NOT THE FOXX O’CLOCK NEWS
( THINK CHEAP ANIMATION THAT MOVES FAST )
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND MONITOR BEHIND HER HAS A PICTURE OF ‘BILL CLINTON’.
FOXY
Hillary Clinton has toppled Barack Obama as America’s highest paid
performer after pulling in a cool 2.5 million at her Hollywood show and
it’s now estimated by the time her tour ends she will have earned over a
billion dollars and rolled the Rolling Stones off as highest grossing rock
act. Her manager, Bill, also announced plans are underway to release
her Hollywood show as a C.D. and movie documentary.
BILL
Yes Foxy cause heck, if Jimmy Carter can win a Grammy and Al Gore
can win an Oscar, I’m sure we can win both as we also have guest
appearances by great artists like Barbara Streisand, Ted Danson’s lovely
wife, mmmm, and the godfather of soul himself, James Brown.
FOXY
James Brown, didn’t he die months ago ?
BILL
Well technically yes, but his gracious family let us borrow him to lend
a black presence to our rich white audience, and, he was magnificent,
his family are swell folks.
FOXY
So, did James Brown sing ?
BILL
No, but he sure did hum a lot . ( LAUGHS )
HILLARY ( voice only )
Oh ha ha Bill, don’t give up your day job, that joke stunk.
BILL
What day job darling ?
HILLARY ( v.o. )
Shut up and iron my pants !
BILL
Yes maam . ( EVIL LOOK )
AN IRON FLIES AND HITS BILL IN THE HEAD
FOXY
Ouch, now I know why they call her Iron Lady.
MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.
FOXY
Top Hollywood accounting firm, ‘Shyster and Sons’, has calculated if Anna
Nicole’s baby Dannielynn wins her case against the Marshall estate by the
the time she turns 21, and once all legal and management fees have been
paid, she will be worth an estimated , 37 dollars. Her manager , lawyer ,
and x father, Howard K. Stern, defended the high fees saying ,”hey, justice
ain’t cheap ya know”. He also confirmed he is in negotiations with Canada
to buy Newfoundland to turn it into a giant Anna Nicole memorial and
theme park.
HOWARD
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about my plans for Anna’s memorial as we
will have two giant casino’s shaped just like her big beautiful breasts
and between them a very classy high rollers casino shaped just like her
big beautiful purse, with my x sperm donor Larry Birdbrain as matre’d
and baby Dannielynn doing a provocative floor show, it should be very
moving, and spectacular.
FOXY
Provocative, don’t tell me the baby will be scantily clad.
HOWARD
Hell no Foxy I ain’t THAT sleazy, she will be mostly clothed , but, she
will have lots of blue material.
BABY ( voice only )
Goo goo ga ga Howard you ( bleep bleep bleep ) !
HOWARD
See, she’s just like her dear mum. ( SICKLY SMILE )
A DIRTY SYRINGE FLIES INTO ‘HOWARD’S’ FACE AND STICKS.
FOXY
Good shot Baby, good shot.
HEAR ‘BABY’ LAUGH AND MONITOR PIC CHANGES TO ‘SKIPPY THE BUSH KANGAROO’ WITH LAWYERS WIG ON.
FOXY
Australian Guantamano detainee David Hicks has surprised everyone
by firing his lawyers and hiring top Australian actor ‘Skippy the
Bush Kangaroo’ as his new defense team. Skippy will be hopping on
the next flight and is expected to plead insanity.
SKIPPY
Yup Foxy, me and insanity are very close mates, tch tch tch tch tch.
FOXY
So what Skippy, you think you can prove David is insane by hiring
you ?
SKIPPY
No No No, I think I can prove I’M insane by taking the role, I mean
fair dinkum, what role could a Bush kangaroo possibly have in an
American Military Court ? Tch tch tch tch
‘SKIPPY’ GETS KNOCKED OUT BY A FLYING ‘STARS AND STRIPES’ BOOMERANG, MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now, back to ‘Foxx n Friends’
SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED IN CHAIRS ARE ‘BILL CLINTON’, ‘SKIPPY’, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’, AND ‘JAMES BROWN’S BODY’ SURROUNDED BY ‘HUMMING’ FLIES.
REDD
Damn your right Bill, James Brown really does hum.
BILL
Yes I think the hot lights might be upsetting the flies.
SKIPPY
I’m starving can we put him on the barbie, I’ve heard American
soul food is bloody yummy.
HOWARD
Don’t be so distasteful Skippy, have you no respect for the
deceased ?
EVERONE LOOKS AT ‘HOWARD’ AND LAUGHS.
HOWARD
Hey what’s so funny, I’m dead serious.
FLIES LEAVE ‘JAMES BROWN’ AND CIRCLE
‘HOWARD’. EVERYONE LAUGHS AT HIM INCLUDING ‘JAMES BROWN’, HEAR COUPLE OF DOG “BARKS”, CUT.
