The Yesterday Show 3

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’ ON.

FOXY
National’s Immigration spokesman Lockwood Smith told
Radio Live’s Willie Jackson today that Americans are
much preferred immigrants to Canadians as their brains
were much bigger because they don’t drink as much beer,
smoke as much wacky bacy, and then lie about their
qualifications and get highly paid jobs running Maori TV.
He did say though on the plus side their hands were
pretty normal and most of them were toilet trained so
could be suitable for outdoor work. National Leader John
Key immediately distanced himself from Lockwood’s view
by flying out to his luxurious Hawaiian get away for a
possible meeting and photo op with his American soul
brother and mentor, Barrack Obama’s, sick grandmother.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’

- National Transport spokesman Maurice Williamson
told a packed Remuera truckers meeting last night not
to fret for when National gets back in they will sell the
Railways back to rich Americans for carbon credits and
cheap oil so there will be cheap petrol for everyone which
will make it a win win situation. When a disgruntled
truckie told him, “trucks run on diesel you twat”, Maurice
was surprised and then said he was just quoting what Bill
English told him at the National Conference. An angry Bill
English then yelled out, “Don’t quote me you stupid twit,
I like to tell fibs”, at which point Maurice profusely
apologized to Bill for misquoting him and then blamed it
on his new medication. Bill then told the crowd he was a
bit tipsy and just joking when he made that fib statement,
then laughed and sculled a pint of bitter followed by a
three diet pill chaser to the cheers of the rich
conservative truckies and drunk TVNZ executives.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT OUTSIDE ‘MT. EDEN PRISON’.

- Rodney Hide had a police complaint made about him
today for lying about not getting free rent from Sir Bob
Jones. Police wouldn’t name the complainant except to
say he was a very well known very respected smart
businessman from Tauranga. When Rodney found out
who the complainant was he was furious telling Radio
Live’s Michael Laws he always thought he and Bob Clarkson
were supposed to be on the same team. He then vowed to
fight the charge with ACT’S team of very expensive free
lawyers and would be proved just as innocent as Winston
Peters, if not even more. Rodney then refused to answer
any of Laws questions saying he was running late for his
next TV appearance, giving ACT’S hard line law and order
speech to the friendly staff and inmates in Mt. Eden Prison.
He did say though he thought Bob Clarkson was a big fat
stupid liar before hanging up in disgust.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘The Yesterday Show’
with the suave and sophisticated Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO CHEAP SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LOCKWOOD SMITH’, ‘MAURICE WILLIAMSON’ AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ IN YELLOW SUIT WITH A BLACK EYE AND BRUISES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today we have a very special panel of
politicians who make silly statements,

LOCKWOOD
Hey my statement wasn’t silly, Canadians really do have
smaller brains than Americans, It’s the cold weather, I
think it’s called, SHRINKAGE! ( SMILES TO LONE
AUDIENCE DOG BARK )

MAURICE
Well any silly statements I make I totally blame on my new
medication, I’m currently on a very high dosage of Rogain
and Grecian 2000.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘MAURICE’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

RODNEY
Well I shouldn’t even be here because I never make any
silly statements, I’m the leader of ACT, the second greatest
Party in the world and soon to hold the KEY to the future
of our country, AND jails!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘RODNEY’ SCOWLS AT THEM AND IN RUN ‘JOHN KEY’ IN HAWAIIAN SHIRT AND CARRYING A BIG PICTURE OF ‘BARRACK OBAMA’ BEING FOLLOWED BEHIND BY ‘PETER DUNNE’ CARRYING ‘JOHN’S’ THREE SUITCASES.

JOHN
Sorry I’m late boys, getting through Hawaiian customs is
like trying to negotiate with a five headed monster!

‘JOHN’ GRINS TO LONE AUDIENCE DOG BARK AND ‘PETER DUNNE’ LAUGHING LIKE A HYENA. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR BOB JONES’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’. BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPANGE AND ‘BOB’ HAS THE CHEQUEBOOK OUT.

BOB
What a joke! We are doomed with these idiots in power!

ROGER
Don’t worry Sir Bob, once I get in I’ll be running the
country again by Easter, I promise you.

BOB
I believe you Sir Rog, so, here’s a cheque for twenty five
grand, AND,, the keys to my penthouse, wink wink.

ROGER
Why thank you Sir,, Sir Bob,, I think I love you.

BOB
Well the feeling is mutual Sir Rog, the feelings mutual.

‘BOB’ AND ‘ROGER’ LOOK AT EACH OTHER ALL STARRY EYED AND ARE JUST ABOUT TO TONGUE KISS WHEN A SIGN FLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Monty Peters for the New Zealand First
Party. Remember kids, if you don’t vote Winston in you’ll
be left with this bad comedy ACT for the next three
headed monster years!,,

HEAR ‘WINSTON’S’ LAUGH AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT.