolte and he has now fired his
daughter as his publicist and rehired Paris Hilton’s former
mother.

DAVID
Yup Foxy I agree with Alex Baldwin, Kim Bassinger and his
daughter are bitches, I was made for that role I tell you and
they go and hire some old has been, I mean who the hell is
Nick Nolte these days,

DAVID GETS HIT HARD BY A PUNCH.

NICK ( voice only )
I’m Nick Nolte, now give me back my bottle golden boy!

FOXY
Yeouch, looks like David is a bit punch drunk again. ( SMILES )

MONITOR TURNS OFF

FOXY
And that today’s Mothers Day news and now, back to ‘Foxx
n Friends’ . ( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX AND SEATED ARE ‘MINNIE MOUSE’ WITH A BLACK EYE, ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘DAVID HASSLEHOFF’ WITH A BLACK EYE AND DRINKING TEQUILA.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and talking about mothers,

MINNIE
Hey I’m not a mother, sadly Mickey was sterilized in 1939
during a horrible Goofy operation.

DAVID
Ouch poor guy, no wonder he has no balls.

PARIS
Hah, sounds like David Beckham, I heard he has no balls and is
hung like a mouse, no wonder he talks so funny, hahaha

DAVID BECKHAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
Excuse me slapper, I don’t talk funny, I’m an English mouse
you know,,errr I mean an English man.

‘PARIS’ GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH SOCCER BALL GIVING HER AN INSTANT BLACK EYE, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS.

MINNIE
That’ll teach her for saying David has no balls. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS SOCCER BALL FLIES TOWARDS ‘MINNIE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE IT HITS HER IN THE GOOD EYE.

Not the Royal Fox News

2007-05-05T06:40:00.000-07:00

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘DEBORAH PALFREY’ DRINKING A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.

FOXY
Washington Madam Deborah Palfrey told A.B.C. Nightline last night
she can’t talk about the Washington sex scandal anymore as she has
just signed a deal to turn her high priced phone book into a sensational
Fox TV miniseries. Ms. Palfrey said she’s very excited about being able
to pay her exorbitant lawyer fees and has already received calls from
Fred Thompson, a California governor, a former president, and a
member of the Royal Family begging her not to cast them in the series
for the sake of their high profile partners.

DEBORAH
Yes Foxy it’s so exciting as I’ve already signed up Paris, Nicole and
Lindsay to play the main hoes and now every stud actor in
Hollywood are phoning me and begging me to cast them. ( PHONE
RINGS ) Whoops must be another one, excuse me,,, Madam Palfrew,,,,
Prince I don’t care if you are a member of royalty the answer is
still no,,,, go cry to your new girlfriend and quit calling me I don’t
care, ( HANGS UP ) Sorry Foxy, sheesh those Royals can be so
demanding.

FOXY
Prince, don’t tell me that was Harry, Charles, or Philip ?

DEBORAH
I wish, no it was Prince Frederick, I don’t know how Zsa Zsa puts up
with that imposter.

FOXY
Yes, I’m guessing he must be a King in bed.

DEBORAH
Haha, Queen I could believe.

FOXY
Ouch, do tell Deborah.

DEBORAH
Sorry Foxy, my lips are sealed, you will have to wait for the Fox
miniseries.

FOXY
Darn it.

PHONE RINGS AGAIN AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING ‘PEPSI’.

FOXY
Britney Spears has become America’s highest paid unpublished writer
surpassing black listed satirist O.J. Simpson by signing a ten million
dollar deal with Fox to write her fictionalized biography and then
develop it into a sensational Fox miniseries in which she will be making
her acting debut playing herself. Britney says she is very excited about
her new writing and acting career and will start writing Monday and is expected to be finished by Friday at the latest.

BRITNEY
Ya Foxy I’m so excited about becoming a writer and great actress
cause like, hello, how hard can it be to act like myself, duh, I can’t
wait to win the Emmy it’s going to be soooo cool.

FOXY
Won’t acting out all those debauched drug, drink, and pantyless days
bring back painful memories ?

BRITNEY
Hell no, not now I’m drinking again, ( BURPS) Whoops excuse me.
(LAUGHS AND SCULLS ‘PEPSI’ )

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘THE QUEEN’ HOLDING A GLASS OF BOURBON.

FOXY
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip opened a new Kentucky Bourban
distillery last night telling Larry Birkhead, baby Dannielynn, and a
throng of drunk British journalists that Kentucky was her and Philip’s
favourite American State as both of them adored their beautiful horses, smooth bourbon, and tasty fried chicken and also made special mention
of their love of KY Jell which, if not for, their romance would have dried
up fifty seven years ago.

QUEEN
Yes Foxy, we love Kentucky, it’s been like a second honeymoon for
us here, it’s so nice to get away from the children, they can be so
demanding at times.

FOXY
Yes I bet, so you’ve had lots of time alone for long passionate sensual
lovemaking ?

QUEEN
Excuse me Foxy, we don’t do long passionate sensual lovemaking,
we are English you know,, we just rodger like mad dogs on heat.

PRINCE PHILIP ( voice only )
Ruff ruff ruff, where’s my sexy English bitch !

QUEEN
Oh sorry Foxy I have to go, looks like Philip’s pill has finally
kicked in, ( SCULLS DRINK ) pip pip Foxy, tally ho.

QUEEN WAVES BYE AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MADAM DEBORAH’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING A ‘PEPSI’, AND THE ‘QUEEN’
DRINKING BOURBON.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and I must say it’s a pleasure to have some royalty on
the show, I almost feel privileged for a change.

DEBORAH
And so you should Redd, I don’t cum cheap you know. ( FLIRTS
AT REDD )

BRITNEY
Give it a rest ya nappy head ho, he’s talking to me, Britney Spears,
Queen of Pop.

DEBORAH
Queen hah ! your more like the diet cherry vanilla mocha generic
Pepsi of pop.

QUEEN
Excuse me ladies, you are both wrong he is referring to me, I’m
Elizabeth, the Queen of England.

BRITNEY
Don’t lie you old drag act,, Elton John is the Queen of
England.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, DOG BARKS, ‘BRITNEY’ LOOKS PUZZLED, CUT !

Not the Crap Fox News

2007-04-27T03:29:00.000-07:00

NOT THE CRAP FOX NEWS

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER HAS PICTURE OF ‘KARL ROVE’.

FOXY
George Bush’s right hand man Karl Rove strongly condemned singer
Cheryl Crow today after trying her one sheet of toilet paper rule saying
all he got was a brown hand and was sure Americans don’t want to shake
hands with brown hand politicians and immediately called for a twenty
sheet minimum for politicians per sitting and urged patriotic Americans
to burn their Cheryl Crow cds to help heat homeless people and stray dogs.

KARL
Yes Foxy it’s all right for Cheryl to use one sheet with a firm pert perky very spankable tight ass like hers, mmmmmmm ,, but, for big asses like
me and the president we need a minimum of two branches per movement.

FOXY
Two branches, isn’t that kind of excessive?

KARL
Well I tried twigs but they don’t seem to stick to good.

FOXY
Ouch Karl, I didn’t know you were branching out into comedy.

KARL ( confused )
Huh ?

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LARRY DAVID’.

FOXY
Comedy writer Larry David is in trouble today after being busted at
an exclusive Hollywood party breaking his wife Laurie and Cheryl
Crow’s one sheet of toilet paper rule by using the last five sheets of
Heather Mill’s last roll at a fundraiser she was giving to help cure her
very close friend Alex Baldwin’s daughter’s irritable bowel syndrome.
Laurie and Cheryl are both very upset with Larry’s movement and
have now banned him from watching them save water by showering
together.

LARRY
Ya darn it Foxy I’m going to miss those water saving lessons a lot
they were hot hot hot, but hey it wasn’t my fault as if you heard the
crap being floated around that night you would have got the shits too,
and Cheryl, bless her soul, didn’t seem to make any concessions for
people with medical disabilities like Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or
excessive Guiness drinking, I mean hey, one sheet isn’t going to catch a
lot if you have the shits is it ?

FOXY
Ummm, do tell Larry .

LAURIE DAVID ( yelling voice only )
Larry, you didn’t replace the toilet paper, can you get me another
roll quick please .

LARRY
But dear there’s no need, I distinctly remember leaving one sheet on.

LAURIE ( voice only )
Larry you ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) !

LARRY
Oh oh, I better escape, she gets nasty when she gets in a shitty mood.

FOXY
Well good luck Larry.

LAURIE ( v.o. )
Larry you ( BLEEP BLEEP

MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A WET ‘CHERYL CROW’.

FOXY
Cheryl Crow today justified her tour’s excessive energy demands of
six trailer trucks, three buses, and six cars saying she earned the
excessive demands by getting carbon credits for saving rain forests
by only using one sheet of toilet paper per sitting and showering
with Laurie David to save rain.

CHERYL
Yes Foxy I got lots of carbon credits from Al Gore himself after
me and Laurie showed him our rain saving scheme, he was very
impressed.

FOXY
I bet he was.

CHERYL
Well I’ve got to run Foxy, I’m on stage in like an hour and I’ve
got to get dry and use a sheet of paper wink wink.

FOXY
OK Cheryl, well good luck with the show tonight.

CHERYL
Thanks Foxy, bye.

CHERYL RUNS OFF SHOWING SIGN BEHIND HER

‘CHERYL CROW’S POOL, HOT TUB AND SAUNA TRAILER’

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now, back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ARE A WET ‘CHERYL CROW’ AND ‘LARRY DAVID’, AND ‘KARL ROVE’ IS DANCING “GROOVY” AND HAS ONE BROWN HAND.

REDD
Damn Foxy, now that’s what I call a crap news day.

CHERYL
Sit down Karl, you dance like a drunk donkey you stupid ass.

KARL
Shut up Cheryl you nappy head ho or I’ll put you over my knee
and spank your tight firm perky ass, mmmmmm,, until you cry like
Anne Coulter begging for more.

LARRY
Girls girls, can’t we be civilized here,, wow you spanked Anne Coulter,
that sounds hot.

