Not the Foxx O'Clock News

NOT THE FOXX O’CLOCK NEWS

( think cheap animation) SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY BIMBO’ WITH MONITOR BEHIND HER A PICTURE OF ‘LADY HEATHER MILLS’ IN EXOTIC DANCE COSTUME.

FOXY
Lady Heather Mills has settled her divorce with Paul McCartney agreeing to
receive a paltry 87 million dollars after Paul balked at her initial claim
of 25,000 dollars a day saying, “ what the bleep for! ” Lady Heather says
with less money it will be a struggle but hopefully she can make ends meet
by doing some juicy tell all interviews and by taking her exciting new dancing career to exotic levels.

HEATHER
Yes I’m so disappointed with Paul as I was planning to give some money to my favourite charity but now sadly I guess more starving rodents will die thanks to that creep Paul being such a tightwad. I hate cheap rats !

BUTLER ( Michael Jackson like voice only )
Lady your new leg arrived, it’s the gold one your highness.

HEATHER( angry )
About bloody time! Hey wait a minute I distinctly ordered diamonds on the
soul,that’s just plain gold, Jesus, what’s a girl have to do to get a good
leg over here,call my lawyer I’m suing !

BUTLER ( v.o. )
I’m already calling your majesty.

HEATHER
About bloody time !!

BUTLER ( v.o )
Hello, can I please speak to Howard K. Stern.

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’

FOXY
Michael Jackson today confirmed he is set to sign a multi million dollar deal
with Las Vegas gangsters that will clear up all his debts and fulfill his
fantasy of becoming a half black Elvis and a Vegas Rat Packer.He also denied rumours of a new mysterious woman in his life saying they are just,“close friends”, and they aren’t even planning any babies yet.

MICHAEL
Yes Foxy I’m so excited about playing Vegas as now I won’t have to sell off my Beatle songs to pay off my debts so screw that Paul McCartney for letting starving rats die. Me and Lady Heather both hate him a lot.

HEATHER ( voice only )
Look Michael, with this new leg I can bend over just like a little boy.(GIGGLES )

MICHAEL ( eyes pop out )
Sorry got to run, nature’s calling.

MICHAEL DISSAPEARS FAST AND WE SEE BEHIND HIM IS SIGN

‘ Lady Mills Exotic Dancing Academy'
'have leg - will travel'

MONITOR PICTURE CHANGES TO ‘PAUL McCARTNEY’.

FOXY
Sir Paul McCartney said in London today he has no animosity towards Heather Mills and her new toy boy wishing her good fortune in sending that pervert so broke he will have to sell his songs back to him to pay that gold digger with no redeeming qualities scumbag off.

PAUL
Yes no hard feeling over here Foxy as now that Heather is gone I don’t have to take Viagra and listen to her constant whining for more money and then beg me to hit her so she could sell some juicy tell alls, which, I refused of coarse cause hey, I’m a lover not a fighter. ( WINKS ) Hey Foxy, fancy a weekend in London, I’ll show you my Big Ben wink wink nudge nudge. ( SMILES )

FOXY
Awwww sorry Paul I don’t have time to watch Big Ben. This weekend I have a juicy tell all interview with Lady Heather.

PAUL
Lady !! She ain’t no lady, she’s a ( BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP ) bitch !

FOXY
Darn Paul, that’s a bit harsh isn’t it ?

PAUL
Yes you’re right Foxy. I apologize to all female canines out there for
being lumped in with that ( BLEEP ) dog ! ( HEAR DOG BARKS ) Sorry Monty, I didn’t mean you mate.

BARKS STOP AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Darn, looks like Lady Heather has sent Sir Paul barking mad, well, that’s
today’s headlines and now back to ‘Foxx and Friends’.

SHOT OF THE ‘FOXX AND FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SITTING ON CHAIRS ARE ‘MICHAEL JACKSON’ AND A BIG SKINNY RAT NAMED ‘BEN’.

BEN
Damn that Paul McCartney, I’m bloody starving !

MICHAEL
Don’t worry big Ben, when we form the Vegas rat pack we can eat to our hearts content.

REDD
Ya Vegas is great for food, just ask Elvis.

CAMERA PANS BACK TO SEE SITTING NEXT TO ‘REDD’ IS FAT ‘ELVIS’ EATING A CHEESEBURGER.

ELVIS
Hell ya, Vegas has cheeseburgers to die for. ( PRETENDS HAVING HEART ATTACK )

REDD
Hey Elvis, that’s my gag !

‘REDD’ STANDS UP AND PRETENDS HE IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK, ‘BEN’ FLOPS OVER DEAD, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND A FEW DOG BARKS, CUT !




r.i.p. Richard Jeni a truly funny man indeed.