Not the Fox News Dog Xmas Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A SMILING ‘MITT ROMNEY’ WEARING A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
A tearful Mitt Romney made a shock announcement on ‘Ellen’ last
night saying he has quit being a Mormon and is now set to become
a born again Babtist. Mitt said he realized when Mike Huckabee
shot ahead of him in the polls maybe his religion was wrong so
approached Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson, who both,
graciously agreed to babtize him on next Tuesday’s ‘Last Call with
Carson Daly’ show with Donny Osmond and ‘The Mormon
Tabernacle Choir’ singing Motown throughout to hopefully gain
more ratings and black voters. Mitt then warned viewers if becoming
a Babtist doesn’t increase his popularity then it proves the Devil
really was Jesus’s brother and Donny Osmond really is the new Messiah.,,
Wow Mitt, that’s a surprise announcement, what does your wife think
about her new religion ?

MITT
Which one Foxy ? ( SMILES )

FOXY
You know Ann, what is there more ?

MITT
Oh right, actually I haven’t told Ann about the religious switch or the
other wives yet, but, I’m sure when I do she will be very happy and
supportive for my honesty and sincerity. ( SMILES )

FRYING PAN SMASHES HARD OVER ‘MITT’S’ HEAD.

ANN ( voice only )
No I’m not happy! I loved being a solo Mormon wife!

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WITH SANTA HAT.

FOXY
Leading Democrat Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich had to fire
his top adviser last night after Tommy Chong claimed on ‘Last Call
with Carson Daly’ that Hillary Clinton smoked so much weed in
college she sponsored a tribe of Mexicans into America to become highly
illegal alien grass cutters and drug dealers. Tommy said
since her boyfriend Bill refused to inhale he subjected Hillary
to so many shotguns she got nicknamed 'Machine Gun Laugh' and almost
dropped out of college to run away and pursue her dream of playing
the mouth organ for the Willy Nelson Band. Tommy claims even today if
you listen close you can hear Hillary’s stoner laugh after every bad joke
she hears or makes. ,,,, Wow Tommy, how the hell did you get to be
Dennis Kucinich’s top advisor ?

TOMMY
We met years ago Foxy on a spaceship at Shirley MacLaine’s pad,
after I got probed I told them the head alien dude told me one day
Dennis will be president and I should lead him, and then Shirley and
the Clintons broke up laughing like hyenas cause they didn’t believe head
alien dude but hey, who has the last laugh now, Machine Gun Laugh Rodham hahahaha

CLOUD OF SMOKE BLOWS OVER ‘TOMMY’.

HILLARY ( voice only )
I do Hippy !

FRYING PAN CRASHES OVER ‘TOMMY’ AND WE HEAR ‘HILLARY’S‘ MACHINE GUN LAUGH. MONITOR CHANGES TO SMILING ‘ROGER CLEMENS’ IN A SANTA HAT.

FOXY
An angry Roger Clemens appeared on Larry King last night to again
vehemently deny ever using steroids. He swore to Larry he has
never taken illegal drugs of any kind and only had his personal
trainer shoot him up with ‘Barry Bond’s Amazing Linseed Oil’
for dietary, hair loss, and anger management reasons. When Larry
said at 45 years old and still pitching a hundred miles per hour
some people might think there was something fishy about that
oil, Roger got very angry and smashed his chair over Larry’s desk
and stormed off swearing like a wasted wrestler. A shocked Larry
put his foot down and said he will never have any angry druggie
sports stars on his show ever again, after next week’s Jose Canseco,
Barry Bonds, and Marion Jones book launch shows.,,, Wow Roger,
that amazing linseed oil sounds pretty strong stuff ?

ROGER
Ya it is Foxy, it gives me the hair and stamina of a thirty year old
and keeps my weight and anger management under control.

FOXY
So why do you get so angry when people mention the asterisks?

ROGER
That’s it ! Interview over bitch, screw you !!

‘ROGER’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN BEHIND HIM.
‘ Barry Bond’s Charm School * ‘
( enter at own risk )

FOXY
And on that charming note that’s today’s headlines and now it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ ROGER CLEMENS’ DRESSED LIKE SANTA, ‘TOMMY CHONG’ IN SANTAS HAT AND ‘DENNIS 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, AND ‘MITT ROMNEY’ DRESSED AS PREACHER WITH SANTA HAT CLUTCHING BIBLE . THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a crazy festive panel for
ya all,

ROGER
Hey Redd I’m not crazy, crazy people don’t make twenty million a year
pitching a few games for Steinbrenner do they, ho ho ho! ( SMILES )

TOMMY
Ya just cause I got probed by aliens with Shirley MacLaine, the future
President, and the Clintons, it doesn’t make me crazy man.

REDD
Well what does it make you ?

TOMMY
Ummm,,, what was the question again man ?

REDD
Dave’s not here man.

TOMMY
Oh damn, I was hoping to score man.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, TOMMY LOOKS CONFUSED.

MITT
Well I’m certainly not crazy now that I’m a God fearing Bible
bashing Baptist, thank you Jesus, Reverends Al, Jesse, and Mike,
I love you guys for making me the next President.

‘MITT’ KISSES BIBLE, AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘MITT’ GIVES THEM THE EVIL LOOK . IN WALKS ASTRONAUT ‘LISA NOWAK’ WEARING SANTA BIKINI TOP AND DIAPER AND ‘ JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ IN SANTA BIKINI AND HOLDING A BOX OF DIAPERS.

LISA
Sorry we are late Redd, we had to stop off for more diapers and
pea soup.

‘LISA’ LETS LOOSE WITH A VERY JUICY STINKY FART.

REDD
P.U.,what a crap way to end a sick Christmas sketch, Ho Ho!( GRINS )


AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS ‘LISA’S’ DIAPERS START TURNING GREEN AND ‘JAMIE LYNN SPEARS’ THROWS UP PEA SOUP OVER ‘MITT’.

And it’s a barking merry Christmas from Monty and a Happy New Year from me, cheers.

Not the Fox News Dog Black Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘MIKE TYSON’ ON.

FOXY
Leading Republican Party Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee
produced another fighting celebrity ad on the net last night this
time featuring Mike Tyson’s ringing endorsement. Filmed in a jail
boxing ring, a bible clutching Mike claims now he has been
rehabilitated and found God in the slammer he believes anything
Rev Mike, Chuck Norris, and Ric Flair say is right and then got
down on his knees and prays for a Rev Mike victory when a very
angry Robyn Givens enters the ring attacking the praying Mike
with her heavy selling womans abuse book. The fight only ended
when Referee Huckabee steps in the ring and awards the fight to
Robyn on a t.k.o. and then her and Mike hug and tongue kiss like
their honeymoon never ended.,,, So Mike, sounds like jail has
changed you.

MIKE
Ya Foxy that last stretch was tough, thank God Paris Hilton lent
me her Bible and saved me, Paris is an angel.

FOXY
What, you read the Bible in a day?

MIKE
Hell no Foxy, I didn’t read it, I just used it to keep the perverts
away, there are some nasty people in jail Foxy, I think Michael
Vick fell in love with me, but, who can blame him.

‘MIKE’ GRINS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘ARSENIO HALL’.

FOXY
Not to be outdone by the Oprah Obama road show the Republican
Party’s second leading Presidential Candidate Ron Paul
announced on ‘Ellen’ last night he will be doing a few Texas
Hollywood shows with America’s favourite black male talk show host,
Arsenio Hall. Ron said having Arsenio as his opening act would show
voters not only is he very tolerant of blacks but he is also hip to
their needs just like his understanding of getting Nevada brothel
donations even though he personally shuddered to think where they
had cum from. When Ron brought out Arsenio on ‘Ellen’ last night
Arsenio was so happy and excited to be back on tv again that Ellen
mistook his excitement for her and kneed him in the naughty bits before
rushing off stage crying how much she misses her beloved dog Iggy and
funny writers.,,,, Ouch Arsenio, that sounded a bit of a painful tv comeback.

ARSENIO ( high voice )
Ya it was way worse than ‘Star Search’ Foxy, I think Ellen is
going through a bad period without her writers and now has to
resort to ball breaking lesbian humour and damn, they hit hard
below the belt.

FOXY
So did Ellen apologize later?

ARSENIO
No, but she sent me a used dog and an unfunny writer to adopt.
( GRINS )

HEAR DOG BARKS AND AN ‘UNFUNNY WRITER’S’ “HEE HAWS”. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘BARRY BONDS’.

FOXY
A jovial Barry Bonds appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to
vehemently deny ever using steroids, after he heard they were bad
and illegal for you. Barry swore to Larry once he heard he
immediately switched to a specially blended linseed oil with no
nasty side effects at all, other than making you monster big and
strong and a bit sterile and unfriendly at times. Barry then announced
he has joined forces with Marion Jones and their trainer Greg Anderson
to market his amazing linseed oil over the net with all proceeds going
to his and Marion’s defense fund and Greg’s rehabilitation into the
outside world fund. Barry claims since Marion has been using his amazing
linseed oil she has got so fast, tight, and manly sexy, tonight she has
a tryout to be the Miami Dolphin’s new tight end.,,,, Wow Barry, that
linseed oil sure sounds strong stuff.

BARRY
Ya it is Foxy, the linseed oil isn’t that powerful alone, it’s the
eleven secret herbs and additives that give it it’s punch.

FOXY
Would one of those secret additives be called steroids?

BARRY
,, D’oh !,, That’s it, interview over bitch !

‘BARRY’ ANGRILY LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ‘VINCE VAUGHN’S CHARM SCHOOL’ ( enter at own risk )’.