Note from Monty – Now if that ain’t a very black comedy sketch I don’t know what is, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( wags tale )
Friday, March 30, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
Not the Redd Foxx Show
NOT THE REDD FOXX SHOW
( think cheap animation that flows fast ) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND ON MONITOR BEHIND HER IS ‘NICK NOLTE’ MUGSHOT .
FOXY
After reading an excerpt from Anna Nicole’s diary Fox head Rupert Murdoch
has paid a whopping two million dollars for the literary gem saying it was a
bloody bargain as it was written so good it will go down in history as America’s own ‘Diary of Anne Frank’, except, it was heaps better as there was way more sex and drugs in it. He also said Fox TV will be making a bloody good miniseries on the diaries starring Britney Spears as Anna Nicole, Zsa Zsa’s hubby Prince as the creepy old guy, and Nick Nolte as the sleazy shyster. Production is due to start once everybody sobers up.
NICK
Hell ! I didn’t see that sober up clause, I’m out of here !
‘NICK’ RUNS OFF REVEALING BEHIND HIM A DOOR WITH SIGN
‘Howard K. Stern’s
Shyster Acting Academy’
MONITOR PICTURE TURNS TO A PICTURE OF ‘STEVEN SPIELBERG’ WITH ‘JAWS’ BASEBALL CAP.
FOXY
Steven Spielberg today admitted it was actually him and David Geffen that
made the satirical Hillary clip on U-Tube and not the Obama p.r. team. He
blamed it on him and David inhaling too much at an Al Gore hot air fundraiser and now both have apologized to Hillary saying they had no idea so many people watched U-Tube and promised her from now on they will wear gas masks to all Al Gore hot air fundraisers.
STEVEN
Yes Foxy we are both very sorry for what we did as being true democrats we have no preferences at all who wins the leadership, other than we hope, and pray, the best man wins.
DAVID ( voice only)
Hey Steve I got a great idea, how about an animated Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, lesbian comedy sketch with Obama as the butler and our man Al as the sexy hunk man about the house, man, that’s going to be so funny haha.
STEVEN
Dave, you said you weren’t going to inhale anymore.
DAVID ( voice only )
Don’t believe anything I say, I’m worse than Clinton. ( EVIL LAUGH )
SMOKE BLOWS ONTO ‘STEVENS’ FACE. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH BIG BANDAGES ON BEAK.
FOXY
After Carol Burnett announced she is suing Fox TV for two million
dollars because their cartoon ‘Family Guy’ made dirty fun of her charwoman
character, a flock of out of work cartoon characters have hired top lawyer
Lionel Hutz to sue Fox T.V. for turning cartoons into a farce. A spokestoon
for the flock, Daffy Duck, said since Fox made ‘The Simpsons’ and the rest of those edgy cartoons, producers are just slamming the doors on our face and older toon characters are starving as contrary to belief,we were all ripped off by signing a non residual contract.
DAFFY
Ya Foxy it’s tough out there I tell ya, I’ve already had three bloody broken noses this week.
DOOR SLAMS AND SIGN ON DOOR READS
‘RUPERT FOX
CARTOON PRODUCER’ .
DAFFY ( voice only )
Yeouchhhhhh ! Make that four.
RUPERT ( voice only )
I told you, I hate bloody quacks ! ,,, and bloody Poofters !
DAFFY ( voice only )
Hey I’m not gay, I just walk funny.
MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Well that today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING IN CHAIRS ARE ‘CAROL BURNETT’ DRESSED AS CHARWOMAN, STEVEN SPEILBERG, ‘DAVID GEFFEN’ WEARING A BONG GASS MASK, ‘NICK NOLTE’ DRINKING FROM A PAPER BAG, AND ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH MORE BANDAGES ON BEAK.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and
CAROL BURNETT ( interrupting )
Oh great I’m that stupid charwoman character again, I’m suing the dog
that wrote this crap.!
DAVID
Ya I agree this show stinks, I hope nobody recognizes me.
STEVEN
Don’t worry Dave, no one knows what you really look like anyways.
REDD
Dave, who the hell is Dave ?
DAVID
Dave’s not here man . ( EVIL LAUGH AS MASK FILLS WITH SMOKE )
NICK
Hey don’t worry Carol, I have some legal experience,, lift up your dress and show me your briefs,, or should I say,, show me your astronaut panties hahahaha
‘CAROL’ GETS UP AND WADDLES OVER TO ‘NICK’ WITH A MOP.
REDD
Ouch Nick that was a bit below the belt, hah ,, so Steven,, any new movie plans or anything coming up ?
STEVEN
Well funny you should ask Redd, as me and David are currently developing a Fox sitcom about two rich lesbians living with a wisecracking half black butler and a sexy hunk handy man. It should be hilarious.
REDD
Ya sounds a gas, any chance a role for me ?
STEVEN
Well,, I guess if you lightened up a bit, you could make a good butler.
REDD
Butler !! Hell no! I was thinking more sexy, hunk, lesbian, have you seen my
Flip Wilson impersonation ?
‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND RIPS OFF SUIT REVEALLING SHORT RED DRESS AND GOES TO DO HIS ‘GERALDINE’ IMPERSONATION, ‘CAROL’ HAS FINALLY REACHED ‘NICK’ AND STARTS MEAKLY HITTING HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH MOP.
DAFFY
All right enough is enough stop this sketch, this is even getting too daffy for me.
ALL CHARACTERS FREEZE AND ON WALKS ‘RUPERT MURDOCH’ TO A FEW DOG “BARKS” CARRYING THE ‘FAMILY GUY’ DOG ‘BRIAN’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HE SMASHES ‘BRIAN’ OVER CAROL BURNETT’S HEAD.
Note- Monty can be sued by sending 10 American dollars and a postage return envelope to
Monty ( the bad dog )
Stewart Island,
New Zealand
Ps- kids don’t ask your parents first.
( think cheap animation that flows fast ) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ AND ON MONITOR BEHIND HER IS ‘NICK NOLTE’ MUGSHOT .
FOXY
After reading an excerpt from Anna Nicole’s diary Fox head Rupert Murdoch
has paid a whopping two million dollars for the literary gem saying it was a
bloody bargain as it was written so good it will go down in history as America’s own ‘Diary of Anne Frank’, except, it was heaps better as there was way more sex and drugs in it. He also said Fox TV will be making a bloody good miniseries on the diaries starring Britney Spears as Anna Nicole, Zsa Zsa’s hubby Prince as the creepy old guy, and Nick Nolte as the sleazy shyster. Production is due to start once everybody sobers up.
NICK
Hell ! I didn’t see that sober up clause, I’m out of here !
‘NICK’ RUNS OFF REVEALING BEHIND HIM A DOOR WITH SIGN
‘Howard K. Stern’s
Shyster Acting Academy’
MONITOR PICTURE TURNS TO A PICTURE OF ‘STEVEN SPIELBERG’ WITH ‘JAWS’ BASEBALL CAP.
FOXY
Steven Spielberg today admitted it was actually him and David Geffen that
made the satirical Hillary clip on U-Tube and not the Obama p.r. team. He
blamed it on him and David inhaling too much at an Al Gore hot air fundraiser and now both have apologized to Hillary saying they had no idea so many people watched U-Tube and promised her from now on they will wear gas masks to all Al Gore hot air fundraisers.
STEVEN
Yes Foxy we are both very sorry for what we did as being true democrats we have no preferences at all who wins the leadership, other than we hope, and pray, the best man wins.
DAVID ( voice only)
Hey Steve I got a great idea, how about an animated Hillary Clinton, Nancy Pelosi, lesbian comedy sketch with Obama as the butler and our man Al as the sexy hunk man about the house, man, that’s going to be so funny haha.
STEVEN
Dave, you said you weren’t going to inhale anymore.
DAVID ( voice only )
Don’t believe anything I say, I’m worse than Clinton. ( EVIL LAUGH )
SMOKE BLOWS ONTO ‘STEVENS’ FACE. MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH BIG BANDAGES ON BEAK.
FOXY
After Carol Burnett announced she is suing Fox TV for two million
dollars because their cartoon ‘Family Guy’ made dirty fun of her charwoman
character, a flock of out of work cartoon characters have hired top lawyer
Lionel Hutz to sue Fox T.V. for turning cartoons into a farce. A spokestoon
for the flock, Daffy Duck, said since Fox made ‘The Simpsons’ and the rest of those edgy cartoons, producers are just slamming the doors on our face and older toon characters are starving as contrary to belief,we were all ripped off by signing a non residual contract.
DAFFY
Ya Foxy it’s tough out there I tell ya, I’ve already had three bloody broken noses this week.
DOOR SLAMS AND SIGN ON DOOR READS
‘RUPERT FOX
CARTOON PRODUCER’ .
DAFFY ( voice only )
Yeouchhhhhh ! Make that four.
RUPERT ( voice only )
I told you, I hate bloody quacks ! ,,, and bloody Poofters !
DAFFY ( voice only )
Hey I’m not gay, I just walk funny.
MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Well that today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx n Friends’.
SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING IN CHAIRS ARE ‘CAROL BURNETT’ DRESSED AS CHARWOMAN, STEVEN SPEILBERG, ‘DAVID GEFFEN’ WEARING A BONG GASS MASK, ‘NICK NOLTE’ DRINKING FROM A PAPER BAG, AND ‘DAFFY DUCK’ WITH MORE BANDAGES ON BEAK.
REDD
Thanks Foxy, and
CAROL BURNETT ( interrupting )
Oh great I’m that stupid charwoman character again, I’m suing the dog
that wrote this crap.!
DAVID
Ya I agree this show stinks, I hope nobody recognizes me.
STEVEN
Don’t worry Dave, no one knows what you really look like anyways.
REDD
Dave, who the hell is Dave ?
