The Yesterday Show 4

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN A STRAIGHTJACKET.

FOXY
Labour President Mike Williams dropped a bombshell on
himself last night and had to be admitted to Melbourne’s
Sunnyside Hospital after going so mad trying to dig up
dirt on John Key he dropped a Guy Fawkes Sparkler
Bomb on his foot in a feeble attempt to become Labour’s
first National suicide bomber. A spokesman for Mike, Helen
Clarke, blamed John Key for Mike’s cry for help
saying he couldn’t find any dirt on John at all, not even
smoking a joint at uni or even ever attending a strip club,
which, must raise questions about John’s sexuality. Helen
then quickly added not that there’s anything wrong with that,
as some of her best friends and the top men in the Labour
Party are all lesbians.

MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘ WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A CELLPHONE.

Owen Glenn today told the ‘New Zealand Herald’ he has
just hired a top team of ACT Q.C.’S to sue the pants
off Winston Peters for defamation of character. Owen
said thanks to Winston’s lies and innuendos his
reputation as an honest likeable businessman and sexy
ladies man has been ruined as he said now Nicky
Watson, Aja Rock, and even Chloe are all
refusing to return his calls. When Winston heard
the charges he laughed and told Michael Laws,
“What bloody character”! He then vowed to fight
the charge and has already called Sir Bob Jones,
the Vela family, and a wealthy Monaco businessman
for help with his expensive legal fees and is
currently anxiously awaiting their return calls.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF SUNGLASSED ‘THE DUDE’ FROM ‘ THE BIG LEBOWSKI’.

Golden Bay was a buzz last night after the ‘Aotearoa
Legalize Cannabis Party’s’ financial spokesman, simply
called ‘The Dude’, told a packed wigwam their redundant
workers rescue bribe would be the same as ACT’S except
everyone gets an extra ten bucks and an ounce of weed a
week. When a reporter from ‘High Times’ asked him how
the country could afford that, The Dude shrugged and
said, “ I don’t know man, ask Sir Rog, he’s the
money dude man”. The meeting then moved outside for
a smoko break where everyone was promptly put under
citizens arrest by Peter Dunne. The stunned mob then all
laughed and blew smoke at Peter who was last seen running
up Takaka Hill singing the soundtrack from the musical ‘Hair’,
completely naked. ( SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT ),, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
starring the serene and surreal Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘ HENRY’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN STRAIGHTJACKET AND CAST ON FOOT, ‘WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A PHONE, AND ‘THE DUDE’ SMOKING A JOINT. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a panel of candidates
who are in line to receive some very generous redundancy
recession rescue plan benefit bribes,

MIKE
Hey no way will I ever become redundant as long as
Helen is in power, she assured me I’m as safe as banks,
and she is Labour’s top man!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MIKE’ LOOKS CONFUSED.

WINSTON
Well I’ll hardly be redundant, Ron Marks will win
Rimutaka by a landslide and I'll regain my right full
foreign affairs and racing posts no matter who is
in power, except maybe, The Natural Law Party.

HEAR AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS, ‘WINSTON’ SMILES.

The Dude
Well I hope I get made redundant man, I only
scored this gig cause I was promised an ounce
of weed a week while I contemplate my future
career options.

IN RUNS ‘TAITO PHILLIP FIELD’ CARRYING A CROSS AND A BIBLE.

TAITO
Sorry I’m late boys, I just had to finalize an endorsement
deal and a cheap section from New Zealand’s own Messiah,
Bishop Brian, so looks like I will be in Parliament again,
( LOOKS ABOVE) Thank you God and Brian, I love you guys.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘TAITO’ LOOKS ANGRY AND SHOWS THEM THE ‘CROSS’ AND ‘BRIAN'S BIBLE’ LIKE THEY ARE THE ANTI CHRISTS. SHOT GOES TO THE TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WHERE A NAKED ‘PETER DUNNE’ IS RUNNING UP THE HILL SINGING THE SONG ‘HAIR’.

PETER ( SINGING )
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain’t no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my…

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair,,

‘PETER’ REACHES THE TOP OF THE HILL AND A SHOT RINGS OUT AND ‘PETER’ DROPS DEAD AND INTO THE SCENE ENTERS YELLOW SUITED ‘RODNEY HIDE’ CARRYING A RIFLE.

RODNEY
Sorry Peter, but I find that song highly offensive!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘JOHN KEY’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

JOHN
Darn, it’s amazing what TVNZ calls comedy these days.

ROGER
Don’t worry John when I become Finance Minister
again I’m going to sell TVNZ.

JOHN
Yes, but who would want to buy it?

ROGER
Well if we give Owen Glenn the Monaco Council and
then a knighthood he said he will take it off our hands,
he wants to become New Zealand’s Sir Rupert Murdoch.

JOHN
Deal then, I love Rupert, he is like a God to me!

ROGER
Yes, me too.

