SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘MIKE TYSON’ ON.
FOXY
Leading Republican Party Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee
produced another fighting celebrity ad on the net last night this
time featuring Mike Tyson’s ringing endorsement. Filmed in a jail
boxing ring, a bible clutching Mike claims now he has been
rehabilitated and found God in the slammer he believes anything
Rev Mike, Chuck Norris, and Ric Flair say is right and then got
down on his knees and prays for a Rev Mike victory when a very
angry Robyn Givens enters the ring attacking the praying Mike
with her heavy selling womans abuse book. The fight only ended
when Referee Huckabee steps in the ring and awards the fight to
Robyn on a t.k.o. and then her and Mike hug and tongue kiss like
their honeymoon never ended.,,, So Mike, sounds like jail has
changed you.
MIKE
Ya Foxy that last stretch was tough, thank God Paris Hilton lent
me her Bible and saved me, Paris is an angel.
FOXY
What, you read the Bible in a day?
MIKE
Hell no Foxy, I didn’t read it, I just used it to keep the perverts
away, there are some nasty people in jail Foxy, I think Michael
Vick fell in love with me, but, who can blame him.
‘MIKE’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘ARSENIO HALL’.
FOXY
Not to be outdone by the Oprah Obama road show the Republican
Party’s second leading Presidential Candidate Ron Paul
announced on ‘Ellen’ last night he will be doing a few Texas
Hollywood shows with America’s favourite black male talk show host,
Arsenio Hall. Ron said having Arsenio as his opening act would show
voters not only is he very tolerant of blacks but he is also hip to
their needs just like his understanding of getting Nevada brothel
donations even though he personally shuddered to think where they
had cum from. When Ron brought out Arsenio on ‘Ellen’ last night
Arsenio was so happy and excited to be back on tv again that Ellen
mistook his excitement for her and kneed him in the naughty bits before
rushing off stage crying how much she misses her beloved dog Iggy and
funny writers.,,,, Ouch Arsenio, that sounded a bit of a painful tv comeback.
ARSENIO ( high voice )
Ya it was way worse than ‘Star Search’ Foxy, I think Ellen is
going through a bad period without her writers and now has to
resort to ball breaking lesbian humour and damn, they hit hard
below the belt.
FOXY
So did Ellen apologize later?
ARSENIO
No, but she sent me a used dog and an unfunny writer to adopt.
( GRINS )
HEAR DOG BARKS AND AN ‘UNFUNNY WRITER’S’ “HEE HAWS”. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘BARRY BONDS’.
FOXY
A jovial Barry Bonds appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to
vehemently deny ever using steroids, after he heard they were bad
and illegal for you. Barry swore to Larry once he heard he
immediately switched to a specially blended linseed oil with no
nasty side effects at all, other than making you monster big and
strong and a bit sterile and unfriendly at times. Barry then announced
he has joined forces with Marion Jones and their trainer Greg Anderson
to market his amazing linseed oil over the net with all proceeds going
to his and Marion’s defense fund and Greg’s rehabilitation into the
outside world fund. Barry claims since Marion has been using his amazing
linseed oil she has got so fast, tight, and manly sexy, tonight she has
a tryout to be the Miami Dolphin’s new tight end.,,,, Wow Barry, that
linseed oil sure sounds strong stuff.
BARRY
Ya it is Foxy, the linseed oil isn’t that powerful alone, it’s the
eleven secret herbs and additives that give it it’s punch.
FOXY
Would one of those secret additives be called steroids?
BARRY
,, D’oh !,, That’s it, interview over bitch !
‘BARRY’ ANGRILY LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ‘VINCE VAUGHN’S CHARM SCHOOL’ ( enter at own risk )’.
FOXY
Well I bet his charming personality will go down well in jail.
( SMIRKS )
MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )
SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ MIKE TYSON’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE AND WEARING A ‘ REV MIKE 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, ‘ARSENIO HALL’ WEARING A ‘PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ SHIRT AND ‘BARRY BONDS’ WEARING A ‘BAN THE ****** ASTERISK’ SHIRT. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen
black stars for ya all,
MIKE
Hey Redd I ain’t fallen anymore, I found God and Rev Mike in jail
and I’ve got back up again, I’m fighting for Jesus and Rev Huckster
now. ( GRINS AND KISSES BIBLE )
ARSENIO
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, I never fell off tv, I was just
resting for my next hilarious comeback. ( GRINS )
BARRY
Well I sure haven’t fallen, I’m still the leading home run hitter of
all time and soon to be a very successful pro wrestler.
