SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A GRINNING ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET WITH A GOLD CHAIN AND CROSS AROUND NECK.
FOXY
Rocker Ted Nugent shot his mouth off again last night when at a
Washington D.C. concert he waved his weapon around and invited any
pot smoking commie loving Democrat to come up and suck on his
shotgun for a real blast. He then fired off a round of blanks at the
stunned crowd before two men with very long needles and white
coats came to take him away as he was yelling at his dwindling audience,
“I'm going to be the next God damned Attorney General and Governor of
Michigan and they better God damned vote for him or else!".,,, Wow Ted,
sounded quite a wild concert.
TED
Damn right Foxy those Washington audiences are scumbags that don’t
even listen to me for God’s sake, except for my good pal George W. Bush
and his beautiful family, thank God for Republicans.
FOXY
So are you serious about running for Governor of Michigan.
TED
God damned right I am, what, you think I’m crazy or something
Bitch !
FOXY
In a short word, ya.
‘TED’ IS ABOUT TO SWEAR AND MONITOR CHANGES TO RAPPER ‘DMX’
FOXY
Bad dog rapper DMX claimed last night to Larry King that the twelve
starving pit bulls found on his property he had just rescued from Michael
Vick’s basement and the half pound of pot found was for the dogs
to make them less aggressive so they could go back to being normal
friendly pit bulls. He was now sure with these facts know he will beat
the rap and the pigs will leave him, his dogs , and pot alone.,,,Wow DMX,
those dogs sure must smoke a lot.
DMX
Hell ya Foxy they love it, they even fight over who gets first bong, I don’t
bet on who wins anymore though.
FOXY
But don’t you think its cruel starving those dogs and then giving them
the munchies?
DMX
I ain’t starving em Foxy, I’m feeding them gourmet diet Chinese dog food, it keeps them fighting fit and happy, they love it.
HEAR DOG GROWLS, ‘DMX’ LOOKS FREAKED, SCREEN BLACKS OUT AND WE HEAR DOG ATTACK AND ‘DMX’ “OUCHES”.
FOXY
Sounds like a bad case of the munchies.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.
FOXY
Nicole Ritchie was in more trouble last night after Beverly Hills police
pulled her over for erratic driving and found an ounce of pot in her car.
Nicole claimed the pot was for her dogs who got highly addicted after
listening to a DMX cd while she was away doing hard time and then
blamed the daddy of her unborn baby, rocker Joel Madden, for buying
the pot, who, in turn, blamed rapper DMX for telling him it was high
class Chinese dog food. After that logical explanation the police
apologized profusely and let Nicole drive off erratically again.,,,, Wow
Nicole, that sounded a close call.
NICOLE
Ya it was Foxy I was scared, I don’t want to go back to the slammer
again, I hate hard time!
FOXY
82 minutes doesn’t sound THAT hard.
NICOLE
It is when you are going through a bad period Foxy, it was like I
was living in bloody hell in there, it seemed to go on for like, hours.
FOXY
That’s almost too much info Nicole.
NICOLE
Sorry Foxy, jail hardened me, thank God I found Jesus in there,
thank you Jesus.
FOXY
Really, what was he in there for?
‘NICOLE’ LOOKS PERPLEXED, SCREEN TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now its time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET, A BANDAGED UP ‘DMX’, AND ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a gangsta entertainer panel for ya
all,
TED
Hey Redd I ain’t no God damned gangster, I just carry guns to shoot animals and scumbag Democrat dogs! ( HEAR AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ED SCOWLS AND FOAMS AT THE MOUTH )
DMX
Yo Redd I ain’t no gangsta anymore man, I found Jesus in Michael
Vick’s basement and I’ve damn near sold half my guns and dogs,
thanks Jesus you rock my man.
NICOLE
Ya I’m not really a gansta anymore either, I went from being Queen Bitch
in a hardened jail to a saintly Paris Hilton like figure after I found Jesus
in cell block 69, thank you Jesus I love you.
REDD
Damn, that Jesus sure gets around.
SUDDENLY 12 SKINNY SCARED BARKING PIT BULLS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE.
DMX
Hey,, who let my dogs out!
AUDIENCE DOGS ( voice only )
Woof Woof Woof Woof !
SUDDENLY ‘MICHAEL VICK’ APPEARS RUNNING AFTER THEM CARRYING AN OLD CHEWED UP BIBLE.
MICHAEL
Come back boys, I promise I won’t try and stuff religion down your
throats no more!