FOXY
Well I bet his charming personality will go down well in jail.
( SMIRKS )

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘ MIKE TYSON’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE AND WEARING A ‘ REV MIKE 4 PREZ’ SHIRT, ‘ARSENIO HALL’ WEARING A ‘PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ SHIRT AND ‘BARRY BONDS’ WEARING A ‘BAN THE ****** ASTERISK’ SHIRT. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen
black stars for ya all,

MIKE
Hey Redd I ain’t fallen anymore, I found God and Rev Mike in jail
and I’ve got back up again, I’m fighting for Jesus and Rev Huckster
now. ( GRINS AND KISSES BIBLE )

ARSENIO
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, I never fell off tv, I was just
resting for my next hilarious comeback. ( GRINS )

BARRY
Well I sure haven’t fallen, I’m still the leading home run hitter of
all time and soon to be a very successful pro wrestler.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘BARRY’ LOOKS PISSED OFF AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

REDD
Damn, they have pro wrestling in jail now, how do they get the
drugs and hoes in? ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

‘BARRY’ RISES ANGRILY AND GIVES ‘REDD’ THE FINGER AND SMASHES CHAIR AND STORMS OFF. IN WALKS ‘RICKY WILLIAMS’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHIN’ FOOTBALL UNIFORM AND HOLDING A BIG JOINT.

RICKY
Sorry I’m late man, I forgot I had football practice.

SUDDENLY ‘MARION JONES’ WEARING A ‘MIAMI DOLPHINS’ UNIFORM RUSHES IN AND CUT JUST AS SHE TACKLES ‘RICKY’ HARD AND ENDS HIS SEASON WITH A MINOR GROIN INJURY.

Not the Fox News Killer Dog Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DREW PETERSON’ ON.

FOXY
Innocent wife killer policeman Drew Peterson was almost arrested for
assault last night after taseing, maceing, and then stomping all over the
entire Caveman writing staff’s picket line to appear on the Ellen Show.
When he told Ellen of the incident she shrugged it off and told him not
to worry as they were all unemployed bums now anyways because the
Caveman have gone into hibernation. She then broke out laughing so hard
at her bad joke her entire writing staff had to come on stage to try and
slap some sense into her. An enraged Ellen immediately fired her entire
writing staff and and then broke down in Drew’s arms crying how much
she still misses her beloved dog Iggy and Anne Heche’s beautiful
cooking.,,, Wow Drew, sounds like you and Ellen really bonded last night.

DREW
Ya Foxy, Ellen is one sexy funny broad, I’d even marry her myself if she wasn’t such an old and manly dyke, she tongue kisses like a giraffe on heat.

‘FOXY’ AND ‘DREW’ BOTH SHUDDER AT THAT THOUGHT.

FOXY
Yes but Drew, you’re already married.

DREW
Oh ya damn! Well, as soon as they dig up where my last wife is hiding
I’m going to demand a quickie divorce, maybe Ellen could introduce
me to Anne Heche cause I could really dig that broad I tell ya, mmmm

‘DREW’S’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

FOXY
A jovial O.J. Simpson appeared on Larry King last night and told
Larry how happy and excited he was to be appearing before another
fine honest jury as no fine honest jury could possibly believe the
words of a gang of the sleaziest most vile disgusting sports
memorabilia robbing rats ever to walk Vegas, against the word of
a friendly Heistman Trophy winner and former loved comic actor.
O.J. said he is now writing a book about the incident and has already
had interest from Quentin Tarantino to turn it into a black comedy
remake of the old Vegas Rat Pack movie, ‘Robin and the 7 Hoods’,
though, O.J., was still holding out to play Robin rather than Quentin’s
first choices of Gary Coleman or Robert Blake.,,, So O.J., you trying
to get back into acting again?

O.J.
Hell ya Foxy wait until you see me in my next court appearance, I’m
going to act so good and innocent I’m hoping once again I’ll become
a much loved ball player and comic actor and the parts will flow in.

FOXY
Well I’m not sure being a much loved ball player is that good of a thing
in jail. ( SMIRKS )

‘O.J.’S’ SMILE QUICKLY WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING PAKISTAN PRESIDENT ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’

FOXY
In an exclusive interview last night Pakistan’s Chief of Control Pervez
Musharraf told Katie Couric he was going to lift the State of
Emergency in Pakistan very soonish now that he has subjected
Benazir Bhutto and former cricket player Imran Kahn to the dreaded
Cone of Silence. He said he will only be remaining Chief of Control
until he can rid Pakistan of all Chaos, sleazy shysters, and loud mouthed
women and journalists, and was very hopeful of holding a demographic
election by April 1,, 2012. ,, Wow Pervez, April 2012 sounds a long ways away.

PERVEZ
Well hopefully not that long Foxy as it’s also my retirement day when
I collect my very generous pension and retirement fund, roll on 2012,
I can hardly wait.

FOXY
So what are your plans after you retire from dictating ?

PERVEZ
I’m going to move to L.A. Foxy and produce factual Bollywood
Hollywood movies with my very good friend Hugo Chavez, Charlie
Sheen has already agreed to play me and I can smell Oscars already
Foxy.

FOXY
Well I’m not surprised, as you sure sound like you’re a bit of a
weiner. ( SMIRKS )

‘PERVEZ’ SMILE WIPES OFF AND HE LOOKS EVIL. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines, and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PERVEZ MUSHARRAF’ LOOKING LIKE A ‘HOLLYWOOD’ PRODUCER , ‘DREW PETERSON’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CLUTCHING BIBLES. THERE ARE TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer of a show for ya all,

PERVEZ
Goodness gracious me Redd I am no killer, I have a very loyal army
that does that for me. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

DREW
Well I’m sure not a killer, it’s just I had the misfortune of marrying
suicidal broads and then get murdered by the media, I’m no wife killer
honest, just ask my first and second wifes. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

O.J.
Ya I know how you feel Drew, I got bloody murdered by the media
for a crime some other bad black guy did and I swear to God, one day
I’m going to find that fast running one armed black guy and
make the media and Ron Goldman admit they are bloody fools.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ SCOWLS AND TAKES A KNIFE OUT OF HIS BIBLE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. IN PRANCE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING ‘DON IMUS’S’ WIG AND JET BLACK HAIRED ‘ROBERT BLAKE’ HOLDING HANDS.

ROBERT
Sorry we are late Redd, we had a bad hair day.

PHIL
Yes Robert’s hair took forever to die black, I’m sooo glad I have such
natural hair. ( FLIPS HAIR AND WIG FALLS OFF, HE SCREAMS )

HEAR BIG AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ROBERT’ AND ‘PHIL’ LOOKED PISSED OFF AND PULL OUT GUNS AND AIM AT THE CAMERA AND CUT TO THE SOUND OF A MASS ‘TARZAN’ JUNGLE ANIMAL STAMPEED JUST AS BULLETS GO OFF.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 7

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘DOG’ THE BOUNTY HUNTER ON.

FOXY
Dog the Bounty Hunter made another emotional plea on Bill
O’ Reilly last night this time apologizing profusely and
personally crying to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton
and Jesse Jackson for calling his bad son’s nappy headed
bitch the N word. After a lot of Dog begging and crying
the grieving Reverends reluctantly agreed to forgive the
mongrel and then all three joined in a group hug and prayer
thanking God and Rupert Murdoch for letting them appear so
much on Fox TV due to the misfortune of sinners. Dog then
announced he just fired his half black Spiritual Adviser
what’s his name, and hired Rev Al as his new adviser and
promised God if Bounty Hunter gets to come back on tv he
will give Rev Al a recurring role to add some dark
comic relief and maybe even gain more religious and negro
viewers. ,,, Wow Dog, getting Reverend Al to appear on the
Bounty Hunter sounds a cunning move.

DOG
Ya Foxy we make a real great team, we are like funny
brothers from a different daddies, we are so funny the
producers of Caveman are already talking about giving
us our own Fox sitcom, thank you Lord and Rupert. ( KISSES BIBLE )

FOXY
Wow your own Fox sitcom, really?

DOG
Ya Foxy sounds funny too, Rev Al will be playing my sassy
mouthed butler Benson and I’ll be a lovable rogue Archie
Bunker bounty hunter type, they say we will be the
next Caveman comedy sensation, praise the Lord, I love
Caveman.

FOXY
Um, I think Caveman have gone into hibernation.

DOG
What really, Jesus, that was my God damned favourite show,,
Damn those writers!

‘DOG’ STARTS TO CRY AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO A HAPPY ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’ TRYING TO LOOK LIKE A TEENAGER.

FOXY
Lance Armstrong rang up Ryan Seacrest last night to tearfully
announce he has just broken up his loving relationship with 21
year old Ashley Olsen citing the age difference and constant
snide remarks from Sheryl Crow finally got to him. Lance says
he now prefers his girls to be a bit more mature and then
gleefully told Ryan he has just become engaged to Ashley’s
older sister Mary Kate, who, according to Lance, may be only a
minute older in human time but in dog time is years more mature
than her kid sister. He said the happy couple are planning a
Christmas wedding in Vegas followed by a romantic honeymoon in
Reno which will all be taped for a possible Fox reality series
or an arty internet movie.,,, So Lance, arty internet movie,
does that mean sex tape?

LANCE
Hell no Foxy, we like to think of it as more of a sex ed film for
young girls, like Ashley, but, we are sure the grown ups will
love it too, wink wink nudge nudge. (WINKS )

FOXY
Talking about grown ups Lance, when are you going to?

LANCE
What, what do you mean by that? ( GETS TEARFUL ) I
want my mummy now , I still love you mummy Sheryl.