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘BARRY’ LOOKS PISSED OFF AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.
REDD
Damn, they have pro wrestling in jail now, how do they get the
drugs and hoes in? ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )
‘BARRY’ RISES ANGRILY AND GIVES ‘REDD’ THE FINGER AND SMASHES CHAIR AND STORMS OFF. IN WALKS ‘RICKY WILLIAMS’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHIN’ FOOTBALL UNIFORM AND HOLDING A BIG JOINT.
RICKY
Sorry I’m late man, I forgot I had football practice.
SUDDENLY ‘MARION JONES’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHINS’ UNIFORM RUSHES IN AND CUT JUST AS SHE TACKLES ‘RICKY’ HARD AND ENDS HIS SEASON WITH A MINOR GROIN INJURY.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Not the Fox News Killer Dog Comedy Show
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DREW PETERSON’ ON.
FOXY
Innocent wife killer policeman Drew Peterson was almost arrested for
assault last night after taseing, maceing, and then stomping all over the
entire Caveman writing staff’s picket line to appear on the Ellen Show.
When he told Ellen of the incident she shrugged it off and told him not
to worry as they were all unemployed bums now anyways because the
Caveman have gone into hibernation. She then broke out laughing so hard
at her bad joke her entire writing staff had to come on stage to try and
slap some sense into her. An enraged Ellen immediately fired her entire
writing staff and and then broke down in Drew’s arms crying how much
she still misses her beloved dog Iggy and Anne Heche’s beautiful
cooking.,,, Wow Drew, sounds like you and Ellen really bonded last night.
DREW
Ya Foxy, Ellen is one sexy funny broad, I’d even marry her myself if she wasn’t such an old and manly dyke, she tongue kisses like a giraffe on heat.
‘FOXY’ AND ‘DREW’ BOTH SHUDDER AT THAT THOUGHT.
FOXY
Yes but Drew, you’re already married.
DREW
Oh ya damn! Well, as soon as they dig up where my last wife is hiding
I’m going to demand a quickie divorce, maybe Ellen could introduce
me to Anne Heche cause I could really dig that broad I tell ya, mmmm
‘DREW’S’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
FOXY
A jovial O.J. Simpson appeared on Larry King last night and told
Larry how happy and excited he was to be appearing before another
fine honest jury as no fine honest jury could possibly believe the
words of a gang of the sleaziest most vile disgusting sports
memorabilia robbing rats ever to walk Vegas, against the word of
a friendly Heistman Trophy winner and former loved comic actor.
O.J. said he is now writing a book about the incident and has already
had interest from Quentin Tarantino to turn it into a black comedy
remake of the old Vegas Rat Pack movie, ‘Robin and the 7 Hoods’,
though, O.J., was still holding out to play Robin rather than Quentin’s
first choices of Gary Coleman or Robert Blake.,,, So O.J., you trying
to get back into acting again?
O.J.
Hell ya Foxy wait until you see me in my next court appearance, I’m
going to act so good and innocent I’m hoping once again I’ll become
a much loved ball player and comic actor and the parts will flow in.
FOXY
Well I’m not sure being a much loved ball player is that good of a thing
in jail. ( SMIRKS )
‘O.J.’S’ SMILE QUICKLY WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING PAKISTAN PRESIDENT ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’
FOXY
In an exclusive interview last night Pakistan’s Chief of Control Pervez
Musharraf told Katie Couric he was going to lift the State of
Emergency in Pakistan very soonish now that he has subjected
Benazir Bhutto and former cricket player Imran Kahn to the dreaded
Cone of Silence. He said he will only be remaining Chief of Control
until he can rid Pakistan of all Chaos, sleazy shysters, and loud mouthed
women and journalists, and was very hopeful of holding a demographic
election by April 1,, 2012. ,, Wow Pervez, April 2012 sounds a long ways away.
PERVEZ
Well hopefully not that long Foxy as it’s also my retirement day when
I collect my very generous pension and retirement fund, roll on 2012,
I can hardly wait.
FOXY
So what are your plans after you retire from dictating ?
PERVEZ
I’m going to move to L.A. Foxy and produce factual Bollywood
Hollywood movies with my very good friend Hugo Chavez, Charlie
Sheen has already agreed to play me and I can smell Oscars already
Foxy.