DAVID
Dave’s not here man . ( EVIL LAUGH AS MASK FILLS WITH SMOKE )
NICK
Hey don’t worry Carol, I have some legal experience,, lift up your dress and show me your briefs,, or should I say,, show me your astronaut panties hahahaha
‘CAROL’ GETS UP AND WADDLES OVER TO ‘NICK’ WITH A MOP.
REDD
Ouch Nick that was a bit below the belt, hah ,, so Steven,, any new movie plans or anything coming up ?
STEVEN
Well funny you should ask Redd, as me and David are currently developing a Fox sitcom about two rich lesbians living with a wisecracking half black butler and a sexy hunk handy man. It should be hilarious.
REDD
Ya sounds a gas, any chance a role for me ?
STEVEN
Well,, I guess if you lightened up a bit, you could make a good butler.
REDD
Butler !! Hell no! I was thinking more sexy, hunk, lesbian, have you seen my
Flip Wilson impersonation ?
‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND RIPS OFF SUIT REVEALLING SHORT RED DRESS AND GOES TO DO HIS ‘GERALDINE’ IMPERSONATION, ‘CAROL’ HAS FINALLY REACHED ‘NICK’ AND STARTS MEAKLY HITTING HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH MOP.
DAFFY
All right enough is enough stop this sketch, this is even getting too daffy for me.
ALL CHARACTERS FREEZE AND ON WALKS ‘RUPERT MURDOCH’ TO A FEW DOG “BARKS” CARRYING THE ‘FAMILY GUY’ DOG ‘BRIAN’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HE SMASHES ‘BRIAN’ OVER CAROL BURNETT’S HEAD.
Note- Monty can be sued by sending 10 American dollars and a postage return envelope to
Monty ( the bad dog )
Stewart Island,
New Zealand
Ps- kids don’t ask your parents first.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Not the Foxx O'Clock News
NOT THE FOXX O’CLOCK NEWS
( think cheap animation) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘LADY HEATHER MILLS’ IN EXOTIC DANCE COSTUME.
FOXY
Lady Heather Mills has settled her divorce with Paul McCartney agreeing to
receive a paltry 87 million dollars after Paul balked at her initial claim
of 25,000 dollars a day saying, “ what the bleep for! ” Lady Heather says
with less money it will be a struggle but hopefully she can make ends meet
by doing some juicy tell all interviews and by taking her exciting new dancing career to exotic levels.
HEATHER
Yes I’m so disappointed with Paul as I was planning to give some money to my favourite charity but now sadly I guess more starving rodents will die thanks to that creep Paul being such a tightwad. I hate cheap rats !
BUTLER ( Michael Jackson like voice only )
Lady your new leg arrived, it’s the gold one your highness.
HEATHER( angry )
About bloody time! Hey wait a minute I distinctly ordered diamonds on the
soul,that’s just plain gold, Jesus, what’s a girl have to do to get a good
leg over here,call my lawyer I’m suing !
BUTLER ( v.o. )
I’m already calling your majesty.
HEATHER
About bloody time !!
BUTLER ( v.o )
Hello, can I please speak to Howard K. Stern.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’
FOXY
Michael Jackson today confirmed he is set to sign a multi million dollar deal
with Las Vegas gangsters that will clear up all his debts and fulfill his
fantasy of becoming a half black Elvis and a Vegas Rat Packer.He also denied rumours of a new mysterious woman in his life saying they are just,“close friends”, and they aren’t even planning any babies yet.
MICHAEL
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about playing Vegas as now I won’t have to sell off my Beatle songs to pay off my debts so screw that Paul McCartney for letting starving rats die. Me and Lady Heather both hate him a lot.
HEATHER ( voice only )
Look Michael, with this new leg I can bend over just like a little boy.(GIGGLES )
MICHAEL ( eyes pop out )
Sorry got to run, nature’s calling.
MICHAEL DISSAPEARS FAST AND WE SEE BEHIND HIM IS SIGN
‘ Lady Mills Exotic Dancing Academy'
'have leg - will travel'
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PAUL McCARTNEY’.
FOXY
Sir Paul McCartney said in London today he has no animosity towards Heather Mills and her new toy boy wishing her good fortune in sending that pervert so broke he will have to sell his songs back to him to pay that gold digger with no redeeming qualities scumbag off.
PAUL
Yes no hard feeling over here Foxy as now that Heather is gone I don’t have to take Viagra and listen to her constant whining for more money and then beg me to hit her so she could sell some juicy tell alls, which, I refused of coarse cause hey, I’m a lover not a fighter. ( WINKS ) Hey Foxy, fancy a weekend in London, I’ll show you my Big Ben wink wink nudge nudge. ( SMILES )
FOXY
Awwww sorry Paul I don’t have time to watch Big Ben. This weekend I have a juicy tell all interview with Lady Heather.
PAUL
Lady !! She ain’t no lady, she’s a ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) bitch !
FOXY
Darn Paul, that’s a bit harsh isn’t it ?