‘LANCE’ STARTS CRYING AND MONITOR QUICKLY CHANGES TO ‘ROSIE O’ DONNELL’ HANGING UPSIDE DOWN ON HER SWING IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Rosie O’ Donnell posted another swinging video on her website
last night telling her fans she turned down the job to be the
Head of M.S.N.B.C. News not because they wouldn’t give her a
helicopter but because the capitalist bastards refused to listen
to her when she told them the real truth. Rosie then announced
she will be doing her own hard hitting Larry King type political
show on the internet live from her swing to represent the swinging
voter and on the first show, scheduled for Christmas Day, Rosie
promised to unveil the truth about 9/11, the war, and why the Mets
choked this year and she’s rounded up Sean Penn, Sargent Shultz,
and Pete Rose to swing by to tell the real truth.,,, Wow Rosie,
what made you decide to do a hard hitting political show on
the internet?

ROSIE
I’m getting way to big for tv now Foxy, I’m going to become
the Oprah of the new media, I’ll be huge on the net.

FOXY
Yes, I’ve heard you gained a bit of weight lately.

ROSIE
Hey bitch no way, it’s just the swing adds ten pounds!

SWING BREAKS AND ‘ROSIE’ FALLS DOWN TO A LOUD THUD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Yeouch, that was a heavy weigh to end the news, but now, it’s
time for ‘Foxx n Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LANCE ARMSTRONG’, ‘ROSIE’ WITH A HEAVILY BANDAGED HEAD AND WEARING A ‘RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT’ BADGE, AND ‘DOG’ GRIPPING A BIBLE. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and on today’s show we got a panel of fallen stars
for ya all,

LANCE
Hey Redd I’ve never fallen of my bike I can assure you, nobody
can prove I used to ride around with that drug runner Marion
Jones, and hey, fallen stars can’t screw 21 year old skinny rich
twins and old rock stars can they dude?

ROSIE
Well at least I’m man enough to admit I fell, and, that fall
seems to have knocked some sense into me as I’m even
questioning Sean Penn now because, Hello Shaun, fire can burn
steel, just ask any steel foundry worker you pinko lying
democrat. ( WAVES ‘I LOVE BUSH’ FLAG.)

DOG
Hey I might have fallen briefly again Redd, but I’ve risen again
thanks to my spiritual advisors God and Rev Al, I love God
and negroes, you guys rock.

‘DOG’ KISSES BIBLE TO AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘DOG’ LOOKS MEAN AND GOWLS AT THEM, THEY SHUT UP FAST.IN RUNS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING NOTHING BUT A SMILE AND A SMALL JOCKSTRAP.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas by some gun toting
sports memorabilia robbers.

REDD
Well at least they left you with SOME dignity.

O.J.
No they didn’t, I had to steal my Heistman winning cup back off
Michael Vick.

HEAR AUDIENCE DOG GROWLS AT THE MENTION OF ‘MICHAEL VICK.

REDD
Damn O.J., that’s a little bit below the belt. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND O’J’ LOOKS FREAKED AS TWO AUDIENCE BULL DOGS RUSH ON STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ WINNING CUP TO AUCTION OFF ON EBAY.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 6

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ ON.

FOXY
Fresh from her Venezuelan retreat super model Naomi
Campbell rang Ryan Seacrest last night to announce she has
just signed on to play Condoleezza Rice in a new Hugu Chavez
funded Hollywood black comedy. She said the role of a tall
skinny evil black bitch who wants to take over the world was
just made for her and she is now really looking forward to playing
opposite Kevin Spacey as George W. Bush and Sean Penn as the crazed
killer, Dick Cheney. She said production is due to start once Hugo,
Sean, and Rosie, can hammer out an Oscar winning screenplay and she
can find the time to take another good acting lesson.,,,, Wow Naomi,
I can see you making a great Condoleezza Rice.

NAOMI
Ya Foxy I will cause I heard that skinny ass bitch Rice actually
models herself on me so it’s not going to be much of a stretch to
play myself is it, I have Oscar written all over me.

FOXY
Yes, Oscar Meyer. ( SMIRKS )

NAOMI ( angry )
Hey Bitch !!

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’

FOXY
Leading Democratic Presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich
admitted on Jay Leno last night not only did he see a u.f.o. at
Shirley MacLaine’s but that night he and Shirley were
abducted and forced to sexually probe themselves in front
of thirteen illegal aliens. After he was finished the head alien,
who went by the name of Jesus, told Dennis he was such a
great prober he should become President. Dennis promised
right there and then to Jesus, his twelve green disciples, and
Shirley MacLaine, once elected he will be twice the prober than
George Bush ever was.,,,, Wow Dennis, that’s a surprise
admission.

DENNIS
Yes Foxy, I’m a prober and proud of it . ( GRINS )

FOXY
So you think that position will get you more votes?

DENNIS
Heck ya Foxy, I might lose the Mormons and Catholics but
I’ll gain by getting the gay and perverts, move over Hillary
and Obama, I’ve just captured your Hollywood crowd, nanoo
nanoo.

‘DENNIS’ GRINS AND FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘HEATHER MILLS’.

FOXY
After emotional crying scenes on ‘Ellen’, ‘Jerry Springer’,
and ‘Animal Court’ yesterday, Heather Mills briefly
composed herself to appear on ‘Larry King’ last night to
again moan about how hard done by she is by the media and
Sir Paul who were making it very difficult for her to keep her
sanity and Princess Di image. When Larry suggestively pulled
her leg about having sex with old rich men, Heather
immediately started crying and hopped off in a huff. A shocked
Larry said he was just pulling her leg but didn’t expect it to
come off so easy.,,, Well Heather, sounded a bit of a bad day for you.

HEATHER
Yes Foxy it was a hard days night, thank God I’m on the last leg
of my bitching American tour, I don’t think I can stand being
here anymore.

FOXY
What, didn’t Larry give you back your leg? ( SMIRKS )

HEATHER ( getting tearful )
No! The bastard is using it as an ash tray now.

FOXY
Darn that Larry, I hope he isn’t using your last leg for the
butts of his bad jokes. ( SMIRKS )

‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING AND FALLS OVER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n
Friends’. ( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENNIS KUCINICH’, ‘NAOMI CAMPBELL’ AND A TEARFUL ONE LEGGED ‘HEATHER MILLS’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a crazy panel for ya all,

DENNIS
Hey Redd just because I’ve been sexually probed by aliens it
doesn’t make me crazy, just ask Shirley MacLaine, she claims
I am a genius. ( SMILES )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘DENNIS’S’ FACE TURNS ALIEN GREEN AND A BROKEN ANTENNA POPS UP.

NAOMI
And I’m not really crazy, I just act that way to keep up my
highly strung model slash actress slash bitch slash bad
employer image, in real life I’m really very sweet. ( SICKLY
SMILE)

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘NAOMI’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

HEATHER
Well I’m certainly not crazy, crazy people don’t make a
hundred million bucks in four years and become the new
Princess Di do they ?

REDD
Actually, I heard that’s the first sign you are on your last leg of sanity. ( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘HEATHER’ STARTS CRYING. IN THE SCENE COMES AN OUT OF BREATH ‘DOG’ FROM ‘BOUNTY HUNTER’ ACCOMPANYING A HANDCUFFED ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND ‘MICHAEL VICK’.

DOG (out of breath )
Sorry I’m late Redd,,, had to catch some fast running black crims for
my last show and damn,,, those niggers can sure run fast,, whoops,,
I mean,, those very dark Killers, can sure run fast. ( GRINS AND HOLDS UP A BIBLE)

HEAR AUDIENCE BARKS AND SUDDENLY FOUR AUDIENCE PITBULLS RUSH ON AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF ‘O.J.’S’ AND ‘MICHAEL’S’ NAUGHTY BITS WHICH IN THE PITBULL WORLD ARE CONSIDERED DELICACIES AND A POWERFUL APHRODISIAC.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 5

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND MONITOR BESIDE HER HAS A TEARFUL ‘ELLEN DeGENERES’ HOLDING A CAT.

FOXY
A tearful Ellen DeGeneres told her studio audience last night she has
just hired top animal attorney Billy Martin to try and get her beloved
pooch Iggy back. She cried that her and Portia really miss having Iggy
around and even though he was a bit rough with their pussies they will
welcome him home with open arms as long as he doesn’t act like such a
dog this time. Ellen then stopped crying and proudly showed off her
new adoption, a gay cat called Larry, who immediately went into a hissy
fit for the camera and stormed off in a huff.,,, Gee Ellen, Larry sounds
a bit of a prima donna.

ELLEN
Oh he is Foxy, turned out the little scamp wasn’t even gay so we had
him fixed faster than you can say Anne Heche, he sure didn’t like
that much I tell you, hahaha

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES ‘ELLEN’ .

ELLEN
Ouch Larry, that hurt.

‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING. ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES. MONITOR CHANGES TO A ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ HOLDING ‘IGGY’.

FOXY
Ellen DeGeneres’s former dog Iggy has now been adopted from his
new owner by Howard K. Stern after Howard was so moved by poor
Iggys plight he offered the lucky owner an undisclosed percentage of
Baby Dannielynn’s legal fees for the hound. Howard showed off Iggy
on Larry King last night and said he has already sold a couple of very
cute Iggy clowning around playing dead pictures to US Weekly and now
both of them are in intense talks for their own Fox reality series.,,,
Wow Howard, a Fox reality series that didn’t take long.

HOWARD
Yes Foxy we are both very excited as we will be going up against
‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’ and we can beat them easy as Iggy is
way more talented and funnier than Baby Dannielynn,, Play Dead
Iggy!! ( IGGY PLAYS DEAD ) see he’s a born star. ( GRINS )

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ HAND.

HOWARD ( angry )
Ouch! Don’t bite the hand that’s going to feed you, you stupid mut!

‘IGGY’ SMILES AND WINKS TO THE CAMERA. MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING A WEINER DOG.