FOXY
Well I’m not surprised, as you sure sound like you’re a bit of a
weiner. ( SMIRKS )
‘PERVEZ’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’ LOOKING LIKE A ‘HOLLYWOOD’ PRODUCER , ‘DREW PETERSON’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CLUTCHING BIBLES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer of a show for ya all,
PERVEZ
Goodness gracious me Redd I am no killer, I have a very loyal army
that does that for me. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
DREW
Well I’m sure not a killer, it’s just I had the misfortune of marrying
suicidal broads and then get murdered by the media, I’m no wife killer
honest, just ask my first and second wifes. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
O.J.
Ya I know how you feel Drew, I got bloody murdered by the media
for a crime some other bad black guy did and I swear to God, one day
I’m going to find that fast running one armed black guy and
make the media and Ron Goldman admit they are bloody fools.
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ SCOWLS AND TAKES A KNIFE OUT OF HIS BIBLE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN PRANCE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING ‘DON IMUS’S’ WIG AND JET BLACK HAIRED ‘ROBERT BLAKE’ HOLDING HANDS.
ROBERT
Sorry we are late Redd, we had a bad hair day.
PHIL
Yes Robert’s hair took forever to die black, I’m sooo glad I have such
natural hair. ( FLIPS HAIR AND WIG FALLS OFF, HE SCREAMS )
HEAR BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROBERT’ AND ‘PHIL’ LOOKED PISSED OFF AND PULL OUT GUNS AND AIM AT THE CAMERA AND CUT TO THE SOUND OF A MASS ‘TARZAN’ JUNGLE ANIMAL STAMPEED JUST AS BULLETS GO OFF.
FOXY
Innocent wife killer policeman Drew Peterson was almost arrested for
assault last night after taseing, maceing, and then stomping all over the
entire Caveman writing staff’s picket line to appear on the Ellen Show.
When he told Ellen of the incident she shrugged it off and told him not
to worry as they were all unemployed bums now anyways because the
Caveman have gone into hibernation. She then broke out laughing so hard
at her bad joke her entire writing staff had to come on stage to try and
slap some sense into her. An enraged Ellen immediately fired her entire
writing staff and and then broke down in Drew’s arms crying how much
she still misses her beloved dog Iggy and Anne Heche’s beautiful
cooking.,,, Wow Drew, sounds like you and Ellen really bonded last night.
DREW
Ya Foxy, Ellen is one sexy funny broad, I’d even marry her myself if she wasn’t such an old and manly dyke, she tongue kisses like a giraffe on heat.
‘FOXY’ AND ‘DREW’ BOTH SHUDDER AT THAT THOUGHT.
FOXY
Yes but Drew, you’re already married.
DREW
Oh ya damn! Well, as soon as they dig up where my last wife is hiding
I’m going to demand a quickie divorce, maybe Ellen could introduce
me to Anne Heche cause I could really dig that broad I tell ya, mmmm
‘DREW’S’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.
FOXY
A jovial O.J. Simpson appeared on Larry King last night and told
Larry how happy and excited he was to be appearing before another
fine honest jury as no fine honest jury could possibly believe the
words of a gang of the sleaziest most vile disgusting sports
memorabilia robbing rats ever to walk Vegas, against the word of
a friendly Heistman Trophy winner and former loved comic actor.
O.J. said he is now writing a book about the incident and has already
had interest from Quentin Tarantino to turn it into a black comedy
remake of the old Vegas Rat Pack movie, ‘Robin and the 7 Hoods’,
though, O.J., was still holding out to play Robin rather than Quentin’s
first choices of Gary Coleman or Robert Blake.,,, So O.J., you trying
to get back into acting again?
O.J.
Hell ya Foxy wait until you see me in my next court appearance, I’m
going to act so good and innocent I’m hoping once again I’ll become
a much loved ball player and comic actor and the parts will flow in.
FOXY
Well I’m not sure being a much loved ball player is that good of a thing
in jail. ( SMIRKS )
‘O.J.’S’ SMILE QUICKLY WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING PAKISTAN PRESIDENT ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’
FOXY
In an exclusive interview last night Pakistan’s Chief of Control Pervez
Musharraf told Katie Couric he was going to lift the State of
Emergency in Pakistan very soonish now that he has subjected
Benazir Bhutto and former cricket player Imran Kahn to the dreaded
Cone of Silence. He said he will only be remaining Chief of Control
until he can rid Pakistan of all Chaos, sleazy shysters, and loud mouthed
women and journalists, and was very hopeful of holding a demographic
election by April 1,, 2012. ,, Wow Pervez, April 2012 sounds a long ways away.
PERVEZ
Well hopefully not that long Foxy as it’s also my retirement day when
I collect my very generous pension and retirement fund, roll on 2012,
I can hardly wait.
