Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 5

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘ELLEN DeGENERES’ HOLDING A CAT.

FOXY
A tearful Ellen DeGeneres told her studio audience last night she has
just hired top animal attorney Billy Martin to try and get her beloved
pooch Iggy back. She cried that her and Portia really miss having Iggy
around and even though he was a bit rough with their pussies they will
welcome him home with open arms as long as he doesn’t act like such a
dog this time. Ellen then stopped crying and proudly showed off her
new adoption, a gay cat called Larry, who immediately went into a hissy
fit for the camera and stormed off in a huff.,,, Gee Ellen, Larry sounds
a bit of a prima donna.

ELLEN
Oh he is Foxy, turned out the little scamp wasn’t even gay so we had
him fixed faster than you can say Anne Heche, he sure didn’t like
that much I tell you, hahaha

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES ‘ELLEN’ .

ELLEN
Ouch Larry, that hurt.

‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING. ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES. MONITOR CHANGES TO A ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ HOLDING ‘IGGY’.

FOXY
Ellen DeGeneres’s former dog Iggy has now been adopted from his
new owner by Howard K. Stern after Howard was so moved by poor
Iggys plight he offered the lucky owner an undisclosed percentage of
Baby Dannielynn’s legal fees for the hound. Howard showed off Iggy
on Larry King last night and said he has already sold a couple of very
cute Iggy clowning around playing dead pictures to US Weekly and now
both of them are in intense talks for their own Fox reality series.,,,
Wow Howard, a Fox reality series that didn’t take long.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy we are both very excited as we will be going up against
‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’ and we can beat them easy as Iggy is
way more talented and funnier than Baby Dannielynn,, Play Dead
Iggy!! ( IGGY PLAYS DEAD ) see he’s a born star. ( GRINS )

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ HAND.

HOWARD ( angry )
Ouch! Don’t bite the hand that’s going to feed you, you stupid mut!

‘IGGY’ SMILES AND WINKS TO THE CAMERA. MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING A WEINER DOG.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton also jumped on the dog bandwagon last night on
Jay Leno by introducing the newest member of the Clinton family,
Bill, a nine year old weiner dog she just adopted from the Little Rock
Pound. Hillary admitted she has always had a thing for weiner dogs
ever since she was just a little girl which was the main reason she
eventually decided to marry one. She then broke up laughing very uneasily
before Bill snapped her out of it by starting to hump her leg.,,,
Wow Hillary, Bill sounds quite a character.

HILLARY
He sure is Foxy, he’s nothing but a big old hound dog, but I still love him.

FOXY
So will you be taking Bill out on the campaign trail with you?

HILLARY
Only if he behaves himself or its back to the pound like old Bill.
( LAUGHS UNEASY )

‘BILL’ WHINES AND ‘HILLARY’ GROWLS AT HIM, HE SHUTS UP FAST.

FOXY
Sounds like poor old Bill is in the dog house again?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, and, if he stays zipped up he will be in the White House again.

‘HILLARY’ LAUGHS UNEASY AT HER BAD JOKE, ‘BILL’ SMILES AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for Foxx n Friends.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING ‘BILL’, ‘ELLEN’ SCRATCHED AND HOLDING ‘LARRY’, AND ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘IGGY’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY CHAIR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a panel of
high profile animals for ya all,

HILLARY ( angry )
Excuse me Redd! Just because I’ve been labeled a cold hearted bitch it
doesn’t make me an animal!

‘BILL’ WHINES AT HER AND SHE GROWLS AT HIM SHUTTING HIM UP FAST.

ELLEN
Hey I’m sure not an animal, though Portia claims I sometimes act like
one in bed, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( WINKS AND GRINS )

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES HER TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING, ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES AGAIN.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not an animal, animals don’t get their very own
Fox reality show do they ?

IGGY
Hey it’s my reality show you schmuk!

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ OTHER HAND, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn a talking hound, no wonder he got his own Fox reality show.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON TO THE SET RUSHES A SCRATCHED BEAT UP ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CARRYING A BAG WITH A DEAD DOG IN IT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, had to break up a fight at Michael Vick’s.
(GRINS TO SILENCE )

HEAR ANGRY DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS AS SIX ANGRY PIT BULLS RUSH IN TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS FOUR DOGS CATCH ‘O.J.’ AND THE OTHER TWO DOGS ARE JUST ABOUT TO BITE OFF ‘HOWARD’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 4

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A SMILING ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’.

