Not the Fox News Comedy Show 5

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A PICTURE OF ‘PARIS HILTON’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
In another exclusive post slammer interview Paris Hilton last night
told Ellen that prison really changed her and now God’s calling told
her she was an American Nelson Mandela and should run for President to
end apartheid and hunger. When Ellen informed her she had to be 35 to
run for President, Paris cursed on her Bible and ran off crying for
Mummy. ,,,, So Paris, now that your Presidential aspirations have
been shattered, what’s next ?

PARIS
Well Foxy, I’ve just signed to become the new Slim Fast model and
end world hunger, Yay for me and hungry people.

FOXY
And dare I ask, how can you end world hunger?

PARIS
It’s easy Foxy, if everyone would get Slim Fast and eat as little as
me we can send all our leftovers to Nelson Mandela to feed to the
starving natives, it’s going to be so cool.

FOXY
Paris, have you been smoking again?

PARIS ( looks guilty )
Ummm,,,, what was the question?

FOXY
Good answer.

PARIS
Thanks Foxy, jail made me smarter ya know, I almost read a hole book.

‘PARIS’ HOLDS UP THE AN OLD HOLEY ‘BIBLE’. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’

FOXY
Hillary Clinton told a large lesbian gathering at Little Rock’s Star
Bucks last night that both her and Bill were firm supporters of gay
rights and are are close personal friends of Ellen, Rosie, and Anne
Heche, who, Bill has been giving saxophone lessons to and according
to him, she is already blowing like an old pro.,,,, So Hillary,
weren’t you worried when Bill told you he was giving Anne Heche sax
lessons?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, he assured me that Anne has gone back to being a
lesbian, and, I told him, if I ever catch him cheating again, I’ll
have him neutered. ( HEAR DOG HOWLS ) Be quiet Bill! I was only joking!
( HEAR DOG PANTING) Down boy down! And put your cigar away, it’s
disgusting !

BILL ( voice only )
Yes sir.

SMOKE BLOWS INTO ‘HILLARY’S’ FACE. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN DRESSED IN TERRORIST GEAR AND IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Dressed in her daughter’s terrorist costume and hanging upside
down on her swing Rosie O’ Donnell posted a new video on her website
last night telling her fans she is now going to form her own political
party and run for president. The party will be called the ‘Crazy Party’
and she’s already recruited Paris Hilton, Anne Heche, Kramer, and the
tiger that bit Roy to run for the party.,,, Wow Rosie that’s big news,
what made you want to run for president?

ROSIE
Well Foxy initially it was a joke but then I thought hey they elected
that crazy idiot Bush TWICE, so now I’m thinking, I’m in with a big
chance to win.

FOXY
And if elected have you got any policies?

ROSIE
Hell ya Foxy I’ve got three of them, first I would rewrite the 9/11
history books to tell the truth and not the conspiracy, secondly I
would immediately win the war and send our troops home and lower gas
prices, and lastly, I will save our health system by legalizing
medical marijuana.

FOXY
And how will medical marijuana save the health system ?

ROSIE
Everyone will be to stoned to realize they really are sick and need
to see a doctor, which means fewer doctors, which will assure us we
won’t go down England’s path and hire terrorist doctors.

FOXY
Ah,, have you been smoking again Rosie?

ROSIE
Hell no ! ( BURPS AND SMOKE COMES OUT OF MOUTH )
Whoops, excuse me,, must have been that hot chili I had for lunch.

FOXY
Yes I thought it sounded like you were full of beans.

ROSIE
Hey bitch!

‘ROSIE’ LETS OUT A JUICY FART AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PARIS HILTON’ CLUTCHING BIBLE, ‘HILLARY CLINTON’, AND ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ IN TERRORIST GEAR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a presidential candidate
debate for ya all,

PARIS
Um actually Redd I’ve dropped out of the president race, I’m just
going to become a Crazy senator first to see how it works.

HILLARY
Excuse me Paris, you need brains and a clean record to become a
Crazy senator.

ROSIE
Or a rich stud muffin of a husband called Bill.

HILLARY GLARES AT ROSIE.

PARIS
And for your info Mrs C., I put out a record just last year and it’s very
clean, I’ve only played it once so na na na na . ( STICKS TONGUE OUT AT HILLARY )

ROSIE
Yup I can see she’s going to make one great debater in the house.

REDD
Ya lets just pray she doesn’t do it in church.

PARIS
How come Redd ?

REDD
Cause they get very cross at Mass debaters. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE GROANS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘PARIS’ THROWS BIBLE AT ‘REDD’ AND CUT JUST AS HE DUCKS AND IT FLIES OVER HIS HEAD.