THEY CLICK GLASSES AND LOOK ALL STARRY EYED AT EACH OTHER AND JUST BEFORE THEY TONGUE KISS A SIGN WITH VOICE OVER FLOPS DOWN.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written
and produced by A. Stoner for the Aotearoa Legalise
Cannabis Party. Remember kids, a vote for the Cannabis
Party means,, ummm,,, oh YA,, high times and free
weed for every unemployed worker!,,

HEAR A COUPLE OF DOG COUGHS. SHOT GOES TO ‘RODNEY HIDE’ ON TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WEARING THE SCALPED ‘PETER DUNNE’S’ HAIR. HE IS DANCING AND SINGING A BROAD WAY TUNE.

RODNEY
And let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There

SUDDENLY A PARROT DIVES IN AND GRABS THE HAIR AND FLIES AWAY. ANGRY ‘RODNEY’ AIMS RIFLE TO THE AIR AND GETS COVERED IN A LOT OF BIRD SHIT.

PARROT ( VOICE ONLY )
Rodney you plonker !!!

HEAR LOTS OF BIRDS LAUGHING, CUT.




Monty predicts an election night upset with ‘The
Bill and Ben Party’ sweeping to power over the
‘Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party’ by one vote,
ruff ruff !

The Yesterday Show 3

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’ ON.

FOXY
National’s Immigration spokesman Lockwood Smith told
Radio Live’s Willie Jackson today that Americans are
much preferred immigrants to Canadians as their brains
were much bigger because they don’t drink as much beer,
smoke as much wacky bacy, and then lie about their
qualifications and get highly paid jobs running Maori TV.
He did say though on the plus side their hands were
pretty normal and most of them were toilet trained so
could be suitable for outdoor work. National Leader John
Key immediately distanced himself from Lockwood’s view
by flying out to his luxurious Hawaiian get away for a
possible meeting and photo op with his American soul
brother and mentor, Barrack Obama’s, sick grandmother.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’

- National Transport spokesman Maurice Williamson
told a packed Remuera truckers meeting last night not
to fret for when National gets back in they will sell the
Railways back to rich Americans for carbon credits and
cheap oil so there will be cheap petrol for everyone which
will make it a win win situation. When a disgruntled
truckie told him, “trucks run on diesel you twat”, Maurice
was surprised and then said he was just quoting what Bill
English told him at the National Conference. An angry Bill
English then yelled out, “Don’t quote me you stupid twit,
I like to tell fibs”, at which point Maurice profusely
apologized to Bill for misquoting him and then blamed it
on his new medication. Bill then told the crowd he was a
bit tipsy and just joking when he made that fib statement,
then laughed and sculled a pint of bitter followed by a
three diet pill chaser to the cheers of the rich
conservative truckies and drunk TVNZ executives.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT OUTSIDE ‘MT. EDEN PRISON’.

- Rodney Hide had a police complaint made about him
today for lying about not getting free rent from Sir Bob
Jones. Police wouldn’t name the complainant except to
say he was a very well known very respected smart
businessman from Tauranga. When Rodney found out
who the complainant was he was furious telling Radio
Live’s Michael Laws he always thought he and Bob Clarkson
were supposed to be on the same team. He then vowed to
fight the charge with ACT’S team of very expensive free
lawyers and would be proved just as innocent as Winston
Peters, if not even more. Rodney then refused to answer
any of Laws questions saying he was running late for his
next TV appearance, giving ACT’S hard line law and order
speech to the friendly staff and inmates in Mt. Eden Prison.
He did say though he thought Bob Clarkson was a big fat
stupid liar before hanging up in disgust.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
with the suave and sophisticated Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’, ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’ AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT WITH A BLACK EYE AND BRUISES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a very special panel of
politicians who make silly statements,

LOCKWOOD
Hey my statement wasn’t silly, Canadians really do have
smaller brains than Americans, It’s the cold weather, I
think it’s called, SHRINKAGE! ( SMILES TO LONE
AUDIENCE DOG BARK )

MAURICE
Well any silly statements I make I totally blame on my new
medication, I’m currently on a very high dosage of Rogain
and Grecian 2000.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘MAURICE’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

RODNEY
Well I shouldn’t even be here because I never make any
silly statements, I’m the leader of ACT, the second greatest
Party in the world and soon to hold the KEY to the future
of our country, AND jails!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘RODNEY’ SCOWLS AT THEM AND IN RUN ‘JOHN KEY’ IN HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND CARRYING A BIG PICTURE OF ‘BARRACK OBAMA’ BEING FOLLOWED BEHIND BY ‘PETER DUNNE’ CARRYING ‘JOHN’S’ THREE SUITCASES.

JOHN
Sorry I’m late boys, getting through Hawaiian customs is
like trying to negotiate with a five headed monster!

