SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A PICTURE OF ‘CHARLTON HESTON’ DRESSED AS ‘MOSES’ AND HOLDING A RIFLE.
FOXY
Rupert Murdoch today paid three million dollars for the screen
rights for the American literary masterpiece,‘Ronald Reagan’s Diary’.
He said Fox will be making it into an epic mini series
starring Celeste Flockhart as Nancy, Harrison Ford as young
Reagan, and Charlton Heston as old Reagan. Production is due
to start once Celeste loses a few pounds and old Reagan can
remember his lines.
CHARLTON
You’ll have to pry this gun from my cold dead hands !
FOXY
Umm, ok,, so,, Charlton, are you excited about playing old Reagan?
CHARLTON
Who, what, where am I, I think I need to go number two’s now.
‘CHARLTON’ AIMS GUN AT SCREEN, SCREEN TURNS DARK, WE HEAR A FART, AND THEN A GUN SHOT.
FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to make a great second term Reagan.
MONITOR SHOWS A PICTURE OF ‘GEORGE BUSH’.
FOXY
After hearing about the success of Ronald Reagan’s diary President
Bush has now started a diary of his years as president. He said he
wrote the whole first term last weekend and is already in negotiations
with Rupert Murdoch to turn the diary into an epic Fox mini
series starring Charlton Heston and Roseanne.
GEORGE
Yes Foxy it’s very exciting, I didn’t know writing was so easy, I’m
already up to page nine and believe me it’s going to make a
sensational Fox mini series, war, money, power, it has it all, I even
threw in some kinky sex scenes at Rupert’s request, the book will
be huge believe me, at least a hundred pages with pictures.
FOXY
Ohhhhh, kinky sex scenes, do tell.
GEORGE
Well it’s not really THAT kinky, just naked on the dining room
table,, with feathers!
FOXY
Mmm, almost sounds kind of romantic.
GEORGE
Oh ya oh ya ya ! There was a plucked chicken involved too.
FOXY
Plucked chicken, that sounds, pretty FOWL. ( SMILES )
GEORGE
Ya well I tell ya Foxy, it sure smelt foul by the time we were through
with it I tell ya, I don’t know how Karl Robe could eat that thing, that
man is one sick pervert I tell ya,, huhu ( GRINS )
FOXY
Yes so I’ve heard.
GEORGE
Well I better go Foxy, some one has to win the war ya know.
FOXY
Well good luck Mister President.
GEORGE
Thanks Foxy, I need it. ( GRINS )
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PARIS HILTON’.
FOXY
Paris Hilton stepped on the literary band wagon today by announcing
she will be writing a diary in jail and has already sold the publishing
rights to Rupert Murdoch for three million bucks. She said she’s now
really looking forward to her hard times as she’s treating it like a free
three week rehab stay to get rid of her drug, drink, driving, and
no panty addictions, and give her time to sit down alone and find God and become a highly paid martyr and writer.
PARIS
Ya Foxy I’m really looking forward to doing hard times now, it’s
going to be so cool, when I cum out with my diary I’m going to be
like this highly respected writer and rich martyr, I’ll be like the
American Nelson Mandela, only way better, a martyr to my cause
and a lot richer for it , yay for me and rehab, thank you Jesus.
FOXY
Well I’m not sure if Nelson Mandela is going to enjoy being called
the black man’s Paris Hilton.
PARIS
He’ll get over it in time, anyways who cares, he’s an old has been,
duh.
FOXY
Whatever .
PARIS
Hey, that’s my catchphrase bitch !
FOXY
Bite me Miss jail bait. .
MONITOR TURNS OFF JUST BEFORE ‘PARIS’ SWEARS.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now, it’s ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘CHARLTON HESTON’ DRESSED AS ‘MOSES’ AND HOLDING A RIFLE, ‘GEORGE BUSH’ HOLDING ‘THE BIBLE’ AND ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN JAIL GEAR WITH A MAGAZINE.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a literary line up for ya all,
CHARLTON
Hey I’m not aliterary, I only wear adult diapers for convenience.