REDD
Damn, this religious stuff is really going to the dogs. ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )
WE HEAR ‘MICHAEL’ BEING ATTACKED BY DOGS AND THEN HE RUNS THROUGH CARRYING A HALF EATEN BIBLE BEING CHASED BY THE 12 ANGRY DOGS AND CUT JUST AS HE TRIPS.
My dog Monty wants to know if anybody has any Michael Vick trading cards that he can eat and turn to gold on Ebay. Card holders will receive half the end product.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Not the Fox News Comedy Show 9
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘KARL ROVE’ ON.
FOXY
Karl Rove’s retirement was short lived after he announced to ‘E! News’
last night he’s just accepted two high profile job offers for 2008. First
he will be a featured star on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and after he wins
that he will be a featured act on ‘America’s Got Talent’. Karl told Ryan
the producers have been hounding him since they saw him dance and rap
like a black waiter at the Whitehouse Correspondence Dinner and he is
now looking forward to strategically launching his entertainment career.,,
Wow Karl, that sure is a career change.
KARL
Yes Foxy I’m very excited, it’s going to be all go for Rove in 08,
I’ve already got me a rap cd in the works and a famous ghostwriter is
writing my stunning autobiography as we speak.
FOXY
How can a ghostwriter be famous?
KARL
He can if his name is Aaron Sorkin, oh darn, I promised Aaron I
wouldn’t name him, sorry Aaron me bad.
FOXY
Don’t worry Karl, no sane person believes your promises anyways.
KARL
Well that’s not true Foxy, I can name George W. Bush for one.
FOXY
My case is closed.
KARL
Say no more then.
FOXY
No more then.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Dave Matthews last night dropped controversial bad boy black rapper
Naz from the Virginia Tech concert next month after getting renewed
criticism from the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. He
apoligised profusely to the bereaved preachers and then announced
they have replaced Naz with good boy white rapper Eminem and that
after the concert he and his band will be checking into ‘Promises
Rehab’ to record a new CD and hopefully rid themselves of a growing
medical marijuana problem.,,,, Wow Dave, Eminem is sure a strange
choice to replace Naz with.
DAVE
Why is that Foxy, he is white, works clean, and doesn’t mention guns.
FOXY
Clean, have you heard an Eminem CD, he swears more than three drunk
sailors.
DAVE
What really ?
WE HEAR BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING, DAVE LOOKS OVER.
DAVE
Oh damn you guys, quit making me look a fool, quick, call back James
Brown and agree to his demands! ( HEAR MORE BAND LAUGHTER )
FOXY
I can see why they say Dave has one smoking band.
HEAR BAND LAUGHTER AND COUGHING AS ‘DAVE’ DISSAPEARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE. SMOKE DISSAPEARS TO REVEAL A GRINNING ‘JASON GIAMBI’
FOXY
New York Yankee’s designated hitter Jason Giambi announced last
night now that he has been cleared of being a steroid junkie by the
league he will go out a winner and retire immediately. He said he will
now book himself into ‘Promises Rehab’ to get rid of his small diet pill
addiction and will build himself up and emerge a professional tag team
wrestler teaming up with his good buddy and fellow dieter Barry Bonds,
who, also went out a winner by announcing his retirement from baseball.,,
Wow Jason, you and Barry becoming wrestlers, who would have thought ?
JASON
Ya Foxy we are both huge wrestling fans, we have been building
ourselves up for the last ten years following a strict wrestling diet
for this shot, we will be champions and you can bet on it.
FOXY
What’s the diet, coke and steroids?
JASON
Nooooo, coke and diet pills, breakfast of champions. ( GRINS )
FOXY
Well I sure hope wrestling doesn’t go down baseball’s path in regards
with drugs.
JASON
Don’t worry Foxy it won’t now that me and Barry are their champions.
( GRINS , A SYRINGE HITS HIM IN THE NOSE) Ouch Barry, quit
needling me that hurt.
HEAR ‘BARRY’ LAUGH AND A CHAIR GETS SMASHED OVER ‘JASON’S’ HEAD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Ouch , poor chair,,and that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘KARL ROVE’, ‘JASON GIAMBI’, AND ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of an odd ball panel for ya all,
KARL
Hey excuse me Redd, just because I can sing and dance like a black man
it doesn’t make me odd, look at Michael Jackson, he’s not odd is he ?
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘KARL’ LOOKS CONFUSED.