‘JOHN’ GRINS TO LONE AUDIENCE DOG BARK AND ‘PETER DUNNE’ LAUGHING LIKE A HYENA. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR BOB JONES’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’. BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPANGE AND ‘BOB’ HAS THE CHEQUEBOOK OUT.

BOB
What a joke! We are doomed with these idiots in power!

ROGER
Don’t worry Sir Bob, once I get in I’ll be running the
country again by Easter, I promise you.

BOB
I believe you Sir Rog, so, here’s a cheque for twenty five
grand, AND,, the keys to my penthouse, wink wink.

ROGER
Why thank you Sir,, Sir Bob,, I think I love you.

BOB
Well the feeling is mutual Sir Rog, the feelings mutual.

‘BOB’ AND ‘ROGER’ LOOK AT EACH OTHER ALL STARRY EYED AND ARE JUST ABOUT TO TONGUE KISS WHEN A SIGN FLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Monty Peters for the New Zealand First
Party. Remember kids, if you don’t vote Winston in you’ll
be left with this bad comedy ACT for the next three
headed monster years!,,

HEAR ‘WINSTON’S’ LAUGH AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT.

The Yesterday Show 2

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘BILL ENGLISH’ HOLDING A BIG BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER.

FOXY
Labour released another secret Bill English tape last
night, this one with Bill saying if John Key blows the
election he’ll take over leadership again faster than
you can say Don Brash and lead the party to a
resounding victory in 2012 on the promise of change.
Today a hung over Bill English apologized for the
statement saying he was a bit tipsy and just joking
around as everybody knows John Key is the best damn
leader National has had since the heady days of Don
Brash’s predecessor. Bill then vowed to never again
get drunk at National Conferences or in the presence
of John Key or sleazy Labour spies with sleazy hidden
tape recorders.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ HOLDING CHAMPAGNE GLASS.

Sir Roger Douglas closed ACT’S barnstorming South
Island tour last night with a subdued reception at a half
packed Gore Workingmans Club tearoom telling the
enthralled throng not to worry as when he gets elected
Finance Minister again he will immediately solve New
Zealand and the world’s recession with a very cunning
plan of free market gone wild. When an old Pit Bull
from the crowd barked out, “how the hell would that
work”, Roger growled at her and refused to divulge
any details in the fear another party would steal his
cunning plan and sweep to power leaving him and poor
old Rodney outside parliament to sadly watch the
countries moral and financial ruin. The meeting then
came to an abrupt halt when a Greyhound arrived to
take the six old ladies and four dogs back home.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘JOHN KEY’ HOLDING CHAMPAGNE GLASS.

John Key told a packed Remuera bar last night that
debating Helen Clark was like trying to talk sense to a
mad Pit Bull with lipstick, no matter what you say she
will just bark over you and attack. MC Bill English said
that was further proof that John was so much like Barack
Obama it was scary as both hate Pit Bulls with lipstick,
are almost the same age, and both will win back power
from the pinko lefties with their promise of change.
When a lone heckler yelled out that unlike John, Obama
was a black “pinko lefty”, a good speaker, and was
actually intelligent, Bill became enraged and smashed
the offenders tape recorder and had Rodney Hide
forcibly remove Michael Cullen from the bar before the
cheering crowd of drunk bankers, lawyers, and TVNZ
executives. ,, And that’s today’s news and now it’s
time for ‘The Yesterday Show’ with the sexy and sassy
Henry Paul. (SMILES)

SHOT TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘HENRY’ AND SEATED ARE ‘JOHN KEY’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE AND ‘BILL ENGLISH’ DRINKING A LARGE BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have the new co leaders from
our brand new coalition government,

JOHN
Umm actually Henry I’m the leader leader, the other
guys are just kind of co second leaders. ( SMILES )

ROGER
Well I’m in charge of finances so I guess that makes me
second in charge. ( SMILES )

BILL (angry )
Hey no way Roger, I’m the Minister for Racing, AND,
more importantly, The Minister for the Environment,
so I think,, that makes ME number two!

ROGER
Yes Bill, I can smell you from here. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘BILL’ SCOWLS AND IN WALTZ ‘WINSTON PETERS’ AND ‘TARIANA TURIA’ HOLDING HANDS AND IN LOVE. ‘WINSTON’ IS WEARING A ‘DEPUTY’ BADGE AND HOLDING CASK OF ‘WINE BOX THUNDER’.

WINSTON
Sorry we are late boys, I have just had to explain to
Tariana about the intimate in and outs of foreign affairs,
wink wink. ( SMUG SMILE )

TARIANA
Yes, did you know, you can see Alaska, Russia, and a
painting of dogs playing poker, from Sarah Palin’s bed ?