PARIS
I’m highly aliterary, I just read a book last week if May’s issue of
‘Cosmo Girl’ counts as a book.
GEORGE
Not in my book it ain’t, I’m real aliterary, I read the Bible everyday
and I’m almost up to page seventy now, but I don’t know why those
guys that wrote it used so many big words as heck, if I can’t
understand it, how the bejesus are those old stupid dead guys
going to ?
REDD
Oh ya the Bible is a hard read man, I put it down after a few pages
and just watched an episode of ‘Charlton Heston presents the Bible’,
you were great in that Chuck.
CHARLTON
I was in the Bible, HELL, no wonder I feel so damn old !
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, ‘CHARLTON’S’ GUN GOES OFF AND SHOOTS ‘GEORGE’ IN THE FOOT, LOUDER AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘GEORGE’ HOPS AROUND, CUT !
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Not the Killer Fox News
Not the Killer Fox News
SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘PHIL SPECTOR’.
FOXY
Phil Spector released another video today and this time claimed he was
the mysterious eBay buyer of Britney Spears hair which he had made
into a wig and two merkins which he wears everyday to court to add
too his sexy virile youthful appearance which he says proves he is
innocent of killing some old tall broad for sex. Phil also said once
Britney found out he was wearing her merkins she immediately rang
him up and hired him to produce her comeback album in which she
will lip sync the Righteous Brothers greatest hits to a disco beat.
PHIL
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to start work on Britney’s album it’s going to
be so groovy to be working again, I tell ya babe.
FOXY
Yes but Phil, aren’t you worried about being convicted of murder ?
PHIL
Heck no ! My lawyers have come up with the ultimate alibi, the case
should be dropped within a week.
FOXY
Really, so what’s the alibi?
PHIL
I’m going to plead insanity. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )
FOXY
Well, that sure beats the, “she was too tall sitting in the chair for me
to shoot in her mouth”, excuse.
‘PHIL’ SMILES AND LAUGHS CRAZILY AND MONITOR TURNS TO A PIC OF ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
FOXY
O.J. Simpson today announced he is suing Kentucky Steakhouse
owner Jack Ruby for racial discrimination after he found out
hours before he was refused service Robert Blake and Phil Spector
had dined there together and received two complimentary cocktails
and a free dessert. O.J. said he was sure if he was a white innocent
killer he wouldn’t have been kicked out and has now hired top
attorney Howard K. Stern to sue the pants of Jack Ruby to the tune
of sixty five million dollars, two free desserts, and a cocktail
waitress blowjob.
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya Foxy I’m standing up for all blacks and fighting the blatant
discrimination against great black role models like myself, Barry
Bonds, Snoop Dogg, and the Reverend Al Sharpton, we demand
the respect we deserve.
FOXY
So, if you win your case I hope you will be giving some money
to Nicole and Ron Goldman’s families.
O.J. SIMPSON
Hell no woman! Sixty five million barely cover my legal bills
and green fees, I ain’t no white folks charity ya know.
‘O.J.’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.
FOXY
Robert Blake today has appealed to Governor Arnold Schwarznegger
not to send Paris Hilton to jail saying when he was falsely imprisoned
for murder it caused him so much stress his hair turned grey and he
lost his boyish good looks and now just like Arnold, his acting
career has dried up completely and he didn’t want the same thing to
happen to poor Paris.
ROBERT
Yes Foxy jail is tough for actors and celebrities, the other inmates
just don’t show you the respect you deserve, and now I can’t get
any acting roles at all, hell I just got rejected for a tiny role as
Prince Frederick Gabor in a Fox made for TV movie about Anna
Nicole because I was “too old”, for god’s sake, how degrading is
that?
FOXY
Very, hehe, so who got that role, Hugh Hefner ? ( SMILES )
ROBERT
Oh ha ha, no, it was that bloody O.J. Simpson, that’s who.