JASON
Well I have to admit I’ve got an odd ball, those diet pills have shrunk
one to a peanut,, whoops, did I say that out loud?
AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Yes you did !!! ( HUGE LAUGHTER AND DOG BARKS)
JASON
D’oh !
DAVE
Hey I’m not odd anymore now that I’m on medication, and, I’ve
got a medical marijuana prescription from Barry Bond’s doctor to
prove it. ( WAVES PAPER AROUND TO AUDIENCE CHEERS )
JASON
Oh Dave that’s sad, you don’t need drugs to be happy, look at me,
( GRINS ), Dave,,Dave you there,,
‘DAVE’ HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.
REDD
Dave’s not here man.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A “DAVE” T SHIRT WALKS ON.
TOMMY
He is now man.
‘TOMMY’ SNATCHES ‘DAVE’S’ PRESCRIPTION AND RUNS AWAY FAST TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AS HE TRIPS.
FOXY
Karl Rove’s retirement was short lived after he announced to ‘E! News’
last night he’s just accepted two high profile job offers for 2008. First
he will be a featured star on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and after he wins
that he will be a featured act on ‘America’s Got Talent’. Karl told Ryan
the producers have been hounding him since they saw him dance and rap
like a black waiter at the Whitehouse Correspondence Dinner and he is
now looking forward to strategically launching his entertainment career.,,
Wow Karl, that sure is a career change.
KARL
Yes Foxy I’m very excited, it’s going to be all go for Rove in 08,
I’ve already got me a rap cd in the works and a famous ghostwriter is
writing my stunning autobiography as we speak.
FOXY
How can a ghostwriter be famous?
KARL
He can if his name is Aaron Sorkin, oh darn, I promised Aaron I
wouldn’t name him, sorry Aaron me bad.
FOXY
Don’t worry Karl, no sane person believes your promises anyways.
KARL
Well that’s not true Foxy, I can name George W. Bush for one.
FOXY
My case is closed.
KARL
Say no more then.
FOXY
No more then.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Dave Matthews last night dropped controversial bad boy black rapper
Naz from the Virginia Tech concert next month after getting renewed
criticism from the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. He
apoligised profusely to the bereaved preachers and then announced
they have replaced Naz with good boy white rapper Eminem and that
after the concert he and his band will be checking into ‘Promises
Rehab’ to record a new CD and hopefully rid themselves of a growing
medical marijuana problem.,,,, Wow Dave, Eminem is sure a strange
choice to replace Naz with.
DAVE
Why is that Foxy, he is white, works clean, and doesn’t mention guns.
FOXY
Clean, have you heard an Eminem CD, he swears more than three drunk
sailors.
DAVE
What really ?
WE HEAR BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING, DAVE LOOKS OVER.
DAVE
Oh damn you guys, quit making me look a fool, quick, call back James
Brown and agree to his demands! ( HEAR MORE BAND LAUGHTER )
FOXY
I can see why they say Dave has one smoking band.
HEAR BAND LAUGHTER AND COUGHING AS ‘DAVE’ DISSAPEARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE. SMOKE DISSAPEARS TO REVEAL A GRINNING ‘JASON GIAMBI’
FOXY
New York Yankee’s designated hitter Jason Giambi announced last
night now that he has been cleared of being a steroid junkie by the
league he will go out a winner and retire immediately. He said he will
now book himself into ‘Promises Rehab’ to get rid of his small diet pill
addiction and will build himself up and emerge a professional tag team
wrestler teaming up with his good buddy and fellow dieter Barry Bonds,
who, also went out a winner by announcing his retirement from baseball.,,
Wow Jason, you and Barry becoming wrestlers, who would have thought ?
JASON
Ya Foxy we are both huge wrestling fans, we have been building
ourselves up for the last ten years following a strict wrestling diet
for this shot, we will be champions and you can bet on it.
FOXY
What’s the diet, coke and steroids?
JASON
Nooooo, coke and diet pills, breakfast of champions. ( GRINS )
FOXY
Well I sure hope wrestling doesn’t go down baseball’s path in regards
with drugs.
JASON
Don’t worry Foxy it won’t now that me and Barry are their champions.
( GRINS , A SYRINGE HITS HIM IN THE NOSE) Ouch Barry, quit
needling me that hurt.
HEAR ‘BARRY’ LAUGH AND A CHAIR GETS SMASHED OVER ‘JASON’S’ HEAD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Ouch , poor chair,,and that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘KARL ROVE’, ‘JASON GIAMBI’, AND ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of an odd ball panel for ya all,
KARL
Hey excuse me Redd, just because I can sing and dance like a black man
it doesn’t make me odd, look at Michael Jackson, he’s not odd is he ?