KARL
Yes her firm pert ass was on fire by the time I finished with it I tell you,
mmmmm,, but hey, you can talk, you get to watch Cheryl saving water,
that nappy head ho won’t even shake my hand for god’s sake.

REDD
Hell I don’t blame her, you don’t know where that hand has been .

CHERYL
Up Bush’s ass no doubt. ( AUDIENCE LAUGHS )

REDD
Damn, now there’s one ventriloquist show I DON’T want to see.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS )

LARRY
Ya I bet they have a real shitty act.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !

Not the Nappy Head Ho Fox News

2007-04-20T03:49:00.000-07:00

NOT THE NAPPY HEAD HO FOX NEWS

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF THIN SHAKING BIKINI CLAD ‘COURTNEY LOVE’.

FOXY
A thin shaking Courtney Love furiously denied having a rubber band
stomach operation for her amazing weight loss just before admitting
herself to the ‘Britney Spears Wing’ of an exclusive Hollywood rehab
centre after becoming addicted to ‘Slim Fast’ in her attempt to look
like Oprah. Courtney admitted she was snorting up to six packs a
day of chocolate shake powder and only realized she had a serious
problem when Britney Spears confused her for Nicole Ritchie.

COURTNEY
Ya Foxy I didn’t need no stupid rubber band to become thin as it was
all down to good diet, swimming, and lots and lots of Slim Fast and I’m
happy to say once I get out of this stinking hole I’m going to be the new
Slim Fast spokes model replacing that skanky nappy head ho Anna
Nicole Ritchie.

FOXY
Oh that’s great news, so does this spell an end to your acting and
singing careers ?

COURTNEY
Hell ya ! Where you been girl, they died years ago.

FOXY
Oh right, I must have still been in nappies then, hehehe.

COURTNEY
Oh, ho, ho, ho,

MAN ( voice only )
It’s nine p.m. Miss Love, time for bed.

COURTNEY
Bed no ( bleep ) way, I ain’t going to bed that ( beep ) early !

MAN ( voice only )
It’s the rules Miss Love.

COURTNEY
Screw the rules I’m out of this crappy hole !

COURTNEY DISSAPEARS FAST SHOWING SIGN BEHIND HER

‘HOLE REUNION TOUR
REHAB’

MONITOR PICTURES TURNS TO ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH HAT AND SUNGLASSES.

FOXY
After blaming Paris Hilton for all her personal problems a defiant sober
Britney Spears has now blamed Paris for Nicole Ritchie’s death, global
warming, and for killing girl pop music. Britney says now she is sober
and regained her sanity she realized what a skanky diaper head ho
Paris is and will never again eat snails, french fries, or tour France again?

BRITNEY
Ya Foxy I can’t believe what a skanky diaper head ho that bitch Paris
is for killing girl pop music and the planet with all her hot air rubbish as
I’ve heard dogs on heat that can sing better than that bitch and I don’t
blame Al Gore for wanting that ho dead.

FOXY
Ummm Britney, are you on medication ?

BRITNEY
Ya but it’s all legal like cause like I bought the contents of Anna
Nicole’s fridge on E Bay cause like I want to look just like Courtney
Love.

FOXY
Well good luck with the swimming.

BRITNEY
Ya thanks Foxy, I got to go now as I got an audition to be the new
singer of Hole, so bye bye and wish me luck.

BRITNEY DISSPAEARS FAST REVEALING SIGN.

‘ MARGOT KIDDER SANITY CENTRE’.

FOXY
I’m betting she’s a shoe in to get in that band.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN STRAIGHT JACKET.

FOXY
Paris Hilton has pleaded insanity over her drunk driving charges and has
now admitted herself to the ‘Courtney Love Wing’ of the ‘Margot Kidder
Sanity Centre’. She has blamed Britney Spears for all her drink, drug,
and car problems, and for making her wear no panties and appear in bad movies and pursue a pop singing career, saying, before she met that nappy
head ho she was a good catholic girl who would never dream of
making pantyless bad movies and pop records.

PARIS
Yes Foxy that nappy head ho skank bitch almost ruined my
good girl reputation by making me appear in straight to vid movies
and then convincing me I was a great pop singer. I hate that nappy
head ho bald cumslut so bad, I wish she died.

FOXY
But Paris, your cd sold like a hundred thousand copies and your
movies are huge on the internet.

PARIS
Wow really, I didn’t know that, gee maybe I really am a good singer,,
HELP, get me out of this jacket I’m not crazy,, HELLO I need out,
I’ve got an audition to be the lead singer of Hole,, HELLO,,, HELLOOO
it’s Paris Hilton here I’m sane get me out,, I need a bloody drink !

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING IN SEATS ARE ‘COURNTEY LOVE’ WITH CHOCOLATE SHAKE POWDER UNDER HER NOSE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH HAT AND SUNGLASSES, AND ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN STRAIGHT JACKET. THE GUESTS HAVE BEEN BITCHING TO EACH OTHER.

REDD
Damn, I feel like a black Don Imus watching a honky ball game, am I
in nappy headed ho heaven or what?

PARIS
HEY I’m not no nappy headed ho, I can’t even play basketball !

BRITNEY
Ya I ain’t no nappy headed ho either, cause hello, like I’m bald for Christ
sakes !

COURTNEY
Well I’m a ho, but I’m way too old to be nappy headed.

BRITNEY
You’re never to old Love.

BRITNEY PULLS NAPPIES OUT OF HANDBAG AND PUTS THEM ON ‘COURNTEY’S’ HEAD AND LAUGHS.

PARIS ( to Courtney )
Lets kill the nappy head ho bitch.

‘PARIS’ AND ‘COURTNEY’ RISE UP .

REDD ( excited )
All right! Cat Fight ! that’s got to increase dem ratings !

HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘REDD’ PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK AND CUT JUST BEFORE ‘PARIS’ AND ‘COURTNEY’ START LAYING INTO ‘BRITNEY’

Not the Nappy Headed Ho Fox News

2007-04-13T02:49:00.000-07:00

NOT THE NAPPY HEADED HO FOX NEWS
( think cheap animation )

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BEHIND HER IS MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘DON IMUS’

FOXY
Shock jock Don Imus appeared on MTV today to sincerely apologize to
the young audience for apologizing so much on radio and TV for calling
the Rutgers womens basketball players nappy headed hoes telling the
young hipsters that those nappy headed hoes are some hot sexy bitches
that no honky stud dude like himself would ever turn down for cheap
sexual favours.

DON
Ya Foxy those nappy headed ho ballplayers are hotter than a used crack
pipe and I for one sure wouldn’t kick them out of my bed for double
dribbling on my sheets I tell ya .

A BASKETBALL HITS ‘DON’ ON THE HEAD.

DON
OUCH !!

WIFE ( angry voice only )
That’s it I want a divorce, AND, I want my hair back !

HER ARM APPEARS FROM ABOVE AND RIPS ‘DON’S’ HAIR OFF LEAVING HIM BALD AND SCREAMING.

FOXY
Ouch Don, that was a rather hair raising experience. ( SMILES )

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO A SMOKING BRITISH HOSTAGE ‘FAYE TURNER’ DRESSED IN MUSLIM GEAR AND STANDING ON A RUGBY FIELD.

FOXY
British hostage star Faye Turner announced today she has just agreed
to be the new spokes sailor for ‘Players Navy Cut’ cigarettes and has
also signed a three year deal to play hooker for the England Rugby team.
England’s rugby coach Brian Ashton said he was sure with Faye leading
the scrum the boys would get right in behind her and turn the scrum
from a bunch of nappy headed pansies to a tight core of hardened
men, just like a boatload of British sailors.

FAYE
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about getting paid heaps to be a smoker and a
hooker for England as it’s beyond my wildest dreams as a lowly third
class seaman to be able to represent my country as a highly paid
nappy headed smoking hooker, it’s soooo exciting, I’m getting wet in
anticipation .

WHISTLE BLOWS AND ‘FAYE’ CATCHES A RUGBY BALL AND THEN IS PILED ON BY THE ENTIRE ‘NEW ZEALAND ALL BLACKS’ RUGBY TEAM.

FOXY
Darn, I would hate to be a hooker for the All Blacks, those boys look
big, mmmm

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.

FOXY
In her first press conference since finding out Larry Birkhead was her
daddy, baby Dannielynn told a rowdy Bahamas lawyer convention she
is set to leave Larry after he called her a spoiled brat and nappy headed
ball player. Speaking for her, lawyer Howard K. Stern told the cheering
crowd that baby Dannielynn is now looking for a nice honest moral lawyer
who will handle all her book, movie, magazine, and talk show offers and
invest all her millions in get rich quick schemes and expensive legal
advice.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy baby Dannielynn told me she didn’t think stooge Larry was up
to it mentally to be her daddy and manager and begged me to take her
back which after much soul searching I agreed to just for the sake of
her future financial well being as I myself won’t be making one penny
out of her

SUDDENLY ‘HOWARD’ GETS HIT HARD BY A BASKETBALL .

HOWARD
OUCH ! That hurt you nappy headed old ho !

LARRY ( voice only )
Good shot Vergie, good shot !

VERGIE ( voice only )
Thank you Larry, my beautiful new son in law.

SUDDENLY A STEAMY SOILED DIAPER LANDS ON ‘HOWARD’S’ HEAD AND HEAR BABY LAUGHING.

LARRY ( voice only )
Wow good shot Dannielynn, you are going to make a great ball player
one day.

DANNIELYNN ( voice only )
Goo goo gaga Howard, you nappy headed shyster.

FOXY
Darn, kids grow up way to fast these days.

DANNIELYNN ( voice only )
Goo goo gaga Foxy, you can say that again.

HEAR BABY LAUGHS AND ‘LARRY’ AND ‘VIRGIE’ LAUGHS AS ‘HOWARD’ SIMMERS WITH STEAMY DIAPER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s news headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING IN CHAIR IS ‘DON IMUS’ WEARING AN AFRO WIG AND A HAWAIIN SHIRT.

REDD
Damn, must have been a crap day for news.

DON
Hey Redd you like my new hair, does it make me look young and hip ?

REDD
Only if your name is Reverend Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson.

DON
Well, I feel a bit dark, and, I love hoes and God.