FOXY
O.J. Simpson, he doesn’t look anything like Prince Gabor.
ROBERT
Ya that’s what I said, but they said it was going to be some
stupid black comedy, what ever the hell that means.
FOXY
I think it means your acting career is looking very dark.
( SMILES )
MONITOR SCREEN TURNS DARK.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and talking about black comedy,
here’s ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’, ‘O.J. SIMPSON’, AND ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a killer show lined up for you,
PHIL
Hey I’m not a killer, I’m a lover, mmmm ( STICKS TONGUES OUT
PROVOCATIVLY )
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya and I ain’t no killer, unless you mean the most lethal running back
ever to come out of out of the San Francisco 49ers backfield.
ROBERT
Ya and I sure ain’t no killer, it was some big black guy wearing white
gloves that killed my dame, I tried to catch him but damn he ran fast.
O.J. SIMPSON
Hey that sounds like the dude that killed my bitch, small world huh .
PHIL ( very excited )
That’s it that’s it, I just remembered, I saw a big black guy with
white gloves when my chick snuffed herself, yahoo I’m not crazy,
I’m innocent I’m innocent yee haw ! ( JUMPS UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT)
REDD
Settle down Phil, that was probably your servant.
PHIL
Yes yes yes that’s it that’s it ! The butler did it! The butler did it!
‘PHIL’ STARTS JUMPING AROUND ACTING CRAZY AS WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !
SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘PHIL SPECTOR’.
FOXY
Phil Spector released another video today and this time claimed he was
the mysterious eBay buyer of Britney Spears hair which he had made
into a wig and two merkins which he wears everyday to court to add
too his sexy virile youthful appearance which he says proves he is
innocent of killing some old tall broad for sex. Phil also said once
Britney found out he was wearing her merkins she immediately rang
him up and hired him to produce her comeback album in which she
will lip sync the Righteous Brothers greatest hits to a disco beat.
PHIL
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to start work on Britney’s album it’s going to
be so groovy to be working again, I tell ya babe.
FOXY
Yes but Phil, aren’t you worried about being convicted of murder ?
PHIL
Heck no ! My lawyers have come up with the ultimate alibi, the case
should be dropped within a week.
FOXY
Really, so what’s the alibi?
PHIL
I’m going to plead insanity. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )
FOXY
Well, that sure beats the, “she was too tall sitting in the chair for me
to shoot in her mouth”, excuse.
‘PHIL’ SMILES AND LAUGHS CRAZILY AND MONITOR TURNS TO A PIC OF ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
FOXY
O.J. Simpson today announced he is suing Kentucky Steakhouse
owner Jack Ruby for racial discrimination after he found out
hours before he was refused service Robert Blake and Phil Spector
had dined there together and received two complimentary cocktails
and a free dessert. O.J. said he was sure if he was a white innocent
killer he wouldn’t have been kicked out and has now hired top
attorney Howard K. Stern to sue the pants of Jack Ruby to the tune
of sixty five million dollars, two free desserts, and a cocktail
waitress blowjob.
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya Foxy I’m standing up for all blacks and fighting the blatant
discrimination against great black role models like myself, Barry
Bonds, Snoop Dogg, and the Reverend Al Sharpton, we demand
the respect we deserve.
FOXY
So, if you win your case I hope you will be giving some money
to Nicole and Ron Goldman’s families.
O.J. SIMPSON
Hell no woman! Sixty five million barely cover my legal bills
and green fees, I ain’t no white folks charity ya know.
‘O.J.’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.
FOXY
Robert Blake today has appealed to Governor Arnold Schwarznegger
not to send Paris Hilton to jail saying when he was falsely imprisoned
for murder it caused him so much stress his hair turned grey and he
lost his boyish good looks and now just like Arnold, his acting
career has dried up completely and he didn’t want the same thing to
happen to poor Paris.