FOXY
Hillary Clinton also jumped on the dog bandwagon last night on
Jay Leno by introducing the newest member of the Clinton family,
Bill, a nine year old weiner dog she just adopted from the Little Rock
Pound. Hillary admitted she has always had a thing for weiner dogs
ever since she was just a little girl which was the main reason she
eventually decided to marry one. She then broke up laughing very uneasily
before Bill snapped her out of it by starting to hump her leg.,,,
Wow Hillary, Bill sounds quite a character.

HILLARY
He sure is Foxy, he’s nothing but a big old hound dog, but I still love him.

FOXY
So will you be taking Bill out on the campaign trail with you?

HILLARY
Only if he behaves himself or its back to the pound like old Bill.
( LAUGHS UNEASY )

‘BILL’ WHINES AND ‘HILLARY’ GROWLS AT HIM, HE SHUTS UP FAST.

FOXY
Sounds like poor old Bill is in the dog house again?

HILLARY
No not at all Foxy, and, if he stays zipped up he will be in the White House again.

‘HILLARY’ LAUGHS UNEASY AT HER BAD JOKE, ‘BILL’ SMILES AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for Foxx n Friends.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘HILLARY CLINTON’ HOLDING ‘BILL’, ‘ELLEN’ SCRATCHED AND HOLDING ‘LARRY’, AND ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘IGGY’. THERE IS ONE EMPTY CHAIR.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a panel of
high profile animals for ya all,

HILLARY ( angry )
Excuse me Redd! Just because I’ve been labeled a cold hearted bitch it
doesn’t make me an animal!

‘BILL’ WHINES AT HER AND SHE GROWLS AT HIM SHUTTING HIM UP FAST.

ELLEN
Hey I’m sure not an animal, though Portia claims I sometimes act like
one in bed, Ruff Ruff Ruff ! ( WINKS AND GRINS )

‘LARRY’ HISSES AND SCRATCHES HER TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ELLEN’ STARTS CRYING, ‘LARRY’ ROLLS HIS EYES AGAIN.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not an animal, animals don’t get their very own
Fox reality show do they ?

IGGY
Hey it’s my reality show you schmuk!

‘IGGY’ BITES ‘HOWARD’S’ OTHER HAND, HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn a talking hound, no wonder he got his own Fox reality show.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON TO THE SET RUSHES A SCRATCHED BEAT UP ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ CARRYING A BAG WITH A DEAD DOG IN IT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, had to break up a fight at Michael Vick’s.
(GRINS TO SILENCE )

HEAR ANGRY DOG BARKS, ‘O.J.’ LOOKS FREAKED AND RUNS AS SIX ANGRY PIT BULLS RUSH IN TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT JUST AS FOUR DOGS CATCH ‘O.J.’ AND THE OTHER TWO DOGS ARE JUST ABOUT TO BITE OFF ‘HOWARD’S’ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 4

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER ON MONITOR IS A SMILING ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’.

FOXY
In her first exclusive sober tv interview Lindsay Lohan told Larry
King last night that getting sober in Utah really was a sobering
experience but well worth it as she found God, her Dad, and a new
boyfriend there and has now come out being a very staunch Mitt
Romney supporter. Lindsay said she now wants to devout herself to
being a good girl role model like her mentor Paris Hilton and now her
and Paris are already planning a trip to Africa to get filmed feeding
some starving aids kids and meeting Nelson Mandela and a rugby team.,,
Wow Lindsay, so when are you and Paris off to Africa to feed the starving kids ?

LINDSAY
As soon as I spend my few hours jail time and Paris can sober up again
haha, ( HICCUPS ) Whoops, excuse me.

FOXY
You haven’t been drinking again have you Lindsay ?

LINDSAY
Hell no Foxy ! I’m drunk on Jesus now.

‘LINDSAY’ SMILES AND KISSES ‘BIBLE’ AND HICCUPS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘MARION JONES’.

FOXY
Champion Gold Medal drug runner Marion Jones surprised everyone
last night by telling Larry King the Gold Medals she returned don’t
mean a thing to her anymore as she cheerfully announced she was
now three months pregnant. Marion said she met the proud daddy
at her doctors while getting vitamin shots and now will wait for the
d.n.a. test to prove the proud daddy is Barry Bonds, Eddie Murphy, or
Gary Coleman, as all of them are now refusing to return her calls…
Wow Marion, Barry, Eddie, Gary, you got all the bases covered girl!

MARION
Haha ya Foxy, well, I gambled on at least one still being sterile, and,
I’m a praying girl it ain’t Gary Coleman!

‘MARION’ KISSES BIBLE AND LAUGHS. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RITA COSBY’ HOLDING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK UP.

FOXY
Anna Nicole’s unauthorized biographer Rita Cosby rang up Ryan
Seacrest from The Bahamas last night to announce she has hired top
attorney Debra Opri to sue the panties off Larry Birkhead and Howard
K. Stern for saying she was a vicious lying bitch for claiming they
starred in a sleazy gay porn tape. Rita said if anybody was a vicious
lying bitch it was the poor Haitian nannies who accepted thousands of
her publisher’s hard earned American Dollars to lie, though, she seriously
doubted the nannies would ever lie as she described them as being very
friendly honest black Mary Poppin types.,,, Wow Rita, hiring Debra Opri
sounds a cunning move.

RITA
Yes Foxy, she loathes Larry and Howard so much she agreed to take
the case for expenses only, thank God I found such a reasonable lawyer.

FOXY
Well you better be careful Rita, I don’t think Larry was thanking God
when he got his expenses bill.

’RITA WIPES THE SMILE OF HER FACE AND LOOKS VERY WORRIED. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT GOES TO THE ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LINDSAY LOHAN’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE, ‘RITA COSBY’ CLUTCHING ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK, AND ‘MARION JONES’ CLUTCHING BIBLE. THERE IS AN EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of fallen stars for ya all,

LINDSAY
Hey Redd, I haven’t fallen, I’ll be bigger than ever once I do a few
hours jail time. ( HICCUPS AND KISSES BIBLE, SMILES AND BURPS )

RITA
And I sure haven’t fallen, this is the most I’ve been on tv since my
glory year at M.S.N.B.C. ( CHEESY SMILE AND HOLDS UP ‘BLONDE AMBITION’ BOOK )

MARION
Ya what’s this about fallen Redd, just cause a fast girl gets pregnant
and does a few hours slammer time it doesn’t make her fallen bro.

REDD
Well it does if Garry Coleman is the proud daddy sister!

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ON STAGGERS A DRUNK ‘DANNY DONADUCE’ CARRYING A DRUNK ‘ BRITNEY SPEARS’ ON HIS SHOULDERS CARRYING A DRINK.

BRITNEY
Sorry I’m late Redd, I forgot my panties, hehehe

‘DANNY’ STUMBLES SENDING ‘BRITNEY’ FLYING HEAD FIRST TOWARDS ‘LINDSAY’ AND CUT JUST AS WE SEE SHE IS WEARING NO PANTIES TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 3

SHOT OF NEWREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘K- FED’ HOLDING HIS TWO NEW KIDS.

FOXY
Proud daddy K-Fed appeared on ‘Larry King’ last night to show off his
brand new kids and told Larry being a pro dad was cool with him though
he really hated to give up his very lucrative singing and dancing careers,
but, was sure taking care of the kids will pay off for him in the long run.
He is now teaching the kids to sing and has already signed them up to his
record company where they will be releasing a single of the old ‘Bread’
song ‘Baby, I’m a Want You’ as soon as somebody can teach them how to
talk. K-Fed also confirmed he and his new kids are now in intense
negotiations to star in a new Fox reality series.,,,Wow K-Fed, that’s
early to get your new kids into the music and tv reality bizz.

K-FED
Yo never to early Foxy, these kids will be the next ‘Hannah Montanas’,
I’ll be like the new Billy Ray Cyrus and be able to revive my singing
and dancing careers for the stars, it will be cool I can’t wait.

FOXY
So what does Britney think about your plans ?

K-FED
She went CRAZY when I told her.

‘K-FED’ AND THE KIDS LAUGH CRAZY FOR A FEW BEATS AND THEN ALL SMILE AND BABIES GIVE THE RAPPER HAND SIGN. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ HOLDING A SMILING ‘BABY DANNIEYLYNN’.

FOXY
Larry Birkhead and Baby Dannielynn also appeared on ‘Larry King’
last night to announce they will be starring in a new Fox reality series
premiering this Christmas. Larry then made a surprise announcement by
telling Larry he was not gay, so, will also be suing that Rita Cosby bitch
for sixty million bucks just like his very good friend Howard K. Stern for
claiming they were gay lovers. Larry swore to Larry he has never had sexual
relations with that man and then showed Larry a clean blue dress to prove
there were no Stern semen stains on it. ,,,, So Larry, what about this so
called sex tape you and Howard made?

LARRY
There was no tape Foxy, Howard erased that just before Anna died.

FOXY
Wow really, say no more Larry, say no more!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ ROLLS HER EYES AND SMACKS HER HEAD IN DISBALIEF.

LARRY
,, D’oh!

‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ SMACKS HIM HARD ACROSS FACE WITH A HEAVY PURSE. MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘RICK SOLOMON’.

FOXY
Pam Anderson’s latest new husband, Rick Solomom, rang up Ryan
Seacrest very distressed last night to report a black male gang stole
his and Pam’s pre honeymoon video from their Vegas hotel room and now
to stop ‘O.J.’ and his hoods from blackmailing them the distraught couple
have reluctantly agreed to sell the movie on Pam’s website for 29.95 for
the directors cut limited edition. Rick claims ‘One Night in Vegas’ is a
bargain at that price as the lighting, sound, and his performance were
twice as good as ‘One Night in Paris’ and Pam had written out a
storyboard with some very witty dialogue to give the tape more of a movie
feel, and, as an added bonus, Pam, is naked during the entire movie.,,
Wow Rick that sounds a very arty movie, any Oscar aspirations?