FOXY
So what are your plans after you retire from dictating ?
PERVEZ
I’m going to move to L.A. Foxy and produce factual Bollywood
Hollywood movies with my very good friend Hugo Chavez, Charlie
Sheen has already agreed to play me and I can smell Oscars already
Foxy.
FOXY
Well I’m not surprised, as you sure sound like you’re a bit of a
weiner. ( SMIRKS )
‘PERVEZ’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’ LOOKING LIKE A ‘HOLLYWOOD’ PRODUCER , ‘DREW PETERSON’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CLUTCHING BIBLES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer of a show for ya all,
PERVEZ
Goodness gracious me Redd I am no killer, I have a very loyal army
that does that for me. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
DREW
Well I’m sure not a killer, it’s just I had the misfortune of marrying
suicidal broads and then get murdered by the media, I’m no wife killer
honest, just ask my first and second wifes. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )
O.J.
Ya I know how you feel Drew, I got bloody murdered by the media
for a crime some other bad black guy did and I swear to God, one day
I’m going to find that fast running one armed black guy and
make the media and Ron Goldman admit they are bloody fools.
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ SCOWLS AND TAKES A KNIFE OUT OF HIS BIBLE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN PRANCE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING ‘DON IMUS’S’ WIG AND JET BLACK HAIRED ‘ROBERT BLAKE’ HOLDING HANDS.
ROBERT
Sorry we are late Redd, we had a bad hair day.
PHIL
Yes Robert’s hair took forever to die black, I’m sooo glad I have such
natural hair. ( FLIPS HAIR AND WIG FALLS OFF, HE SCREAMS )
HEAR BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROBERT’ AND ‘PHIL’ LOOKED PISSED OFF AND PULL OUT GUNS AND AIM AT THE CAMERA AND CUT TO THE SOUND OF A MASS ‘TARZAN’ JUNGLE ANIMAL STAMPEED JUST AS BULLETS GO OFF.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 7
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘DOG’ THE BOUNTY HUNTER ON.
FOXY
Dog the Bounty Hunter made another emotional plea on Bill
O’ Reilly last night this time apologizing profusely and
personally crying to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton
and Jesse Jackson for calling his bad son’s nappy headed
bitch the N word. After a lot of Dog begging and crying
the grieving Reverends reluctantly agreed to forgive the
mongrel and then all three joined in a group hug and prayer
thanking God and Rupert Murdoch for letting them appear so
much on Fox TV due to the misfortune of sinners. Dog then
announced he just fired his half black Spiritual Adviser
what’s his name, and hired Rev Al as his new adviser and
promised God if Bounty Hunter gets to come back on tv he
will give Rev Al a recurring role to add some dark
comic relief and maybe even gain more religious and negro
viewers. ,,, Wow Dog, getting Reverend Al to appear on the
Bounty Hunter sounds a cunning move.
DOG
Ya Foxy we make a real great team, we are like funny
brothers from a different daddies, we are so funny the
producers of Caveman are already talking about giving
us our own Fox sitcom, thank you Lord and Rupert. ( KISSES BIBLE )
FOXY
Wow your own Fox sitcom, really?
DOG
Ya Foxy sounds funny too, Rev Al will be playing my sassy
mouthed butler Benson and I’ll be a lovable rogue Archie
Bunker bounty hunter type, they say we will be the
next Caveman comedy sensation, praise the Lord, I love
Caveman.
FOXY
Um, I think Caveman have gone into hibernation.
DOG
What really, Jesus, that was my God damned favourite show,,
Damn those writers!
‘DOG’ STARTS TO CRY AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A HAPPY ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’ TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER.
FOXY
Lance Armstrong rang up Ryan Seacrest last night to tearfully
announce he has just broken up his loving relationship with 21
year old Ashley Olsen citing the age difference and constant
snide remarks from Sheryl Crow finally got to him. Lance says
he now prefers his girls to be a bit more mature and then
gleefully told Ryan he has just become engaged to Ashley’s
older sister Mary Kate, who, according to Lance, may be only a
minute older in human time but in dog time is years more mature
than her kid sister. He said the happy couple are planning a
Christmas wedding in Vegas followed by a romantic honeymoon in
Reno which will all be taped for a possible Fox reality series
or an arty internet movie.,,, So Lance, arty internet movie,
does that mean sex tape?
LANCE
Hell no Foxy, we like to think of it as more of a sex ed film for
young girls, like Ashley, but, we are sure the grown ups will
love it too, wink wink nudge nudge. (WINKS )
FOXY
Talking about grown ups Lance, when are you going to?
