Not the Fox News Comedy Show 3

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A BLURRY PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN OLD BLACK AND WHITE STRIPPED JAIL GEAR AND HOLDING A BIBLE.

FOXY
Paris Hilton posted a phone video last night on MySpace to cry to
her millions of friends that she hates this scummy jail and that fat
pig scumbag judge who sent her back but plans to spend her remaining
few days productively by crying and writing songs for a new record
tentively titled, ‘Legal Blues’, which is being put out on the ‘Star
Bucks’ label and being produced by Phil Spector. She also said she
would be putting the finishing touches on her jail diary which she
proudly told her millions of friends that she has already wrote
something like almost seventeen, words,, if a, the , and duh, are
counted as words.

PARIS
Yes Foxy my jail record and diary are going to be huge sellers, I’m
going to earn like a million bucks a day in jail, thank you baby
Jesus, thank you.

FOXY
So Paris, what was the mysterious illness that got you out of jail
for a day ?

PARIS
It’s pretty rare, I think it’s called,, nailanity ?

FOXY
Nailanity, I’ve never heard of that one, what is it ?

PARIS
It’s where an innocent girl breaks a nail and can’t stop crying about
it until she goes crazy, lucky I have a good doctor cause like believe
it or not I’m like the first known case, yay for me, thank you baby
Jesus and Doctor Sophy, I love you.

‘PARIS’ CELLPHONE CONNECTION DROPS OFF.

FOXY
Whoops, looks like she’s getting a pretty bad reception in jail.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A VERY HAPPY LOOKING ‘CHRIS WOODS’, THE MAN SUING ‘BOOST PLUS’ DRINKS FOR GIVING HIM A BONER THAT WOULDN’T DIE.

FOXY
Chris Woods the man suing ‘Boost Plus Energy Drinks’ for
giving him wood that just would not fall has cum to an out of
court settlement with the huge hard drink cumpany by agreeing
to accept their offer, to be their new Spokesmodel. Mister
Woods and his wood will be touring the country with a band of
strippers and free samples and kicks off a grueling 69 city
tour Tuesday in Woodstock and ends 68 days later at Holly
Wood’s Hard Rock Café.

CHRIS
Yo Foxy, ya it’s so good to be working again if ya know what I
mean cause man it’s been a hard few years for me I tell ya, I’ve
been laughed out of so many job interviews it just ain’t funny,,
hahaha ( TAKES BIG DRINK )

FOXY
Gee Chris, it sure sounds a hard tour, 69 cities in 69 days,
are you sure you are up for it.

CHRIS
Ya I know it’s going to be hard Foxy, I’m going to have to drink
gallons of this stuff every day, I’m not sure I can keep it up for
the whole tour but with a band of strippers I think I’m sure
going to die trying, haha, thank you Jesus and Boost Plus , hahaha
( STARTS SCULLING DRINK )

FOXY
Now THAT, is one happy man.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PHIL SPECTOR’.

FOXY
Phil Spector dropped a bombshell last night by firing his entire
legal team and has now hired Paris Hilton’s Doctor Charles Sophy
to represent him. Doctor Sophy immediately diagnosed his client
with having a rare incurable condition called ‘Paris Hilton
Syndrome’, in which the patient has an incontrollable urge to
shoot their mouth off and then act crazy like they didn’t do it.
Doctor Sophy is expecting his client’s charges to be dropped
sometime after midnight and has already organized a Freedom
Party at Paris Hilton’s house tomorrow night.

PHIL
Ya Foxy Doctor Sop is a saviour, he even got my the gig
producing Paris’s new record , it’s going to be so groovy man,
she sings like a bird.

FOXY
Yes, a senile jailbird,, have you ever heard her actually sing ?

PHIL
Ya Doctor Sop played her album for me and that’s what gave me
her syndrome and a free ticket to freedom and insanity, thank
you Jesus, Paris, and Doctor Sop. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY)

FOXY
Shoot Phil, you’ve convinced me, hope I get an invite to tomorrow’s
Freedom Party .

PHIL
Ya come along Foxy, I promise you that gun in my pocket is only cause
I’m VERY happy to see you. ( STICKS TONGUE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )

‘PHIL’ LAUGHS CRAZILY, ‘FOXY’ SHUDDERS AT THE THOUGHT AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN OLD STYLE JAIL GEAR WITH A BALL AND CHAIN AROUND ANKLE AND HOLDING A BIBLE, ‘CHRIS WOODS’ IN A TIGHT ‘BOOST PLUS MAN’ SUPERHEROE COSTUME WITH A BIG BONER AND DRINKING A BOTTLE OF ‘BOOST PLUS’ , AND ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ HOLDING A NOTE AND A BIBLE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hard case panel for ya all,

PARIS
Umm excuse me, I’m not a hard case, I only mix with the soft prisoners and have no jail tattoos, yet, thank you baby Jesus, thank you .

CHRIS
Man I’m a real hard case, thank you Jesus and Boost Plus, I love
you guys, hahaha. ( SCULLS DRINK, BONER GETS BIGGER, PARIS IS VERY IMPRESSED )

PHIL
Well I’m sure not a hard case, it’s obvious I’m completely innocent,
I’ve got Paris Hilton Syndrome and I’m stark raving mad and I’ve
got a doctor’s note to prove it ! ( LAUGHS CRAZY AND WAVES NOTE AROUND )

PARIS
Hey that’s not funny Phil ! don’t steal my syndrome! I paid Doctor
Sophy big money for that and I’m using it again next week, so
give it back now or else I’m telling my mommy !

PHIL
To late bitch, haha, thank you Jesus and Doctor Sop, yee haw !

‘PHIL’ GETS UP AND JUMPS UP AND DOWN LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY WAVING BIBLE IN ONE HAND AND NOTE IN THE OTHER, BEHIND HIM SNEAKS IN ‘DOCTOR SOPHY’ IN WHITE COAT WITH A HUGE NEEDLE,’PARIS’ THROWS HER BIBLE AT ‘PHIL’ AND HITS HIM IN THE HEAD, WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE ‘DOCTOR’ SHOVES THE NEEDLE HARD UP ‘PHIL’S’ ASS.