RICK
Hahaha, no Foxy, but, I bet my dvd outsells Spielberg’s latest by
millions! hahaha

‘RICK’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR TURNS OFF AND ‘RICK’S’ LAUGH GOES ON FOR A FEW BEATS.

FOXY
Sounds like he’ll be laughing all the way to the bank.

RICK ( voice only )
I am Foxy, I am!

HEAR ‘RICK’ LAUGH CRAZY AND RUN AWAY.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.
( SMILES )

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘LARRY BIRKHEAD’ NOW WITH A BLACK EYE, HOLDING ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’, ‘K- FED’ HOLDING TWO OF ‘BRITNEY’S’ SKINNY DOGS LIKE BABIES, AND ‘RICK SOLOMON’ CLUTCHING HIS DVD. THERE IS ONE EMPTY SEAT.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a panel of Hollywood’s most well kept
men for ya all,

LARRY
Hey Redd, I’m not a kept man, we have to work hard for my money
by selling pictures to womans magazines and staring in our very own
Fox reality series called ‘Larry and Baby Dannielynn’, premiering
this Christmas Day on all good Fox Stations.

‘LARRY’ AND ‘BABY DANNIELYNN’ GIVE A VERY CHEESY GRIN TO THE CAMERA.

K- FED
Yo Redd, I’m hardly kept at all man, my bitch only gives me like
a hundred grand a month, that hardly even covers my beer and weed
bill let alone having to feed two more starving dogs.

‘K-FED’ AND DOGS ALL LOOK SAD AND HUNGRY, HEAR AUDIENCE “Ahhhhs “ AND ‘LASSIE’ TYPE DOG CRIES.

RICK
Well I’m sure not a kept man Redd, I’m a highly successful independent
producer of cheap porn movies, I sure don’t need rich women to do that.

‘RICK’ SMILES AND SHOWS ‘ONE NIGHT IN VEGAS’ DVD WICH HAS A TOPLESS ‘PAM ANDERSON’ COVER. HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘PRINCE FREDERICK GABOR’ WALKS IN NAKED IN HANDCUFFS WITH A TOWEL AROUND HIS WAIST.

PRINCE FRED
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up by another sexy young woman who
insisted on stealing my clothes again.

REDD
Damn Prince Fred, is there no respect for royalty in this town.

PRINCE FRED
Well at least she didn’t steal the Crown Jewels, ( WINKS )
see.

‘PRINCE’ DROPS TOWEL AND PANEL INCLUDING DOGS AND BABY SHOW HORROR FOR A BEAT AND CUT JUST AS THEY ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.

Not the Fox News Killer Dog Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘MAHMOUD AHMADINEJAD’

FOXY
Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told a packed Hollywood Hugo
Chavez Roast last night he was so moved by not being able to visit the
9/11 site he is going to produce a factual Hollywood movie based on the
incident. He told the cheering crowd he has already signed on Kevin
Spacey to play himself and Sean Penn and Rosie will be hammering out
his Oscar acceptance speech and screenplay tomorrow. ,, Well Mahmoud, that’s a surprise producing a Hollywood movie.

MAHMOUD
Yes well my good friend and fellow dictator Hugo Chavez convinced me if
we can make good movies with top Hollywood actors we can drive the Jews
and gays out of Hollywood and win their Oscars and take over the western world.

FOXY
Wow, those are big plans!

MAHMOUD
Yes I plan to be the world’s next Rupert Murdoch, except, I don’t talk
funny like him, or, have a funny gay name like , haha, RUPERT.

‘MAHMOUD’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

FOXY
A cheerful O.J. Simpson announced on Larry King last night that his
Vegas arrest was just a harmless acting stunt that went wrong as he
and his friendly gang of hoods were just improvising a scene from
Quentin Tarantino’s new black comedy, a remake of the Vegas Rat
Pack movie,’ Robin and the 7 Hoods’. O.J. then slammed Quentin for
dropping him from the movie after his arrest and hiring Robert Blake
to play Sinatra saying Quentin was now turning the black comedy into
a complete farce and he hoped it would die a slow horrible painful death
at the box office. ,,, Wow O.J., I didn’t know you were getting back into
acting again.

O.J.
Oh ya Foxy I love acting, I’m hoping once producers see me in my
next court appearance they will remember what a great actor I really
am and offer me some juicy roles.

FOXY
Yes, I could see you making a great Robert Blake, or even a Phil Spector.

O.J. ( angry )
Robert Blake, Damn, I would KILL for that role! ( LOOKS EVIL )

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SMILING ‘PHIL SPECTOR’ WEARING DISCO CLOTHES.

FOXY
Phil Spector also appeared on Larry King last night to tell him now
he is going to get off killing that has been actress what’s her name, he’s
keen to get back into producing music again and has already been hired
by Britney Spears to produce her next comeback album, tentively titled,
‘Jailhouse Disco’. Phil claimed with modern recording tricks and
unnamed singers he could make Britney sound groovy and was already
writing out his and Britney’s acceptance speeches for next years M.T.V.
Awards and Superbowl appearance. ,,, Gee Phil it’s been a long time
between songs, what made you want to get back into music?

PHIL
Money Foxy money, Disco Phil has been taken to the cleaners by rip off
lawers Foxy, Disco Phil is broker than a broke door nail, lucky Disco Phil
now has a very cheap lawyer who won’t rip him off.

FOXY
Really, so who is your lawyer now?

PHIL
Debra Opri Foxy, and not only is she Disco lawyer but tonight she is going to be Disco lover, oh yaaa, cause Disco Phil is cocked, loaded, and ready to shoot for the ladies again, oh yaaa Debraaaaaaa, open wide baby.

‘PHIL’ SMILES AND LAUGHS CRAZY AND MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
I would hate to see the custody battle over their lovechild.,, And that’s
today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘PHIL SPECTOR’, ‘O.J. SIMPSON’, AND ‘MAHMOUD AHMADADIJED’ LOOKING LIKE A HOLLWOOD PRODUCER WITH GOLD RINGS AND CHAINS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a real killer panel for ya all,

PHIL
Hey Redd, Disco Phil is no killer, the jury is still out on that verdict dude,
so Disco Phil is free to rock the ladies again, oh yaaaaa

‘PHIL’ STANDS UP AND DOES A THRUST WHICH SHOWS HE HAS A GUN IN HIS POCKET. WE HEAR A FEW WOMEN SCREAM AND RUN OUT.

O.J.
Ya I sure ain’t no killer Redd, I’m a highly trusted sports memorabilia
dealer, honest.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘O.J.’ SNARLS AT THEM AND SHOWS A KNIFE, THEY SHUT UP FAST.

MAHMOUD
Well I’m not really a killer either, I get my servants to do that and I just
accept all their glory and rewards. ( GRINS SHOWING OFF GOLD
TEETH AND RINGS )

HEAR LOTS OF ANGRY AUDIENCE DOG BARKS.

REDD
Damn, we got a RUFF crowd in today. ( GRINS )

MAHMOUD
Yes what are these dogs doing here, dogs are dirty and disgusting, they
should be rounded up and sent to Michael Vick and DMX to make
cat food!

HEAR DOG BARKS AND GROWLS.

REDD
Careful Mahmoud, I can foresee some RUFF justice coming your way.
( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND BARKS AND SUDDENLY 12 ANGRY DOGS RUSH THE STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE INTO ‘PHIL’S,’O.J.’S, AND THE GUY WITH THE BIG NAME’S NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show 2

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND ON MONITOR BESIDE HER IS ‘ KATHY GRIFFIN’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
A somber Kathy Griffin appeared on Larry King last night to apologize
personally and profusely to the grieving Reverends Al Sharpton and
Jesse Jackson for not thanking Jesus when she won her Creative Arts
Reality Emmy. She then blamed her blasphemy on visiting the Weeds
entourage and then got down on her knees and thanked Jesus for her
Creative Arts Reality Emmy and promised him if she ever wins a real
Emmy she might even go to church to thank him personally, if she isn’t
too hung over that day.,,,Wow Kathy, so you’ve found religion now?

KATHY
Ya Foxy thanks to Paris Hilton, when her Simple Life didn’t win my
reality Emmy she threw her Bible at me, thank God she saved me,
Paris is an angel, she’s Hollywood’s own Mother Teresa, I love her
and Jesus.

FOXY
Ah Kathy, you haven’t been visiting the Weeds entourage again have
you?

KATHY
God no Foxy,,,um,, what was the question again?

MONITOR CHANGES TO A WAIST UP SHOT OF BIKINI CLAD ‘ BRITNEY SPEARS’ HOLDING A BOTTLE OF ‘DRY WHITE WHINE’.

FOXY
A tearful Britney Spears also appeared on Larry King last night
in a very revealing one piece bikini to tell Larry she has now
cancelled her singing comeback and then cheerfully announced
she will be hosting next weeks Saturday Night Live, dancing and lip
syncing to some raunchy new Sarah Silverman routines. She said the
producer and Sarah were so impressed with her funny routine on the
MTV Awards show they assured her she will be the next Rosanne of
comedy and she is already in talks to sing the national anthem at
Wrigley Field and to star in her own Fox sitcom.,,, Wow Britney, a
Fox sitcom, go girl!

BRITNEY
Ya thanks Foxy, I always knew my future would be in comedy, I’ve
been working hard on it for the last year now.

FOXY
Oh, so that explains all your funny behavior?

BRITNEY
Ya Foxy you can thank Sarah Silverman for that, she wrote it all for me.

FOXY
What, she wrote you into rehab?

BRITNEY
Ya the bitch, I didn’t think that was very funny, I hated Promises, if it
wasn’t for the night time escapes I would have dried up in there and
I’m wayyyyy too young to dry up.

‘BRITNEY’ SMILES AND STARTS SCULLING BOTTLE OF WINE. MONITOR CHANGES TO A HAZY ‘OSAMA BIN LADEN’.

FOXY
Osama Bin Laden released another strange video last night this time
admitting to using the last bottle of Saddam Hussein’s Grecian Hair
Darkener to try to appeal to a young Hollywood crowd like a hip funny
Dennis Miller, except way way darker. He then denounced all western
media for implying his speeches were being written by American Al
Qaeda funnyman Adam Gadhan and then went on and promised if he
takes over the world he will guarantee to bring back the N.F.L to Los
Angeles and make Sean Penn the dictator with Rosie as his loving wife.,,,
Wow Osama, those are some promises.

OSAMA ( American accent )
Oh ya Foxy it’s a joke L.A. doesn’t have an N.F.L. team when hell holes
like Cleveland have one, where’s the justice in that man, no wonder
David Beckham is so God damned popular there, Al Qaeda hates Posh
and Becks!

FOXY
Hey wait a minute you’re not Osama, you’re Adam Gadhan.

OSAMA ( worried )
,,, No I’m not.

FOXY
Well explain your American accent, ADAM?

OSAMA
,,, D’oh !

MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WEARING BIKINI AND CLUTCHING A BOTTLE OF ‘DRY WHITE WHINE’, ‘KATHY GRIFFEN’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE AND HER EMMY, ‘ADAM OSAMA GADHAN’ AND TWO EMPTY SEATS.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a funny crazy panel for ya all,

ADAM
Hey Redd I’m not crazy, just cause I look like Osama and talk like
Obama it doesn’t make me crazy man.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘ADAM’ GLARES AND REVEALS HE IS WEARING A BOMB, AUDIENCE SHUTS UP FAST.

KATHY
Well I’m sure not crazy Redd, crazy people don’t win a God damned Creative Arts Reality Emmy do they, thank you baby Jesus and Paris,
I love you guys.

HOLDS UP EMMY AND BIBLE TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AND DOG BARKS.

BRITNEY
And I’m not really crazy, I just act funny for my comedy act, duh.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘BRITNEY’ LOOKS PERPELEXED AND THEN STARTS SCULLING BOTTLE OF WINE.

REDD
O.K., I stand corrected, today we got a crazy funny panel of liars for ya
all. ( GRINS )

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ WEARING A PRISON UNIFORM RUSHES IN TO HIS SEAT.

O.J.
Sorry I’m late Redd, got held up in Vegas.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘O.J.’ SNARLS AT THEM AND SHOWS THEM A KNIFE, THEY SHUT UP FAST. ‘ADAM’ STANDS UP .

ADAM
That’s it, all you American funny liars must die!

BOMB GOES OFF AND ‘ADAM’ EXPLODES.

REDD
Well, I can sure see why his comedy act bombed. ( GRINS )

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AS ‘SENATOR LARRY CRAIG’ WEARING A DRESS SKIPS IN TO TAKE HIS SEAT AND CUT JUST AS HE TRIPS.

Not the Fox News Dog Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘SENATOR LARRY CRAIG’ ON.

FOXY
Senator Larry Craig last night rang up Ryan Seacrest to confess to his
sins and now freely admits he was toe tapping in a Minnesota men’s
restroom,to Broadway tunes on his Ipod. He said he has now whacked
all the gay music off his hard drive and has hired Michael Vick’s lawyer
to convince his Republican Senators to forgive him for toe tapping to
Barbra and to warmly welcome him back into the Senate with open arms,
in a very manly way off coarse.,, Wow Larry, why didn’t you just admit
you were toe tapping to Barbra in the first place ?

LARRY
I didn’t want the officer to think I was gay Foxy, can you imagine what
that would do to my conservative Republican reputation ?

FOXY
Yes, I imagine it would send it to the dogs.

‘LARRY’ GROWLS AND MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘HOWARD K. STERN’.

FOXY
Howard K. Stern also rang Ryan last night to tell him Rita Cosby’s
book claim that he and Larry had taped homosexual liaisons for Anna
Nicole’s pleasure was a slanderous vicious lie, not that there was
anything wrong with that. He swore to Ryan he wasn’t a toe tapper like
Larry and didn’t even like Broadway tunes or gay policemen and has now
hired Larry’s lawyer to sue the pants off that Cosby bitch. ,,,, Gee
Howard, hiring Larry’s lawyer sounds an incriminating move.

HOWARD
Why is that Foxy, if he is good enough for Michael Vick and Larry,
well then he is good enough for me. ( CHEESY SMILE )

FOXY
Yes but you’re a lawyer Howard, why not just hire yourself?

HOWARD
Are you joking Foxy, I’m way too expensive, I’m the shyster who
taught Debra Opri how to charge.

FOXY
Oh so you got her to screw Larry?

HOWARD
Well legally speaking yes, though, Larry much prefers getting
screwed by sexy male lawyers wink wink nudge nudge.

FOXY
Say no more Howard, say no more.

HOWARD
,, D’oh !

MONITOR CHANGES TO LAWYER ‘BILLY MARTIN’ HOLDING RICH DOG ‘TROUBLE’.

FOXY
Celebrity dog lawyer Billy Martin announced on Animal Court last
night he is now also representing Leona Helmsley’s 12 million dollar
dog Trouble in numerous lawsuits from former bitten staff and
grandchildren. He says thanks to Michael Vick he is now the hottest
dog lawyer around and welcomed any other offers from rich dogs to
hire him to get some RUFF justice. ,,,, Wow Billy, you sure must be
busy with all these new clients.

BILLY
Hell ya Foxy I been working like a dog, I just had to turn down O.J.,
D.M.X., and R. Kelly, I’ve got enough mongrels on my books already.

FOXY
So do you think you can win your dog cases ?

BILLY
Hell no Foxy, but I don’t tell them that, those mongrels bite!

‘BILLY’ LAUGHS CRAZY AND ‘TROUBLE’ BITES HIS GOLD FINGERED HAND TO A BIG “OUCH”. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Looks like Trouble has expensive taste ( SMILES )., And that’s today’s headlines
and now it’s time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND GUESTS ‘LARRY CRAIG’, ‘HOWARD K. STERN’ AND ‘BILLY MARTIN’ WITH BANDAGED HAND HOLDING ‘TROUBLE'.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today being International Animal Day we got a
panel of dogs for ya all,

BILLY
Hey I ain’t no dog Redd, I just represent the mongrels!

AUDIENCE DOG BARKS THEN ‘TROUBLE’ BITES HIS HAND TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

BILLY
OUCH, that’s it Trouble, I’m hiring myself to sue you bitch !

‘TROUBLE’ BITES HAND AGAIN TO MORE AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. ‘TROUBLE’ ESCAPES.

LARRY
Well I’m sure not a dog, I’m a very conservative god fearing Republican,
Democrats are the dogs.

HEAR AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ‘LARRY’ SCOWLS AND GIVES THEM THE FINGER.

HOWARD
Well I’m certainly not a dog, I’m a highly trusted respected lawyer, honest.

HEAR AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘HOWARD’ SCOWLS AT THEM.

REDD
Hell, am I the only one man enough to admit I’m a dog, you guys are
pussies, Ruff Ruff Ruff !!!

PANEL ARCH THEIR BACKS AND HISS LIKE CATS AT ‘REDD’.

REDD
CAT FIGHT !!!

HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS AND SUDDENLY 12 ANGRY AUDIENCE DOGS RUSH THE STAGE AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE INTO ‘LARRY, MOE AND CURLY’S ‘ NAUGHTY BITS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 10

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A GRINNING ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET WITH A GOLD CHAIN AND CROSS AROUND NECK.

FOXY
Rocker Ted Nugent shot his mouth off again last night when at a
Washington D.C. concert he waved his weapon around and invited any
pot smoking commie loving Democrat to come up and suck on his
shotgun for a real blast. He then fired off a round of blanks at the
stunned crowd before two men with very long needles and white
coats came to take him away as he was yelling at his dwindling audience,
“I'm going to be the next God damned Attorney General and Governor of
Michigan and they better God damned vote for him or else!".,,, Wow Ted,
sounded quite a wild concert.

TED
Damn right Foxy those Washington audiences are scumbags that don’t
even listen to me for God’s sake, except for my good pal George W. Bush
and his beautiful family, thank God for Republicans.

FOXY
So are you serious about running for Governor of Michigan.

TED
God damned right I am, what, you think I’m crazy or something
Bitch !

FOXY
In a short word, ya.

‘TED’ IS ABOUT TO SWEAR AND MONITOR CHANGES TO RAPPER ‘DMX’

FOXY
Bad dog rapper DMX claimed last night to Larry King that the twelve
starving pit bulls found on his property he had just rescued from Michael
Vick’s basement and the half pound of pot found was for the dogs
to make them less aggressive so they could go back to being normal
friendly pit bulls. He was now sure with these facts know he will beat
the rap and the pigs will leave him, his dogs , and pot alone.,,,Wow DMX,
those dogs sure must smoke a lot.

DMX
Hell ya Foxy they love it, they even fight over who gets first bong, I don’t
bet on who wins anymore though.

FOXY
But don’t you think its cruel starving those dogs and then giving them
the munchies?

DMX
I ain’t starving em Foxy, I’m feeding them gourmet diet Chinese dog food, it keeps them fighting fit and happy, they love it.

HEAR DOG GROWLS, ‘DMX’ LOOKS FREAKED, SCREEN BLACKS OUT AND WE HEAR DOG ATTACK AND ‘DMX’ “OUCHES”.

FOXY
Sounds like a bad case of the munchies.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’.