REDD
OK well we’ll call you the Reverend Don Ho.

DON
Sounds cool, could be a new career on religious talkback, I must call
Al tomorrow.

SUDDENLY THE ‘RUTGERS WOMEN’S BASKETBALL TEAM’ RUSH IN AND START PUMMELING ‘DON’.

REDD
Damn girls, you still sore about that nappy headed ho jibe.

GIRL
Hell no Redd, we were hired as enforcers by Rev Al and Jesse to
stamp out bigoted talkback competition.

HEAR A LOUD SCUFFLE OFFSTAGE.

JOYCE ( angry voice only )
I told you boys, I’m not THAT kind of hooker !

‘FAYE’ RUNS THROUGH SET WEARING ‘ENGLAND’ RUGBY GEAR AND SEE IS BEING CHASED BY,,,, THREE MEMBERS OF THE ‘DUKE LACROSSE TEAM’ . CUT !

Not the Foxx O'Clock Easter News

2007-04-06T03:57:00.000-07:00

NOT THE FOXX’O CLOCK EASTER NEWS
( think cheap ‘South Park’ animation )

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘CHOCOLATE JESUS’

FOXY
New York celebrated Easter Friday by unveiling ‘Chocolate Jesus’ in
‘Times Square’ where he was promptly nailed with a public indecency
charge after he became erect after being licked by Madonna. The
court date is set down for Easter Monday where prosecutors and his
lawyers are hoping to crucify him for all he’s worth.

JESUS
Yes Foxy, it’s sacrilege how much those damn lawyers charge for
working on Easter, and, who the hell called it GOOD friday anyways,
it sure wasn’t a good day for me as it brings back very painful memories
and I swear Foxy, if I get crucified in court over this trumped up charge
I will stage a hunger strike and die a martyr rather than melt away in
some American jail.

FOXY
Jesus, I sure hope you have good lawyers.

JESUS
Yes Foxy they assured me they were the best, do the names Larry
Birkhead’s former lawyer and Howard K. Stern mean anything to
you?

FOXY
Yes, it means you will be poor dead Jesus.

JESUS
Damn, how could those lawyers lie to me ?

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘FAYE TURNEY ‘ THE BRITISH FEMALE SAILOR HOSTAGE.

FOXY
The British hostages were welcomed home to more humiliation today when
U-Tube showed footage of their appearance on an Iranian TV talent show lip
syncing and dancing to Britain’s entry in the Eurovision Song Contest,
‘Fly the Flag For You’ . After the song finished all fifteen hostages broke
down and cried when they realized Britain had no chance of winning the
Eurovision Song Contest and that their careers as TV entertainers was
virtually over.

FAYE
Yes Foxy it was soooo embarrassing as we didn’t even have a rehearsal
and the song were so banal and stupid and we had to dance and clap like
seals on speed trying to keep up to the beat, it was the most vile
disgusting act I’ve ever had to do , and, I’m a sailor, and, mother of
a three year old. ( SHUDDERS IN DISGUST )

FOXY
Well it couldn’t have been that bad as it says you came third.

FAYE
There was only two other acts.

FOXY
Oh right.

FAYE
And, they were both dumb dancing donkey acts.

FOXY
Yes I’ve heard they love their stupid asses over there. ( SMILES )

FAYE
Oh hee haw Foxy, Hee bloody haw !

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PRINCE PHILIP’ IN NAVY GEAR.

FOXY
The Queen of England’s urging Britains not to watch the ‘South Park’
episode in which she shoots herself has backfired on her when the
episode received record ratings beating last year’s ‘Eurovision Song
Contest’ by over ten million peasants. ‘South Park’ are now planning
an episode where more members of the Royal Family are killed off by
an Iranian suicide donkey bomber at the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’.

PRINCE
Yes Foxy and speaking for the Royal Family I pledge if ‘South Park’
go ahead with the ‘Eurovision Song Contest’ killings I will personally
send a boatload of sailors over to America to hunt them down, and
then, sue them for all they are bloody well worth, we will see who has
the last laugh in court.

FOXY
Sure hope you have good lawyers Prince.

PRINCE
Bloody right we do, do the names Debra Opri and Howard K. Stern
ring a bell.

FOXY
Yes Prince, an alarm bell, I’d hide the family jewels if I was you.

PRINCE
No worries about that Foxy, the old girl forbids me from wearing
kilts these days, something about saggage if you know what I mean,
wink wink nudge nudge.

FOXY
Oh Prince you are so cheeky, now I see what Anna Nicole and
Zsa Zsa saw in you .

PRINCE LOOKS CONFUSED AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s head lines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED IN CHAIRS ARE ‘MADONNA’ DRESSED AS A “VIRGIN” WITH LOTS OF WHITE “CHOCOLATE” AROUND HER MOUTH, ‘CHOCOLATE JESUS’ LOOKING VERY “HAPPY”, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’, AND ‘KEITH RICHARDS’ SMOKING A JOINT.

REDD
Damn Madonna, you do that so well for a virgin.

MADONNA
Virgin ?The only virgin I am is a virgin on the ridiculous, ( LICKS LIPS )
mmm Jesus, god you taste so yummy mmmmmm.

JESUS
Ohhhhh Madonna, for that act you get a free ticket to heaven and
when you cum you can stay at my joint, mmmmm , has anyone got a
smoke ?

KEITH PASSES JESUS THE JOINT.

REDD
Damn, heaven is sure looking good, hope I get a free ticket Jesus.

JESUS
Sorry Redd, no comics allowed, they are too cynical.

REDD
Damn it,, I don’t believe in it anyways.

JESUS
Yes I know.

REDD
Damn !

HOWARD
What about me Jesus, surely your lawyer must get a free ticket to
Heaven, because I believe, I believe, honest.

EVERYONE LAUGHS AT ‘HOWARD’ AND HEAR DOG BARKS.

HOWARD
Hey what’s so funny, I’m dead serious.

EVERYONE LAUGHS AGAIN AND MORE DOG BARKS.

JESUS
Haha are you joking Howard, lawyers aren’t even allowed into
Hell hahahaha.

KEITH
How about me Jesus, I’m a drug addict, a sleazy rock star, I fall out
of Cocoa Nut trees , and, I snorted my father’s ashes, do I get in ?

JESUS
Yes of coarse Keith, heaven loves musicians.

KEITH ( excited )
Yes !!! ( GIVES HOWARD THE FINGER )

REDD
Damn don’t we get any music in hell ?

JESUS
Yes of coarse you do Redd, you get two kinds of music.

REDD
Oh great,, please tell me it’s blues and jazz.

JESUS
Sorry no, you get country, and ,, western hahahaha.

REDD
Jesus ,damn it damn it, that’s unfair !

JESUS
Haha that’s funny , that’s exactly what John Belushi said after I
told him.( TAKES ANOTHER TOKE ) Gee Keith this cigarette sure tastes funny.

KEITH
Ya well it should, I rolled it with high grade clown ashes.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !

Not the Foxx O'Clock News

2007-03-30T04:11:00.000-07:00

NOT THE FOXX O’CLOCK NEWS
( THINK CHEAP ANIMATION THAT MOVES FAST )

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER HAS A PICTURE OF ‘BILL CLINTON’.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton has toppled Barack Obama as America’s highest paid
performer after pulling in a cool 2.5 million at her Hollywood show and
it’s now estimated by the time her tour ends she will have earned over a
billion dollars and rolled the Rolling Stones off as highest grossing rock
act. Her manager, Bill, also announced plans are underway to release
her Hollywood show as a C.D. and movie documentary.

BILL
Yes Foxy cause heck, if Jimmy Carter can win a Grammy and Al Gore
can win an Oscar, I’m sure we can win both as we also have guest
appearances by great artists like Barbara Streisand, Ted Danson’s lovely
wife, mmmm, and the godfather of soul himself, James Brown.

FOXY
James Brown, didn’t he die months ago ?

BILL
Well technically yes, but his gracious family let us borrow him to lend
a black presence to our rich white audience, and, he was magnificent,
his family are swell folks.

FOXY
So, did James Brown sing ?

BILL
No, but he sure did hum a lot . ( LAUGHS )

HILLARY ( voice only )
Oh ha ha Bill, don’t give up your day job, that joke stunk.

BILL
What day job darling ?

HILLARY ( v.o. )
Shut up and iron my pants !

BILL
Yes maam . ( EVIL LOOK )

AN IRON FLIES AND HITS BILL IN THE HEAD

FOXY
Ouch, now I know why they call her Iron Lady.

MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.

FOXY
Top Hollywood accounting firm, ‘Shyster and Sons’, has calculated if Anna
Nicole’s baby Dannielynn wins her case against the Marshall estate by the
the time she turns 21, and once all legal and management fees have been
paid, she will be worth an estimated , 37 dollars. Her manager , lawyer ,
and x father, Howard K. Stern, defended the high fees saying ,”hey, justice
ain’t cheap ya know”. He also confirmed he is in negotiations with Canada
to buy Newfoundland to turn it into a giant Anna Nicole memorial and
theme park.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about my plans for Anna’s memorial as we
will have two giant casino’s shaped just like her big beautiful breasts
and between them a very classy high rollers casino shaped just like her
big beautiful purse, with my x sperm donor Larry Birdbrain as matre’d
and baby Dannielynn doing a provocative floor show, it should be very
moving, and spectacular.

FOXY
Provocative, don’t tell me the baby will be scantily clad.

HOWARD
Hell no Foxy I ain’t THAT sleazy, she will be mostly clothed , but, she
will have lots of blue material.

BABY ( voice only )
Goo goo ga ga Howard you ( bleep bleep bleep ) !

HOWARD
See, she’s just like her dear mum. ( SICKLY SMILE )

A DIRTY SYRINGE FLIES INTO ‘HOWARD’S’ FACE AND STICKS.

FOXY
Good shot Baby, good shot.

HEAR ‘BABY’ LAUGH AND MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO’ WITH LAWYERS WIG ON.

FOXY
Australian Guantamano detainee David Hicks has surprised everyone
by firing his lawyers and hiring top Australian actor ‘Skippy the
Bush Kangaroo’ as his new defense team. Skippy will be hopping on
the next flight and is expected to plead insanity.