ROBERT
Yes Foxy jail is tough for actors and celebrities, the other inmates
just don’t show you the respect you deserve, and now I can’t get
any acting roles at all, hell I just got rejected for a tiny role as
Prince Frederick Gabor in a Fox made for TV movie about Anna
Nicole because I was “too old”, for god’s sake, how degrading is
that?
FOXY
Very, hehe, so who got that role, Hugh Hefner ? ( SMILES )
ROBERT
Oh ha ha, no, it was that bloody O.J. Simpson, that’s who.
FOXY
O.J. Simpson, he doesn’t look anything like Prince Gabor.
ROBERT
Ya that’s what I said, but they said it was going to be some
stupid black comedy, what ever the hell that means.
FOXY
I think it means your acting career is looking very dark.
( SMILES )
MONITOR SCREEN TURNS DARK.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and talking about black comedy,
here’s ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’, ‘O.J. SIMPSON’, AND ‘ROBERT BLAKE’.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a killer show lined up for you,
PHIL
Hey I’m not a killer, I’m a lover, mmmm ( STICKS TONGUES OUT
PROVOCATIVLY )
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya and I ain’t no killer, unless you mean the most lethal running back
ever to come out of out of the San Francisco 49ers backfield.
ROBERT
Ya and I sure ain’t no killer, it was some big black guy wearing white
gloves that killed my dame, I tried to catch him but damn he ran fast.
O.J. SIMPSON
Hey that sounds like the dude that killed my bitch, small world huh .
PHIL ( very excited )
That’s it that’s it, I just remembered, I saw a big black guy with
white gloves when my chick snuffed herself, yahoo I’m not crazy,
I’m innocent I’m innocent yee haw ! ( JUMPS UP AND DOWN IN EXCITEMENT)
REDD
Settle down Phil, that was probably your servant.
PHIL
Yes yes yes that’s it that’s it ! The butler did it! The butler did it!
‘PHIL’ STARTS JUMPING AROUND ACTING CRAZY AS WE HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, CUT !
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Not the Mothers Day Fox News
’SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A PICTURE OF ‘MINNIE MOUSE'.
FOXY
Minnie Mouse today filed for divorce from Mickey after he took up
a contract with Hamis to make a kids terrorist TV series. Minnie
said since the advent of ‘The Simpsons’ and all those edgy cartoons
Mickey found it hard to get to work and spiraled downwards with
drink and drugs and then started hanging out with the wrong crowd
like Ren and Stimpy and Paris and Nicole. Minnie has hired top
attorney Lionel Putz to represent her and is planning to sue the
pants off Mickey and take him to the cleaners to the tune of sixty
five million dollars.
MINNIE
Yes Foxy it’s so sad, I bet Walt Disney would be rolling over in
suspended animation is he could see what Mickey is doing.
FOXY
Yes I bet he is, so, how’s your career going Minnie ?
MINNIE
It’s great, I just signed on to make a new Disney animated
blockbuster.
FOXY
Oh great, so what’s the role ?
MINNIE
I’m the voice of David Beckham in the new hilarious
Disney comedy, ‘David Mouse, Soccer Mom’.
MINNIE GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH A SOCCER BALL.
DAVID BECKHMAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
I told you not to tell anyone you’re doing my voice you stupid
poor man’s rat.
MINNIE
Sorry Becks, mice have short memories.
MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.
FOXY
Paris Hilton celebrated Mothers Day by announcing she’s
divorcing her mummy Kathy who she blames for electing Arnold
Schwarzenegger and getting her sent to jail by heckling that
stupid old fat ass pig judge. She then blamed Kathy for poor
room service and for all her drug, drink, and panty problems but
said she was going to make her jail time productive as she has
just signed on to make a new Fox reality series called ,’The Really Really Really Really Simple Life’.
PARIS
Ya Foxy the reality series is going to be soooo huge like, I’m going
to come out of hard time bigger and better than that old nappy
head ho Martha Stewart cause like , hello, she’s like a hundred
years old and boring, duh, I might even make a cooking talk
show when I get out, that would be soooo cool.