FOXY
Nicole Ritchie was in more trouble last night after Beverly Hills police
pulled her over for erratic driving and found an ounce of pot in her car.
Nicole claimed the pot was for her dogs who got highly addicted after
listening to a DMX cd while she was away doing hard time and then
blamed the daddy of her unborn baby, rocker Joel Madden, for buying
the pot, who, in turn, blamed rapper DMX for telling him it was high
class Chinese dog food. After that logical explanation the police
apologized profusely and let Nicole drive off erratically again.,,,, Wow
Nicole, that sounded a close call.

NICOLE
Ya it was Foxy I was scared, I don’t want to go back to the slammer
again, I hate hard time!

FOXY
82 minutes doesn’t sound THAT hard.

NICOLE
It is when you are going through a bad period Foxy, it was like I
was living in bloody hell in there, it seemed to go on for like, hours.

FOXY
That’s almost too much info Nicole.

NICOLE
Sorry Foxy, jail hardened me, thank God I found Jesus in there,
thank you Jesus.

FOXY
Really, what was he in there for?

‘NICOLE’ LOOKS PERPLEXED, SCREEN TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now its time, for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘TED NUGENT’ IN A STRAIGHT JACKET, A BANDAGED UP ‘DMX’, AND ‘NICOLE RITCHIE’ CLUTCHING A BIBLE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a gangsta entertainer panel for ya
all,

TED
Hey Redd I ain’t no God damned gangster, I just carry guns to shoot animals and scumbag Democrat dogs! ( HEAR AUDIENCE DOG BARKS, ED SCOWLS AND FOAMS AT THE MOUTH )

DMX
Yo Redd I ain’t no gangsta anymore man, I found Jesus in Michael
Vick’s basement and I’ve damn near sold half my guns and dogs,
thanks Jesus you rock my man.

NICOLE
Ya I’m not really a gansta anymore either, I went from being Queen Bitch
in a hardened jail to a saintly Paris Hilton like figure after I found Jesus
in cell block 69, thank you Jesus I love you.

REDD
Damn, that Jesus sure gets around.

SUDDENLY 12 SKINNY SCARED BARKING PIT BULLS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE.

DMX
Hey,, who let my dogs out!

AUDIENCE DOGS ( voice only )
Woof Woof Woof Woof !

SUDDENLY ‘MICHAEL VICK’ APPEARS RUNNING AFTER THEM CARRYING AN OLD CHEWED UP BIBLE.

MICHAEL
Come back boys, I promise I won’t try and stuff religion down your
throats no more!

REDD
Damn, this religious stuff is really going to the dogs. ( GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

WE HEAR ‘MICHAEL’ BEING ATTACKED BY DOGS AND THEN HE RUNS THROUGH CARRYING A HALF EATEN BIBLE BEING CHASED BY THE 12 ANGRY DOGS AND CUT JUST AS HE TRIPS.


My dog Monty wants to know if anybody has any Michael Vick trading cards that he can eat and turn to gold on Ebay. Card holders will receive half the end product.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 9

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘KARL ROVE’ ON.

FOXY
Karl Rove’s retirement was short lived after he announced to ‘E! News’
last night he’s just accepted two high profile job offers for 2008. First
he will be a featured star on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and after he wins
that he will be a featured act on ‘America’s Got Talent’. Karl told Ryan
the producers have been hounding him since they saw him dance and rap
like a black waiter at the Whitehouse Correspondence Dinner and he is
now looking forward to strategically launching his entertainment career.,,
Wow Karl, that sure is a career change.

KARL
Yes Foxy I’m very excited, it’s going to be all go for Rove in 08,
I’ve already got me a rap cd in the works and a famous ghostwriter is
writing my stunning autobiography as we speak.

FOXY
How can a ghostwriter be famous?

KARL
He can if his name is Aaron Sorkin, oh darn, I promised Aaron I
wouldn’t name him, sorry Aaron me bad.

FOXY
Don’t worry Karl, no sane person believes your promises anyways.

KARL
Well that’s not true Foxy, I can name George W. Bush for one.

FOXY
My case is closed.

KARL
Say no more then.

FOXY
No more then.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE.

FOXY
Dave Matthews last night dropped controversial bad boy black rapper
Naz from the Virginia Tech concert next month after getting renewed
criticism from the Reverends Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson. He
apoligised profusely to the bereaved preachers and then announced
they have replaced Naz with good boy white rapper Eminem and that
after the concert he and his band will be checking into ‘Promises
Rehab’ to record a new CD and hopefully rid themselves of a growing
medical marijuana problem.,,,, Wow Dave, Eminem is sure a strange
choice to replace Naz with.

DAVE
Why is that Foxy, he is white, works clean, and doesn’t mention guns.

FOXY
Clean, have you heard an Eminem CD, he swears more than three drunk
sailors.

DAVE
What really ?

WE HEAR BAND MEMBERS LAUGHING, DAVE LOOKS OVER.

DAVE
Oh damn you guys, quit making me look a fool, quick, call back James
Brown and agree to his demands! ( HEAR MORE BAND LAUGHTER )

FOXY
I can see why they say Dave has one smoking band.

HEAR BAND LAUGHTER AND COUGHING AS ‘DAVE’ DISSAPEARS IN A CLOUD OF SMOKE. SMOKE DISSAPEARS TO REVEAL A GRINNING ‘JASON GIAMBI’

FOXY
New York Yankee’s designated hitter Jason Giambi announced last
night now that he has been cleared of being a steroid junkie by the
league he will go out a winner and retire immediately. He said he will
now book himself into ‘Promises Rehab’ to get rid of his small diet pill
addiction and will build himself up and emerge a professional tag team
wrestler teaming up with his good buddy and fellow dieter Barry Bonds,
who, also went out a winner by announcing his retirement from baseball.,,
Wow Jason, you and Barry becoming wrestlers, who would have thought ?

JASON
Ya Foxy we are both huge wrestling fans, we have been building
ourselves up for the last ten years following a strict wrestling diet
for this shot, we will be champions and you can bet on it.

FOXY
What’s the diet, coke and steroids?

JASON
Nooooo, coke and diet pills, breakfast of champions. ( GRINS )

FOXY
Well I sure hope wrestling doesn’t go down baseball’s path in regards
with drugs.

JASON
Don’t worry Foxy it won’t now that me and Barry are their champions.
( GRINS , A SYRINGE HITS HIM IN THE NOSE) Ouch Barry, quit
needling me that hurt.

HEAR ‘BARRY’ LAUGH AND A CHAIR GETS SMASHED OVER ‘JASON’S’ HEAD. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
Ouch , poor chair,,and that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for
‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT TO ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘KARL ROVE’, ‘JASON GIAMBI’, AND ‘DAVE MATTHEWS’ HOLDING A PIECE OF PAPER.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of an odd ball panel for ya all,

KARL
Hey excuse me Redd, just because I can sing and dance like a black man
it doesn’t make me odd, look at Michael Jackson, he’s not odd is he ?

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS, ‘KARL’ LOOKS CONFUSED.

JASON
Well I have to admit I’ve got an odd ball, those diet pills have shrunk
one to a peanut,, whoops, did I say that out loud?

AUDIENCE ( voices only )
Yes you did !!! ( HUGE LAUGHTER AND DOG BARKS)

JASON
D’oh !

DAVE
Hey I’m not odd anymore now that I’m on medication, and, I’ve
got a medical marijuana prescription from Barry Bond’s doctor to
prove it. ( WAVES PAPER AROUND TO AUDIENCE CHEERS )

JASON
Oh Dave that’s sad, you don’t need drugs to be happy, look at me,
( GRINS ), Dave,,Dave you there,,

‘DAVE’ HAS FALLEN ASLEEP.

REDD
Dave’s not here man.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND ‘TOMMY CHONG’ WEARING A “DAVE” T SHIRT WALKS ON.

TOMMY
He is now man.

‘TOMMY’ SNATCHES ‘DAVE’S’ PRESCRIPTION AND RUNS AWAY FAST TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS AND CUT AS HE TRIPS.

Not the Fox News Comedy Show 8

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS A MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ ON.

FOXY
Denise Richards last night dropped her claim for a vile of Charlie
Sheen’s semen from her divorce demand after her close friend Melissa
Etheridge kindly donated her an old vile of David Crosby semen.
Denise said she was very excited about carrying David Crosby’s vile
semen and hopes one day when the baby wins American Idle that
Charlie will realize what a low life scumbag he was for not giving her
his vile semen.,,,, Wow Denise, David Crosby sure is an interesting
choice for a vile daddy.

DENISE
Yes foxy well he might be a low life womanizing druggie like Charlie
but, I’m very excited about getting some musical genes.

FOXY
Yes sounds like a winning combination.

DENISE
Well ya for a rock star it sure is.

FOXY
Move over Keith Richards.

DENISE
What’s my dad got to do with it?

FOXY
Never mind.

DENISE
Duh!

FOXY
Whatever.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’.

FOXY
Britney Spears made the news again last night after she stripped
naked and ran around ‘Promises Rehab’ yelling for Lindsay Lohan
to come out and play. When ‘Promises’ yelled back that Lindsay has
left the building Britney cheered, did four cartwheels, turned blue,
and then threw up all over her new toy boy, Garry Coleman.,,,,Wow
Britney, you and Gary make an interesting couple.

BRITNEY
Na that love was short lived Foxy, I dumped his sorry ass after I
found out how old he was, I got me a new black boy to kiss now.

FOXY
Really, who’se the lucky boy?

BRITNEY
He doesn’t want me to say Foxy, he doesn’t want any publicity.

URKEL ( voice only )
Hey that’s not true Britney, I want the whole world to know ,
Urkel is a one hot stud! Urkel did Britney! Urkel can cum

SUDDENLY ‘BRITNEY’ SMASHES A FRYING PAN OVER ‘URKEL’S’ UNSEEN HEAD.