PAUL
Yes you’re right Foxy. I apologize to all female canines out there for
being lumped in with that ( BLEEP ) dog ! ( HEAR DOG BARKS ) Sorry Monty, I didn’t mean you mate.
BARKS STOP AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Darn, looks like Lady Heather has sent Sir Paul barking mad, well, that’s
today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx and Friends’.
SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX AND FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ON CHAIRS ARE ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’ AND A BIG SKINNY RAT NAMED ‘BEN’.
BEN
Damn that Paul McCartney, I’m bloody starving !
MICHAEL
Don’t worry big Ben, when we form the Vegas rat pack we can eat to our hearts content.
REDD
Ya Vegas is great for food, just ask Elvis.
CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE SITTING NEXT TO ‘REDD’ IS FAT ‘ELVIS’ EATING A CHEESEBURGER.
ELVIS
Hell ya, Vegas has cheeseburgers to die for. ( PRETENDS HAVING HEART ATTACK )
REDD
Hey Elvis, that’s my gag !
‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK, ‘BEN’ FLOPS OVER DEAD, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT !
r.i.p. Richard Jeni a truly funny man indeed.
( think cheap animation) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘LADY HEATHER MILLS’ IN EXOTIC DANCE COSTUME.
FOXY
Lady Heather Mills has settled her divorce with Paul McCartney agreeing to
receive a paltry 87 million dollars after Paul balked at her initial claim
of 25,000 dollars a day saying, “ what the bleep for! ” Lady Heather says
with less money it will be a struggle but hopefully she can make ends meet
by doing some juicy tell all interviews and by taking her exciting new dancing career to exotic levels.
HEATHER
Yes I’m so disappointed with Paul as I was planning to give some money to my favourite charity but now sadly I guess more starving rodents will die thanks to that creep Paul being such a tightwad. I hate cheap rats !
BUTLER ( Michael Jackson like voice only )
Lady your new leg arrived, it’s the gold one your highness.
HEATHER( angry )
About bloody time! Hey wait a minute I distinctly ordered diamonds on the
soul,that’s just plain gold, Jesus, what’s a girl have to do to get a good
leg over here,call my lawyer I’m suing !
BUTLER ( v.o. )
I’m already calling your majesty.
HEATHER
About bloody time !!
BUTLER ( v.o )
Hello, can I please speak to Howard K. Stern.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’
FOXY
Michael Jackson today confirmed he is set to sign a multi million dollar deal
with Las Vegas gangsters that will clear up all his debts and fulfill his
fantasy of becoming a half black Elvis and a Vegas Rat Packer.He also denied rumours of a new mysterious woman in his life saying they are just,“close friends”, and they aren’t even planning any babies yet.
MICHAEL
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about playing Vegas as now I won’t have to sell off my Beatle songs to pay off my debts so screw that Paul McCartney for letting starving rats die. Me and Lady Heather both hate him a lot.
HEATHER ( voice only )
Look Michael, with this new leg I can bend over just like a little boy.(GIGGLES )
MICHAEL ( eyes pop out )
Sorry got to run, nature’s calling.
MICHAEL DISSAPEARS FAST AND WE SEE BEHIND HIM IS SIGN
‘ Lady Mills Exotic Dancing Academy'
'have leg - will travel'
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PAUL McCARTNEY’.
FOXY
Sir Paul McCartney said in London today he has no animosity towards Heather Mills and her new toy boy wishing her good fortune in sending that pervert so broke he will have to sell his songs back to him to pay that gold digger with no redeeming qualities scumbag off.
PAUL
Yes no hard feeling over here Foxy as now that Heather is gone I don’t have to take Viagra and listen to her constant whining for more money and then beg me to hit her so she could sell some juicy tell alls, which, I refused of coarse cause hey, I’m a lover not a fighter. ( WINKS ) Hey Foxy, fancy a weekend in London, I’ll show you my Big Ben wink wink nudge nudge. ( SMILES )
FOXY
Awwww sorry Paul I don’t have time to watch Big Ben. This weekend I have a juicy tell all interview with Lady Heather.
PAUL
Lady !! She ain’t no lady, she’s a ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) bitch !
FOXY
Darn Paul, that’s a bit harsh isn’t it ?
PAUL
Yes you’re right Foxy. I apologize to all female canines out there for
being lumped in with that ( BLEEP ) dog ! ( HEAR DOG BARKS ) Sorry Monty, I didn’t mean you mate.
BARKS STOP AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.
FOXY
Darn, looks like Lady Heather has sent Sir Paul barking mad, well, that’s
today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx and Friends’.
SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX AND FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ON CHAIRS ARE ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’ AND A BIG SKINNY RAT NAMED ‘BEN’.
BEN
Damn that Paul McCartney, I’m bloody starving !
MICHAEL
Don’t worry big Ben, when we form the Vegas rat pack we can eat to our hearts content.
REDD
Ya Vegas is great for food, just ask Elvis.
CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE SITTING NEXT TO ‘REDD’ IS FAT ‘ELVIS’ EATING A CHEESEBURGER.
ELVIS
Hell ya, Vegas has cheeseburgers to die for. ( PRETENDS HAVING HEART ATTACK )
REDD
Hey Elvis, that’s my gag !
‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK, ‘BEN’ FLOPS OVER DEAD, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT !
r.i.p. Richard Jeni a truly funny man indeed.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Not the Fox O'Clock News
Not the Fox O'Clock News
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A WAIST UP PICTURE OF ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ DRESSED IN COWBOY GEAR.
FOXY
Fox News latest comedy star Ann Coulter has apologized to all girlie boys
and queers for calling John Edwards a faggot as she had no idea so many
perverts would be offended by being associated with that ass licking
poofter . She also sent her sympathies to John Edwards’s wife Elizabeth
saying it must be hard for a fat ass dyke bitch having to live with a
dick like that.
JOHN
Hey I’m not a faggot, just ask my wife as I can cum in her manly ass
two sometimes three times a night while at the same time singing broad
way tunes and watching Broke Back Mountain. So with talents like that
how can I not make a great president ?
ELIZABETH ( voice only )
John are you finished yet, I hate this movie.
JOHN
Um, ya, I finished twenty minutes ago during the credits darling.
ELIZABETH
,, Doh !
JOHN ( sings ‘ The Impossible Dream’ )
To dream,,,, the impossible dream,,,, to fight,,,, the unbeatable foe,,,
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘ANN COULTER’
FOXY
H.B.O.’s latest comedy star Bill Maher has apologized to Dick Cheney
for wanting him dead as he didn’t mean dead dead but more just brain
dead like that former Israeli Prime Minister, George W. Bush, and
that hilarious carpet munching comic, Ann Coulter.
ANNE
Excuse me just because I happen to be a very sexy funny attractive
single girl in my thirties, ( CLEARS THROAT) it doesn’t make me a
carpet munching dyke as believe me I’ve screwed more men that Ellen,
Rosie, and that fat slut of an ugly bitch that won an Oscar for that
bullshit song in that faggot Al Gore’s movie, all combined !
( LAUGHS) Damn I’m funny, I kill myself. ( LAUGHS )
FOXY
That you do Ann, that you do.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO SHOT OF THE TWO POT SMOKING TOTS LOOKING LIKE RAPPERS WITH SUNGLASSES, TURNED AROUND BASEBALL HATS. THE SIX YEAR OLD HAS A ‘PINK FLOYD’ T-SHIRT AND THE TWO YEAR OLD HAS A ‘K- FED’ T SHIRT AND THEY ARE IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
The two pot smoking toddlers who were subjected to smoking pot by
their uncle have come out in defense of their uncle saying it was them
that forced him to give them pot as they had both become addicted to
listening to his record collection and watching TV comedies ‘Weeds’
and ‘The O’Reilly Factor’. They said they are now in counseling and
negotiations with M.T.V to star in a new reality series with their new
guardian, K- Fed.
SIX YEAR OLD
Ya uncle was cool man cause like if it wasn’t for him I never even
would have heard of ‘Pink Floyd’.
TWO YEAR OLD
Ya and what about Dave ?
SIX YEAR OLD
Dave,, Dave who?
TWO YEAR OLD
Dave’s not here man.
BOYS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BREAK UP LAUGHING.
FOXY
Darn kids grow up way to fast these days.
SIX YEAR OLD
Yo Foxy, are you shaved like Paris and Britney mmmm ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )
TWO YEAR OLD
Yo bitch, show us dem tits, I got da munchies mama. ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATILY )
K- FED ( voice only )
Yo boys, quit bogarting that joint and come in here and meet your new
manager, Howard K. Stern.
BOYS LOOKED FREAKED OUT, THEN SCREAM, CUT.
If anyone has seen that terrible Fox News “comedy” show I only just realized the old bimbo playing the Vice president was actually the real Ann Coulter as when there is an item on her in the Fox news they use a air brushed picture of her looking like she is a hot thirty year old which has now forced me to reconsider my thoughts about believing everything I see on Fox News and wanting Ann to have my puppies.
SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A WAIST UP PICTURE OF ‘JOHN EDWARDS’ DRESSED IN COWBOY GEAR.
FOXY
Fox News latest comedy star Ann Coulter has apologized to all girlie boys
and queers for calling John Edwards a faggot as she had no idea so many
perverts would be offended by being associated with that ass licking
poofter . She also sent her sympathies to John Edwards’s wife Elizabeth
saying it must be hard for a fat ass dyke bitch having to live with a
dick like that.
JOHN
Hey I’m not a faggot, just ask my wife as I can cum in her manly ass
two sometimes three times a night while at the same time singing broad
way tunes and watching Broke Back Mountain. So with talents like that
how can I not make a great president ?
ELIZABETH ( voice only )
John are you finished yet, I hate this movie.