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘KARL’ LOOKS CONFUSED.
JASON
Well I have to admit I’ve got an odd ball, those diet pills have shrunk
one to a peanut,, whoops, did I say that out loud?
AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Yes you did !!! ( HUGE LAUGHTER AND DOG BARKS)
JASON
D’oh !
DAVE
Hey I’m not odd anymore now that I’m on medication, and, I’ve
got a medical marijuana prescription from Barry Bond’s doctor to
prove it. ( WAVES PAPER AROUND TO AUDIENCE CHEERS )
JASON
Oh Dave that’s sad, you don’t need drugs to be happy, look at me,
( GRINS ), Dave,,Dave you there,,
‘DAVE’ HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.
REDD
Dave’s not here man.
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A “DAVE” T SHIRT WALKS ON.
TOMMY
He is now man.
‘TOMMY’ SNATCHES ‘DAVE’S’ PRESCRIPTION AND RUNS AWAY FAST TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AS HE TRIPS.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Not the Fox News Comedy Show 8
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ ON.
FOXY
Denise Richards last night dropped her claim for a vile of Charlie
Sheen’s semen from her divorce demand after her close friend Melissa
Etheridge kindly donated her an old vile of David Crosby semen.
Denise said she was very excited about carrying David Crosby’s vile
semen and hopes one day when the baby wins American Idle that
Charlie will realize what a low life scumbag he was for not giving her
his vile semen.,,,, Wow Denise, David Crosby sure is an interesting
choice for a vile daddy.
DENISE
Yes foxy well he might be a low life womanizing druggie like Charlie
but, I’m very excited about getting some musical genes.
FOXY
Yes sounds like a winning combination.
DENISE
Well ya for a rock star it sure is.
FOXY
Move over Keith Richards.
DENISE
What’s my dad got to do with it?
FOXY
Never mind.
DENISE
Duh!
FOXY
Whatever.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’.
FOXY
Britney Spears made the news again last night after she stripped
naked and ran around ‘Promises Rehab’ yelling for Lindsay Lohan
to come out and play. When ‘Promises’ yelled back that Lindsay has
left the building Britney cheered, did four cartwheels, turned blue,
and then threw up all over her new toy boy, Garry Coleman.,,,,Wow
Britney, you and Gary make an interesting couple.
BRITNEY
Na that love was short lived Foxy, I dumped his sorry ass after I
found out how old he was, I got me a new black boy to kiss now.
FOXY
Really, who’se the lucky boy?
BRITNEY
He doesn’t want me to say Foxy, he doesn’t want any publicity.
URKEL ( voice only )
Hey that’s not true Britney, I want the whole world to know ,
Urkel is a one hot stud! Urkel did Britney! Urkel can cum
SUDDENLY ‘BRITNEY’ SMASHES A FRYING PAN OVER ‘URKEL’S’ UNSEEN HEAD.
FOXY
Ouch Britney, that was a bit heavy.
BRITNEY
Ya I was tired of him anyways, and I’ve got a big date tonight
with another hot black boy.
FOXY
Really, do we know him?
BRITNEY
Nope, I promised Eddie Murphy I wouldn’t name him,, oops,
I did it again. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )
FOXY
Lucky Eddie.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘KATE BOWYER’ .
FOXY
Kate Bowyer the woman who lost her paternity suit against Chris
Rock last night admitted her suit was a mistake as she got Chris mixed
up with the real daddy, Eddie Murphy, saying, in a dark room all
black comics sound alike. When informed of the new claim Eddie’s
fiancé Tracy Edmunds replied, “Oh that dog, not another one !”,,,,
So Kate, sounds like you had a thing for black comics eh ?
KATE
Yes Foxy I love black comics, they are so dark and disturbing and yet
funny at the same time.
FOXY
And how are you sure Eddie is the real daddy.
KATE
Cause my kid runs around all day acting like that stupid loud mouth
ass from ‘Shrek’.
KID ( Gary Coleman voice only )
Oh hee haw mum, hee bloody haw. ( EDDIE MURPHY LAUGH )
FOXY
That Eddie sure has a lot to answer for.