FOXY
I didn’t know you could cook Paris.
PARIS
I can’t, I’ll just have to get by with TV dinners and my
sparkling personality and good looks, duh.
FOXY
Whatever.
PARIS
Hey bitch that’s my catchphrase you skanky nappy head
MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A VERY DRUNK ‘DAVID HASSLEHORF’ DRINKING FROM TEQUILA BOTTLE
FOXY
Whatever. ( SMILES ) David Hasselhoff today claimed he
was just “acting” drunk in his daughter’s video as he was
preparing a scene for an audition as a drunk dead beat dad
in a new Fox TV Kim Bassinger sitcom. Unfortunately David
missed out on the role to Nick Nolte and he has now fired his
daughter as his publicist and rehired Paris Hilton’s former
mother.
DAVID
Yup Foxy I agree with Alex Baldwin, Kim Bassinger and his
daughter are bitches, I was made for that role I tell you and
they go and hire some old has been, I mean who the hell is
Nick Nolte these days,
DAVID GETS HIT HARD BY A PUNCH.
NICK ( voice only )
I’m Nick Nolte, now give me back my bottle golden boy!
FOXY
Yeouch, looks like David is a bit punch drunk again. ( SMILES )
MONITOR TURNS OFF
FOXY
And that today’s Mothers Day news and now, back to ‘Foxx
n Friends’ . ( SMILES )
SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX AND SEATED ARE ‘MINNIE MOUSE’ WITH A BLACK EYE, ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘DAVID HASSLEHOFF’ WITH A BLACK EYE AND DRINKING TEQUILA.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and talking about mothers,
MINNIE
Hey I’m not a mother, sadly Mickey was sterilized in 1939
during a horrible Goofy operation.
DAVID
Ouch poor guy, no wonder he has no balls.
PARIS
Hah, sounds like David Beckham, I heard he has no balls and is
hung like a mouse, no wonder he talks so funny, hahaha
DAVID BECKHAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
Excuse me slapper, I don’t talk funny, I’m an English mouse
you know,,errr I mean an English man.
‘PARIS’ GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH SOCCER BALL GIVING HER AN INSTANT BLACK EYE, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS.
MINNIE
That’ll teach her for saying David has no balls. ( SMILES )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS SOCCER BALL FLIES TOWARDS ‘MINNIE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE IT HITS HER IN THE GOOD EYE.
FOXY
Minnie Mouse today filed for divorce from Mickey after he took up
a contract with Hamis to make a kids terrorist TV series. Minnie
said since the advent of ‘The Simpsons’ and all those edgy cartoons
Mickey found it hard to get to work and spiraled downwards with
drink and drugs and then started hanging out with the wrong crowd
like Ren and Stimpy and Paris and Nicole. Minnie has hired top
attorney Lionel Putz to represent her and is planning to sue the
pants off Mickey and take him to the cleaners to the tune of sixty
five million dollars.
MINNIE
Yes Foxy it’s so sad, I bet Walt Disney would be rolling over in
suspended animation is he could see what Mickey is doing.
FOXY
Yes I bet he is, so, how’s your career going Minnie ?
MINNIE
It’s great, I just signed on to make a new Disney animated
blockbuster.
FOXY
Oh great, so what’s the role ?
MINNIE
I’m the voice of David Beckham in the new hilarious
Disney comedy, ‘David Mouse, Soccer Mom’.
MINNIE GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH A SOCCER BALL.
DAVID BECKHMAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
I told you not to tell anyone you’re doing my voice you stupid
poor man’s rat.
MINNIE
Sorry Becks, mice have short memories.
MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE.
FOXY
Paris Hilton celebrated Mothers Day by announcing she’s
divorcing her mummy Kathy who she blames for electing Arnold
Schwarzenegger and getting her sent to jail by heckling that
stupid old fat ass pig judge. She then blamed Kathy for poor
room service and for all her drug, drink, and panty problems but
said she was going to make her jail time productive as she has
just signed on to make a new Fox reality series called ,’The Really Really Really Really Simple Life’.