SKIPPY
Yup Foxy, me and insanity are very close mates, tch tch tch tch tch.

FOXY
So what Skippy, you think you can prove David is insane by hiring
you ?

SKIPPY
No No No, I think I can prove I’M insane by taking the role, I mean
fair dinkum, what role could a Bush kangaroo possibly have in an
American Military Court ? Tch tch tch tch

‘SKIPPY’ GETS KNOCKED OUT BY A FLYING ‘STARS AND STRIPES’ BOOMERANG, MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now, back to ‘Foxx n Friends’

SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED IN CHAIRS ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’, ‘SKIPPY’, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’, AND ‘JAMES BROWN’S BODY’ SURROUNDED BY ‘HUMMING’ FLIES.

REDD
Damn your right Bill, James Brown really does hum.

BILL
Yes I think the hot lights might be upsetting the flies.

SKIPPY
I’m starving can we put him on the barbie, I’ve heard American
soul food is bloody yummy.

HOWARD
Don’t be so distasteful Skippy, have you no respect for the
deceased ?

EVERONE LOOKS AT ‘HOWARD’ AND LAUGHS.

HOWARD
Hey what’s so funny, I’m dead serious.

FLIES LEAVE ‘JAMES BROWN’ AND CIRCLE
‘HOWARD’. EVERYONE LAUGHS AT HIM INCLUDING ‘JAMES BROWN’, HEAR COUPLE OF DOG “BARKS”, CUT.

Note from Monty – Now if that ain’t a very black comedy sketch I don’t know what is, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( wags tale )

Not the Redd Foxx Show

2007-03-23T05:16:00.000-07:00

NOT THE REDD FOXX SHOW

( think cheap animation that flows fast ) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND ON MONITOR BEHIND HER IS ‘NICK NOLTE’ MUGSHOT .

FOXY
After reading an excerpt from Anna Nicole’s diary Fox head Rupert Murdoch
has paid a whopping two million dollars for the literary gem saying it was a
bloody bargain as it was written so good it will go down in history as America’s own ‘Diary of Anne Frank’, except, it was heaps better as there was way more sex and drugs in it. He also said Fox TV will be making a bloody good miniseries on the diaries starring Britney Spears as Anna Nicole, Zsa Zsa’s hubby Prince as the creepy old guy, and Nick Nolte as the sleazy shyster. Production is due to start once everybody sobers up.

NICK
Hell ! I didn’t see that sober up clause, I’m out of here !

‘NICK’ RUNS OFF REVEALING BEHIND HIM A DOOR WITH SIGN

‘Howard K. Stern’s
Shyster Acting Academy’

MONITOR PICTURE TURNS TO A PICTURE OF ‘STEVEN SPIELBERG’ WITH ‘JAWS’ BASEBALL CAP.

FOXY
Steven Spielberg today admitted it was actually him and David Geffen that
made the satirical Hillary clip on U-Tube and not the Obama p.r. team. He
blamed it on him and David inhaling too much at an Al Gore hot air fundraiser and now both have apologized to Hillary saying they had no idea so many people watched U-Tube and promised her from now on they will wear gas masks to all Al Gore hot air fundraisers.

STEVEN
Yes Foxy we are both very sorry for what we did as being true democrats we have no preferences at all who wins the leadership, other than we hope, and pray, the best man wins.

DAVID ( voice only)
Hey Steve I got a great idea, how about an animated Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, lesbian comedy sketch with Obama as the butler and our man Al as the sexy hunk man about the house, man, that’s going to be so funny haha.

STEVEN
Dave, you said you weren’t going to inhale anymore.

DAVID ( voice only )
Don’t believe anything I say, I’m worse than Clinton. ( EVIL LAUGH )

SMOKE BLOWS ONTO ‘STEVENS’ FACE. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH BIG BANDAGES ON BEAK.

FOXY
After Carol Burnett announced she is suing Fox TV for two million
dollars because their cartoon ‘Family Guy’ made dirty fun of her charwoman
character, a flock of out of work cartoon characters have hired top lawyer
Lionel Hutz to sue Fox T.V. for turning cartoons into a farce. A spokestoon
for the flock, Daffy Duck, said since Fox made ‘The Simpsons’ and the rest of those edgy cartoons, producers are just slamming the doors on our face and older toon characters are starving as contrary to belief,we were all ripped off by signing a non residual contract.

DAFFY
Ya Foxy it’s tough out there I tell ya, I’ve already had three bloody broken noses this week.

DOOR SLAMS AND SIGN ON DOOR READS

‘RUPERT FOX
CARTOON PRODUCER’ .

DAFFY ( voice only )
Yeouchhhhhh ! Make that four.

RUPERT ( voice only )
I told you, I hate bloody quacks ! ,,, and bloody Poofters !

DAFFY ( voice only )
Hey I’m not gay, I just walk funny.

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Well that today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING IN CHAIRS ARE ‘CAROL BURNETT’ DRESSED AS CHARWOMAN, STEVEN SPEILBERG, ‘DAVID GEFFEN’ WEARING A BONG GASS MASK, ‘NICK NOLTE’ DRINKING FROM A PAPER BAG, AND ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH MORE BANDAGES ON BEAK.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and

CAROL BURNETT ( interrupting )
Oh great I’m that stupid charwoman character again, I’m suing the dog
that wrote this crap.!

DAVID
Ya I agree this show stinks, I hope nobody recognizes me.

STEVEN
Don’t worry Dave, no one knows what you really look like anyways.

REDD
Dave, who the hell is Dave ?

DAVID
Dave’s not here man . ( EVIL LAUGH AS MASK FILLS WITH SMOKE )

NICK
Hey don’t worry Carol, I have some legal experience,, lift up your dress and show me your briefs,, or should I say,, show me your astronaut panties hahahaha

‘CAROL’ GETS UP AND WADDLES OVER TO ‘NICK’ WITH A MOP.

REDD
Ouch Nick that was a bit below the belt, hah ,, so Steven,, any new movie plans or anything coming up ?

STEVEN
Well funny you should ask Redd, as me and David are currently developing a Fox sitcom about two rich lesbians living with a wisecracking half black butler and a sexy hunk handy man. It should be hilarious.

REDD
Ya sounds a gas, any chance a role for me ?

STEVEN
Well,, I guess if you lightened up a bit, you could make a good butler.

REDD
Butler !! Hell no! I was thinking more sexy, hunk, lesbian, have you seen my
Flip Wilson impersonation ?

‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND RIPS OFF SUIT REVEALLING SHORT RED DRESS AND GOES TO DO HIS ‘GERALDINE’ IMPERSONATION, ‘CAROL’ HAS FINALLY REACHED ‘NICK’ AND STARTS MEAKLY HITTING HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH MOP.

DAFFY
All right enough is enough stop this sketch, this is even getting too daffy for me.

ALL CHARACTERS FREEZE AND ON WALKS ‘RUPERT MURDOCH’ TO A FEW DOG “BARKS” CARRYING THE ‘FAMILY GUY’ DOG ‘BRIAN’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HE SMASHES ‘BRIAN’ OVER CAROL BURNETT’S HEAD.

Note- Monty can be sued by sending 10 American dollars and a postage return envelope to

Monty ( the bad dog )
Stewart Island,
New Zealand

Ps- kids don’t ask your parents first.

Not the Foxx O'Clock News

2007-03-16T04:27:00.000-07:00

NOT THE FOXX O’CLOCK NEWS

( think cheap animation) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘LADY HEATHER MILLS’ IN EXOTIC DANCE COSTUME.

FOXY
Lady Heather Mills has settled her divorce with Paul McCartney agreeing to
receive a paltry 87 million dollars after Paul balked at her initial claim
of 25,000 dollars a day saying, “ what the bleep for! ” Lady Heather says
with less money it will be a struggle but hopefully she can make ends meet
by doing some juicy tell all interviews and by taking her exciting new dancing career to exotic levels.

HEATHER
Yes I’m so disappointed with Paul as I was planning to give some money to my favourite charity but now sadly I guess more starving rodents will die thanks to that creep Paul being such a tightwad. I hate cheap rats !

BUTLER ( Michael Jackson like voice only )
Lady your new leg arrived, it’s the gold one your highness.

HEATHER( angry )
About bloody time! Hey wait a minute I distinctly ordered diamonds on the
soul,that’s just plain gold, Jesus, what’s a girl have to do to get a good
leg over here,call my lawyer I’m suing !

BUTLER ( v.o. )
I’m already calling your majesty.

HEATHER
About bloody time !!

BUTLER ( v.o )
Hello, can I please speak to Howard K. Stern.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’

FOXY
Michael Jackson today confirmed he is set to sign a multi million dollar deal
with Las Vegas gangsters that will clear up all his debts and fulfill his
fantasy of becoming a half black Elvis and a Vegas Rat Packer.He also denied rumours of a new mysterious woman in his life saying they are just,“close friends”, and they aren’t even planning any babies yet.

MICHAEL
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about playing Vegas as now I won’t have to sell off my Beatle songs to pay off my debts so screw that Paul McCartney for letting starving rats die. Me and Lady Heather both hate him a lot.

HEATHER ( voice only )
Look Michael, with this new leg I can bend over just like a little boy.(GIGGLES )

MICHAEL ( eyes pop out )
Sorry got to run, nature’s calling.

MICHAEL DISSAPEARS FAST AND WE SEE BEHIND HIM IS SIGN

‘ Lady Mills Exotic Dancing Academy'
'have leg - will travel'

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PAUL McCARTNEY’.

FOXY
Sir Paul McCartney said in London today he has no animosity towards Heather Mills and her new toy boy wishing her good fortune in sending that pervert so broke he will have to sell his songs back to him to pay that gold digger with no redeeming qualities scumbag off.

PAUL
Yes no hard feeling over here Foxy as now that Heather is gone I don’t have to take Viagra and listen to her constant whining for more money and then beg me to hit her so she could sell some juicy tell alls, which, I refused of coarse cause hey, I’m a lover not a fighter. ( WINKS ) Hey Foxy, fancy a weekend in London, I’ll show you my Big Ben wink wink nudge nudge. ( SMILES )

FOXY
Awwww sorry Paul I don’t have time to watch Big Ben. This weekend I have a juicy tell all interview with Lady Heather.

