Not the Fox News Comedy Show 2

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER BARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another video blog last night telling her fans
she will be entering rehab in a few months to cure her addiction to
medical marijuana which she legally gets from Oregon after spending
a very depressing weekend in Eugene ten years ago. She now blames
Eugene and his kick ass weed for all the silly things she has said about
9/11, the war, and Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who she described as a very
sexy funny smart woman who should win the next Nobel Peace Prize
and become America’s first female ambassador to Iraq while leading
the New York Giants offense, to Superbowl glory ?

ROSIE
Yes Foxy, Elizabeth is so sexy and smart and man what a bod, I
would pay good money to be able to bang that bitch doggie style
with my ‘Ellen Degenerate Strap On’, she would love it Foxy as I’m
way better than a man if you know what I mean. ( STICKS
TOUNGE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )

FOXY
Well I’ll take your word for it, ( SHUDDERS AT THOUGHT )
But are you serious in your apologizing for all your silly 9/11
and war comments ?

ROSIE
Hell ya Foxy, I’ve come on here just to show me hanging my head
in shame, I hope this position doesn’t make my head look big
does it ?

FOXY
Well yes, it looks bigger than a pregnant beached blue whale.
( SMILES )

ROSIE ( angry )
Hey ! !

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN’ WITH A GLASS OF “COKE” IN HAND.

FOXY
Lyndsay Lohan celebrated finishing her second rehab last night
by staggering out of a hot Hollywood night club to tell the
waiting paparazzi her second rehab was the hardest few days
of her life but well worth it and a good lesson to all under aged
drinking girls to be way more careful when driving. She also took
the opportunity to announce she has just signed on with Paris
Hilton and Britney Spears to make a new Fox mini series
based on the lives of ‘The Three Stooges’. She said Britney has
already nabbed the role of Curly but her and Paris are still
fighting over the Moe role because nobody wants to play that
dork Larry.

LYNDSAY
Ya Foxy the Larry role sucks big time, and nobody sucks better
than that spoiled nappy head ho Paris, she’s going to go down
very well in jail I tell you, wink wink.

FOXY
Wow, I bet she’s going to be popular prisoner then.

LYNDSAY
Heck ya! she’ll be more popular that a solitary cheap crack
whore at a Duke Lacrosse Team New Years Eve party !

MOM ( voice only )
Britney dear, where did you stash the coke and whiskey darling,
Mama’s bored.

LYNDSAY ( angry )
Mum I’m on TV, don’t mention,, umm,,, soft drinks !

MOM ( v.o. )
I don’t care about SOFT drinks, I want the bloody hard stuff !

BRITNEY
Shut up Mom ! You are ruining my good girl image !

MOM
Good girl my ( BLEEP ) ass !

FOXY
Well, looks like insanity sure runs fast in that family.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’

FOXY
Nicole Ritchie last night sincerely apologized to all overweight
people for having them excluded from her parties. She said she
simply couldn’t afford to invite them anymore as all she serves
is finger food and by the time the beautiful thin people got
hungry the fatties had eaten all the food and were begging for
more which was very disturbing to her and her wafer thin
sexy friends.

NICOLE
Yes Foxy I have nothing against fatties personally, some are very
jolly, it’s just that they eat like pigs and make funny noises and
then smell funny, they are so uncool it isn’t funny.

FOXY
You better be careful about talking about the overweight like that
Nicole, they can get pretty heavy if provoked.

NICOLE
Yes don’t worry Foxy, since I’m thin sexy and healthy I’m a very
fast runner, I can make it from the dinner table to toilet bowl in
4.69 seconds, all in one breath ! Beat that fatties !

FOXY
Wow that’s a very special talent.

NICOLE
Yes I know, I should be in the Olympics.

FOXY
Well that sure would increase the Special Olympic ratings.

NICOLE
Huh ?

FOXY
Sorry, sick gag.

MONITOR TURNS OFF WITH ‘NICOLE’ STILL LOOKING CONFUSED.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n
Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ WITH BANDANA AND SWEAT SUIT, ‘LYNDSAY LOHEN’ WITH LOW CUT TOP AND GLASS OF “COKE” IN HAND, AND ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a sassy feminine line up
for ya all,

ROSIE
Excuse me I’m not feminine, I’m very masculine, just ask my
wife.

LYNDSAY
I’m really feminine, my boobies are huge. ( STICKS OUT CHEST
TO AUDIENCE WOLF WHISTLES AND DOG BARKS )

NICOLE
I’m very feminine, I only weight sixty nine pounds and can’t cook.

ROSIE
What good is a skinny bitch that can’t cook ?

NICOLE
You should try one Rosie, you might be able to lose a few,
HUNDRED pounds . ( HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS )

REDD
Yeouch Nicole, that’s a bit heavy.

ROSIE
Don’t worry Redd, I’m a man I can take it.

‘ROSIE’ GETS UP AND WALKS OVER TO ‘NICOLE’ AND PUNCHES HER SO HARD SHE FLIES OUT OF THE SCENE.

ROSIE
See, when it cums to comic putdowns, a heavyweight always kills
a featherweight, hands down !

‘ROSIE’ DOES A HAND STAND, STARTS WABBLING, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE SHE CRUMBLES AND FACE HITS THE GROUND HARD .