PARIS
Ya Foxy the reality series is going to be soooo huge like, I’m going
to come out of hard time bigger and better than that old nappy
head ho Martha Stewart cause like , hello, she’s like a hundred
years old and boring, duh, I might even make a cooking talk
show when I get out, that would be soooo cool.
FOXY
I didn’t know you could cook Paris.
PARIS
I can’t, I’ll just have to get by with TV dinners and my
sparkling personality and good looks, duh.
FOXY
Whatever.
PARIS
Hey bitch that’s my catchphrase you skanky nappy head
MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF A VERY DRUNK ‘DAVID HASSLEHORF’ DRINKING FROM TEQUILA BOTTLE
FOXY
Whatever. ( SMILES ) David Hasselhoff today claimed he
was just “acting” drunk in his daughter’s video as he was
preparing a scene for an audition as a drunk dead beat dad
in a new Fox TV Kim Bassinger sitcom. Unfortunately David
missed out on the role to Nick Nolte and he has now fired his
daughter as his publicist and rehired Paris Hilton’s former
mother.
DAVID
Yup Foxy I agree with Alex Baldwin, Kim Bassinger and his
daughter are bitches, I was made for that role I tell you and
they go and hire some old has been, I mean who the hell is
Nick Nolte these days,
DAVID GETS HIT HARD BY A PUNCH.
NICK ( voice only )
I’m Nick Nolte, now give me back my bottle golden boy!
FOXY
Yeouch, looks like David is a bit punch drunk again. ( SMILES )
MONITOR TURNS OFF
FOXY
And that today’s Mothers Day news and now, back to ‘Foxx
n Friends’ . ( SMILES )
SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX AND SEATED ARE ‘MINNIE MOUSE’ WITH A BLACK EYE, ‘PARIS HILTON’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘DAVID HASSLEHOFF’ WITH A BLACK EYE AND DRINKING TEQUILA.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and talking about mothers,
MINNIE
Hey I’m not a mother, sadly Mickey was sterilized in 1939
during a horrible Goofy operation.
DAVID
Ouch poor guy, no wonder he has no balls.
PARIS
Hah, sounds like David Beckham, I heard he has no balls and is
hung like a mouse, no wonder he talks so funny, hahaha
DAVID BECKHAM ( Mickey Mouse voice only )
Excuse me slapper, I don’t talk funny, I’m an English mouse
you know,,errr I mean an English man.
‘PARIS’ GETS HIT HARD IN THE FACE WITH SOCCER BALL GIVING HER AN INSTANT BLACK EYE, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS.
MINNIE
That’ll teach her for saying David has no balls. ( SMILES )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS SOCCER BALL FLIES TOWARDS ‘MINNIE’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE IT HITS HER IN THE GOOD EYE.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Not the Royal Fox News
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘DEBORAH PALFREY’ DRINKING A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE.
FOXY
Washington Madam Deborah Palfrey told A.B.C. Nightline last night
she can’t talk about the Washington sex scandal anymore as she has
just signed a deal to turn her high priced phone book into a sensational
Fox TV miniseries. Ms. Palfrey said she’s very excited about being able
to pay her exorbitant lawyer fees and has already received calls from
Fred Thompson, a California governor, a former president, and a
member of the Royal Family begging her not to cast them in the series
for the sake of their high profile partners.
DEBORAH
Yes Foxy it’s so exciting as I’ve already signed up Paris, Nicole and
Lindsay to play the main hoes and now every stud actor in
Hollywood are phoning me and begging me to cast them. ( PHONE
RINGS ) Whoops must be another one, excuse me,,, Madam Palfrew,,,,
Prince I don’t care if you are a member of royalty the answer is
still no,,,, go cry to your new girlfriend and quit calling me I don’t
care, ( HANGS UP ) Sorry Foxy, sheesh those Royals can be so
demanding.
FOXY
Prince, don’t tell me that was Harry, Charles, or Philip ?