FOXY
In her first exclusive sober tv interview Lindsay Lohan told Larry
King last night that getting sober in Utah really was a sobering
experience but well worth it as she found God, her Dad, and a new
boyfriend there and has now come out being a very staunch Mitt
Romney supporter. Lindsay said she now wants to devout herself to
being a good girl role model like her mentor Paris Hilton and now her
and Paris are already planning a trip to Africa to get filmed feeding
some starving aids kids and meeting Nelson Mandela and a rugby team.,,
Wow Lindsay, so when are you and Paris off to Africa to feed the starving kids ?

LINDSAY
As soon as I spend my few hours jail time and Paris can sober up again
haha, ( HICCUPS ) Whoops, excuse me.

FOXY
You haven’t been drinking again have you Lindsay ?

LINDSAY
Hell no Foxy ! I’m drunk on Jesus now.

‘LINDSAY’ SMILES AND KISSES ‘BIBLE’ AND HICCUPS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘MARION JONES’.

FOXY
Champion Gold Medal drug runner Marion Jones surprised everyone
last night by telling Larry King the Gold Medals she returned don’t
mean a thing to her anymore as she cheerfully announced she was
now three months pregnant. Marion said she met the proud daddy
at her doctors while getting vitamin shots and now will wait for the
d.n.a. test to prove the proud daddy is Barry Bonds, Eddie Murphy, or
Gary Coleman, as all of them are now refusing to return her calls…
Wow Marion, Barry, Eddie, Gary, you got all the bases covered girl!

MARION
Haha ya Foxy, well, I gambled on at least one still being sterile, and,
I’m a praying girl it ain’t Gary Coleman!

‘MARION’ KISSES BIBLE AND LAUGHS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RITA COSBY’ HOLDING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK UP.

FOXY
Anna Nicole’s unauthorized biographer Rita Cosby rang up Ryan
Seacrest from The Bahamas last night to announce she has hired top
attorney Debra Opri to sue the panties off Larry Birkhead and Howard
K. Stern for saying she was a vicious lying bitch for claiming they
starred in a sleazy gay porn tape. Rita said if anybody was a vicious
lying bitch it was the poor Haitian nannies who accepted thousands of
her publisher’s hard earned American Dollars to lie, though, she seriously
doubted the nannies would ever lie as she described them as being very
friendly honest black Mary Poppin types.,,, Wow Rita, hiring Debra Opri
sounds a cunning move.

RITA
Yes Foxy, she loathes Larry and Howard so much she agreed to take
the case for expenses only, thank God I found such a reasonable lawyer.

FOXY
Well you better be careful Rita, I don’t think Larry was thanking God
when he got his expenses bill.

’RITA WIPES THE SMILE OF HER FACE AND LOOKS VERY WORRIED. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE, ‘RITA COSBY’ CLUTCHING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK, AND ‘MARION JONES’ CLUTCHING BIBLE. THERE IS AN EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of fallen stars for ya all,

LINDSAY
Hey Redd, I haven’t fallen, I’ll be bigger than ever once I do a few
hours jail time. ( HICCUPS AND KISSES BIBLE, SMILES AND BURPS )

RITA
And I sure haven’t fallen, this is the most I’ve been on tv since my
glory year at M.S.N.B.C. ( CHEESY SMILE AND HOLDS UP ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK )

MARION
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, just cause a fast girl gets pregnant
and does a few hours slammer time it doesn’t make her fallen bro.

REDD
Well it does if Garry Coleman is the proud daddy sister!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON STAGGERS A DRUNK ‘DANNY DONADUCE’ CARRYING A DRUNK ‘ BRITNEY SPEARS’ ON HIS SHOULDERS CARRYING A DRINK.

BRITNEY
Sorry I’m late Redd, I forgot my panties, hehehe

‘DANNY’ STUMBLES SENDING ‘BRITNEY’ FLYING HEAD FIRST TOWARDS ‘LINDSAY’ AND CUT JUST AS WE SEE SHE IS WEARING NO PANTIES TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 3

SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘K- FED’ HOLDING HIS TWO NEW KIDS.

FOXY
Proud daddy K-Fed appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to show off his
brand new kids and told Larry being a pro dad was cool with him though
he really hated to give up his very lucrative singing and dancing careers,
but, was sure taking care of the kids will pay off for him in the long run.
He is now teaching the kids to sing and has already signed them up to his
record company where they will be releasing a single of the old ‘Bread’
song ‘Baby, I’m a Want You’ as soon as somebody can teach them how to
talk. K-Fed also confirmed he and his new kids are now in intense
negotiations to star in a new Fox reality series.,,,Wow K-Fed, that’s
early to get your new kids into the music and tv reality bizz.