HEAR MORE ‘EDDIE MURPHY’ LAUGHTER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ HOLDING A TEST TUBE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH DRINK IN HAND, AND ‘KATE BOWYER’ CLUTCHING A FRAMED PICTURE.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hot single mother panel
for ya all,
DENISE
Um excuse me Redd, I’m not technically single now that I’m carrying
David Crosby’s semen. ( KISSES TEST TUBE)
KAY
And I won’t be single long, I’m sure once he finds out he’s a daddy
Eddie Murphy will do the right thing and marry me.
SHE HOLDS ‘GARRY COLEMAN’ PICTURE UP TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SHE LOOKS PERPLEXED.
BRITNEY
Well I’m sure a hot single mother, I’m so hot I think I will take my
top off, weeeeeee
WE HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. ‘REDD’ LOOKS ABOVE AND PRAYS.
REDD
Oh thank you Lord, thank you.
DENISE
You didn’t pray for that did you Redd?
REDD
Hell ya it’s rating week, I pray for wardrobe malfunction.
‘BRITNEY’ REMOVES TOP REVEALING SHE IS WEARING A ‘PROMISES REHAB’ T SHIRT. AUDIENCE GROAN THEIR DISSAPOINTMENT.
REDD
Oh damn promises, I didn’t want no promises Lord, I wanted
God damned boobies for Christ sake!
SUDDENLY A NAKED ‘LINDSAY LOHEN’ STREAKS THROUGH THE SCENE.
REDD ( looking above )
Oh my Lord, thank you thank you.
‘REDD’ PRETENDS TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND SUDDENLY ‘LINDSAY’ STREAKS THROUGH AGAIN CARRYING A DRINK AND TRIPS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HER BOOBS BOUNCE OFF THE FLOOR TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.
FOXY
Denise Richards last night dropped her claim for a vile of Charlie
Sheen’s semen from her divorce demand after her close friend Melissa
Etheridge kindly donated her an old vile of David Crosby semen.
Denise said she was very excited about carrying David Crosby’s vile
semen and hopes one day when the baby wins American Idle that
Charlie will realize what a low life scumbag he was for not giving her
his vile semen.,,,, Wow Denise, David Crosby sure is an interesting
choice for a vile daddy.
DENISE
Yes foxy well he might be a low life womanizing druggie like Charlie
but, I’m very excited about getting some musical genes.
FOXY
Yes sounds like a winning combination.
DENISE
Well ya for a rock star it sure is.
FOXY
Move over Keith Richards.
DENISE
What’s my dad got to do with it?
FOXY
Never mind.
DENISE
Duh!
FOXY
Whatever.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’.
FOXY
Britney Spears made the news again last night after she stripped
naked and ran around ‘Promises Rehab’ yelling for Lindsay Lohan
to come out and play. When ‘Promises’ yelled back that Lindsay has
left the building Britney cheered, did four cartwheels, turned blue,
and then threw up all over her new toy boy, Garry Coleman.,,,,Wow
Britney, you and Gary make an interesting couple.
BRITNEY
Na that love was short lived Foxy, I dumped his sorry ass after I
found out how old he was, I got me a new black boy to kiss now.
FOXY
Really, who’se the lucky boy?
BRITNEY
He doesn’t want me to say Foxy, he doesn’t want any publicity.
URKEL ( voice only )
Hey that’s not true Britney, I want the whole world to know ,
Urkel is a one hot stud! Urkel did Britney! Urkel can cum
SUDDENLY ‘BRITNEY’ SMASHES A FRYING PAN OVER ‘URKEL’S’ UNSEEN HEAD.
FOXY
Ouch Britney, that was a bit heavy.
BRITNEY
Ya I was tired of him anyways, and I’ve got a big date tonight
with another hot black boy.
FOXY
Really, do we know him?
BRITNEY
Nope, I promised Eddie Murphy I wouldn’t name him,, oops,
I did it again. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )
FOXY
Lucky Eddie.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘KATE BOWYER’ .
FOXY
Kate Bowyer the woman who lost her paternity suit against Chris
Rock last night admitted her suit was a mistake as she got Chris mixed
up with the real daddy, Eddie Murphy, saying, in a dark room all
black comics sound alike. When informed of the new claim Eddie’s
fiancé Tracy Edmunds replied, “Oh that dog, not another one !”,,,,
So Kate, sounds like you had a thing for black comics eh ?
KATE
Yes Foxy I love black comics, they are so dark and disturbing and yet
funny at the same time.
FOXY
And how are you sure Eddie is the real daddy.
KATE
Cause my kid runs around all day acting like that stupid loud mouth
ass from ‘Shrek’.