WINSTON
Shhh Tariana, I don’t want all my secret affairs cuming
out in public, there are many unscrupulous media hounds
out there who would just kill for the chance of making
dog meat out of poor old Winston. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF JUST BEFORE ‘WINSTON’ GETS HIT IN THE HEAD BY A FLYING BOTTLE OF ‘BITTER’ BEER AND SHOT GOES TO ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT WITH REMOTE AND ‘PITA SHARPLES’. THEY ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

RODNEY ( angry )
What a bloody farce, Sir Roger promised me foreign
affairs, he even gave me Sarah Palin and Nicky
Watson’s email addresses !

PITA
Ya I got suckered in too, John Key promised me Maori
Affairs and Immigration, I mean, what the hell does
Winston Peters know about Maori affairs and
immigration!

RODNEY ( turning green )
Don’t mention Winston!! I get very angry !!

GLASS BREAKS IN HIS HAND, SUIT STARTS POPPING LIKE THE ‘INCREDIBLE HULK’ AND A SIGN FLOPS DOWN WITH A VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by A. Dog for the Labour Party. Remember kids,
if you don’t vote Labour your left with this bad ACT for
the next three sevenths of a dog year!,,,

HEAR A COUPLE OF DOG BARKS AND CUT.

The Yesterday Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘JOHN KEY’ WITH DONKEY EARS.

FOXY
John Key’s twin brother was arrested last night after
giving Helen Clarke a brown eye at a private Transrail
function. Police have charged 47 year old Trust Manager
Don Key with lewd behavior and for being a bum in a
private function. When Helen was told it was John
Key’s twin brother Don who mooned her, she snickered
then quipped, “It must be a Key family trait to make a
complete ass of themselves,, hee haw, hee haw”. John Key
was unavailable for comment as he is currently overseas
overseeing the renovation of his three million dollar
Hawaiian Donkey Bay bach.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BLUE PIC OF A SMILING ‘AL GORE’ HOLDING A BIG WAD OF GREENBACK DOLLARS.

- Labour released National’s environmental policy last
night which was just a blue piece of paper with a picture
of Al Gore holding a huge wad of carbon credits. National’s
environmental spokesman Bill English today vehemently denied
it was their policy saying it was just a blue print, and
their real policy will be released as soon as he could
think of a better one.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’IN YELLOW SUIT.

- Winston Peters rang Radio Live’s Michael Laws this
morning to claim he has heard a rumour from a very
unreliable source that even though Rodney Hide wears
yellow suits, dances alone to Broadway tunes, and has
to pay women big time to be seen with him in public, he
was NOT actually gay, it’s just he is so butt ugly and
stupid he even scares away pit bulls with lipstick.
Winston then laughed and hung up prompting Rodney to
ring in to deny Winston’s claims saying just last month
he had lunch with Nicky Watson and he didn’t have to
pay a thing, other than the meal, limo, Champagne, and
a new pair of shoes. When Michael asked him if he got
lucky Rodney refused to confirm or deny but did say
Nicky said he was untold smarter than Eric Watson
and would do a real cool job at running the country,
just before she passed out after an unfortunate allergic
reaction to a certain brand of French Champagne.,,
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘The Yesterday Show’ with Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘JOHN KEY’ WEARING HAWAIIAN SHIRT, ‘BILL ENGLISH’, AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ WEARING YELLOW SUIT, THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Canine Day
we have got a very special panel of political dogs for you,

JOHN
Hey excuse me Henry, I’m not a political dog, I’m the
next Prime Minister of Hawaii,, oops, I mean, New
Zealand. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

BILL
Well I’m sure not a political dog, I used to be almost
Prime Minister and the leader of the National Party,
the greatest party in the world !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ANGRY ‘BILL’ GROWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

RODNEY
Well I’m not a dog, I’m leader of ACT, the second
greatest party in the world, AND, I just had a very
intimate date with Nicky Watson that didn’t cost
one taxpayer’s dime, and yes,, I did get lucky!
( WINKS AND SMILES TO AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE “MMMMM’S” AND DOG PANTING AT THE THOUGHT OF GETTING LUCKY WITH ‘NICKY’. IN RUNS ‘WINSTON PETERS’ WITH LIPSTICK MARKS ON COLLAR AND ONE BRIGHT RED CHEEK.

WINSTON
Sorry I’m late boys, I got attacked by some pit bull
with lipstick on heat, she wanted to pound me but
luckily I escaped with just a bitch slap. ( SMILES )

HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘OWEN GLENN’ WITH CHEQUEBOOK, BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

ROGER
See Owen, with idiots like that in charge I will be
running this country again by Christmas, I promise
you!

OWEN
Sounds great Sir Roger, so, who do I make the cheque
out to?

ROGER
Ah, better make it out to cash, actually,, if you put
another zero on there not only will I give you the Monaco
Consul but I’ll throw in a Knighthood, which, will entitle
you to some very JUICY foreign affairs, wink wink.

OWEN
Really,, can you get me Nicky Watson ?

ROGER
Yes of coarse,, Hell, I’ll even throw in Sarah Palin!

OWEN ( excited )
Deal !!