K-FED
Yo never to early Foxy, these kids will be the next ‘Hannah Montanas’,
I’ll be like the new Billy Ray Cyrus and be able to revive my singing
and dancing careers for the stars, it will be cool I can’t wait.

FOXY
So what does Britney think about your plans ?

K-FED
She went CRAZY when I told her.

‘K-FED’ AND THE KIDS LAUGH CRAZY FOR A FEW BEATS AND THEN ALL SMILE AND BABIES GIVE THE RAPPER HAND SIGN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ HOLDING A SMILING ‘BABY DANNIEYLYNN’.

FOXY
Larry Birkhead and Baby Dannielynn also appeared on ‘Larry King’
last night to announce they will be starring in a new Fox reality series
premiering this Christmas. Larry then made a surprise announcement by
telling Larry he was not gay, so, will also be suing that Rita Cosby bitch
for sixty million bucks just like his very good friend Howard K. Stern for
claiming they were gay lovers. Larry swore to Larry he has never had sexual
relations with that man and then showed Larry a clean blue dress to prove
there were no Stern semen stains on it. ,,,, So Larry, what about this so
called sex tape you and Howard made?

LARRY
There was no tape Foxy, Howard erased that just before Anna died.

FOXY
Wow really, say no more Larry, say no more!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ ROLLS HER EYES AND SMACKS HER HEAD IN DISBALIEF.

LARRY
,, D’oh!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ SMACKS HIM HARD ACROSS FACE WITH A HEAVY PURSE. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RICK SOLOMON’.

FOXY
Pam Anderson’s latest new husband, Rick Solomom, rang up Ryan
Seacrest very distressed last night to report a black male gang stole
his and Pam’s pre honeymoon video from their Vegas hotel room and now
to stop ‘O.J.’ and his hoods from blackmailing them the distraught couple
have reluctantly agreed to sell the movie on Pam’s website for 29.95 for
the directors cut limited edition. Rick claims ‘One Night in Vegas’ is a
bargain at that price as the lighting, sound, and his performance were
twice as good as ‘One Night in Paris’ and Pam had written out a
storyboard with some very witty dialogue to give the tape more of a movie
feel, and, as an added bonus, Pam, is naked during the entire movie.,,
Wow Rick that sounds a very arty movie, any Oscar aspirations?

RICK
Hahaha, no Foxy, but, I bet my dvd outsells Spielberg’s latest by
millions! hahaha

‘RICK’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR TURNS OFF AND ‘RICK’S’ LAUGH GOES ON FOR A FEW BEATS.

FOXY
Sounds like he’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

RICK ( voice only )
I am Foxy, I am!

HEAR ‘RICK’ LAUGH CRAZY AND RUN AWAY.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ NOW WITH A BLACK EYE, HOLDING ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’, ‘K- FED’ HOLDING TWO OF ‘BRITNEY’S’ SKINNY DOGS LIKE BABIES, AND ‘RICK SOLOMON’ CLUTCHING HIS DVD. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of Hollywood’s most well kept
men for ya all,

LARRY
Hey Redd, I’m not a kept man, we have to work hard for my money
by selling pictures to womans magazines and staring in our very own
Fox reality series called ‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’, premiering
this Christmas Day on all good Fox Stations.

‘LARRY’ AND ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ GIVE A VERY CHEESY GRIN TO THE CAMERA.

K- FED
Yo Redd, I’m hardly kept at all man, my bitch only gives me like
a hundred grand a month, that hardly even covers my beer and weed
bill let alone having to feed two more starving dogs.

‘K-FED’ AND DOGS ALL LOOK SAD AND HUNGRY, HEAR AUDIENCE “Ahhhhs “ AND ‘LASSIE’ TYPE DOG CRIES.

RICK
Well I’m sure not a kept man Redd, I’m a highly successful independent
producer of cheap porn movies, I sure don’t need rich women to do that.

‘RICK’ SMILES AND SHOWS ‘ONE NIGHT IN VEGAS’ DVD WICH HAS A TOPLESS ‘PAM ANDERSON’ COVER. HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘PRINCE FREDERICK GABOR’ WALKS IN NAKED IN HANDCUFFS WITH A TOWEL AROUND HIS WAIST.

PRINCE FRED
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up by another sexy young woman who
insisted on stealing my clothes again.

REDD
Damn Prince Fred, is there no respect for royalty in this town.

PRINCE FRED
Well at least she didn’t steal the Crown Jewels, ( WINKS )
see.

‘PRINCE’ DROPS TOWEL AND PANEL INCLUDING DOGS AND BABY SHOW HORROR FOR A BEAT AND CUT JUST AS THEY ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.