KID ( Gary Coleman voice only )
Oh hee haw mum, hee bloody haw. ( EDDIE MURPHY LAUGH )
FOXY
That Eddie sure has a lot to answer for.
HEAR MORE ‘EDDIE MURPHY’ LAUGHTER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ HOLDING A TEST TUBE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH DRINK IN HAND, AND ‘KATE BOWYER’ CLUTCHING A FRAMED PICTURE.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hot single mother panel
for ya all,
DENISE
Um excuse me Redd, I’m not technically single now that I’m carrying
David Crosby’s semen. ( KISSES TEST TUBE)
KAY
And I won’t be single long, I’m sure once he finds out he’s a daddy
Eddie Murphy will do the right thing and marry me.
SHE HOLDS ‘GARRY COLEMAN’ PICTURE UP TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SHE LOOKS PERPLEXED.
BRITNEY
Well I’m sure a hot single mother, I’m so hot I think I will take my
top off, weeeeeee
WE HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. ‘REDD’ LOOKS ABOVE AND PRAYS.
REDD
Oh thank you Lord, thank you.
DENISE
You didn’t pray for that did you Redd?
REDD
Hell ya it’s rating week, I pray for wardrobe malfunction.
‘BRITNEY’ REMOVES TOP REVEALING SHE IS WEARING A ‘PROMISES REHAB’ T SHIRT. AUDIENCE GROAN THEIR DISSAPOINTMENT.
REDD
Oh damn promises, I didn’t want no promises Lord, I wanted
God damned boobies for Christ sake!
SUDDENLY A NAKED ‘LINDSAY LOHEN’ STREAKS THROUGH THE SCENE.
REDD ( looking above )
Oh my Lord, thank you thank you.
‘REDD’ PRETENDS TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND SUDDENLY ‘LINDSAY’ STREAKS THROUGH AGAIN CARRYING A DRINK AND TRIPS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HER BOOBS BOUNCE OFF THE FLOOR TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.
Sunday, August 5, 2007
Not the Fox News Black Comedy Show
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ ON.
FOXY
In another exclusive internet interview last night O.J. Simpson told a
naked blonde now that his black comedy book has been high jacked by
some cheap Jew who is refusing to pay him his rightful royalties his
daughter is so annoyed she will be releasing a children’s book tentively
titled ,’Imagine if your mummy was killed by a fast running innocent black
man’. He said his daughter has already signed away the screen rights to
Fox for big bucks and the mini series will feature the acting debut of
Michael Vick playing the fast running innocent one armed black man and
O.J. himself making his screen comeback playing the lovable rogue
detective trying to hunt him down with his trusty gang of very angry
Bull Mastiffs.,, Wow O.J., that sounds a very black comedy.
O.J.
Yes Foxy it’s going to be very funny, Michael Vick acts like a dog, he’s a
natural, just like me. ( SMILES )
FOXY
It’s sure been a long time since we have seen you acting on TV.
O.J.
Ya Foxy not since my innocent court case and damn was I good in that or
what, it’s a travesty of justice I got black listed in Hollywood by those
rich Jews, I should have gotten all the roles that Eddie Murphy got.
FOXY
Yes his ‘Shrek’ role would have been made for you.
O.J.
What role did Eddie play in that?
FOXY
A stupid loud mouthed ass.
O.J.
Hey Bitch that’s not funny !
FOXY
Hee haw hee haw.
MONITOR CHANGES TO A SCOWLING ‘BARRY BONDS’.
FOXY
After finally breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record last night Barry
Bonds shocked the post game press conference when he announced
he was immediately retiring from baseball as he was sick and tired of
all the booing scumball fans and being accused of being a steroid
junkie by the Nazi press hounds. He then told the barking crowd
he was now going to fulfill his young mans dream of becoming a
professional wrestler and being able to take steroids legally rather than
the health pills and diet supplements he has been gobbling down for the
last ten years. The press conference then ended suddenly when Barry
smashed a chair and stormed off fuming after Vince McMahon threw a
needle at him.,,,, Wow Barry that was a surprise announcement leaving
baseball.
BARRY
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to play a sport where the sucker fans and media dogs never accuse you of being a drug cheat, I’ve never taken drugs, honest.
FOXY
But Barry, don’t you know taking wrestler steroids can make you mad
and crazy?
BARRY ( angry )
What! What do you mean by that bitch! Screw you this interview is over!
THROWS A CHAIR AT CAMERA AND MONITOR BLACKS OUT.
FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to bring back some integrity to wrestling.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BARACK OBAMA’.
FOXY
Barack Obama told a cheering Hollywood Oprah fundraiser last
night when he becomes President not only will he quickly kill Bin
Laden and win the war but he will also appoint Oprah to be the Vice
President, of Africa. He then promised the cheering crowd he will
bring back the N.F.L. to L.A. which caused the fundraiser to end
abruptly when five thousand rich football fans started a celebration
riot that ended up in an orgy in Posh Spice’s swimming pool where
David entertained the aroused throng by singing Spice Girl’s songs
and doing Mickey Mouse impersonations.,,,, Wow Barack, that
sounded one fun fundraiser.
BARACK
Yes Foxy we put the fun back into fund, (SMILES) I love those
Hollywood folks they are generous fund people.
FOXY
So do you really think you can bring back the N.F.L. to L.A.?
BARACK
Heck ya Foxy I guarantee it if I’m elected, I’ve already signed up
Michael Vick, David Beckham, and O.J. as franchise players and the
Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have agreed to coach them,
now if that isn’t a winning team I don’t know what is.
FOXY
Have you got a name for the team yet ?
BARACK
Yes, they are called the Hollywood Bull Dogs, suits them doesn’t it ?
( SMILES )
FOXY
Well I don’t know if David Beckham could be classed as a dog.
BARACK
Give him a year in Hollywood he will be Foxy, have you met his wife, she
is one scary bitch . ( SMILES )
FOXY
No she’s a Posh bitch, Scary is the one with Eddie Murphy’s lovechild.
BARACK
Really, darn, Eddie told me that was O.J.’s baby, that’s the last time
I listen to a comedian.
HEAR A LOUD FEMALE COMMOTION. ‘BARACK’ LOOKS SCARED.
BARACK
Well I better go Foxy, another fund raiser awaits.
FOXY
All right good luck Barack.
BARACK
Thanks Foxy, I need it.
‘BARACK’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ,
’ELLEN AND ROSIE’S BARACK FUN RAISER’. ( WOMEN ONLY )’
WE HEAR LOTS OF WOMENS SCREAMS AND WOLF WHISTLES AND YELLS OF “TAKE IT OFF”, SCREEN BLACKS OUT.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARACK OBAMA’, ‘BARRY BONDS’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we’ve got a real black panel for ya all,
BARACK
Hey Redd I’m not real black, my mum is a whitey and barely tolerates
Oprah, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
BARRY
And I’m not really that black, it’s just my health pills and diet supplements
that makes me seem dark. ( HEAR DOG BARKS, HE SCOULS)
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya I’m not really that black either, it’s just the press that have painted
me that way. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
REDD
Ya I know how you guys feel, nobody believes me when I tell em I
ain’t black,, I’m Redd. ( BLUSHES AND GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )
SUDDENLY A BLEEDING ONE ARMED ‘MICHAEL VICK’ RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE YELLING.
MICHAEL
Help Help ! Vinge Rhames is trying to kill me !
FOUR BLACK BARKING BULL MASTIFFS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE CHASING HIM . SUDDENLY THE DOGS RUN BACK AND MAKE A BEELINE FOR ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF HIS NAUGHTY BITS TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.
FOXY
In another exclusive internet interview last night O.J. Simpson told a
naked blonde now that his black comedy book has been high jacked by
some cheap Jew who is refusing to pay him his rightful royalties his
daughter is so annoyed she will be releasing a children’s book tentively
titled ,’Imagine if your mummy was killed by a fast running innocent black
man’. He said his daughter has already signed away the screen rights to
Fox for big bucks and the mini series will feature the acting debut of
Michael Vick playing the fast running innocent one armed black man and
O.J. himself making his screen comeback playing the lovable rogue
detective trying to hunt him down with his trusty gang of very angry
Bull Mastiffs.,, Wow O.J., that sounds a very black comedy.
O.J.
Yes Foxy it’s going to be very funny, Michael Vick acts like a dog, he’s a
natural, just like me. ( SMILES )
FOXY
It’s sure been a long time since we have seen you acting on TV.
O.J.
Ya Foxy not since my innocent court case and damn was I good in that or
what, it’s a travesty of justice I got black listed in Hollywood by those
rich Jews, I should have gotten all the roles that Eddie Murphy got.
FOXY
Yes his ‘Shrek’ role would have been made for you.
O.J.
What role did Eddie play in that?
FOXY
A stupid loud mouthed ass.
O.J.
Hey Bitch that’s not funny !
FOXY
Hee haw hee haw.
MONITOR CHANGES TO A SCOWLING ‘BARRY BONDS’.
FOXY
After finally breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record last night Barry
Bonds shocked the post game press conference when he announced
he was immediately retiring from baseball as he was sick and tired of
all the booing scumball fans and being accused of being a steroid
junkie by the Nazi press hounds. He then told the barking crowd
he was now going to fulfill his young mans dream of becoming a
professional wrestler and being able to take steroids legally rather than
the health pills and diet supplements he has been gobbling down for the
last ten years. The press conference then ended suddenly when Barry
smashed a chair and stormed off fuming after Vince McMahon threw a
needle at him.,,,, Wow Barry that was a surprise announcement leaving
baseball.
BARRY
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to play a sport where the sucker fans and media dogs never accuse you of being a drug cheat, I’ve never taken drugs, honest.
FOXY
But Barry, don’t you know taking wrestler steroids can make you mad
and crazy?
BARRY ( angry )
What! What do you mean by that bitch! Screw you this interview is over!
THROWS A CHAIR AT CAMERA AND MONITOR BLACKS OUT.
FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to bring back some integrity to wrestling.
MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BARACK OBAMA’.
FOXY
Barack Obama told a cheering Hollywood Oprah fundraiser last
night when he becomes President not only will he quickly kill Bin
Laden and win the war but he will also appoint Oprah to be the Vice
President, of Africa. He then promised the cheering crowd he will
bring back the N.F.L. to L.A. which caused the fundraiser to end
abruptly when five thousand rich football fans started a celebration
riot that ended up in an orgy in Posh Spice’s swimming pool where
David entertained the aroused throng by singing Spice Girl’s songs
and doing Mickey Mouse impersonations.,,,, Wow Barack, that
sounded one fun fundraiser.
BARACK
Yes Foxy we put the fun back into fund, (SMILES) I love those
Hollywood folks they are generous fund people.
FOXY
So do you really think you can bring back the N.F.L. to L.A.?
BARACK
Heck ya Foxy I guarantee it if I’m elected, I’ve already signed up
Michael Vick, David Beckham, and O.J. as franchise players and the
Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have agreed to coach them,
now if that isn’t a winning team I don’t know what is.
FOXY
Have you got a name for the team yet ?
BARACK
Yes, they are called the Hollywood Bull Dogs, suits them doesn’t it ?
( SMILES )
FOXY
Well I don’t know if David Beckham could be classed as a dog.
BARACK
Give him a year in Hollywood he will be Foxy, have you met his wife, she
is one scary bitch . ( SMILES )
FOXY
No she’s a Posh bitch, Scary is the one with Eddie Murphy’s lovechild.
BARACK
Really, darn, Eddie told me that was O.J.’s baby, that’s the last time
I listen to a comedian.
HEAR A LOUD FEMALE COMMOTION. ‘BARACK’ LOOKS SCARED.
BARACK
Well I better go Foxy, another fund raiser awaits.
FOXY
All right good luck Barack.
BARACK
Thanks Foxy, I need it.
‘BARACK’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ,
’ELLEN AND ROSIE’S BARACK FUN RAISER’. ( WOMEN ONLY )’
WE HEAR LOTS OF WOMENS SCREAMS AND WOLF WHISTLES AND YELLS OF “TAKE IT OFF”, SCREEN BLACKS OUT.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARACK OBAMA’, ‘BARRY BONDS’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we’ve got a real black panel for ya all,
BARACK
Hey Redd I’m not real black, my mum is a whitey and barely tolerates
Oprah, not that there’s anything wrong with that.
BARRY
And I’m not really that black, it’s just my health pills and diet supplements
that makes me seem dark. ( HEAR DOG BARKS, HE SCOULS)
O.J. SIMPSON
Ya I’m not really that black either, it’s just the press that have painted
me that way. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
REDD
Ya I know how you guys feel, nobody believes me when I tell em I
ain’t black,, I’m Redd. ( BLUSHES AND GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )
SUDDENLY A BLEEDING ONE ARMED ‘MICHAEL VICK’ RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE YELLING.
MICHAEL
Help Help ! Vinge Rhames is trying to kill me !
FOUR BLACK BARKING BULL MASTIFFS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE CHASING HIM . SUDDENLY THE DOGS RUN BACK AND MAKE A BEELINE FOR ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF HIS NAUGHTY BITS TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.
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