DEBORAH
I wish, no it was Prince Frederick, I don’t know how Zsa Zsa puts up
with that imposter.
FOXY
Yes, I’m guessing he must be a King in bed.
DEBORAH
Haha, Queen I could believe.
FOXY
Ouch, do tell Deborah.
DEBORAH
Sorry Foxy, my lips are sealed, you will have to wait for the Fox
miniseries.
FOXY
Darn it.
PHONE RINGS AGAIN AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING ‘PEPSI’.
FOXY
Britney Spears has become America’s highest paid unpublished writer
surpassing black listed satirist O.J. Simpson by signing a ten million
dollar deal with Fox to write her fictionalized biography and then
develop it into a sensational Fox miniseries in which she will be making
her acting debut playing herself. Britney says she is very excited about
her new writing and acting career and will start writing Monday and is expected to be finished by Friday at the latest.
BRITNEY
Ya Foxy I’m so excited about becoming a writer and great actress
cause like, hello, how hard can it be to act like myself, duh, I can’t
wait to win the Emmy it’s going to be soooo cool.
FOXY
Won’t acting out all those debauched drug, drink, and pantyless days
bring back painful memories ?
BRITNEY
Hell no, not now I’m drinking again, ( BURPS) Whoops excuse me.
(LAUGHS AND SCULLS ‘PEPSI’ )
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘THE QUEEN’ HOLDING A GLASS OF BOURBON.
FOXY
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip opened a new Kentucky Bourban
distillery last night telling Larry Birkhead, baby Dannielynn, and a
throng of drunk British journalists that Kentucky was her and Philip’s
favourite American State as both of them adored their beautiful horses, smooth bourbon, and tasty fried chicken and also made special mention
of their love of KY Jell which, if not for, their romance would have dried
up fifty seven years ago.
QUEEN
Yes Foxy, we love Kentucky, it’s been like a second honeymoon for
us here, it’s so nice to get away from the children, they can be so
demanding at times.
FOXY
Yes I bet, so you’ve had lots of time alone for long passionate sensual
lovemaking ?
QUEEN
Excuse me Foxy, we don’t do long passionate sensual lovemaking,
we are English you know,, we just rodger like mad dogs on heat.
PRINCE PHILIP ( voice only )
Ruff ruff ruff, where’s my sexy English bitch !
QUEEN
Oh sorry Foxy I have to go, looks like Philip’s pill has finally
kicked in, ( SCULLS DRINK ) pip pip Foxy, tally ho.
QUEEN WAVES BYE AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MADAM DEBORAH’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING A ‘PEPSI’, AND THE ‘QUEEN’
DRINKING BOURBON.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and I must say it’s a pleasure to have some royalty on
the show, I almost feel privileged for a change.
DEBORAH
And so you should Redd, I don’t cum cheap you know. ( FLIRTS
AT REDD )
BRITNEY
Give it a rest ya nappy head ho, he’s talking to me, Britney Spears,
Queen of Pop.
DEBORAH
Queen hah ! your more like the diet cherry vanilla mocha generic
Pepsi of pop.
QUEEN
Excuse me ladies, you are both wrong he is referring to me, I’m
Elizabeth, the Queen of England.
BRITNEY
Don’t lie you old drag act,, Elton John is the Queen of
England.
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, DOG BARKS, ‘BRITNEY’ LOOKS PUZZLED, CUT !
FOXY
Washington Madam Deborah Palfrey told A.B.C. Nightline last night
she can’t talk about the Washington sex scandal anymore as she has
just signed a deal to turn her high priced phone book into a sensational
Fox TV miniseries. Ms. Palfrey said she’s very excited about being able
to pay her exorbitant lawyer fees and has already received calls from
Fred Thompson, a California governor, a former president, and a
member of the Royal Family begging her not to cast them in the series
for the sake of their high profile partners.
