The Yesterday Show 4

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN A STRAIGHTJACKET.

FOXY
Labour President Mike Williams dropped a bombshell on
himself last night and had to be admitted to Melbourne’s
Sunnyside Hospital after going so mad trying to dig up
dirt on John Key he dropped a Guy Fawkes Sparkler
Bomb on his foot in a feeble attempt to become Labour’s
first National suicide bomber. A spokesman for Mike, Helen
Clarke, blamed John Key for Mike’s cry for help
saying he couldn’t find any dirt on John at all, not even
smoking a joint at uni or even ever attending a strip club,
which, must raise questions about John’s sexuality. Helen
then quickly added not that there’s anything wrong with that,
as some of her best friends and the top men in the Labour
Party are all lesbians.

MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘ WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A CELLPHONE.

Owen Glenn today told the ‘New Zealand Herald’ he has
just hired a top team of ACT Q.C.’S to sue the pants
off Winston Peters for defamation of character. Owen
said thanks to Winston’s lies and innuendos his
reputation as an honest likeable businessman and sexy
ladies man has been ruined as he said now Nicky
Watson, Aja Rock, and even Chloe are all
refusing to return his calls. When Winston heard
the charges he laughed and told Michael Laws,
“What bloody character”! He then vowed to fight
the charge and has already called Sir Bob Jones,
the Vela family, and a wealthy Monaco businessman
for help with his expensive legal fees and is
currently anxiously awaiting their return calls.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF SUNGLASSED ‘THE DUDE’ FROM ‘ THE BIG LEBOWSKI’.

Golden Bay was a buzz last night after the ‘Aotearoa
Legalize Cannabis Party’s’ financial spokesman, simply
called ‘The Dude’, told a packed wigwam their redundant
workers rescue bribe would be the same as ACT’S except
everyone gets an extra ten bucks and an ounce of weed a
week. When a reporter from ‘High Times’ asked him how
the country could afford that, The Dude shrugged and
said, “ I don’t know man, ask Sir Rog, he’s the
money dude man”. The meeting then moved outside for
a smoko break where everyone was promptly put under
citizens arrest by Peter Dunne. The stunned mob then all
laughed and blew smoke at Peter who was last seen running
up Takaka Hill singing the soundtrack from the musical ‘Hair’,
completely naked. ( SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT ),, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
starring the serene and surreal Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘ HENRY’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MIKE WILLIAMS’ IN STRAIGHTJACKET AND CAST ON FOOT, ‘WINSTON PETERS’ CLUTCHING A PHONE, AND ‘THE DUDE’ SMOKING A JOINT. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a panel of candidates
who are in line to receive some very generous redundancy
recession rescue plan benefit bribes,

MIKE
Hey no way will I ever become redundant as long as
Helen is in power, she assured me I’m as safe as banks,
and she is Labour’s top man!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MIKE’ LOOKS CONFUSED.

WINSTON
Well I’ll hardly be redundant, Ron Marks will win
Rimutaka by a landslide and I'll regain my right full
foreign affairs and racing posts no matter who is
in power, except maybe, The Natural Law Party.

HEAR AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS, ‘WINSTON’ SMILES.

The Dude
Well I hope I get made redundant man, I only
scored this gig cause I was promised an ounce
of weed a week while I contemplate my future
career options.

IN RUNS ‘TAITO PHILLIP FIELD’ CARRYING A CROSS AND A BIBLE.

TAITO
Sorry I’m late boys, I just had to finalize an endorsement
deal and a cheap section from New Zealand’s own Messiah,
Bishop Brian, so looks like I will be in Parliament again,
( LOOKS ABOVE) Thank you God and Brian, I love you guys.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘TAITO’ LOOKS ANGRY AND SHOWS THEM THE ‘CROSS’ AND ‘BRIAN'S BIBLE’ LIKE THEY ARE THE ANTI CHRISTS. SHOT GOES TO THE TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WHERE A NAKED ‘PETER DUNNE’ IS RUNNING UP THE HILL SINGING THE SONG ‘HAIR’.

PETER ( SINGING )
Let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There ain’t no words
For the beauty, the splendor, the wonder
Of my…

Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair
Flow it, show it
Long as God can grow it
My hair,,

‘PETER’ REACHES THE TOP OF THE HILL AND A SHOT RINGS OUT AND ‘PETER’ DROPS DEAD AND INTO THE SCENE ENTERS YELLOW SUITED ‘RODNEY HIDE’ CARRYING A RIFLE.

RODNEY
Sorry Peter, but I find that song highly offensive!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘JOHN KEY’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

JOHN
Darn, it’s amazing what TVNZ calls comedy these days.

ROGER
Don’t worry John when I become Finance Minister
again I’m going to sell TVNZ.

JOHN
Yes, but who would want to buy it?

ROGER
Well if we give Owen Glenn the Monaco Council and
then a knighthood he said he will take it off our hands,
he wants to become New Zealand’s Sir Rupert Murdoch.

JOHN
Deal then, I love Rupert, he is like a God to me!

ROGER
Yes, me too.

THEY CLICK GLASSES AND LOOK ALL STARRY EYED AT EACH OTHER AND JUST BEFORE THEY TONGUE KISS A SIGN WITH VOICE OVER FLOPS DOWN.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written
and produced by A. Stoner for the Aotearoa Legalise
Cannabis Party. Remember kids, a vote for the Cannabis
Party means,, ummm,,, oh YA,, high times and free
weed for every unemployed worker!,,

HEAR A COUPLE OF DOG COUGHS. SHOT GOES TO ‘RODNEY HIDE’ ON TOP OF ‘TAKAKA HILL’ WEARING THE SCALPED ‘PETER DUNNE’S’ HAIR. HE IS DANCING AND SINGING A BROAD WAY TUNE.

RODNEY
And let it fly in the breeze
And get caught in the trees
Give a home to the fleas in my hair
A home for fleas
A hive for bees
A nest for birds
There

SUDDENLY A PARROT DIVES IN AND GRABS THE HAIR AND FLIES AWAY. ANGRY ‘RODNEY’ AIMS RIFLE TO THE AIR AND GETS COVERED IN A LOT OF BIRD SHIT.

PARROT ( VOICE ONLY )
Rodney you plonker !!!

HEAR LOTS OF BIRDS LAUGHING, CUT.




Monty predicts an election night upset with ‘The
Bill and Ben Party’ sweeping to power over the
‘Aotearoa Legalise Cannabis Party’ by one vote,
ruff ruff !