PAUL
Lady !! She ain’t no lady, she’s a ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) bitch !

FOXY
Darn Paul, that’s a bit harsh isn’t it ?

PAUL
Yes you’re right Foxy. I apologize to all female canines out there for
being lumped in with that ( BLEEP ) dog ! ( HEAR DOG BARKS ) Sorry Monty, I didn’t mean you mate.

BARKS STOP AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Darn, looks like Lady Heather has sent Sir Paul barking mad, well, that’s
today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx and Friends’.

SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX AND FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ON CHAIRS ARE ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’ AND A BIG SKINNY RAT NAMED ‘BEN’.

BEN
Damn that Paul McCartney, I’m bloody starving !

MICHAEL
Don’t worry big Ben, when we form the Vegas rat pack we can eat to our hearts content.

REDD
Ya Vegas is great for food, just ask Elvis.

CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE SITTING NEXT TO ‘REDD’ IS FAT ‘ELVIS’ EATING A CHEESEBURGER.

ELVIS
Hell ya, Vegas has cheeseburgers to die for. ( PRETENDS HAVING HEART ATTACK )

REDD
Hey Elvis, that’s my gag !

‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK, ‘BEN’ FLOPS OVER DEAD, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT !

r.i.p. Richard Jeni a truly funny man indeed.

Not the Fox O'Clock News

2007-03-09T02:33:00.000-08:00

Not the Fox O'Clock News

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A WAIST UP PICTURE OF ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ DRESSED IN COWBOY GEAR.

FOXY
Fox News latest comedy star Ann Coulter has apologized to all girlie boys
and queers for calling John Edwards a faggot as she had no idea so many
perverts would be offended by being associated with that ass licking
poofter . She also sent her sympathies to John Edwards’s wife Elizabeth
saying it must be hard for a fat ass dyke bitch having to live with a
dick like that.

JOHN
Hey I’m not a faggot, just ask my wife as I can cum in her manly ass
two sometimes three times a night while at the same time singing broad
way tunes and watching Broke Back Mountain. So with talents like that
how can I not make a great president ?

ELIZABETH ( voice only )
John are you finished yet, I hate this movie.

JOHN
Um, ya, I finished twenty minutes ago during the credits darling.

ELIZABETH
,, Doh !

JOHN ( sings ‘ The Impossible Dream’ )
To dream,,,, the impossible dream,,,, to fight,,,, the unbeatable foe,,,

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘ANN COULTER’

FOXY
H.B.O.’s latest comedy star Bill Maher has apologized to Dick Cheney
for wanting him dead as he didn’t mean dead dead but more just brain
dead like that former Israeli Prime Minister, George W. Bush, and
that hilarious carpet munching comic, Ann Coulter.

ANNE
Excuse me just because I happen to be a very sexy funny attractive
single girl in my thirties, ( CLEARS THROAT) it doesn’t make me a
carpet munching dyke as believe me I’ve screwed more men that Ellen,
Rosie, and that fat slut of an ugly bitch that won an Oscar for that
bullshit song in that faggot Al Gore’s movie, all combined !
( LAUGHS) Damn I’m funny, I kill myself. ( LAUGHS )

FOXY
That you do Ann, that you do.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO SHOT OF THE TWO POT SMOKING TOTS LOOKING LIKE RAPPERS WITH SUNGLASSES, TURNED AROUND BASEBALL HATS. THE SIX YEAR OLD HAS A ‘PINK FLOYD’ T-SHIRT AND THE TWO YEAR OLD HAS A ‘K- FED’ T SHIRT AND THEY ARE IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
The two pot smoking toddlers who were subjected to smoking pot by
their uncle have come out in defense of their uncle saying it was them
that forced him to give them pot as they had both become addicted to
listening to his record collection and watching TV comedies ‘Weeds’
and ‘The O’Reilly Factor’. They said they are now in counseling and
negotiations with M.T.V to star in a new reality series with their new
guardian, K- Fed.

SIX YEAR OLD
Ya uncle was cool man cause like if it wasn’t for him I never even
would have heard of ‘Pink Floyd’.

TWO YEAR OLD
Ya and what about Dave ?

SIX YEAR OLD
Dave,, Dave who?

TWO YEAR OLD
Dave’s not here man.

BOYS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BREAK UP LAUGHING.

FOXY
Darn kids grow up way to fast these days.

SIX YEAR OLD
Yo Foxy, are you shaved like Paris and Britney mmmm ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )

TWO YEAR OLD
Yo bitch, show us dem tits, I got da munchies mama. ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATILY )

K- FED ( voice only )
Yo boys, quit bogarting that joint and come in here and meet your new
manager, Howard K. Stern.

BOYS LOOKED FREAKED OUT, THEN SCREAM, CUT.

If anyone has seen that terrible Fox News “comedy” show I only just realized the old bimbo playing the Vice president was actually the real Ann Coulter as when there is an item on her in the Fox news they use a air brushed picture of her looking like she is a hot thirty year old which has now forced me to reconsider my thoughts about believing everything I see on Fox News and wanting Ann to have my puppies.

Not the Fox News

2007-03-04T00:56:00.000-08:00

NOT THE FOX NEWS

SHOT OF ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘JAMES CAMERON’S JESUS’ IN COFFIN.

FOXY
After finding Jesus was a huge ratings winner James Cameron is already
working on his next documentary about what happened to James Brown’s
body. It’s being produced by Al Gore’s manager David Geffen and will
feature a new soundtrack by Elvis, who, James Cameron said, d.n.a tests
proved was actually James Brown’s albino brother.

JESUS
Damn that James Cameron, I never thought I’d be uncovered as a
fraud.

ELVIS ( voice only )
Jesus I hope he doesn’t find me.

JESUS
Don’t worry my son I won’t tell.

ELVIS
Thank you Jesus, thank you.

JESUS
Please Elvis just call me dad.

ELVIS
Dad, I would kill for a cheeseburger now.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ LOOKING MEAN.

FOXY
America’s most influential political advisor David Geffen has called
for Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama to quit their cat fighting and
kiss and make up though he did stress, no tongue. Speaking at an Al Gore
hot air fundraiser he told a throng of actors and lesbians he was sure the
best man would eventually win the Democratic leadership.

HILLARY ( angrily)
Excuse me David, just because I have balls it doesn’t make me a man!

BILL CLINTON ( voice only )
Hillary I’ve ironed your pants and boxers, anything else you want done
Maam ?

HILLARY ( angry )
Shut up Bill! You are ruining my sexy caring feminine image !

BILL
Yes Sir !

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘AL GORE’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Speaking at his own fundraiser Al Gore said even though he invented the
internet, saved the world, and won an Oscar, he totally agrees with
anything David Geffen says because now that Jesus has been uncovered
as a fraud David is the closest thing we have to a god in America as d.n.a.
tests proved he was directly linked to Charlton Heston, the Reverend Al
Sharpton, and, James Brown’s Body? ,, Gee, I’ll have what he’s smoking.

AL
Don’t be silly Foxy I don’t smoke because it’s bad for global warming,
and, look what it did to Clinton.

FOXY
Yes it got him elected,, and Monica.

AL
Oh ya. ( COUGHS AND SMOKE COMES OUT OF MOUTH) Whoops
excuse me, all right no more smoke screens for me, I admit it,, I
just want to be president. ( GRINS, COUGHS AND MORE SMOKE
COMES )

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘O.J SIMPSON’ SITTING AT DESK WRITING A BOOK.

FOXY
A late runner has entered the Anna Nicole baby father stakes today when
O.J. Simpson confirmed he was the real father saying he and Anna have
been having a torrid affair since just before Nicole’s mysterious death. He
is now writing a book about it simply titled, ‘Me, Anna, Nicole, a True
Love Story’. As of yet no publisher has been found though he has sold the TV rights to David Geffen and James Cameron for a Fox documentary.

SUDDENLY A GIANT FOX DROPS DOWN AND SQUISHES ‘o.j.’

FOXY
Ouch, looks like another juicy book deal squashed by Fox.

FOX
Ya it was a heavy way to end his writing career, but, what the
hell, now, where’s that Al Frankin gone ?

‘AL FRANKIN’ CARRYING A BOOK QUICKLY RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE.

FOXY ( pointing )
There he goes, Quick !

‘FOX’ JUMPS OUT OF THE MONITOR AND CHASES HIM FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY ‘MONTY’ BARKING AND NIPPING AT HIS HEELS. CUT.

2007-02-23T03:59:00.000-08:00

NOT THE FOXX NEWS
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF BALD ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’.

FOXY
Britney Spears fresh from completing her third rehab in a week told
reporters rehab was the hardest seven hours of her life but was well worth it and then said contrary to reports she didn’t cut off her hair because she was crazy but it was for a new role in a Fox comedy series she is making with Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie based on the lives of ‘ The Three Stooges’ in which she plays the role of Curly. Paris and Nicole are still fighting over who gets the Moe role.

BRITNEY
Ya I passed on the Moe role cause dark hair makes me look craaazzyy,, n’yuk -n’yuk- n’yuk !

FOXY
Yes I can imagine.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO JAMES BROWN IN COFFIN.

FOXY
Ted Williams Head thawed out long enough today for him to criticize
James Brown’s and Anna Nicole’s families for not burying them as
he hates to see silly family squabbling over the dead. He then asked for the baseball scores and also confirmed he was the real father of Anna Nicole’s baby just before his son quickly refroze him.

JAMES BROWN
Damnnnn, I wish my family could have thought a head like Ted’s,
cause,, whoa-oa-oa, ( SINGS ‘I feel good’) I feel bad,,, just like I knew I would,, (COFFIN SHAKES, LID CLOSES) Hey who turned out the lights?

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ZSA ZSA GABOR.

FOXY
Zsa Zsa Gabor today announced she is filing for divorce from Prince
and is demanding a new seven year Hollywood contract, a Fox reality series, and half of Anna Nicole’s baby. The unusually plump Ms Gabor also scoffed at rumours she was carrying her new fiance and lawyer Howard K. Stern’s lovechild.