LANCE
What, what do you mean by that? ( GETS TEARFUL ) I
want my mummy now , I still love you mummy Sheryl.
‘LANCE’ STARTS CRYING AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER SWING IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another swinging video on her website
last night telling her fans she turned down the job to be the
Head of M.S.N.B.C. News not because they wouldn’t give her a
helicopter but because the capitalist bastards refused to listen
to her when she told them the real truth. Rosie then announced
she will be doing her own hard hitting Larry King type political
show on the internet live from her swing to represent the swinging
voter and on the first show, scheduled for Christmas Day, Rosie
promised to unveil the truth about 9/11, the war, and why the Mets
choked this year and she’s rounded up Sean Penn, Sargent Shultz,
and Pete Rose to swing by to tell the real truth.,,, Wow Rosie,
what made you decide to do a hard hitting political show on
the internet?
ROSIE
I’m getting way to big for tv now Foxy, I’m going to become
the Oprah of the new media, I’ll be huge on the net.
FOXY
Yes, I’ve heard you gained a bit of weight lately.
ROSIE
Hey bitch no way, it’s just the swing adds ten pounds!
SWING BREAKS AND ‘ROSIE’ FALLS DOWN TO A LOUD THUD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Yeouch, that was a heavy weigh to end the news, but now, it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’, ‘ROSIE’ WITH A HEAVILY BANDAGED HEAD AND WEARING A ‘RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ BADGE, AND ‘DOG’ GRIPPING A BIBLE. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen stars
for ya all,
LANCE
Hey Redd I’ve never fallen of my bike I can assure you, nobody
can prove I used to ride around with that drug runner Marion
Jones, and hey, fallen stars can’t screw 21 year old skinny rich
twins and old rock stars can they dude?
ROSIE
Well at least I’m man enough to admit I fell, and, that fall
seems to have knocked some sense into me as I’m even
questioning Sean Penn now because, Hello Shaun, fire can burn
steel, just ask any steel foundry worker you pinko lying
democrat. ( WAVES ‘I LOVE BUSH’ FLAG.)
DOG
Hey I might have fallen briefly again Redd, but I’ve risen again
thanks to my spiritual advisors God and Rev Al, I love God
and negroes, you guys rock.
‘DOG’ KISSES BIBLE TO AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘DOG’ LOOKS MEAN AND GOWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.IN RUNS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING NOTHING BUT A SMILE AND A SMALL JOCKSTRAP.
O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas by some gun toting
sports memorabilia robbers.
REDD
Well at least they left you with SOME dignity.
O.J.
No they didn’t, I had to steal my Heistman winning cup back off
Michael Vick.
HEAR AUDIENCE DOG GROWLS AT THE MENTION OF ‘MICHAEL VICK.
REDD
Damn O.J., that’s a little bit below the belt. ( GRINS )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND O’J’ LOOKS FREAKED AS TWO AUDIENCE BULL DOGS RUSH ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ WINNING CUP TO AUCTION OFF ON EBAY.
FOXY
Dog the Bounty Hunter made another emotional plea on Bill
O’ Reilly last night this time apologizing profusely and
personally crying to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton
and Jesse Jackson for calling his bad son’s nappy headed
bitch the N word. After a lot of Dog begging and crying
the grieving Reverends reluctantly agreed to forgive the
mongrel and then all three joined in a group hug and prayer
thanking God and Rupert Murdoch for letting them appear so
much on Fox TV due to the misfortune of sinners. Dog then
announced he just fired his half black Spiritual Adviser
what’s his name, and hired Rev Al as his new adviser and
promised God if Bounty Hunter gets to come back on tv he
will give Rev Al a recurring role to add some dark
comic relief and maybe even gain more religious and negro
viewers. ,,, Wow Dog, getting Reverend Al to appear on the
Bounty Hunter sounds a cunning move.
DOG
Ya Foxy we make a real great team, we are like funny
brothers from a different daddies, we are so funny the
producers of Caveman are already talking about giving
us our own Fox sitcom, thank you Lord and Rupert. ( KISSES BIBLE )
FOXY
Wow your own Fox sitcom, really?
DOG
Ya Foxy sounds funny too, Rev Al will be playing my sassy
mouthed butler Benson and I’ll be a lovable rogue Archie
Bunker bounty hunter type, they say we will be the
next Caveman comedy sensation, praise the Lord, I love
Caveman.