BOTH SMILE AND CLICK CHAMPAGNE GLASSES. SIGN PLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Don Key for the Green Party. Remember
kids, a vote for Green can finally rid New Zealand of
that stupid ass dirty garbage ACT!,,

HEAR DONKEY “ HEE HAWS” AND THEN AN ANGRY DOG BARK, CUT.

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 4

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ IN BLUE.

FOXY
Speculation mounted this morning that Hillary Clinton
is about to leave the Democratic race when she told
Ryan Seacrest she has been booked to appear on next
weeks ‘Special American Idol’ to sing Bob Dylan’s
‘It’s all over now, Baby Blue’. When Ryan asked her if
that was going to be her swan song Hillary firmly denied
it saying it was a love song to Bill, who, she then warned
Democrats, if she doesn’t get into the White House she will
be dropping him for screwing around on her campaign and
proposing to Geraldine Ferraro to be her next first man.
She then laughed very uneasy for a few seconds before hanging
up, prompting Ted Kennedy to ring in to say he totally agreed
with Hillary as he thought Geraldine was the perfect man for
her and it was about time she quit trying to entice voters
with that silly ass gas Bill.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SLUTTY LOOKING ‘BARBARA WALTERS’.

Barbara Walters appeared on Larry King last night
to announce the new paperback version of her racy
autobiography ‘Audition’ will include three extra
chapters detailing explicit sexual liaisons with J.F.K.,
The Three Stooges, and Bill Clinton. She then gleefully
told Larry her book is now being made into a
sensational Fox mini series starring the lovely Olsen
Twins playing the young and older herself, Queen
Latifah as Rosie and the skinny bitch Star Jones,
and Nick Nolte and Gary Busey as the old and older
Bill Clinton. When Larry asked her why she hadn’t
written about their torrid affair, Barbara giggled
and said he was WAY to small to be chapter worthy,
at which point Larry kissed and hugged her so hard
they both collapsed in a heap and had to be revived
by the next guest, Dan Rather, who immediately
announced he will be including his new sexy affairs
with Barbara and Larry in a chapter in his next
paperback.

MONITOR CHANGES TO PIC OF ‘NANCY REAGAN’.

Nancy Reagan posted a Utube add for John McCain
last night viciously attacking Barack HUSSEIN Obama
for lying about George W. Bush screwing up the war,
saying, if George hadn’t won that war the world would
now be ruled by Saddam HUSSEIN and high gas prices and
then urged voters to elect John McCain to make sure gas
prices stay low and HUSSEIN doesn’t invade the White House.
John McCain immediately distanced himself from Nancy’s
views by flying out to Hawaii with Sly Stallone to hunt
for oil and Japs.,, And that’s today’s headlines and now
it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARBARA WALTERS’, ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ WEARING ONE BOXING GLOVE, AND ‘NANCY REAGAN’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the Poor Old
Dog we got a panel of rich old bitches for ya all,

BARBARA
Excuse me Redd, I may be old in dog years but
believe me I’m still a puppy between the sheets
wink wink, just ask my new toy boys, Dan Rather
and Walter Cronkite. ( SMILES )

‘REDD’ SHUDDERS AND HEAR AUDIENCE ‘SHUDDERS’.

HILLARY
Yes and I’m sure not that old, heck, I’m young
enough to be John McCain’s illegitimate daughter
and Barack HUSSEIN Obama’s older, much wiser,
more experienced, lovable, sexy sassy sista.
( GRINS TO SILENCE )

NANCY
Yes and I’m not that old, I’m still young enough to
be Ron Paul’s, Larry King’s, and Mr. Magoo’s
mistresses I’ll have you know !

‘REDD’ SHUDDERS AND IN RUNS ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ DRESSED IN BLUE DRESS WITH CUM STAIN.

GERALDINE
Sorry I’m late sweeties, I just had to finish a Long,
Hard, interview.

REDD
Don’t tell me Geraldine, another HEAD strategy
“interview” with Bill ?

GERALDINE
Nooooooo,, I was interviewed for a leading cable tv
station by Dan Rather and Damn,, I think that old
dog was trying to come on to me!

REDD
Ya, and we can see he succeeded sistah !

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GERALDINE’ NOTICES CUM.

GERALDINE
Oh Damn it,, Bill promised he,, errrr,,, I mean, DAN,
promised,,

THE ‘GIRLS’ LOOK ANGRY AND GET UP AND WALK OVER TO ‘GERALDINE’

REDD
CAT FIGHT !!

HEAR BIG AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘BARBARA’ AND ‘NANCY’ MEEKLY PUNCH ‘GERALDINE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE ‘HILLARY’ DELIVERS A ‘ROCKY’ LIKE UPERCUT TO ‘GERALDINE’S’ CHIN. SHOT GOES TO THE STAGE OF ‘DEMOCRATIC IDOL’ WHERE ‘HILLARY’ AND ‘BILL’ WALK ON STAGE SMILING TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS, DRESSED IN BLUE PANT SUITS WITH ‘HILLARY’ HOLDING A DOG CHAIN ATTACHED TO A COLLAR AROUND ‘BILL’S ’ NECK. SHE STARTS SINGING VERY BADLY TO ‘LOBO’S’, ‘ME AND YOU AND A DOG NAMED BLUE’.

HILLARY
I remember to this day
the bright red Georgia clay
and how it stuck to the tires
after the summer rain

will power made that old car go
a womans mind told me that’s so
oh how I wish we were
Back in the White House again

Me and you and a dog named Bill
traveling and living off the land
me and you and a dog named Bill
how I love being a free man

Sing it Bill !

‘BILL’ STARTS HOWLING LIKE A DOG ON HEAT AND SUDDENLY WE HEAR A GIANT GONG. ‘BILL’ AND ‘HILLARY’ LOOK ANGRY AND FACE TURNS RED AND THEY START WAGGING FINGER AT JUDGES AND THE CAMERA PANS TO SEE A SMILING ‘TED KENNEDY’ WITH THE GONG AND THEN SEE THE OTHER SMILING JUDGES ARE ‘ JOHN EDWARDS’, ‘AL GORE’, AND ‘OPRAH’. SIGN QUICKLY FALLS DOWN WITH A ‘MR. MAGOO’ VOICE OVER

MR. MAGOO
The preceeding was a very cheap political add written
and produced by I. M. Blind for John McCain. Remember Kids,
a vote for John says you really care about lower gas prices,
winning wars, guns, and grumpy old men.,

HEAR A SHOT AND START OF ‘MR. MAGOO’S’ LAUGH AND CUT.

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 3

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH ‘REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT’ ON

FOXY
Rev. Jeremiah Wright announced on ‘The Daily Show’ last
night he has now dropped his support for Barack HUSSEIN
Obama and is now endorsing Bill and Hillary for the White
House. He said he always looked on Bill as his old honky
brother and mentor though stressed, he never got any of that
extra marital hanky panky old dog Bill got because of his
Black Christian values and one hell of a strong wife. Bill has
promised the Rev when he gets back in the White House
he will be welcomed in with open arms as the token black
Spiritual Advisor and Bill’s very own personal weekend driver.
When John asked him if Obama had put him up to this, the Rev
laughed and firmly denied it before admitting it was his hero
and mentor Oprah that made him do it. He then gleefully announced
he is now in intense negotiations with Rupert Murdoch to star in
his very own Jerry Springer Fox type talk show to go up against that
cold white hearted bitch Oprah.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BEAT UP ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ .

Roger Clemens appeared on Larry King last night to
vehemently deny ever having sexual relations with a fifteen
year old country singer and taking steroids for ten years. He
swore all alleged sexual and steroid abuse claims with
minors was a vicious lie as he only helped little Mindy out
because he was a huge fan of her poignant songwriting
skills. He then told Larry he was also supporting Bill and
Hillary for the White House as like Rev Jeremiah he looked
upon Bill as an old white brother and mentor though he too
never got into any of that extra maritual pussy or smoking
drugs because of a very strong wife and Black Christian
values. When Larry asked him if he was still on drugs, Roger
turned very angry and smashed his chair over him before
storming off swearing and getting into a fight with the next
guest, Jose Canseco. Larry awarded the fight to Roger two falls
to one and immediately booked a rematch for Election Night before
collapsing in a heap.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BITTER ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ IN ‘ELVIS’ CLOTHES.

Vegas odds on an Obama Clinton running ticket tumbled last
night after a bitter looking John Edwards was caught
placing a thousand dollar bet with Vegas bookie Jimmy
The Shark. Edwards was there thinly disguised in an Elvis
Convention but The Shark saw right through him as he was
the only impersonator with perfect hair and teeth wearing a
clean jump suit that looked bitter. Edwards claimed he was
just putting on the bet for some cynical homeless vets who
refused to believe that he had already been guaranteed the
Vice Presidency for his and Al Gore’s Super Delegate votes.
When asked who he thought he would be Vice President for,
Edwards refused to speculate, just saying, he hopes the best
man wins,, And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time,
for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ WEARING A ‘Clintons for Presidents ’ SHIRT. ‘REV. JEREMAIH WRIGHT’ WEARING A ‘Bill for KING’ SHIRT AND ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ LOOKING LIKE ‘ELVIS’.THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the hound we got a
panel of political dogs for ya all,

ROGER ( angry )
Hey I ain’t no political dog, I’m close personal friends and
proud supporters of George W. Bush and John McCain, the
greatest two Presidents ever !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROGER’ GROWLS AT THEM AND THEY SHUT UP FAST.