ZSA ZSA
Don’t be silly I’m not pregnant, it’s just wearing two pairs of
Depends ads ten pounds dahling.

FOXY SHUDDERS AT THAT THOUGHT AS MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO’.

FOXY
Australian Prime Minister John Howard has strongly condemned
Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign saying women make useless
leaders citing New Zealand’s Helen Clarke as an example saying she
refused to go to war with him and now just mocks him and calls him silly names. In response New Zealand Prime Minister Helen Clarke
said, “ Skippy is just a stupid Bush kangaroo and a whimpy girl’s
blouse of a pussy leader who should just hop away from the Bush
and admit defeat”.

SKIPPY ( NIXON LIKE )
Hey I am not a bush kangaroo, I repeat, I am not a bush kangaroo,,
I live in Sydney now thank you very much,, tch tch tch tch,, tch tch tch.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PRINCE’ ( the superbowl one).

FOXY
Good news for Zsa Zsa Gabor as Prince has just agreed to give her a seven year Hollywood contract and a Fox reality series but will strongly fight over giving her half of Anna Nicole’s baby saying he conceived that idea all by himself and has hired top attorney Howard K. Stern to
represent him.

PRINCE
That’s it I’m changing my name back to Symbol to stop all this
confusion, I am not Zsa Zsa’s toyboy!,, though I must admit, wearing
Depends kind of turns me on,, Uh!, ( SINGS ‘ kiss’ ) You
don’t have to be beautiful to turn me on,,,,,

MONITOR PIC PANS DOWN TO SEE ‘PRINCE’ IS WEARING DIAPERS AND HAS A HUGE BONER AND MONITOR QUICKLY TURNS OFF.

PRINCE ( VOICE ONLY )
Hey who turned me off, I was just cumin to the good bit !

FOXY
And that’s today’s head lines and now back to ‘Foxx and Friends’.

SHOT TO A SET ‘FOXX AND FRIENDS’ WITH ‘REDD FOXX’ (funny old black comic) AS HOST WITH ‘JAMES BROWN’ AND ‘ANNA NICOLE’ SITTING UP IN THEIR COFFINS AND ‘TED WILLIAMS HEAD’ IS ON A PLATTER SMOKING A CIGAR LIKE THE PROUD DADDY HE IS.

REDD
Man who would have thought one day I would have the last word
in a very black comedy sketch written by some crazy mongrel Kiwi dog, Hah!

REDD PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK AS WE HEAR FOUR BARKS FROM MONTY, CUT !

Not the Fox News

2007-02-11T00:03:00.000-08:00

NOT THE FOX NEWS
CHEAP SET WITH NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER. MONITOR HAS A PICTURE OF ‘PORKY PIG’ WEARING AN ‘ATLANTA BRAVES’ BASEBALL CAP AND GIVING THE FINGER.

FOXY
The city of Boston was again in cartoon chaos today after the city was closed for seven hours after five obscene Daffy Duck balloons were strategically released across the city to promote a new Cartoon Network show, ‘This is Daffy’. Police Chief Wigan has released a picture of the main suspect who he describes as a dirty stuttering pig who goes by the name of T-t-t-t-ted T-t-t-t-turner.

MONITOR GOES TO ‘DAVID BECKHAM’ WITH ‘MICKEY MOUSE’
HAT ON.

America had its first official soccer riot today after a swarm of lawyers stampeded Los Angeles International Airport to see who could carry Posh Spice’s bags after it was announced the Beckhams will star in a new Fox reality series. Police said fortunately David and his bags weren’t harmed but Anna Nicole’s ex, Howard K. Stern, had to crawl twenty three miles to a hospital after suffering serious groin injuries.

DAVID ( squeaky Mickey Mouse voice )
Ya poor Howard, looked like a soccer game had erupted between his legs, I never knew lawyers could be so mean, especially those women ones,Yeouch.

MONITOR SHOT GOES TO ‘MICKEY MOUSE’ IN A DRESS
AND HOLDING A SOCCER BALL.

FOXY
Disney today announced it had signed highly respected English actor, David Beckham, to star in their new animated fairy tale,‘ Minney Mouse,
Soccer Mom’.

MICKEY MOUSE ( David Beckham’s voice )
Hey quit taking the mickey out of me, I don’t wear dresses, I’m
an English mouse.

MONITOR PICTURE GOES TO ‘JOHN TRAVOLTA’ WEARING PILOTS UNIFORM.

FOXY
At a hastily arranged press conference today Posh Spice told a swarm of lawers she is overwhelmed by the mountain of sitcom offers she’s received as Fox thinks she is a very funny actress and has offered her every pilot that Anna Nicole and Pam Anderson turned down for being to stupid.

JOHN
HEY, I ain’t stupid, I can drive a plane ya know.

FOXY
Well if you, “ain’t stupid”, explain Scientology,, and that movie ?

JOHN ( Thinks hard for a few beats )
. . . DOH !

MONITOR PICTURE GOES TO ‘WILLIAM SHATNER’ IN ‘STAR TREK’ UNIFORM WITH DRINK IN HAND.

FOXY
Fox TV announced today it’s making a spicy new mini series on the astronaut love triangle starring Nicole Ritchie, Paris Hilton, and William Shatner. Production is due to start once everybody completes rehab
and as of yet, no word on who will be wearing the diapers.

WILLIAM
I sure hope it isn’t me, I HATE weeee roles.

FOXY
Now now William, no need to take the piss.

WILLIAM
Damn Foxy, that pun was piss poor, I’m out of here, beam me up
Scotty.

WILLIAM DISSAPEARS UP REVEALING BEHIND HIM ARE
‘BOSTON ILLIGAL’ SIGN AND BELOW IS BOSTON CARTOON BOT WEARING AN ‘ATLANTA BRAVE’ BASEBALL CAP .

BOT ( Ted Turner accent )
Cheers Boston for all that great publicity, you Yankees are just to
all Crazzzzyyyyyy.

BOT’S OBSCENE FINGER LIGHTS UP AND THEN BOT EXPLODES.

10 things Fox TV has taught me about America

2007-01-31T00:00:00.000-08:00

10 things Fox TV has taught me about America

1- There is a big country above America called Canada which
is to blame for all the cold weather, snow, and power
outages in America and also harbors many immigrant
terrorists who blend in by learning to watch hockey, drink
beer, and say “it’s cold eh” all at the same time, and are
now smuggling themselves into America by hiding inside
containers of B.C Bud which has prompted the F.B.I. to
urge citizens to turn in stoners who like hockey to the
authorities or shoot them.

2- Every American Football fan was thoroughly disgusted at
star quarterpack Michael Vick when he was busted at
Miami Airport when they found a secret compartment in
his water bottle smelt of weed because in American Football
weed is a far more serious offense than steroids,
amphetamines, cocaine and illegal guns, but fortunately for
Michael the charges were later dropped or else he would
have had to go play in the Canadian Football League and
say “it’s cold eh” with Ricky Williams.

3- Below America is a country called Mexico where heaps of
Mexicans sneak across the border to steal lots of low paying
crap jobs that Americans won’t do but now George Bush
has a cunning plan to build a huge wall to keep them out
which has led to an influx of Mexicans smuggling
themselves in by hiding in bundles of Mexican Brick Weed
in the dream of getting a wall building job.

4- Janet Jackson’s Super Bowl nipple caused American TV to
adopt a seven second delay on all live TV events and now a
dog loving Senator from Texas wants to adopt the seven
second rule for the internet after his wife found twenty
seven pictures of Britney Spears’s cat on his computer.

5- Donald Trump and Rosie O’ Donnell had a huge feud going
on to increase ratings for ‘The View’ and ‘The Apprentice’
but now Donald doesn’t care for Rosie anymore as he
dumped her to show his love for bad beauty queens to
increase ratings for ‘Miss Teen USA’. ( I don’t blame him
as in my shallow books when it cums to love you just can’t
beat bad beauty queens and naughty cheerleaders )

6- Donald Trump is a very rich man but such a tightwad he
still wears a twenty year old dog hair piece rather than
buy the good stuff like Elton John, James Brown, and
Lassie.

7- Each day another politician announces they are forming
an Exploratory Committee to see if they can become
President and by the time of the election in November
2008 every politician including dark horses Sonny Bono,
Ronald Reagan, and ‘The Terminator’, will have set up
an Exploratory Committee to see how much money they
can fleece out of local suckers and tobacco companies.

8- American Football is played with the hands and takes
sixty minutes to play which consists of twenty minutes
actual playing time, two hours of commercials, and a half
time show to rival a nippleless Janet Jackson concert
and is played by very speedy three hundred pound guys
that don’t smoke weed.

9- O.J. Simpson is a former star football player and
innocent murderer who had a TV interview and
book publication cancelled by Fox after it was alleged
that someone saw him smoking weed on a Mexican golf
course.

10- Fox TV is controlled by an Aussie bloke named Rupert
Murdoch who loves war, football, and George Bush, but
strongly disapproves of Canada, Mexico, and “all those
left wing pinko commie loving pot smoking
Democrat poofter bastards”.

Donald where's your trousers

2007-01-15T02:26:00.000-08:00

15/01/07
My dog ‘Monty’ has become addicted to staying up late and watching ‘Fox & Friends’ and now he’s barking out comedy with an American accent and turned completely crazy as this sketch proves.

‘KOMEDY SKETCH IDLE’- A VERY CHEAP ANIMATED DOG OF A COMEDY THAT IS SO CHEAP YOU HAVE TO ANIMATE IT YOURSELF IN YOUR HEAD.

CHARACTERS

JACK KING- BAD COMIC HOST WHO HAS A BIG CHEESY GRIN AND
NEVER GETS ANY LAUGHS.
CANDY COTTON- BUXOM JAZZY ORGAN PLAYING MUSIC DIRECTOR.
PIGGY MULDOON- HARD DRINKING HAM ACTING PIG JUDGE.
TUKU MORGAN- VERY CHEEKY MONKEY JUDGE.
SHREK- HIP SUNGLASSED SHEEP JUDGE.