FOXY
Um, I think Caveman have gone into hibernation.
DOG
What really, Jesus, that was my God damned favourite show,,
Damn those writers!
‘DOG’ STARTS TO CRY AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A HAPPY ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’ TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER.
FOXY
Lance Armstrong rang up Ryan Seacrest last night to tearfully
announce he has just broken up his loving relationship with 21
year old Ashley Olsen citing the age difference and constant
snide remarks from Sheryl Crow finally got to him. Lance says
he now prefers his girls to be a bit more mature and then
gleefully told Ryan he has just become engaged to Ashley’s
older sister Mary Kate, who, according to Lance, may be only a
minute older in human time but in dog time is years more mature
than her kid sister. He said the happy couple are planning a
Christmas wedding in Vegas followed by a romantic honeymoon in
Reno which will all be taped for a possible Fox reality series
or an arty internet movie.,,, So Lance, arty internet movie,
does that mean sex tape?
LANCE
Hell no Foxy, we like to think of it as more of a sex ed film for
young girls, like Ashley, but, we are sure the grown ups will
love it too, wink wink nudge nudge. (WINKS )
FOXY
Talking about grown ups Lance, when are you going to?
LANCE
What, what do you mean by that? ( GETS TEARFUL ) I
want my mummy now , I still love you mummy Sheryl.
‘LANCE’ STARTS CRYING AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER SWING IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another swinging video on her website
last night telling her fans she turned down the job to be the
Head of M.S.N.B.C. News not because they wouldn’t give her a
helicopter but because the capitalist bastards refused to listen
to her when she told them the real truth. Rosie then announced
she will be doing her own hard hitting Larry King type political
show on the internet live from her swing to represent the swinging
voter and on the first show, scheduled for Christmas Day, Rosie
promised to unveil the truth about 9/11, the war, and why the Mets
choked this year and she’s rounded up Sean Penn, Sargent Shultz,
and Pete Rose to swing by to tell the real truth.,,, Wow Rosie,
what made you decide to do a hard hitting political show on
the internet?
ROSIE
I’m getting way to big for tv now Foxy, I’m going to become
the Oprah of the new media, I’ll be huge on the net.
FOXY
Yes, I’ve heard you gained a bit of weight lately.
ROSIE
Hey bitch no way, it’s just the swing adds ten pounds!
SWING BREAKS AND ‘ROSIE’ FALLS DOWN TO A LOUD THUD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Yeouch, that was a heavy weigh to end the news, but now, it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )
SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’, ‘ROSIE’ WITH A HEAVILY BANDAGED HEAD AND WEARING A ‘RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ BADGE, AND ‘DOG’ GRIPPING A BIBLE. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen stars
for ya all,
LANCE
Hey Redd I’ve never fallen of my bike I can assure you, nobody
can prove I used to ride around with that drug runner Marion
Jones, and hey, fallen stars can’t screw 21 year old skinny rich
twins and old rock stars can they dude?
ROSIE
Well at least I’m man enough to admit I fell, and, that fall
seems to have knocked some sense into me as I’m even
questioning Sean Penn now because, Hello Shaun, fire can burn
steel, just ask any steel foundry worker you pinko lying
democrat. ( WAVES ‘I LOVE BUSH’ FLAG.)
DOG
Hey I might have fallen briefly again Redd, but I’ve risen again
thanks to my spiritual advisors God and Rev Al, I love God
and negroes, you guys rock.
‘DOG’ KISSES BIBLE TO AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘DOG’ LOOKS MEAN AND GOWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.IN RUNS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING NOTHING BUT A SMILE AND A SMALL JOCKSTRAP.
O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas by some gun toting
sports memorabilia robbers.
REDD
Well at least they left you with SOME dignity.
O.J.
No they didn’t, I had to steal my Heistman winning cup back off
Michael Vick.
HEAR AUDIENCE DOG GROWLS AT THE MENTION OF ‘MICHAEL VICK.
REDD
Damn O.J., that’s a little bit below the belt. ( GRINS )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND O’J’ LOOKS FREAKED AS TWO AUDIENCE BULL DOGS RUSH ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ WINNING CUP TO AUCTION OFF ON EBAY.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 6
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ ON.
FOXY
Fresh from her Venezuelan retreat super model Naomi
Campbell rang Ryan Seacrest last night to announce she has
just signed on to play Condoleezza Rice in a new Hugu Chavez
funded Hollywood black comedy. She said the role of a tall
skinny evil black bitch who wants to take over the world was
just made for her and she is now really looking forward to playing
opposite Kevin Spacey as George W. Bush and Sean Penn as the crazed
killer, Dick Cheney. She said production is due to start once Hugo,
Sean, and Rosie, can hammer out an Oscar winning screenplay and she
can find the time to take another good acting lesson.,,,, Wow Naomi,
I can see you making a great Condoleezza Rice.