JEREMIAH
Well I say son, I sure ain’t no political dog, once my protégé
HUSSEIN gets in that WHITE house, I’ll be through that door faster
than a stray starving BLACK bull dog through some fat cat door to
a WHITE bowl of gourmet pussy food! ( SMIRKS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

JOHN
Well I’m sure not a political dog, heck, I’m going to be the
next Vice President. ( SMILES )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS CONFUSED AND IN RUNS ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ IN A BLUE DRESS WITH CUM STAINS.

GERALDINE
Sorry I’m late hunnies, got held up.

REDD
Don’t tell me Geraldine, another HEAD strategy meating
with Bill ?

GERALDINE
Why yes, how did you guess sugar?

JEREMIAH
Cause we can see the old dog left his, “Thy King Dumb
Cum”, mark sister!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GERALDINE’ NOTICES CUM.

GERALDINE
Damn it he promised!,, that’s the last time I ever trust a
man politician again!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS IN RUSHES AN ANGRY ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE SMASHES ‘GERALDINE’ OVER THE HEAD WITH A FRYING PAN. SHOT GOES TO THE STAGE OF ‘THE REV JEREMIAH SHOW’ WHERE ‘REV’ RUNS ON STAGE TO AUDIENCE CHEERS, DOG BARKS AND CHICKEN SOUNDS . SEATED ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’, ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ AND ‘ELLIOT SPITZER’.

JEREMIAH
I say, thank you my faith full fans, man we have got one hell
of a show for ya all tonight, all about political adultery, I say,
praise the Lord , and we have got a panel of bad dogs here for
redemption just for your viewing pleasure, I say, praise the Lord,

BILL ( angry )
O.K. that’s it, I’m out of here, I’ve never committed political
adultery so there is no need for redemption!

JOHN
Ya me too, I’ve REALY never committed adultery so I feel
ripped off, I feel used now.

ELLIOT
Well hell I’ll stay, I need redemption so I can still be Vice
President.

BILL
No way Elliot, deals off, Obama is our boy now!

JEREMIAH AND JOHN ( in unision )
Damn Bill, you promised ME that job !

BILL
Hah, don’t believe anything I say boys, I just like talking a
lot of BULL. ( LAUGHS LIKE ‘BULLWINKLE’)

AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AS EVERYONE LOOKS AT ‘BILL’ WITH DAGGERS AND A SIGN DROPS DOWN WITH A ‘FOGHORN LEGHORN’ VOICEOVER.

FOGHORN
I say, the preceding was a very cheap political add written and
produced by A. Chicken for the Rev Jeremiah Wright.Remember kids,
a vote for Obama means the rooster can finally come home to roost.

HEAR DOG GROWL

FOGHORN ( voice only )
I say, that’s a joke son, a flag waver, you’re built to low,
the fast ones go over your head HUSSEIN,

CUT JUST AS HEAR DOG AND CHICKEN START TO FIGHT.



Monty predicts in November that Obama/Clinton will beat McCain/ Wright by a long head and a short nose, ruff ruff!

Fox News Cartoon Dog Show 2

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘BILL CLINTON’ WEARING A ‘DAVEY CROCKETT’ COONSKIN HAT IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton produced another bitter ad on the internet
last night, this one featuring husband Bill dressed like
Davey Crockett and Hillary dressed as Annie Oakley finding
a bitter run away pot addict named Obama, played by Wesley Snipes,
and urging him to give up his pot and come shoot some raccoons
with them and their friendly small town religious coon posse. Wesley
then blows smoke in their face and runs away laughing with Rocky
Raccoon as Davey and Annie and their friendly posse fire a barrage of
bitter coon snipes at them. Thirty seconds after the add appeared
Hillary’s new Strategy Head Geraldine Ferraro resigned her post after
Revs Jeramiah, Al, and Jesse complained about racial overtones, though,
Geraldine swears, it wasn’t racial at all it was just Bill’s idea of
black comedy. She then confirmed Nancy Pelosi will be Hillary’s new
Strategy Head before bitterly resigning as Bill’s private secretary.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘TOMMY CHONG’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

Not to be outdone, Barack Obama released a bitter internet ad thirty
seconds later featuring Gary Busey and Nick Nolte as Bill and Hillary
lying in bed at 3 a.m and smoking a joint but not inhaling, much to the
chagrin of their new joint Heads of Strategy, ‘Cheech and Chong’, when
Monica Lewinski bounces in and offers Bill her big juicy Cuban cigar just
before Hillary smashes her face in and shoves the cigar in Bill where the
sun don’t shine. Twelve seconds later Obama’s Head Spokesman Oprah
apologized to all Cubans for having their cigar end up in such a bitter
end.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘SLY STALLONE’ DRESSED AS ‘ROCKY’ AND HOLDING MACHINE GUN.