SHOT OF CHEAP ‘KOMEDY SKETCH IDLE’ STAGE AS ‘SHREK’ HAS JUST TOLD THE FUNNIEST BLACK SHEEP JOKE EVER AND WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, DOG BARKS, AND SHEEP “BAAS”, AND ‘CANDY’ PLAYS A FEW LINES OF ‘BA BA BLACK SHEEP’, ‘SHREK’ SMILES AND POINTS AT HER AS ‘JACK’ IS TRYING HARD TO COME UP WITH A GOOD LINE.

JACK
Haha Shrek ewe dag, that sheep gag was baaaaaaaaaaaad.(GRINS
TO SILENCE ) Well moving on, ( READING CARD ) our next
sketch was sent in by ‘Big Fat Greek Lesbian’ who cums all the way
from Rosieville, Florida, U.S.A. and describes herself as a sexy
funny charming hunk of burning love whose hobbies include eating,
bitching, and watching reruns of ‘The View’, while masturbating?
( LOOKS SHOCKED)

TUKU
Gee, I thought I was the only one that did that. ( GRINS AND
MONKEY LAUGHS, BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG
BARKS AND SHEEP BAAS )

JACK
Haha ya I’m a bit of a TV wanker myself, but I love and cherish TV
so much I always promise her, I won’t cum,, until the ads. ( GRINS
TO SILENCE, TAPS MIC A FEW TIMES ) All right well let’s
get into the sketch so roll it.

‘CANDY’ STARTS PLAYING ‘DONALD WHERE’S YOUR TROUSERS’ AND TITLE COMES ON AND ‘CANDY’ PROVIDES MUSIC HERE AND THERE THROUGH OUT SKETCH.

DONALD WHERE’S YOUR TROUSERS
WRITTEN BY
BIG FAT GREEK LESBIAN
ROSIEVILLE
FLORIDA, U.S.A.

SHOT OF BOXING RING WITH ANNOUNCER ‘ROBERT BLAKE’ WITH A STUFFED COCKATOO CALLED ‘FRED’GLUED ONTO HIS SHOULDER.

ROBERT
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, and discerning
animals, I’m Tony Baretta and this is my good friend ‘Fred’ and
welcome to ‘Fox and Friends’,‘ Celebrity Heavyweight Verbal
Sparring Championship’ of the world, ( LIGHT APPLAUSE AND
DOG BARKS ) and now introducing the contestants, in the right
corner, he’s gone from a featherweight to a heavyweight in the
space of a few short weeks, everything he says now turns to gold,
he’s every poor blind woman’s wet dream, Donaldddddd ‘The
Golden Turd’ Trumpppppppppppppppppp.

SMALL APPLAUSE AND DOG BARKS AS SHOT GOES TO CORNER WHERE ‘DONALD’ IS ON A STOOL WEARING BOXING SHORTS AND A ‘Sponsored by Casino Losers’ T SHIRT AND ‘MARTHA STEWART’ IS FIXING HIS HAIR AND SPRAYING GOLD PAINT ON.

MARTHA
Ok remember when you get in there lead with those sharp sarcastic
jabs and then when she’s stunned bring out your killer material like
we practiced, ok ? ( DONALD NODS)

ROBERT
And introducing in the left corner, a woman so sexy, funny, and
charming, she needs no introduction, she’s the queen of comic
cumbacks, Rosieeeee ‘ Funny Sex Goddess’O’ Donellllllllllllllll .

LOUD CROWD CHEERS AS SHOT GOES TO ‘ROSIE’ IN CORNER WEARING TRACK SUIT AND BEING MADE UP BY ‘MISS TEEN U.S.A’ AND ‘MISS U.S.A’ IN UNIFORM AND WE SEE ‘ROSIE’ HAS HER HANDS ON EACH’S ASS COPING A FEEL, SHE TURNS TO CAMERA AND GIVES A SLY EYEBROW DANCE.

ROBERT
And introducing the referee for today’s match, he is the most lethal
running back ever to come out of the ‘San Fransisco 49ers’
backfield and now a hugely successful actor, author, and raconteur,
he’s the ultimate fighter, O.J ‘ The Juice’ Simpsonnnnnnn.

IN RUNS ‘O.J.’ WEARING A ‘FOX’ REFEREES SHIRT AND SMALL WHITE GLOVES TO LOUD CROWD “BOO’S” AND DOG BARKS AND HE JUMPS OVER THE TOP ROPE AND TRIPS AND FALLS FLAT ON HIS FACE TO LOUD AUDIENCE LAUGHS, HE GETS UP GIVING THE CROWD THE FINGER TO MORE “BOO’S”.

ROBERT ( DOES A BAD VENTRILUQUIST ACT )
I think Fred’s got something to say, yes Fred.

FRED
Lets’s get ready to rumbleeeeeeee.

ROBERT
Well said Fred, I couldn’t have said that better myself, thank you Fred.

FRED
You’re welcome,, killer.

ROBERT ( angry )
I told you not to call me that, you’re dead you stool cock !

‘ROBERT’ GOES TO STRANGLE ‘ FRED’ AND TWO MEN WITH WHITE COATS AND LONG NEEDLES QUICKLY ENTER RING AND SHOT GOES TO ‘O.J.’ MOTIONING ‘DONALD’ AND ‘ROSIE’ TO THE CENTRE OF RING.

O.J.
All right ‘Fox’ wants a dirty fight here, nothings sacred, low blows,
biting sarcasm, vicious puns, stabbing irony, it’s all good, so when
the bell rings I want you to come out to kill and may the best man win.

‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ COMES IN WITH A ‘ROUND 1’ CARD AND WE SEE FROM BEHIND WHEN SHE LIFTS THE SIGN HER SHORT DRESS GOES UP REVEALING SHE HAS NO PANTIES, HEAR AUDIENCE CAT ‘MEOWS’ AND DOG BARKS AND HEAPS OF CAMERA FLASHES GO OFF FOLLOWED BY LOUD CAMERAMEN CHEERS. BELL RINGS AND ‘ROSIE’ AND ‘DONALD’ CIRCLE EACH OTHER MENACILY AND ‘DONALD’ LEADS WITH SOME STINGING JABS BUT THEN FORGETS HIS KILLER MATERIAL.

DONALD
Rosie, you are fat, you are ugly, you are unfunny, you are a loser,
you are a lesbian, you are a big fat ugly unfunny loser lesbian,, I
hate you,, you,, you, you you bad bad man you.

‘MARTHA’ SLAPS HER HEAD IN DISBELIEVE AS ‘DONALD’ FORGETS THE KILLER MATERIAL,’ ROSIE’ SMIRKS AND LOOKS ABOVE ‘DONALD’ AND POINTS LIKE SOMETHING IS FALLING.

ROSIE
Donald Duck! your stocks are falling.

‘DONALD’ LOOKS UP AND ‘ROSIE’ PULLS HIS SHORTS DOWN AND A BIG SOCK FALLS OUT REVEALING HE IS WEARING A ‘TINY TINY’ JOCKSTRAP. ‘DONALD’ SCREAMS AND QUICKLY COVERS UP WITH BOTH HANDS, ‘ROSIE’ RIPS HIS HAIR OFF AND TOSSES IT HIGH , ‘DONALD’ SCREAMS AND COVERS HEAD UP WITH ONE HAND AND GOES TO ESCAPE TO CORNER BUT TRIPS OVER HIS SHORTS SO CRAWLS AND TAGS ‘ MARTHA’ WHO CLIMBS IN RING AND KICKS HIM AS HE CURLS UP IN FETAL POSITION IN THE CORNER AND ‘BARBARA WALTERS’ ENTERS RING.

MARTHA
Get out of here you verbal pussy, this is a man’s job, I’ll show that
bitch of a dyke who has the funny balls around here.

BARBARA ( weakly putting the boot in )
Donald, you’re a poor pathetic loser and a fink, I despise you.

‘MARTHA’ ENTERS CENTRE RING AND WE HEAR AUDIENCE CAT “SCREACHES” AND SEE ‘ROSIE’ IS JUGGLING MINATURE RUGBY BALLS AND THEN DROPS THEM AND FAKES LOOKING SCARED.

ROSIE
Oh no it’s the cumslut bitch whore from cell block 69, I’m sooooo
scared my panties are a shakin. ( WIGGLES HIP ONCE AND SEE
SHE HAS SHAKING PANTIES AND SHE SMILES AND
SHUDDERS ) mmmmmmmmmmmmmm .

MARTHA
Hey don’t bring up jail that’s not fair, you know I was innocent, I was
framed I tell you, framed !

ROSIE
Oh ya right, you, O.J., and Baretta, the three innocent stooges,
awww the injustice, my heart bleeds for you, Larry. ( CLUTCHES
HEART )

‘MARTHA’ STARTS CRYING AND ‘DONALD’S’ HAIR SUDDENLY FALLS DOWN LANDING ON ‘O.J.’S’ HEAD GETTING BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND THE SHOT QUICKLY GOES TO THE ‘ELLEN’ SHOW WITH ‘ELLEN’ WITH A REMOTE.

ELLEN
All right that’s enough of fat lesbian comedy which I must say is a
bit to heavy for my taste, I much prefer something lighter and
fluffier, like thin lesbian comedy, which, reminds me of this very
funny joke, hahaha, Anne Heche, a sexy thin blonde lesbian, and a
donkey called ‘Donald’, walk into a bar and the bartender says to
Donald, haha,

HEAR BIG STUDIO APPLAUSE AS INTO THE SCENE WALKS ‘DONALD TRUMP’ AND ‘ELLEN’ JUMPS OFF THE COUCH ALL EXCITED TO SEE HIM.

ELLEN
OH WOW Donald Trump I’m so excited I’m such a big fan of yours,
I love your show, I love your hair, l love money, I love you, in fact if
I wasn’t a sexy thin lesbian I would be all over you like ugly on a
donkey if you know what I mean, hee haw hee haw. ( SMILES )

DONALD
Ellen, I find thin lesbian comedy almost as unfunny as fat lesbian
comedy, you make me sick you degenerass, I hate you !

