The Yesterday Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PIC OF ‘JOHN KEY’ WITH DONKEY EARS.

FOXY
John Key’s twin brother was arrested last night after
giving Helen Clarke a brown eye at a private Transrail
function. Police have charged 47 year old Trust Manager
Don Key with lewd behavior and for being a bum in a
private function. When Helen was told it was John
Key’s twin brother Don who mooned her, she snickered
then quipped, “It must be a Key family trait to make a
complete ass of themselves,, hee haw, hee haw”. John Key
was unavailable for comment as he is currently overseas
overseeing the renovation of his three million dollar
Hawaiian Donkey Bay bach.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A BLUE PIC OF A SMILING ‘AL GORE’ HOLDING A BIG WAD OF GREENBACK DOLLARS.

- Labour released National’s environmental policy last
night which was just a blue piece of paper with a picture
of Al Gore holding a huge wad of carbon credits. National’s
environmental spokesman Bill English today vehemently denied
it was their policy saying it was just a blue print, and
their real policy will be released as soon as he could
think of a better one.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A PIC OF ‘RODNEY HIDE’IN YELLOW SUIT.

- Winston Peters rang Radio Live’s Michael Laws this
morning to claim he has heard a rumour from a very
unreliable source that even though Rodney Hide wears
yellow suits, dances alone to Broadway tunes, and has
to pay women big time to be seen with him in public, he
was NOT actually gay, it’s just he is so butt ugly and
stupid he even scares away pit bulls with lipstick.
Winston then laughed and hung up prompting Rodney to
ring in to deny Winston’s claims saying just last month
he had lunch with Nicky Watson and he didn’t have to
pay a thing, other than the meal, limo, Champagne, and
a new pair of shoes. When Michael asked him if he got
lucky Rodney refused to confirm or deny but did say
Nicky said he was untold smarter than Eric Watson
and would do a real cool job at running the country,
just before she passed out after an unfortunate allergic
reaction to a certain brand of French Champagne.,,
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘The Yesterday Show’ with Henry Paul. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO SET WITH ‘HENRY PAUL’ AND SEATED ARE ‘JOHN KEY’ WEARING HAWAIIAN SHIRT, ‘BILL ENGLISH’, AND ‘RODNEY HIDE’ WEARING YELLOW SUIT, THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

HENRY
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Canine Day
we have got a very special panel of political dogs for you,

JOHN
Hey excuse me Henry, I’m not a political dog, I’m the
next Prime Minister of Hawaii,, oops, I mean, New
Zealand. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘JOHN’ LOOKS CLUELESS.

BILL
Well I’m sure not a political dog, I used to be almost
Prime Minister and the leader of the National Party,
the greatest party in the world !

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ANGRY ‘BILL’ GROWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

RODNEY
Well I’m not a dog, I’m leader of ACT, the second
greatest party in the world, AND, I just had a very
intimate date with Nicky Watson that didn’t cost
one taxpayer’s dime, and yes,, I did get lucky!
( WINKS AND SMILES TO AUDIENCE )

HEAR AUDIENCE “MMMMM’S” AND DOG PANTING AT THE THOUGHT OF GETTING LUCKY WITH ‘NICKY’. IN RUNS ‘WINSTON PETERS’ WITH LIPSTICK MARKS ON COLLAR AND ONE BRIGHT RED CHEEK.

WINSTON
Sorry I’m late boys, I got attacked by some pit bull
with lipstick on heat, she wanted to pound me but
luckily I escaped with just a bitch slap. ( SMILES )

HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. SCREEN TURNS OFF AND SHOT GOES TO ‘SIR ROGER DOUGLAS’ WITH REMOTE AND ‘OWEN GLENN’ WITH CHEQUEBOOK, BOTH ARE DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.

ROGER
See Owen, with idiots like that in charge I will be
running this country again by Christmas, I promise
you!

OWEN
Sounds great Sir Roger, so, who do I make the cheque
out to?

ROGER
Ah, better make it out to cash, actually,, if you put
another zero on there not only will I give you the Monaco
Consul but I’ll throw in a Knighthood, which, will entitle
you to some very JUICY foreign affairs, wink wink.

OWEN
Really,, can you get me Nicky Watson ?

ROGER
Yes of coarse,, Hell, I’ll even throw in Sarah Palin!

OWEN ( excited )
Deal !!

BOTH SMILE AND CLICK CHAMPAGNE GLASSES. SIGN PLOPS DOWN WITH VOICE OVER.

VOICE
The preceding was a very cheap political ad written and
produced by Don Key for the Green Party. Remember
kids, a vote for Green can finally rid New Zealand of
that stupid ass dirty garbage ACT!,,

HEAR DONKEY “ HEE HAWS” AND THEN AN ANGRY DOG BARK, CUT.