DEBORAH
Yes Foxy it’s so exciting as I’ve already signed up Paris, Nicole and
Lindsay to play the main hoes and now every stud actor in
Hollywood are phoning me and begging me to cast them. ( PHONE
RINGS ) Whoops must be another one, excuse me,,, Madam Palfrew,,,,
Prince I don’t care if you are a member of royalty the answer is
still no,,,, go cry to your new girlfriend and quit calling me I don’t
care, ( HANGS UP ) Sorry Foxy, sheesh those Royals can be so
demanding.
FOXY
Prince, don’t tell me that was Harry, Charles, or Philip ?
DEBORAH
I wish, no it was Prince Frederick, I don’t know how Zsa Zsa puts up
with that imposter.
FOXY
Yes, I’m guessing he must be a King in bed.
DEBORAH
Haha, Queen I could believe.
FOXY
Ouch, do tell Deborah.
DEBORAH
Sorry Foxy, my lips are sealed, you will have to wait for the Fox
miniseries.
FOXY
Darn it.
PHONE RINGS AGAIN AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING ‘PEPSI’.
FOXY
Britney Spears has become America’s highest paid unpublished writer
surpassing black listed satirist O.J. Simpson by signing a ten million
dollar deal with Fox to write her fictionalized biography and then
develop it into a sensational Fox miniseries in which she will be making
her acting debut playing herself. Britney says she is very excited about
her new writing and acting career and will start writing Monday and is expected to be finished by Friday at the latest.
BRITNEY
Ya Foxy I’m so excited about becoming a writer and great actress
cause like, hello, how hard can it be to act like myself, duh, I can’t
wait to win the Emmy it’s going to be soooo cool.
FOXY
Won’t acting out all those debauched drug, drink, and pantyless days
bring back painful memories ?
BRITNEY
Hell no, not now I’m drinking again, ( BURPS) Whoops excuse me.
(LAUGHS AND SCULLS ‘PEPSI’ )
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘THE QUEEN’ HOLDING A GLASS OF BOURBON.
FOXY
Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip opened a new Kentucky Bourban
distillery last night telling Larry Birkhead, baby Dannielynn, and a
throng of drunk British journalists that Kentucky was her and Philip’s
favourite American State as both of them adored their beautiful horses, smooth bourbon, and tasty fried chicken and also made special mention
of their love of KY Jell which, if not for, their romance would have dried
up fifty seven years ago.
QUEEN
Yes Foxy, we love Kentucky, it’s been like a second honeymoon for
us here, it’s so nice to get away from the children, they can be so
demanding at times.
FOXY
Yes I bet, so you’ve had lots of time alone for long passionate sensual
lovemaking ?
QUEEN
Excuse me Foxy, we don’t do long passionate sensual lovemaking,
we are English you know,, we just rodger like mad dogs on heat.
PRINCE PHILIP ( voice only )
Ruff ruff ruff, where’s my sexy English bitch !
QUEEN
Oh sorry Foxy I have to go, looks like Philip’s pill has finally
kicked in, ( SCULLS DRINK ) pip pip Foxy, tally ho.
QUEEN WAVES BYE AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘MADAM DEBORAH’ DRINKING CHAMPAGNE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ DRINKING A ‘PEPSI’, AND THE ‘QUEEN’
DRINKING BOURBON.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and I must say it’s a pleasure to have some royalty on
the show, I almost feel privileged for a change.
DEBORAH
And so you should Redd, I don’t cum cheap you know. ( FLIRTS
AT REDD )
BRITNEY
Give it a rest ya nappy head ho, he’s talking to me, Britney Spears,
Queen of Pop.
DEBORAH
Queen hah ! your more like the diet cherry vanilla mocha generic
Pepsi of pop.
QUEEN
Excuse me ladies, you are both wrong he is referring to me, I’m
Elizabeth, the Queen of England.
BRITNEY
Don’t lie you old drag act,, Elton John is the Queen of
England.
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS, DOG BARKS, ‘BRITNEY’ LOOKS PUZZLED, CUT !
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