Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 5

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘ELLEN DeGENERES’ HOLDING A CAT.

FOXY
A tearful Ellen DeGeneres told her studio audience last night she has
just hired top animal attorney Billy Martin to try and get her beloved
pooch Iggy back. She cried that her and Portia really miss having Iggy
around and even though he was a bit rough with their pussies they will
welcome him home with open arms as long as he doesn’t act like such a
dog this time. Ellen then stopped crying and proudly showed off her
new adoption, a gay cat called Larry, who immediately went into a hissy
fit for the camera and stormed off in a huff.,,, Gee Ellen, Larry sounds
a bit of a prima donna.

ELLEN
Oh he is Foxy, turned out the little scamp wasn’t even gay so we had
him fixed faster than you can say Anne Heche, he sure didn’t like
that much I tell you, hahaha

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES ‘ELLEN’ .

ELLEN
Ouch Larry, that hurt.

‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING. ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES. MONITOR CHANGES TO A ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ HOLDING ‘IGGY’.

FOXY
Ellen DeGeneres’s former dog Iggy has now been adopted from his
new owner by Howard K. Stern after Howard was so moved by poor
Iggys plight he offered the lucky owner an undisclosed percentage of
Baby Dannielynn’s legal fees for the hound. Howard showed off Iggy
on Larry King last night and said he has already sold a couple of very
cute Iggy clowning around playing dead pictures to US Weekly and now
both of them are in intense talks for their own Fox reality series.,,,
Wow Howard, a Fox reality series that didn’t take long.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy we are both very excited as we will be going up against
‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’ and we can beat them easy as Iggy is
way more talented and funnier than Baby Dannielynn,, Play Dead
Iggy!! ( IGGY PLAYS DEAD ) see he’s a born star. ( GRINS )

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ HAND.

HOWARD ( angry )
Ouch! Don’t bite the hand that’s going to feed you, you stupid mut!

‘IGGY’ SMILES AND WINKS TO THE CAMERA. MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING A WEINER DOG.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton also jumped on the dog bandwagon last night on
Jay Leno by introducing the newest member of the Clinton family,
Bill, a nine year old weiner dog she just adopted from the Little Rock
Pound. Hillary admitted she has always had a thing for weiner dogs
ever since she was just a little girl which was the main reason she
eventually decided to marry one. She then broke up laughing very uneasily
before Bill snapped her out of it by starting to hump her leg.,,,
Wow Hillary, Bill sounds quite a character.

HILLARY
He sure is Foxy, he’s nothing but a big old hound dog, but I still love him.

FOXY
So will you be taking Bill out on the campaign trail with you?

HILLARY
Only if he behaves himself or its back to the pound like old Bill.
( LAUGHS UNEASY )

‘BILL’ WHINES AND ‘HILLARY’ GROWLS AT HIM, HE SHUTS UP FAST.

FOXY
Sounds like poor old Bill is in the dog house again?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, and, if he stays zipped up he will be in the White House again.

‘HILLARY’ LAUGHS UNEASY AT HER BAD JOKE, ‘BILL’ SMILES AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for Foxx n Friends.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING ‘BILL’, ‘ELLEN’ SCRATCHED AND HOLDING ‘LARRY’, AND ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘IGGY’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY CHAIR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a panel of
high profile animals for ya all,

HILLARY ( angry )
Excuse me Redd! Just because I’ve been labeled a cold hearted bitch it
doesn’t make me an animal!

‘BILL’ WHINES AT HER AND SHE GROWLS AT HIM SHUTTING HIM UP FAST.

ELLEN
Hey I’m sure not an animal, though Portia claims I sometimes act like
one in bed, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( WINKS AND GRINS )

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES HER TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING, ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES AGAIN.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not an animal, animals don’t get their very own
Fox reality show do they ?

IGGY
Hey it’s my reality show you schmuk!

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ OTHER HAND, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn a talking hound, no wonder he got his own Fox reality show.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON TO THE SET RUSHES A SCRATCHED BEAT UP ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CARRYING A BAG WITH A DEAD DOG IN IT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, had to break up a fight at Michael Vick’s.
(GRINS TO SILENCE )

HEAR ANGRY DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS AS SIX ANGRY PIT BULLS RUSH IN TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS FOUR DOGS CATCH ‘O.J.’ AND THE OTHER TWO DOGS ARE JUST ABOUT TO BITE OFF ‘HOWARD’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.