FOXY
Ouch Britney, that was a bit heavy.

BRITNEY
Ya I was tired of him anyways, and I’ve got a big date tonight
with another hot black boy.

FOXY
Really, do we know him?

BRITNEY
Nope, I promised Eddie Murphy I wouldn’t name him,, oops,
I did it again. ( LAUGHS CRAZILY )

FOXY
Lucky Eddie.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘KATE BOWYER’ .

FOXY
Kate Bowyer the woman who lost her paternity suit against Chris
Rock last night admitted her suit was a mistake as she got Chris mixed
up with the real daddy, Eddie Murphy, saying, in a dark room all
black comics sound alike. When informed of the new claim Eddie’s
fiancé Tracy Edmunds replied, “Oh that dog, not another one !”,,,,
So Kate, sounds like you had a thing for black comics eh ?

KATE
Yes Foxy I love black comics, they are so dark and disturbing and yet
funny at the same time.

FOXY
And how are you sure Eddie is the real daddy.

KATE
Cause my kid runs around all day acting like that stupid loud mouth
ass from ‘Shrek’.

KID ( Gary Coleman voice only )
Oh hee haw mum, hee bloody haw. ( EDDIE MURPHY LAUGH )

FOXY
That Eddie sure has a lot to answer for.

HEAR MORE ‘EDDIE MURPHY’ LAUGHTER. MONITOR TURNS OFF.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX N FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘DENISE RICHARDS’ HOLDING A TEST TUBE, ‘BRITNEY SPEARS’ WITH DRINK IN HAND, AND ‘KATE BOWYER’ CLUTCHING A FRAMED PICTURE.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we got a bit of a hot single mother panel
for ya all,

DENISE
Um excuse me Redd, I’m not technically single now that I’m carrying
David Crosby’s semen. ( KISSES TEST TUBE)

KAY
And I won’t be single long, I’m sure once he finds out he’s a daddy
Eddie Murphy will do the right thing and marry me.

SHE HOLDS ‘GARRY COLEMAN’ PICTURE UP TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS. SHE LOOKS PERPLEXED.

BRITNEY
Well I’m sure a hot single mother, I’m so hot I think I will take my
top off, weeeeeee

WE HEAR HUGE AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS. ‘REDD’ LOOKS ABOVE AND PRAYS.

REDD
Oh thank you Lord, thank you.

DENISE
You didn’t pray for that did you Redd?

REDD
Hell ya it’s rating week, I pray for wardrobe malfunction.

‘BRITNEY’ REMOVES TOP REVEALING SHE IS WEARING A ‘PROMISES REHAB’ T SHIRT. AUDIENCE GROAN THEIR DISSAPOINTMENT.

REDD
Oh damn promises, I didn’t want no promises Lord, I wanted
God damned boobies for Christ sake!

SUDDENLY A NAKED ‘LINDSAY LOHEN’ STREAKS THROUGH THE SCENE.

REDD ( looking above )
Oh my Lord, thank you thank you.

‘REDD’ PRETENDS TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND SUDDENLY ‘LINDSAY’ STREAKS THROUGH AGAIN CARRYING A DRINK AND TRIPS AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE HER BOOBS BOUNCE OFF THE FLOOR TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS.

Not the Fox News Black Comedy Show

SHOT OF NEWSREADER ‘FOXY’ AND BESIDE HER IS MONITOR WITH A SMILING ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ ON.

FOXY
In another exclusive internet interview last night O.J. Simpson told a
naked blonde now that his black comedy book has been high jacked by
some cheap Jew who is refusing to pay him his rightful royalties his
daughter is so annoyed she will be releasing a children’s book tentively
titled ,’Imagine if your mummy was killed by a fast running innocent black
man’. He said his daughter has already signed away the screen rights to
Fox for big bucks and the mini series will feature the acting debut of
Michael Vick playing the fast running innocent one armed black man and
O.J. himself making his screen comeback playing the lovable rogue
detective trying to hunt him down with his trusty gang of very angry
Bull Mastiffs.,, Wow O.J., that sounds a very black comedy.

O.J.
Yes Foxy it’s going to be very funny, Michael Vick acts like a dog, he’s a
natural, just like me. ( SMILES )

FOXY
It’s sure been a long time since we have seen you acting on TV.

O.J.
Ya Foxy not since my innocent court case and damn was I good in that or
what, it’s a travesty of justice I got black listed in Hollywood by those
rich Jews, I should have gotten all the roles that Eddie Murphy got.

FOXY
Yes his ‘Shrek’ role would have been made for you.

O.J.
What role did Eddie play in that?

FOXY
A stupid loud mouthed ass.

O.J.
Hey Bitch that’s not funny !

FOXY
Hee haw hee haw.

MONITOR CHANGES TO A SCOWLING ‘BARRY BONDS’.

FOXY
After finally breaking Hank Aaron’s home run record last night Barry
Bonds shocked the post game press conference when he announced
he was immediately retiring from baseball as he was sick and tired of
all the booing scumball fans and being accused of being a steroid
junkie by the Nazi press hounds. He then told the barking crowd
he was now going to fulfill his young mans dream of becoming a
professional wrestler and being able to take steroids legally rather than
the health pills and diet supplements he has been gobbling down for the
last ten years. The press conference then ended suddenly when Barry
smashed a chair and stormed off fuming after Vince McMahon threw a
needle at him.,,,, Wow Barry that was a surprise announcement leaving
baseball.


BARRY
Ya Foxy I can’t wait to play a sport where the sucker fans and media dogs never accuse you of being a drug cheat, I’ve never taken drugs, honest.

FOXY
But Barry, don’t you know taking wrestler steroids can make you mad
and crazy?

BARRY ( angry )
What! What do you mean by that bitch! Screw you this interview is over!

THROWS A CHAIR AT CAMERA AND MONITOR BLACKS OUT.

FOXY
Yes, I can see he’s going to bring back some integrity to wrestling.

MONITOR CHANGES TO ‘BARACK OBAMA’.

FOXY
Barack Obama told a cheering Hollywood Oprah fundraiser last
night when he becomes President not only will he quickly kill Bin
Laden and win the war but he will also appoint Oprah to be the Vice
President, of Africa. He then promised the cheering crowd he will
bring back the N.F.L. to L.A. which caused the fundraiser to end
abruptly when five thousand rich football fans started a celebration
riot that ended up in an orgy in Posh Spice’s swimming pool where
David entertained the aroused throng by singing Spice Girl’s songs
and doing Mickey Mouse impersonations.,,,, Wow Barack, that
sounded one fun fundraiser.

BARACK
Yes Foxy we put the fun back into fund, (SMILES) I love those
Hollywood folks they are generous fund people.

FOXY
So do you really think you can bring back the N.F.L. to L.A.?

BARACK
Heck ya Foxy I guarantee it if I’m elected, I’ve already signed up
Michael Vick, David Beckham, and O.J. as franchise players and the
Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson have agreed to coach them,
now if that isn’t a winning team I don’t know what is.

FOXY
Have you got a name for the team yet ?

BARACK
Yes, they are called the Hollywood Bull Dogs, suits them doesn’t it ?
( SMILES )

FOXY
Well I don’t know if David Beckham could be classed as a dog.

BARACK
Give him a year in Hollywood he will be Foxy, have you met his wife, she
is one scary bitch . ( SMILES )

FOXY
No she’s a Posh bitch, Scary is the one with Eddie Murphy’s lovechild.

BARACK
Really, darn, Eddie told me that was O.J.’s baby, that’s the last time
I listen to a comedian.

HEAR A LOUD FEMALE COMMOTION. ‘BARACK’ LOOKS SCARED.

BARACK
Well I better go Foxy, another fund raiser awaits.

FOXY
All right good luck Barack.

BARACK
Thanks Foxy, I need it.

‘BARACK’ LEAVES REVEALING SIGN ,

’ELLEN AND ROSIE’S BARACK FUN RAISER’. ( WOMEN ONLY )’

WE HEAR LOTS OF WOMENS SCREAMS AND WOLF WHISTLES AND YELLS OF “TAKE IT OFF”, SCREEN BLACKS OUT.

FOXY
And that’s today’s headlines and now it’s time for ‘Foxx n Friends’.

SHOT OF ‘FOXX n FRIENDS’ SET WITH HOST ‘REDD FOXX’ AND SEATED ARE ‘BARACK OBAMA’, ‘BARRY BONDS’ AND ‘O.J. SIMPSON’.

REDD
Thanks Foxy, and today we’ve got a real black panel for ya all,

BARACK
Hey Redd I’m not real black, my mum is a whitey and barely tolerates
Oprah, not that there’s anything wrong with that.

BARRY
And I’m not really that black, it’s just my health pills and diet supplements
that makes me seem dark. ( HEAR DOG BARKS, HE SCOULS)

O.J. SIMPSON
Ya I’m not really that black either, it’s just the press that have painted
me that way. ( GRINS TO SILENCE )

REDD
Ya I know how you guys feel, nobody believes me when I tell em I
ain’t black,, I’m Redd. ( BLUSHES AND GRINS TO AUDIENCE LAUGHS AND DOG BARKS )

SUDDENLY A BLEEDING ONE ARMED ‘MICHAEL VICK’ RUNS THROUGH THE SCENE YELLING.

MICHAEL
Help Help ! Vinge Rhames is trying to kill me !

FOUR BLACK BARKING BULL MASTIFFS RUN THROUGH THE SCENE CHASING HIM . SUDDENLY THE DOGS RUN BACK AND MAKE A BEELINE FOR ‘O.J. SIMPSON’ AND CUT AN INCH BEFORE THEY BITE OFF HIS NAUGHTY BITS TO AUDIENCE CHEERS AND DOG BARKS.