Not the Crap Fox News

NOT THE CRAP FOX NEWS

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER HAS PICTURE OF ‘KARL ROVE’.

FOXY
George Bush’s right hand man Karl Rove strongly condemned singer
Cheryl Crow today after trying her one sheet of toilet paper rule saying
all he got was a brown hand and was sure Americans don’t want to shake
hands with brown hand politicians and immediately called for a twenty
sheet minimum for politicians per sitting and urged patriotic Americans
to burn their Cheryl Crow cds to help heat homeless people and stray dogs.

KARL
Yes Foxy it’s all right for Cheryl to use one sheet with a firm pert perky very spankable tight ass like hers, mmmmmmm ,, but, for big asses like
me and the president we need a minimum of two branches per movement.

FOXY
Two branches, isn’t that kind of excessive?

KARL
Well I tried twigs but they don’t seem to stick to good.

FOXY
Ouch Karl, I didn’t know you were branching out into comedy.

KARL ( confused )
Huh ?

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘LARRY DAVID’.

FOXY
Comedy writer Larry David is in trouble today after being busted at
an exclusive Hollywood party breaking his wife Laurie and Cheryl
Crow’s one sheet of toilet paper rule by using the last five sheets of
Heather Mill’s last roll at a fundraiser she was giving to help cure her
very close friend Alex Baldwin’s daughter’s irritable bowel syndrome.
Laurie and Cheryl are both very upset with Larry’s movement and
have now banned him from watching them save water by showering
together.

LARRY
Ya darn it Foxy I’m going to miss those water saving lessons a lot
they were hot hot hot, but hey it wasn’t my fault as if you heard the
crap being floated around that night you would have got the shits too,
and Cheryl, bless her soul, didn’t seem to make any concessions for
people with medical disabilities like Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or
excessive Guiness drinking, I mean hey, one sheet isn’t going to catch a
lot if you have the shits is it ?

FOXY
Ummm, do tell Larry .

LAURIE DAVID ( yelling voice only )
Larry, you didn’t replace the toilet paper, can you get me another
roll quick please .

LARRY
But dear there’s no need, I distinctly remember leaving one sheet on.

LAURIE ( voice only )
Larry you ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) !

LARRY
Oh oh, I better escape, she gets nasty when she gets in a shitty mood.

FOXY
Well good luck Larry.

LAURIE ( v.o. )
Larry you ( BLEEP BLEEP

MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A WET ‘CHERYL CROW’.

FOXY
Cheryl Crow today justified her tour’s excessive energy demands of
six trailer trucks, three buses, and six cars saying she earned the
excessive demands by getting carbon credits for saving rain forests
by only using one sheet of toilet paper per sitting and showering
with Laurie David to save rain.

CHERYL
Yes Foxy I got lots of carbon credits from Al Gore himself after
me and Laurie showed him our rain saving scheme, he was very
impressed.

FOXY
I bet he was.

CHERYL
Well I’ve got to run Foxy, I’m on stage in like an hour and I’ve
got to get dry and use a sheet of paper wink wink.

FOXY
OK Cheryl, well good luck with the show tonight.

CHERYL
Thanks Foxy, bye.

CHERYL RUNS OFF SHOWING SIGN BEHIND HER

‘CHERYL CROW’S POOL, HOT TUB AND SAUNA TRAILER’

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now, back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ARE A WET ‘CHERYL CROW’ AND ‘LARRY DAVID’, AND ‘KARL ROVE’ IS DANCING “GROOVY” AND HAS ONE BROWN HAND.

REDD
Damn Foxy, now that’s what I call a crap news day.

CHERYL
Sit down Karl, you dance like a drunk donkey you stupid ass.

KARL
Shut up Cheryl you nappy head ho or I’ll put you over my knee
and spank your tight firm perky ass, mmmmmm,, until you cry like
Anne Coulter begging for more.

LARRY
Girls girls, can’t we be civilized here,, wow you spanked Anne Coulter,
that sounds hot.

KARL
Yes her firm pert ass was on fire by the time I finished with it I tell you,
mmmmm,, but hey, you can talk, you get to watch Cheryl saving water,
that nappy head ho won’t even shake my hand for god’s sake.

REDD
Hell I don’t blame her, you don’t know where that hand has been .

CHERYL
Up Bush’s ass no doubt. ( AUDIENCE LAUGHS )

REDD
Damn, now there’s one ventriloquist show I DON’T want to see.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS )

LARRY
Ya I bet they have a real shitty act.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !