Not the Fox News Comedy Show 7

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS ‘MICHAEL VICK’ ON.

FOXY
While jogging in Atlanta last night dog fighting quarterback Michael Vick
was set upon and attacked by a gang of very angry pit bulls. Michael lost
the fight and had to be rushed to the Falcon’s pound with serious groin
injuries where the vets were hopeful they could reattach his naughty bits
as soon as they are found.,,, Ouch Michael that sounded painful.

MICHAEL ( high voice )
Ya it was bloody painful Foxy, I hate those mongrels that did this, they
should be rounded up and fixed up just like me, I hate poor losers!

FOXY
So is there any news about the missing naughty bits?

MICHAEL
Not a bark Foxy, every mongrel dog in Atlanta seems to have gone
underground.

FOXY
Maybe they are hiding in your basement sitting around the poker table
betting on how many dog years you get in the pound.

MICHAEL
Hey! I’m the innocent one here ya know !

HEAR DOG GROWLS, MICHAEL LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS OFF REVEALING SIGN BEHIND HIM’ FALCON’S DOG HOUSE’.

FOXY
I bet this is going to be one RUFF season for him. ( SMILES )

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN'.

FOXY
Lyndsay Lohan dropped her innocent act plea for her D.U.I. and drug
charges on ‘Ellen’ last night and now admits the rum and coke found on
her system were planted there by her mother who thought it would make a
great acting publicity stunt. She has now fired her mother as her manager
and publicist and has hired Britney Spears who assured her an insanity
plea will keep her out of the slammer and also advised her to lay low
and quickly become pregnant just like Nicole.,,, Wow Lyndsay, hiring
Britney Spears as your manager and publicist seems a rather strange move.

LYNDSAY
Yes Foxy, if this doesn’t prove I’m completely insane I don’t know what
does. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )

BRITNEY ( voice only )
Hurry up Lyndsay it’s happy hour time, yippeeeeee. ( HEAR HER RUN OFF )

LYNDSAY
Hey Britney wait for me! Sorry Foxy got to run, it’s um, prayer time,
bye bye.

‘LYNDSAY’ RUNS OFF REVEALING SIGN .

‘PROMISES REHAB’
‘( we promise nothing )’

FOXY
Thank God she’s in good hands now.

MONITOR CHANGES TO BASKETBALL REFEREE ‘TIM DONAGHY’.

FOXY
Disgraced gambling N.B.A. referee Tim Donaghy told a boisterous Las
Vegas Pete Rose Friars Roast last night he has now officially retired
from being a basketball referee and has now signed a long term
contract to become the chief referee and drug tester in World Wrestling
Entertainment. He said he had to promise Vince McMahon he would
never bet on the outcome of matches and would never under any
circumstances give out any inside information to gambling mobsters
or test for steroids. ,, So Tim that’s a surprise change of sport, they
are so different.

TIM
Na not really Foxy, they are both fixed.

MONITOR BLACKS OUT.

TIM ( voice only )
Hey Tony I was just joking, honest, I’ll tell you who wins.

TONY ( voice only )
Ya tell it to the judge pretty boy.

WE HEAR SOME HEAVY PUNCHES AND “OUCHES” FROM ‘TIM’.

FOXY
Whoops, sounds like he’s receiving a technical foul.,,,And that’s today’s
headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ MICHAEL VICK’, ‘LYNDSAY LOHAN’ HOLDING A NOTE AND BIBLE, ‘TIM DONAGHY’ IN REFEREE UNIFORM WITH BLACK EYES.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hard case panel for ya all,

MICHAEL ( high ‘British’ voice now )
Hey Redd I’m not a hard case, I didn’t force them dogs to fight they
loved it, you could see it in their eyes and I bet they would back me up
right now if they were still alive.

HEAR AUDIENCE BOO’S AND DOG BARKS AND GROWLS, MICHAEL GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

TIM
And I’m sure not a hard case, I’m guilty as hell but who isn’t in the
N.B.A., have you seen those player salaries and sneaker deals, it’s
criminal what they make.

LYNDSAY
Well I’m definitely not a hard case Redd, it’s obvious I’m completely
innocent and I’ve got a note from my mummy to prove it. ( WAVES
NOTE AND LAUGHS CRAZILY )

REDD
Hell I believe ya Lyndsay, just last night I dreamt you were an innocent schoolgirl, mmmmm. ( SMILES )

LYNDSAY
Really, I hope I was good girl Redd.

REDD
Oh ya you were good, you were so good the dream ended in a lesbian
shower jail scene with me as the soap holder, it was the cleanest damn
sex scene I’ve ever been in. ( GRINS )

MICHAEL
Damn Redd, soap holder for a lesbian shower, I would pay big money
for that job.

REDD
It’s no job for a eunuch Michael believe me, I mean what would you use as
a towel holder ? ( GRINS , HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG
BARKS)

TIM
Ouch Redd, that’s a bit below the belt. ( BLOWS WHISTLE ) Three
point technical foul, your shot Michael.

MICHAEL
Hey it’s ok, I just got a transplant and the vet assured me that within
a week Allistair Cooke’s equipment should be working like a teenager,
barring accidents.


HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND SUDDENLY ‘MONTY’ RUNS ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HE BITES OFF ‘ALLISTAIR COOK’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.