JOHN
Um, ya, I finished twenty minutes ago during the credits darling.
ELIZABETH
,, Doh !
JOHN ( sings ‘ The Impossible Dream’ )
To dream,,,, the impossible dream,,,, to fight,,,, the unbeatable foe,,,
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘ANN COULTER’
FOXY
H.B.O.’s latest comedy star Bill Maher has apologized to Dick Cheney
for wanting him dead as he didn’t mean dead dead but more just brain
dead like that former Israeli Prime Minister, George W. Bush, and
that hilarious carpet munching comic, Ann Coulter.
ANNE
Excuse me just because I happen to be a very sexy funny attractive
single girl in my thirties, ( CLEARS THROAT) it doesn’t make me a
carpet munching dyke as believe me I’ve screwed more men that Ellen,
Rosie, and that fat slut of an ugly bitch that won an Oscar for that
bullshit song in that faggot Al Gore’s movie, all combined !
( LAUGHS) Damn I’m funny, I kill myself. ( LAUGHS )
FOXY
That you do Ann, that you do.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO SHOT OF THE TWO POT SMOKING TOTS LOOKING LIKE RAPPERS WITH SUNGLASSES, TURNED AROUND BASEBALL HATS. THE SIX YEAR OLD HAS A ‘PINK FLOYD’ T-SHIRT AND THE TWO YEAR OLD HAS A ‘K- FED’ T SHIRT AND THEY ARE IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
The two pot smoking toddlers who were subjected to smoking pot by
their uncle have come out in defense of their uncle saying it was them
that forced him to give them pot as they had both become addicted to
listening to his record collection and watching TV comedies ‘Weeds’
and ‘The O’Reilly Factor’. They said they are now in counseling and
negotiations with M.T.V to star in a new reality series with their new
guardian, K- Fed.
SIX YEAR OLD
Ya uncle was cool man cause like if it wasn’t for him I never even
would have heard of ‘Pink Floyd’.
TWO YEAR OLD
Ya and what about Dave ?
SIX YEAR OLD
Dave,, Dave who?
TWO YEAR OLD
Dave’s not here man.
BOYS LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BREAK UP LAUGHING.
FOXY
Darn kids grow up way to fast these days.
SIX YEAR OLD
Yo Foxy, are you shaved like Paris and Britney mmmm ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATIVLY )
TWO YEAR OLD
Yo bitch, show us dem tits, I got da munchies mama. ( STICKS
TONGUE OUT PROVOCATILY )
K- FED ( voice only )
Yo boys, quit bogarting that joint and come in here and meet your new
manager, Howard K. Stern.
BOYS LOOKED FREAKED OUT, THEN SCREAM, CUT.
If anyone has seen that terrible Fox News “comedy” show I only just realized the old bimbo playing the Vice president was actually the real Ann Coulter as when there is an item on her in the Fox news they use a air brushed picture of her looking like she is a hot thirty year old which has now forced me to reconsider my thoughts about believing everything I see on Fox News and wanting Ann to have my puppies.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Not the Fox News
NOT THE FOX NEWS
SHOT OF ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘JAMES CAMERON’S JESUS’ IN COFFIN.
FOXY
After finding Jesus was a huge ratings winner James Cameron is already
working on his next documentary about what happened to James Brown’s
body. It’s being produced by Al Gore’s manager David Geffen and will
feature a new soundtrack by Elvis, who, James Cameron said, d.n.a tests
proved was actually James Brown’s albino brother.
JESUS
Damn that James Cameron, I never thought I’d be uncovered as a
fraud.
ELVIS ( voice only )
Jesus I hope he doesn’t find me.
JESUS
Don’t worry my son I won’t tell.
ELVIS
Thank you Jesus, thank you.
JESUS
Please Elvis just call me dad.
ELVIS
Dad, I would kill for a cheeseburger now.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ LOOKING MEAN.
FOXY
America’s most influential political advisor David Geffen has called
for Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama to quit their cat fighting and
kiss and make up though he did stress, no tongue. Speaking at an Al Gore
hot air fundraiser he told a throng of actors and lesbians he was sure the
best man would eventually win the Democratic leadership.
HILLARY ( angrily)
Excuse me David, just because I have balls it doesn’t make me a man!
BILL CLINTON ( voice only )
Hillary I’ve ironed your pants and boxers, anything else you want done
Maam ?
HILLARY ( angry )
Shut up Bill! You are ruining my sexy caring feminine image !
BILL
Yes Sir !
MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘AL GORE’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Speaking at his own fundraiser Al Gore said even though he invented the
internet, saved the world, and won an Oscar, he totally agrees with
anything David Geffen says because now that Jesus has been uncovered
as a fraud David is the closest thing we have to a god in America as d.n.a.
tests proved he was directly linked to Charlton Heston, the Reverend Al
Sharpton, and, James Brown’s Body? ,, Gee, I’ll have what he’s smoking.