‘DONALD’ PUNCHES ‘ELLEN’ IN THE FACE TO AUDIENCE ‘GASPS’ WHICH QUICKLY TURN TO APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AS IN WALKS ‘MARTHA STEWART’ STANDING BEHIND ‘DONALD’ AND ‘ELLEN’ IS EXCITED TO SEE HER .

ELLEN
Oh wow it’s Martha Stewart, oh man I’m such a huge fan of yours, I
just love your show, in fact I love you, as I must admit, haha, when
you got chucked in the slammer I was kind of jealous of the other
inmates if you know what I mean, wink wink. ( SMILES AND
WINKS WITH A BLACK EYE NOW)

MARTHA
Ellen, I had enough of bad lesbian comedy in jail, I agree with Donald,
I hate you !

‘MARTHA’ PUNCHES ‘ELLEN’ IN FACE TO AUDIENCE “GASPS” WHICH QUICKLY TURN TO “BOOS” AS UP WALKS ‘O.J.’ WITH ‘FOX’ REFEREES SHIRT AND SMALL GLOVES AND STANDS BEHIND ‘MARTHA’ AND GIVES AUDIENCE THE FINGER AS ‘ELLEN’ IS VERY SURPRISED TO SEE HIM.

ELLEN
Oh my god O.J.,, don’t tell me you hate sexy thin lesbians too. (SHE
HAS TWO BLACK EYES NOW )

O.J.
Hell NO! I love lesbians, I’m here cause Fox paid me big time to
end their silliest punch line ever.

‘O. J.’ PUNCHES HER SO HARD SHE FLIES OUT OF THE SCENE TO AUDIENCE “GASPS”, ‘O.J.’ GRINS AND IN RUNS A LINE OF ‘MISS TEEN USA’, MISS USA, AND MISS NEVADA’ ALL WEARING GOLD BOXING GLOVES UP TO ‘DONALD’ WHO OPENS HIS ARMS TO GREET THEM. .

DONALD
Ahhhhh my girls, cum to daddy.

MISS TEEN USA
You’re a pervert, Daddy !!!

‘MISS TEEN USA’ PUNCHES ‘DONALD’ HARD IN THE STOMACH AND PULLS DOWN HIS TROUSERS REVEALING HE IS WEARING PANTIES, SUSPENDERS AND BLACK FISH NETS, SHE MOVES AWAY AND UP STEPS ‘ MISS U.S.A.’ WHO GETS DOWN ON HER KNEES AND THEN STARTS PUNCHING ‘DONALD’S’ BALLS LIKE SHE WAS FAST SPARRING A PUNCHING BAG.

MISS U.S.A. ( YELLING )
I ,, HATE,, RE,, HAB !!!!

SHE GETS UP AND MOVES AWAY AND A SOCK FALLS OUT OF ‘DONALD’S’ PANTIES AND UP STEPS ‘MISS NEVADA’.

MISS NEVADA
Where’s my second chance Turd Head !!

SHE HITS ‘DONALD’ WITH A HUGE UPERCUT THAT SENDS HIM FLYING UP AND OUT OF THE SCENE .

O.J.
OK I stand corrected, I ended the SECOND silliest Fox punch line
ever . ( GRINS )

SUDDENLY ‘DONALD’S’ HAIR FALLS DOWN ON ‘OJ’S’ HEAD TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS, HE LOOKS WORRIED, AND THEN A BALD PANTLESS ‘DONALD TRUMP’ FALLS DOWN SQUISHING HIM AND ENDING UP IN A COMPROMISING POSITION TO AUDIENCE “GASPS” AND THEN ‘DONALD’S’ TROUSERS FALL DOWN TO BIG LAUGHS AND THEN APPLAUSE AS ON WALKS ‘ROSIE O’ DONELL’ AND PICKS UP PANTS AND LOOKS AT SIZE.

ROSIE
Oh great just my size, thanks turd for brains.

‘ROSIE’ WALKS OFF WITH THE THREE BEAUTY QUEENS QUICKLY RUNNING UP TO HER TO ADMIRE HER NEW PANTS TO APPLAUSE AS ‘ROSIE’ COPS SOME MORE ASS FEELS AND AS THEY DISSAPEAR IN RUNS ‘DONALD’S’ LATEST BIMBO WIFE UP TO HIM LOOKING CONCERNED.

WIFE
Donald, Donald are you ok darling,, DONALD!! WHERE’S YOUR
TROUSERS!! ,, You’re disgusting, I’ll see you in divorce court,
PERVERT !! ( WALKS AWAY IN A HUFF )

‘MARTHA’ RUNS AFTER HER TO OFFER COMFORT BY PUTTING ARM AROUND HER AND SEE JUST BEFORE THEY DISSAPEAR ‘MARTHA’S’ HAND GOES DOWN AND COPS AN ASS FEEL.

DONALD ( weakly )
Wait Ivana, I can explain, I can explain.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND THEN THROUGH THE SCENE RUN A LINE OF THREE FOX WITH BOXING GLOVES ON AND THE THIRD FOX TURNS TO ‘O.J.’

THIRD FOX
Hey O.J., you’ve just dropped to third na na na na.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND AS FOX DISSAPEAR, ‘O.J.’ VERY WEAKLY GIVES HIM THE FINGER AND ON RUNS ‘ ROBERT BLAKE’ WITH A SHOTGUN.

ROBERT
Hey come back my fox friends, I won’t hurt you, I promise.

‘ROBERT’ STOPS AND TAKES AIM AND BEHIND HIM RUN IN THE TWO WHITE MEN WITH COATS AND NEEDLES AND ARE JUST ABOUT TO STAB HIM IN THE BACK WHEN THE SHOT QUICKY GOES TO A SILENT ‘THE TONIGHT SHOW’ SET WITH ‘DAVE’ LOOKING VERY STUNED AND UNAMUSED AND ON THE COUCH ARE ‘PIGGY’ WHO IS DRINKING AND “BURPING”, ‘TUKU’ WHO HAS HIS HANDS PLAYING IN HIS ‘CHEEKY MONKEY’ BOXERS, AND ‘SHREK’ WHO IS SLEEPING.

DAVE
All right, well, that’s a clip from ‘Fox’s’ new, “comedy”, ‘Komedy
Scetch Idle’ which premiers this Sunday morning at seven on all,
”good ”, Fox stations, and now let’s meet the writer creator of the
show who cums all the way from Stewart Island, New Zealand,
please give a warm hand for ‘Lord Monty’.

DAVE GOES UP FRONT TO GREET HIM WITH A COUPLE OF WEAK HANDCLAPS FROM AUDIENCE AND THE BAND STARTS PLAYING A JAZZY ‘ MONTY PYTHON’ THEME AND OUT TROTS ‘MONTY’ TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AS HE WAVES A PAW AT THE BAND AND ‘DAVE’ LOOKS UNBELIEVING.

DAVE
Oh ya sure, a dog who writes comedy, oh come on, I mean people,,
do I look THAT stupid ?

‘DAVE’ GIVES A GOOFY GRIN TO THE AUDIENCE AND GETS GOOD LAUGHS AS WHAT HE DOESN’T SEE IS ‘MONTY’ HAS SNIFFED HIS SHOE AND IS NOW LAYING A LONG GOLDEN TURD ON IT, ‘DAVE’ NOTICES AND LOOKS PISSED OFF.

DAVE
OH YUCK, that’s not funny you stupid ( bleep ) dog !

‘DAVE’ KICKS LEG SENDING THE TURD FLYING HIGH AND IT LANDS ON ‘PAUL’S’ HEAD TO HUGE LAUGHS.

PAUL
Hey Dave, does this crap hairpiece make me look like Donald Trump?
( GRINS )

BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND WE SEE ‘TUKO’ HAS REACHED INTO HIS BOXERS AND PULLED OUT A GOLDEN TURD WHICH HE IS AIMING AT ‘DAVE’

TUKU
Hey Dave !

‘TUKU’ WAITS UNTIL ‘DAVE’ JUST STARTS TO TURN HEAD AND CHUCKS IT AT HIM AND AT THE SAME TIME ‘ MONTY’ HAS SNIFFED ‘DAVE’S’ LEG AND HAS RAISED HIS LEG AND JUST BEFORE THE TURD AND PISS HIT ‘DAVE’ CUT TO A SHOT OF A LARGE GREEN FIELD WITH ‘ MONTY’ AND ‘THREE BLACK SHEEP’ AND WE CAN SEE THE TOP OF ‘WILLY’S’ WRITING PAD.

MONTY
Hey you don’t think that last gag was a bit gross do you?

WILLY ( VOICE ONLY )
No way Monty, that was gold, pure comic gold.

MONTY
Good I’m hungry, let’s do lunch and watch ‘Fox & Friends’. ( RUNS
AWAY FAST)

WILLY ( V.O. )
Ya ok, Hey Monty, WAIT FOR ME !

PAD AND PEN ARE CHUCKED ON THE GROUND AND WE HEAR ‘WILLY’ RUN OFF AS SHEEP LOOK AT THE PAD.

MIDDLE SHEEP
Dave’s right, dogs can’t write comedy, that sketch is crap, let’s
rewrite it.

‘SHEEP’ START ‘BAAING’ AND SLOWLY MOVE TOWARDS THE PAD AND WE HEAR ‘CANDY’ REPRISE HER ‘BA BA BLACK SHEEP’ MUSIC AND CUT JUST AS THE MIDDLE SHEEP REACHES FOR THE PEN.

POST SCRIPT- With forged emails of recommendation from Ken Levine
( kenlevine.blogspot.com ) the‘Middle’ sheep is now the head sketch writer for ‘Studio 60’, the‘Right’ one is ‘Donald Trump’s’ new letter writer and “personal assistant”( wink wink ), and the ‘Left’ one is ‘Senator John Kerry’s’ new speech writer and now all of them are refusing to answer or return ‘Monty’s’ calls so thanks a lot Ken ! (bastard )

NEWSFLASH
If there are any ‘Hollywood’ agents or honest shysters out there ‘Monty’ has just confessed to be the real father of ‘Anna Nicole’s’ baby and is now after representation and a free lunch or both and can be contacted at-

Monty ( the bad dog )
Stewart Island
New Zealand