Not the Fox News Dog Xmas Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A SMILING ‘MITT ROMNEY’ WEARING A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
A tearful Mitt Romney made a shock announcement on ‘Ellen’ last
night saying he has quit being a Mormon and is now set to become
a born again Babtist. Mitt said he realized when Mike Huckabee
shot ahead of him in the polls maybe his religion was wrong so
approached Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who both,
graciously agreed to babtize him on next Tuesday’s ‘Last Call with
Carson Daly’ show with Donny Osmond and ‘The Mormon
Tabernacle Choir’ singing Motown throughout to hopefully gain
more ratings and black voters. Mitt then warned viewers if becoming
a Babtist doesn’t increase his popularity then it proves the Devil
really was Jesus’s brother and Donny Osmond really is the new Messiah.,,
Wow Mitt, that’s a surprise announcement, what does your wife think
about her new religion ?

MITT
Which one Foxy ? ( SMILES )

FOXY
You know Ann, what is there more ?

MITT
Oh right, actually I haven’t told Ann about the religious switch or the
other wives yet, but, I’m sure when I do she will be very happy and
supportive for my honesty and sincerity. ( SMILES )

FRYING PAN SMASHES HARD OVER ‘MITT’S’ HEAD.

ANN ( voice only )
No I’m not happy! I loved being a solo Mormon wife!

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WITH SANTA HAT.

FOXY
Leading Democrat Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich had to fire
his top adviser last night after Tommy Chong claimed on ‘Last Call
with Carson Daly’ that Hillary Clinton smoked so much weed in
college she sponsored a tribe of Mexicans into America to become highly
illegal alien grass cutters and drug dealers. Tommy said
since her boyfriend Bill refused to inhale he subjected Hillary
to so many shotguns she got nicknamed 'Machine Gun Laugh' and almost
dropped out of college to run away and pursue her dream of playing
the mouth organ for the Willy Nelson Band. Tommy claims even today if
you listen close you can hear Hillary’s stoner laugh after every bad joke
she hears or makes. ,,,, Wow Tommy, how the hell did you get to be
Dennis Kucinich’s top advisor ?

TOMMY
We met years ago Foxy on a spaceship at Shirley MacLaine’s pad,
after I got probed I told them the head alien dude told me one day
Dennis will be president and I should lead him, and then Shirley and
the Clintons broke up laughing like hyenas cause they didn’t believe head
alien dude but hey, who has the last laugh now, Machine Gun Laugh Rodham hahahaha

CLOUD OF SMOKE BLOWS OVER ‘TOMMY’.

HILLARY ( voice only )
I do Hippy !

FRYING PAN CRASHES OVER ‘TOMMY’ AND WE HEAR ‘HILLARY’S‘ MACHINE GUN LAUGH. MONITOR CHANGES TO SMILING ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ IN A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
An angry Roger Clemens appeared on Larry King last night to again
vehemently deny ever using steroids. He swore to Larry he has
never taken illegal drugs of any kind and only had his personal
trainer shoot him up with ‘Barry Bond’s Amazing Linseed Oil’
for dietary, hair loss, and anger management reasons. When Larry
said at 45 years old and still pitching a hundred miles per hour
some people might think there was something fishy about that
oil, Roger got very angry and smashed his chair over Larry’s desk
and stormed off swearing like a wasted wrestler. A shocked Larry
put his foot down and said he will never have any angry druggie
sports stars on his show ever again, after next week’s Jose Canseco,
Barry Bonds, and Marion Jones book launch shows.,,, Wow Roger,
that amazing linseed oil sounds pretty strong stuff ?

ROGER
Ya it is Foxy, it gives me the hair and stamina of a thirty year old
and keeps my weight and anger management under control.

FOXY
So why do you get so angry when people mention the asterisks?

ROGER
That’s it ! Interview over bitch, screw you !!

‘ROGER’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN BEHIND HIM.
‘ Barry Bond’s Charm School * ‘
( enter at own risk )

FOXY
And on that charming note that’s today’s headlines and now it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ ROGER CLEMENS’ DRESSED LIKE SANTA, ‘TOMMY CHONG’ IN SANTAS HAT AND ‘DENNIS 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, AND ‘MITT ROMNEY’ DRESSED AS PREACHER WITH SANTA HAT CLUTCHING BIBLE . THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a crazy festive panel for
ya all,

ROGER
Hey Redd I’m not crazy, crazy people don’t make twenty million a year
pitching a few games for Steinbrenner do they, ho ho ho! ( SMILES )

TOMMY
Ya just cause I got probed by aliens with Shirley MacLaine, the future
President, and the Clintons, it doesn’t make me crazy man.

REDD
Well what does it make you ?

TOMMY
Ummm,,, what was the question again man ?

REDD
Dave’s not here man.

TOMMY
Oh damn, I was hoping to score man.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, TOMMY LOOKS CONFUSED.

MITT
Well I’m certainly not crazy now that I’m a God fearing Bible
bashing Baptist, thank you Jesus, Reverends Al, Jesse, and Mike,
I love you guys for making me the next President.

‘MITT’ KISSES BIBLE, AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MITT’ GIVES THEM THE EVIL LOOK . IN WALKS ASTRONAUT ‘LISA NOWAK’ WEARING SANTA BIKINI TOP AND DIAPER AND ‘ JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ IN SANTA BIKINI AND HOLDING A BOX OF DIAPERS.

LISA
Sorry we are late Redd, we had to stop off for more diapers and
pea soup.

‘LISA’ LETS LOOSE WITH A VERY JUICY STINKY FART.

REDD
P.U.,what a crap way to end a sick Christmas sketch, Ho Ho!( GRINS )


AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS ‘LISA’S’ DIAPERS START TURNING GREEN AND ‘JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ THROWS UP PEA SOUP OVER ‘MITT’.

And it’s a barking merry Christmas from Monty and a Happy New Year from me, cheers.