AL
Don’t be silly Foxy I don’t smoke because it’s bad for global warming,
and, look what it did to Clinton.
FOXY
Yes it got him elected,, and Monica.
AL
Oh ya. ( COUGHS AND SMOKE COMES OUT OF MOUTH) Whoops
excuse me, all right no more smoke screens for me, I admit it,, I
just want to be president. ( GRINS, COUGHS AND MORE SMOKE
COMES )
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘O.J SIMPSON’ SITTING AT DESK WRITING A BOOK.
FOXY
A late runner has entered the Anna Nicole baby father stakes today when
O.J. Simpson confirmed he was the real father saying he and Anna have
been having a torrid affair since just before Nicole’s mysterious death. He
is now writing a book about it simply titled, ‘Me, Anna, Nicole, a True
Love Story’. As of yet no publisher has been found though he has sold the TV rights to David Geffen and James Cameron for a Fox documentary.
SUDDENLY A GIANT FOX DROPS DOWN AND SQUISHES ‘o.j.’
FOXY
Ouch, looks like another juicy book deal squashed by Fox.
FOX
Ya it was a heavy way to end his writing career, but, what the
hell, now, where’s that Al Frankin gone ?
‘AL FRANKIN’ CARRYING A BOOK QUICKLY RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE.
FOXY ( pointing )
There he goes, Quick !
‘FOX’ JUMPS OUT OF THE MONITOR AND CHASES HIM FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY ‘MONTY’ BARKING AND NIPPING AT HIS HEELS. CUT.
SHOT OF ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘JAMES CAMERON’S JESUS’ IN COFFIN.
FOXY
After finding Jesus was a huge ratings winner James Cameron is already
working on his next documentary about what happened to James Brown’s
body. It’s being produced by Al Gore’s manager David Geffen and will
feature a new soundtrack by Elvis, who, James Cameron said, d.n.a tests
proved was actually James Brown’s albino brother.
JESUS
Damn that James Cameron, I never thought I’d be uncovered as a
fraud.
ELVIS ( voice only )
Jesus I hope he doesn’t find me.
JESUS
Don’t worry my son I won’t tell.
ELVIS
Thank you Jesus, thank you.
JESUS
Please Elvis just call me dad.
ELVIS
Dad, I would kill for a cheeseburger now.
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ LOOKING MEAN.
FOXY
America’s most influential political advisor David Geffen has called
for Hillary Clinton and Barak Obama to quit their cat fighting and
kiss and make up though he did stress, no tongue. Speaking at an Al Gore
hot air fundraiser he told a throng of actors and lesbians he was sure the
best man would eventually win the Democratic leadership.
HILLARY ( angrily)
Excuse me David, just because I have balls it doesn’t make me a man!
BILL CLINTON ( voice only )
Hillary I’ve ironed your pants and boxers, anything else you want done
Maam ?
HILLARY ( angry )
Shut up Bill! You are ruining my sexy caring feminine image !
BILL
Yes Sir !
MONITOR CHANGES TO A PICTURE OF ‘AL GORE’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.
FOXY
Speaking at his own fundraiser Al Gore said even though he invented the
internet, saved the world, and won an Oscar, he totally agrees with
anything David Geffen says because now that Jesus has been uncovered
as a fraud David is the closest thing we have to a god in America as d.n.a.
tests proved he was directly linked to Charlton Heston, the Reverend Al
Sharpton, and, James Brown’s Body? ,, Gee, I’ll have what he’s smoking.
AL
Don’t be silly Foxy I don’t smoke because it’s bad for global warming,
and, look what it did to Clinton.
FOXY
Yes it got him elected,, and Monica.
AL
Oh ya. ( COUGHS AND SMOKE COMES OUT OF MOUTH) Whoops
excuse me, all right no more smoke screens for me, I admit it,, I
just want to be president. ( GRINS, COUGHS AND MORE SMOKE
COMES )
MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘O.J SIMPSON’ SITTING AT DESK WRITING A BOOK.
FOXY
A late runner has entered the Anna Nicole baby father stakes today when
O.J. Simpson confirmed he was the real father saying he and Anna have
been having a torrid affair since just before Nicole’s mysterious death. He
is now writing a book about it simply titled, ‘Me, Anna, Nicole, a True
Love Story’. As of yet no publisher has been found though he has sold the TV rights to David Geffen and James Cameron for a Fox documentary.
SUDDENLY A GIANT FOX DROPS DOWN AND SQUISHES ‘o.j.’
FOXY
Ouch, looks like another juicy book deal squashed by Fox.
FOX
Ya it was a heavy way to end his writing career, but, what the
hell, now, where’s that Al Frankin gone ?
‘AL FRANKIN’ CARRYING A BOOK QUICKLY RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE.
FOXY ( pointing )
There he goes, Quick !
‘FOX’ JUMPS OUT OF THE MONITOR AND CHASES HIM FOLLOWED CLOSELY BY ‘MONTY’ BARKING AND NIPPING AT HIS HEELS. CUT.
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