Not to be out done by the bitter feuding Democrats, John
McCain posted a t.v. ad three hours later featuring Sly
Stallone as ‘Rocky’ telling kids that both he, Rambo and
John believe drug use can not be tolerated for future
Presidents, unless its healthy legal Asian steroids that make
you look big, young, and smart, like him, Rambo, John and
The Terminator. He then promised the kids if John wins the
election all four of them will quickly win the war on terror,
the war on drugs, and win back an N.F.L. team to L.A..
Two hours later McCain’s Strategy Head Maria Shriver had the ad
pulled after having to admit winning back an N.F.L. team
to L.A. could take a bit longer than anticipated.,, and
that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’ DRESSED LIKE ‘DAVEY CROCKETT’, ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A ‘RON PAUL 4 PREZ’ SHIRT AND ‘SLY STALLONE’ DRESSED AS ‘ROCKY’ AND HOLDING A MACHINE GUN. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being the day of the lemon we got a
bit of a bitter panel for ya all,

BILL ( angry )
Hey I’m not bitter! Why should I be, I’m going to be the next
Pres,, I mean Vice Pres, d’oh,, I mean, first man, and I tell you
what, I’ll still be the one wearing the pants in the White House,
believe me!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘BILL’ LOOKS ANGRY AND WAGS FINGER AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

TOMMY
Ya just cause I did nine months hard jail time for selling a
bong it doesn’t make me bitter man, pissed off ya but hey,
jail was good for me man, I found a used bible and four more
bitter sweet dealers called Dave.

AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Dave’s not here man !

‘TOMMY’ LAUGHS AND WAGS FINGERS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

ROCKY
Well I sure ain’t bitter, I’m a bit Rocky and Rambo but
not bitter cause these healthy Asian steroids make me very
happy and sweet. ( SMILES SICKLY )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS,’ ROCKY’ LOOKS ANGRY AND WAVES MACHINE GUN, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN RUNS AND OUT OF BREATH ‘WESLEY SNIPES’ DRESSED ONLY IN ‘GOOFY’ BOXERS.

WESLEY
Sorry I’m late,, got held up and robbed by a very bad man!

REDD
Who was it, the TAX man?

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

WESLEY
No, I think it was Nick Nolte or Gary Busey.

HILLARY ( angry voice only )
Hey I am not a God Damned bad man actor! I AM
WOMAN !!

REDD
Yikes she sounds like Hell, an Ready. ( WINKS AT
AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS AND DOG BARKS AT BAD PUN.

BILL
Geez, I only wish she would talk like that in bed . ( LAUGHS LIKE ‘BULLWINKLE’ )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND IN RUSHES ANGRY ‘HILLARY’ DRESSED IN ‘WESLEY’S’ PIMP CLOTHES AND CARRYING A BIG JOINT AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE COMPLETELY SHOVES THE JOINT DOWN ‘BILL’S ‘ THROAT’. SHOT GOES TO A CLOCK THAT SAYS ‘3 A.M.’ AND A PHONE RINGS AND CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE ‘BILL’, ‘HILLARY’, AND ‘OBAMA’ IN BED SMOKING A JOINT. THEY LOOK FREAKED OUT AT PHONE SO ‘BILL’ RINGS THE MAID’S BELL AND IN COMES ‘GERALDINE FERRARO’ DRESSED AS MAID.

BILL
Could you get that Geraldine,, tell them we have all gone out
coon shooting .

THE BED STONERS ALL BREAK OUT INTO STONER LAUGHS, ‘GERALDINE’ ROLLS HER EYES AND ANSWERS THE PHONE.

GERALDINE ( Flip Wilson’s ‘Geradine’ voice )
House of laughs ?

SCREEN SPLITS TO SEE A JUBULANT ‘RALPH NADER’ ON THE OTHER SIDE.

RALPH
Hey Geraldine, it’s Ralphypoo here, that Vice President job is
still yours if you want it baby face.

GERALDINE ( excited )
Oh my God! yes yes yes! thank you ! Lord, You are a savior!
Muuahhhhhh honey !

GERALDINE HANGS UP SMILING AND SCREEN GOES FULL SHOWING THE BED STONERS HAVE PERKED UP.

HILLARY
What, is it good news ?

BARACK
Please tell me they are having a Florida recount.

BILL
If that was Monica tell her I don’t smoke in bed no more,
honest.

GERALDINE
Well I’ve got some good news and some bad news, which one
you want first?

HILLARY
Well since we are all bitter, give us the bad news first.

GERALDINE
Gladly, well the bad news is,, GET OUT OF MY
BED HONKIES !!!!

STONERS LOOKED SHOCKED AND A SIGN QUICKLY DROPS DOWN WITH A ‘GOOFY’ DOG VOICE OVER.

GOOFY ( voice only )
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by A. Dog for Ron Paul. Remember kids, a vote for
Ron tells them you’re as mad as hell and aren’t going to
take this anymore!,, gawrsh!,,

HEAR THE START OF ‘GOOFY’S’ LAUGH AND CUT.