NAOMI
Ya Foxy I will cause I heard that skinny ass bitch Rice actually
models herself on me so it’s not going to be much of a stretch to
play myself is it, I have Oscar written all over me.
FOXY
Yes, Oscar Meyer. ( SMIRKS )
NAOMI ( angry )
Hey Bitch !!
MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’
FOXY
Leading Democratic Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich
admitted on Jay Leno last night not only did he see a u.f.o. at
Shirley MacLaine’s but that night he and Shirley were
abducted and forced to sexually probe themselves in front
of thirteen illegal aliens. After he was finished the head alien,
who went by the name of Jesus, told Dennis he was such a
great prober he should become President. Dennis promised
right there and then to Jesus, his twelve green disciples, and
Shirley MacLaine, once elected he will be twice the prober than
George Bush ever was.,,,, Wow Dennis, that’s a surprise
admission.
DENNIS
Yes Foxy, I’m a prober and proud of it . ( GRINS )
FOXY
So you think that position will get you more votes?
DENNIS
Heck ya Foxy, I might lose the Mormons and Catholics but
I’ll gain by getting the gay and perverts, move over Hillary
and Obama, I’ve just captured your Hollywood crowd, nanoo
nanoo.
‘DENNIS’ GRINS AND FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘HEATHER MILLS’.
FOXY
After emotional crying scenes on ‘Ellen’, ‘Jerry Springer’,
and ‘Animal Court’ yesterday, Heather Mills briefly
composed herself to appear on ‘Larry King’ last night to
again moan about how hard done by she is by the media and
Sir Paul who were making it very difficult for her to keep her
sanity and Princess Di image. When Larry suggestively pulled
her leg about having sex with old rich men, Heather
immediately started crying and hopped off in a huff. A shocked
Larry said he was just pulling her leg but didn’t expect it to
come off so easy.,,, Well Heather, sounded a bit of a bad day for you.
HEATHER
Yes Foxy it was a hard days night, thank God I’m on the last leg
of my bitching American tour, I don’t think I can stand being
here anymore.
FOXY
What, didn’t Larry give you back your leg? ( SMIRKS )
HEATHER ( getting tearful )
No! The bastard is using it as an ash tray now.
FOXY
Darn that Larry, I hope he isn’t using your last leg for the
butts of his bad jokes. ( SMIRKS )
‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING AND FALLS OVER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n
Friends’. ( SMILES )
SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’, ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ AND A TEARFUL ONE LEGGED ‘HEATHER MILLS’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a crazy panel for ya all,
DENNIS
Hey Redd just because I’ve been sexually probed by aliens it
doesn’t make me crazy, just ask Shirley MacLaine, she claims
I am a genius. ( SMILES )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘DENNIS’S’ FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN AND A BROKEN ANTENNA POPS UP.
NAOMI
And I’m not really crazy, I just act that way to keep up my
highly strung model slash actress slash bitch slash bad
employer image, in real life I’m really very sweet. ( SICKLY
SMILE)
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘NAOMI’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.
HEATHER
Well I’m certainly not crazy, crazy people don’t make a
hundred million bucks in four years and become the new
Princess Di do they ?
REDD
Actually, I heard that’s the first sign you are on your last leg of sanity. ( GRINS )
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING. IN THE SCENE COMES AN OUT OF BREATH ‘DOG’ FROM ‘BOUNTY HUNTER’ ACCOMPANYING A HANDCUFFED ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND ‘MICHAEL VICK’.
DOG (out of breath )
Sorry I’m late Redd,,, had to catch some fast running black crims for
my last show and damn,,, those niggers can sure run fast,, whoops,,
I mean,, those very dark Killers, can sure run fast. ( GRINS AND HOLDS UP A BIBLE)
HEAR AUDIENCE BARKS AND SUDDENLY FOUR AUDIENCE PITBULLS RUSH ON AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ AND ‘MICHAEL’S’ NAUGHTY BITS WHICH IN THE PITBULL WORLD ARE CONSIDERED DELICACIES AND A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC.
FOXY
Fresh from her Venezuelan retreat super model Naomi
Campbell rang Ryan Seacrest last night to announce she has
just signed on to play Condoleezza Rice in a new Hugu Chavez
funded Hollywood black comedy. She said the role of a tall
skinny evil black bitch who wants to take over the world was
just made for her and she is now really looking forward to playing
opposite Kevin Spacey as George W. Bush and Sean Penn as the crazed
killer, Dick Cheney. She said production is due to start once Hugo,
Sean, and Rosie, can hammer out an Oscar winning screenplay and she
can find the time to take another good acting lesson.,,,, Wow Naomi,
I can see you making a great Condoleezza Rice.
NAOMI
Ya Foxy I will cause I heard that skinny ass bitch Rice actually
models herself on me so it’s not going to be much of a stretch to
play myself is it, I have Oscar written all over me.
FOXY
Yes, Oscar Meyer. ( SMIRKS )
NAOMI ( angry )
Hey Bitch !!
MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’
FOXY
Leading Democratic Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich
admitted on Jay Leno last night not only did he see a u.f.o. at
Shirley MacLaine’s but that night he and Shirley were
abducted and forced to sexually probe themselves in front
of thirteen illegal aliens. After he was finished the head alien,
who went by the name of Jesus, told Dennis he was such a
great prober he should become President. Dennis promised
right there and then to Jesus, his twelve green disciples, and
Shirley MacLaine, once elected he will be twice the prober than
George Bush ever was.,,,, Wow Dennis, that’s a surprise
admission.
DENNIS
Yes Foxy, I’m a prober and proud of it . ( GRINS )
FOXY
So you think that position will get you more votes?
DENNIS
Heck ya Foxy, I might lose the Mormons and Catholics but
I’ll gain by getting the gay and perverts, move over Hillary
and Obama, I’ve just captured your Hollywood crowd, nanoo
nanoo.
‘DENNIS’ GRINS AND FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘HEATHER MILLS’.
FOXY
After emotional crying scenes on ‘Ellen’, ‘Jerry Springer’,
and ‘Animal Court’ yesterday, Heather Mills briefly
composed herself to appear on ‘Larry King’ last night to
again moan about how hard done by she is by the media and
Sir Paul who were making it very difficult for her to keep her
sanity and Princess Di image. When Larry suggestively pulled
her leg about having sex with old rich men, Heather
immediately started crying and hopped off in a huff. A shocked
Larry said he was just pulling her leg but didn’t expect it to
come off so easy.,,, Well Heather, sounded a bit of a bad day for you.
HEATHER
Yes Foxy it was a hard days night, thank God I’m on the last leg
of my bitching American tour, I don’t think I can stand being
here anymore.
FOXY
What, didn’t Larry give you back your leg? ( SMIRKS )
HEATHER ( getting tearful )
No! The bastard is using it as an ash tray now.
FOXY
Darn that Larry, I hope he isn’t using your last leg for the
butts of his bad jokes. ( SMIRKS )
‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING AND FALLS OVER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n
Friends’. ( SMILES )
SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’, ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ AND A TEARFUL ONE LEGGED ‘HEATHER MILLS’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a crazy panel for ya all,
DENNIS
Hey Redd just because I’ve been sexually probed by aliens it
doesn’t make me crazy, just ask Shirley MacLaine, she claims
I am a genius. ( SMILES )
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘DENNIS’S’ FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN AND A BROKEN ANTENNA POPS UP.
NAOMI
And I’m not really crazy, I just act that way to keep up my
highly strung model slash actress slash bitch slash bad
employer image, in real life I’m really very sweet. ( SICKLY
SMILE)
HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘NAOMI’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.
HEATHER
Well I’m certainly not crazy, crazy people don’t make a
hundred million bucks in four years and become the new
Princess Di do they ?
REDD
Actually, I heard that’s the first sign you are on your last leg of sanity. ( GRINS )
AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING. IN THE SCENE COMES AN OUT OF BREATH ‘DOG’ FROM ‘BOUNTY HUNTER’ ACCOMPANYING A HANDCUFFED ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND ‘MICHAEL VICK’.
DOG (out of breath )
Sorry I’m late Redd,,, had to catch some fast running black crims for
my last show and damn,,, those niggers can sure run fast,, whoops,,
I mean,, those very dark Killers, can sure run fast. ( GRINS AND HOLDS UP A BIBLE)
HEAR AUDIENCE BARKS AND SUDDENLY FOUR AUDIENCE PITBULLS RUSH ON AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ AND ‘MICHAEL’S’ NAUGHTY BITS WHICH IN THE PITBULL WORLD ARE CONSIDERED DELICACIES AND A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)